The car door opened so quickly that Gong Lang instantly saw the adjusted seat and the blinding white inside the dimly lit car. Skipping over the shocking sight, he locked eyes with Huo Youqing, whose face had turned pale.
Gong Lang thought his own expression couldn’t be much better than Huo Youqing’s.
No, he must have been mistaken. The person inside couldn’t be Huo Youqing.
He turned to leave but was stopped after a few steps by someone grabbing his arm.
“You left your suitcase,” Huo Youqing’s voice clearly reached his ears.
The hand that had been grabbed, even kissed, just a moment ago was now handing him his suitcase. He had seen that same hand shamelessly clutching someone else’s hair.
Gong Lang’s jaw was trembling. He tried desperately to breathe deeply, to calm down, but he failed.
Huo Youqing, looking into Gong Lang’s bloodshot eyes, released his grip on his friend’s hand. His eyelashes trembled, and he lowered his head, waiting for the inevitable judgment.
“Why?” Gong Lang’s hoarse voice finally broke the silence. He grabbed Huo Youqing by the shoulders, trying to make him look up. “Tell me why, Youqing? Did that man force you?”
The person he was holding still had his head bowed, and after a long pause, he replied, “No.”
Gong Lang let out a bitter laugh, both amused and heartbroken. Just based on what he had seen, his Youqing, fully dressed and calm, didn’t look like the one being forced. If anything, it seemed like the other man was.
He gritted his teeth. “Let’s pretend I didn’t see what just happened today. You’re coming back to China with me.” He glanced at the still-open car door. “If you like… that, I can do it too.”
These words finally forced Huo Youqing to raise his head. His expression showed a mix of shock and humiliation, which eventually turned into cold indifference. “I’m not going back to China. Gong Lang, go back. Don’t come looking for me again.”
As soon as he finished speaking, a hand wrapped around his neck. Gong Lang looked like he wanted to strangle him, but the moment his fingers touched Huo Youqing’s skin, he quickly withdrew his hand.
“Gong Lang!” Huo Youqing snapped out of it and grabbed Gong Lang’s hand forcefully. “What are you doing?!”
Gong Lang smiled at him, but there was no joy in his eyes—only hatred and tears. He switched hands to hit himself again. Huo Youqing wasn’t as strong, so he could only watch in horror as Gong Lang slapped himself viciously, blow after blow, swelling his face and splitting his lips.
“Gong Lang! Have you lost your mind?!” Huo Youqing shouted in anger for the first time in his life. He tried desperately to restrain Gong Lang’s hands, but Gong Lang resisted, laughing all the while. His once handsome face was now a mess.
“You should let me hit myself, because I’m so pathetic. I thought something had happened to you, so I ran away from home to find you. We’ve known each other for eight years—eight years of me chasing after you, protecting you, keeping you away from anything dirty.
To me, you’re the moon. Do you understand? The moon! You’re supposed to be pure and clean. How could you do this? Doing something so filthy with another man… and I’m still here trying to convince you to come back with me.”
Gong Lang broke free from Huo Youqing’s grip, glanced at the nearby suitcase, and suddenly crouched down. He opened it and pulled out a cake he had brought all the way from home.
Why carry a cake across thousands of miles?
Because it was from Huo Youqing’s favorite bakery. The cake was now a mess, and its taste had deteriorated from the long journey. Nevertheless, Gong Lang tore open the box and started shoving pieces of cake into his mouth with his hands, crying as he ate.
Through the sobs and garbled words, Huo Youqing heard, “Yesterday was my nineteenth birthday. I ran away from my own birthday party.”
***
Gong Lang left.
He threw the unfinished cake into the trash before he went. He didn’t even look at Huo Youqing as he dragged his suitcase down the street in the direction he had come from.
Huo Youqing stood frozen in place.
Autumn had already arrived in M Country, and the chill in the air made him shiver uncontrollably. A jacket was draped over his shoulders, and he heard Dai Yixin’s voice at the same time.
“It’s getting late. If you stay out much longer, your uncle will start to nag you, older brother.”
“Older Brother?” Huo Youqing repeated the last word. He turned to look at the young man, now fully dressed. “You did this on purpose.”
It wasn’t a question.
Normally, Dai Yixin wasn’t this forward in their car interactions, nor did he usually undress. Letting others see inside the car and unlocking the doors—that was something new.
Huo Youqing didn’t expect Dai Yixin to admit it, but to his surprise, he did. A flood of words rose in his throat, none of them kind. But in the end, he said nothing and silently began walking home.
Inevitably, his path took him past the trash bin where he saw the discarded cake.
Dai Yixin stepped in front of him, blocking his way, looking down at Huo Youqing’s reddened eyes. “Why are you upset? He’s not a good person.”
He seemed genuinely confused, his beautiful amber eyes filled with incomprehension.
At that moment, all the emotions Huo Youqing had been suppressing finally broke free. He spat out, “And you think you’re a good person? You think that by stealing Dai Yuan’s name, people will believe you’re him? You’ll never be Dai Yuan. You’re nothing compared to him. Stop calling me older brother, because every time you do, I think of Dai Yuan, and then I just pity and despise you.”
His words became more cutting as he went on, deliberately provoking Dai Yixin. “Even when I’m with you, I’m constantly longing for Dai Yuan.”
Huo Youqing figured he had reached his limit, at least for now. He didn’t care what consequences these words might bring—most likely, Dai Yixin would be furious. But his uncle’s business had been going well recently, and his partnerships were strong.
If it came to it, he could always apologize to Dai Yixin later. For now, he just wanted to be alone.
