Huo Youqing wasn’t sure if he had seen Dai Yuan’s father. The port was crowded with people, and as soon as he appeared, his relatives embraced him. His aunt hugged him tightly, her eyes red, murmuring, “It’s okay, it’s okay, let’s go home first. Your uncle can take care of things here.”
That was more to comfort herself than to comfort Huo Youqing. His aunt was also on the verge of losing control but had to step up to protect him. Huo Youqing kept his lips pressed together until they turned pale.
He never expected that a trip would result in the death of his friend.
It was he who had suggested they go see the orcas. It was also he who needed to return early, so Dai Yuan had arranged this farewell party. Almost everyone on the ship was at the party, which was why no one immediately noticed when he and Dai Yuan fell into the sea.
In his hazy memories, Huo Youqing recalled himself reaching out for the moon.
Did he actually reach for it? Did he fall into the water because of it? Did Dai Yuan die trying to save him?
He couldn’t remember!
After seeing the moon, everything became a blur. He couldn’t help but start doubting himself—had he truly forgotten, or was he just too afraid to admit the truth?
That he was the one who killed Dai Yuan.
Even the possibility of it was enough to crush 18-year-old Huo Youqing. During the dozens of hours before the ship reached the shore, he barely slept. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Dai Yuan.
Dai Yuan lying on the deck, his face pale as the captain tried to resuscitate him with a defibrillator.
Huo Youqing bit his lip hard, tasting blood in his mouth. He pleaded with his aunt, “Auntie, I want to apologize to Dai Yuan’s father.”
“No!” His aunt’s reaction was extreme. Seeing the state her nephew was in, she tried to keep her emotions in check and said gently, “You can’t go right now. Mr. Dai… Youyou, be good. Let the adults handle things first. You and I will go home.”
Without giving Huo Youqing a chance to resist, his aunt pulled him into the car. If this had been before, there was no way she could have moved him—after all, Huo Youqing was a young man—but after these past few days, he had barely eaten, his stomach burning with pain, leaving him weak and powerless.
Even after being forced into the car, Huo Youqing kept looking out the window. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to see—was it to confirm that Dai Yuan’s body was being safely transported off the ship, or was he looking for Dai Yuan’s family?
As the car pulled away from the port, a figure suddenly entered his view. He pressed his face against the window.
But three seconds later, his body slumped.
It wasn’t Dai Yuan. Dai Yuan hadn’t come back to life. The person he saw was Dai Yuan’s older brother, Dai Yixin. Dai Yixin seemed to be looking for someone, but before his eyes could meet theirs, Huo Youqing quickly shrank into his seat.
***
It wasn’t until the next day that his uncle returned home. When he saw Huo Youqing standing some distance away from the door, too scared to approach, he tried to suppress his exhaustion and said as calmly as possible, “Why are you up so early? Have you had breakfast?”
It seemed like Huo Youqing had rushed out of his room, as his slippers were on the wrong feet. He stared blankly at his uncle. “Uncle, the Dai family…”
Before he could finish, his uncle interrupted, “This has nothing to do with you. You’re about to start school in a few days. I think you should go back today. I’ll book your flight.”
Huo Youqing seemed to realize something and quickly walked up, but when he got close to his uncle, he stopped. It was just like when he was a child—when he did something wrong, he didn’t dare get too close to the adults.
“I can’t go back. How can I go back now? I probably killed Dai Yuan. I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry to Dai Yuan…” His pale face flushed with painful red, and his usually straight back slumped. He raised his hand to awkwardly wipe his tears, but they continued to fall, one by one, onto the floor.
“I want to give my life for Dai Yuan.”
That whispered statement earned him a slap, the first time his uncle had ever hit him.
His uncle seemed furious. “What life are you giving up?! That night, you and Dai Yuan both drank alcohol. There were cameras where you were standing, and the footage showed both of you falling into the water at the same time. How is it your fault that Dai Yuan died? It’s just…” His uncle’s face twisted for a moment. He repeated, “It’s just…”
He couldn’t finish the sentence.
It was just bad luck for Dai Yuan.
How could he say that out loud?
Another family had raised their child for all those years, and now, after going out with his family’s child, both of them fell into the water. His child survived, but the other family’s child didn’t. How could he say that it was just bad luck?
But his own child wasn’t at fault.
His uncle seemed to have aged ten years in just a few days. He could no longer hide his exhaustion and collapsed onto the couch like a mountain crumbling. “If you don’t want to return to school for now, fine. Just stay home and don’t go anywhere. Give me your phone.”
Tears rolled down Hou Youqing’s cheeks as he lowered his gaze. He numbly returned to his room, fetched his phone, and handed it over. He wanted to say something but remained silent in the end.
Hou Youqing wasn’t able to attend Dai Yuan’s funeral. His uncle refused to let him appear, a selfish form of protection that harbored an undercurrent of impending conflict.
If the Dai family didn’t blame him, he would have been allowed to attend the funeral. But now, he was forbidden, and his uncle had repeatedly ordered him not to leave the house. From this, Hou Youqing deduced that the Dai family hated him.
***
The day after the funeral.
At the Dai household, Dai Yuan’s father had just finished breakfast and was preparing to leave for the office when his eldest son blocked his way. His mood had been terrible these past few days, and he didn’t bother hiding his displeasure from Dai Yixin. “What do you want?”
“Father.” Dai Yixin, now taller than his father, looked down at him. “I need to discuss something with you.”
Dai Yuan’s father tiredly rubbed his temples. “What is it?”
“I want to change my name.”
Dai Yuan’s father froze. He looked up at his son, his experienced businessman’s eyes revealing no emotion. “What do you want to change it to?”
Dai Yixin’s expression remained unchanged. “Dai Yuan.”
A heavy slap landed on Dai Yixin’s face. It was so fierce that it turned his head and split his lip.
Dai Yixin turned back and calmly continued, “I want to change it to my younger brother’s name.”
A kick followed.
Dai Yuan’s father had learned karate, and this kick was powerful enough to send Dai Yixin crashing into the nearby wooden table. He groaned but swallowed the blood in his mouth and slowly stood up again. “Father, please agree.”
Another kick came.
This time, Dai Yixin had to climb up from the floor. He locked eyes with his father and said with determination, “Father, I will change my name.”
He changed the word from “want” to “will.”
Father Dai, now furious, raised his hand for another blow, but this time, Dai Yixin caught it. His face was covered in blood, but he smiled at his father. “Father, I really like the name ‘Dai Yuan.’ Please grant me this wish.”
In that moment, Dai Yuan’s father seemed to see his younger son in his eldest.
Dai Yuan used to smile just like that—his amber eyes curving and his lips curling upwards, full of innocence.