Huo Youqing tried to move around him, but his hand was caught.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
The anger in Huo Youqing’s heart melted into sorrow. He wasn’t sure if he pitied himself, Dai Yixin, or both. He had lost count of how many times he had accepted Dai Yixin’s apologies.
“It’s fine,” he heard himself say.
Empty words.
***
Huo Youqing and Dai Yixin attended the same university. The only difference was that Huo Youqing was a freshman, while Dai Yixin was a well-known senior.
It wasn’t until two months into the school year that Huo Youqing learned this, as everyone at the school referred to Dai Yixin as “Dylan,” his English name.
To his classmates, Dylan was someone who excelled in everything and was perfect at whatever he did. One of Huo Youqing’s new classmates was Dylan’s number-one fan, to the point of setting a candid photo of him as their phone wallpaper.
To be precise, a photo taken of Dylan after he had just finished a fencing match. He was walking down from the platform, expressionless, with beads of sweat on his dark hair, and his usually pale face flushed from exertion under the bright lights.
“Did you know? Dylan has had a weak constitution since childhood. He was in and out of hospitals all the time, but he overcame all those challenges to become as successful as he is now. Just last month, he won the World Press Photo Award. Can you believe it? And he’s double-majoring in photography! I already find our course materials tough enough.”
Huo Youqing had no interest in this fan’s enthusiasm. However, since they were classmates, he politely nodded, only to have his face suddenly pinched hard.
“Alston, you really have that face that makes people want to hit you. Why are you so disinterested in everything?”
The classmate quickly let go of his face after seeing the red marks they had left. Apologetic, they tried to make amends, but Huo Youqing simply waved it off.
Disinterested?
That’s because he didn’t care about this major, because he was living in a foreign country, because of Dai Yixin.
None of these fans knew what Dai Yixin was really like behind the scenes: dirty, shameless, and indecent…
It wasn’t as though being with Dai Yixin meant being trapped in pain 24/7. If that were the case, he would have gone insane long ago.
Occasionally, he and Dai Yixin could coexist peacefully.
Though Dai Yixin liked to steal things that belonged to Dai Yuan, Huo Youqing couldn’t deny that Dai Yixin was indeed exceptional.
By the time Huo Youqing reached his third year of university, his relationship with Dai Yixin had eased for quite some time—enough that he could comfortably sit on the couch at Dai Yuan’s house and read Dai Yixin’s books.
A big reason for this easing of tension was that Dai Yixin, after much insistence from Huo Youqing, finally gave up his poor imitation of Dai Yuan and stopped calling him “Older Brother”.
One day, Dai Yixin had to go out for a bit and told him to wait in the room.
After finishing the book in his hand, Huo Youqing thought of going to the study to grab another one, as he had long earned the right to freely enter and exit Dai Yixin’s study.
He returned the finished book to the shelf and began selecting a new one. While doing so, he suddenly noticed a cabinet at the top of the bookshelf.
As if compelled by some unseen force, he climbed the ladder and opened the cabinet.
Inside was a camera.
It was a camera he had seen before—on the ship.
With the thought of seeing that photo again, Huo Youqing turned on the camera. To his surprise, it still had power. He scrolled through the pictures, and sure enough, the first image was the photo of him and Dai Yuan.
In the photo, Dai Yuan was holding his arm, smiling brightly.
Huo Youqing stared dazedly at the fake young woman in the qipao in the picture. His finger accidentally hit a button, and the screen switched to the next image—
It was a picture of him sleeping.
Huo Youqing squinted to make out the background and realized it was a picture taken while he was sunbathing on the deck. He continued scrolling and found dozens of similar pictures, all of him. Some were so repetitive that he couldn’t tell the differences between them, yet they were all saved.
One picture showed him asleep on a couch. Heaven knows how Dai Yuan managed to take so many pictures of him sleeping.
In this particular photo, he was wearing a white shirt and curled up on a dark green sofa. Dai Yuan’s face was also in the frame, their lips lightly touching. The shifting light and shadows fell on their faces, with the bright ocean in the background, making the scene both decadent and romantic.
The sound of the door opening.
“Youyou, you…” Dai Yixin’s words were cut short when he saw Huo Youqing sitting on the ladder holding the camera. Startled by the noise, Huo Youqing looked up and saw the handsome young man walking slowly towards him.
Dai Yixin stopped in front of the ladder and extended his hand. Huo Youqing hesitated for a moment but eventually obediently stepped down a few rungs, allowing Dai Yixin to lift him off the ladder. Before doing so, he put the camera back in the cabinet.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have snooped through your things.” As soon as he finished speaking, his cheek was kissed. Cold lips pressed heavily against his face.
Dai Yixin, still holding him like a child, said, “It’s okay.” Then his tone changed, “Older Brother, I want to take a picture of you.”
Huo Youqing had only met Father Dai a handful of times over the years, and they had exchanged even fewer words. The only significant conversation happened when Dai Yixin wasn’t around.
“My son—” Father Dai pointed to his own head, “has issues. He needs to see the doctor regularly and take his medication. I don’t expect much from you, just make sure he takes his medicine.”
That meeting had given Huo Youqing a strange feeling. He remembered that Dai Yuan had always described Dai Yixin as being highly valued by their father, but Father Dai’s behavior didn’t quite align with that image.
Then again, maybe after Dai Yuan’s death, the father had become aware of his favoritism.
However, Father Dai’s calm demeanor during their conversation made it clear he wasn’t particularly concerned about Dai Yuan. If he had cared, he wouldn’t have allowed Dai Yixin to stay here despite what happened.
His brother died while traveling with him, yet here he was, comfortably staying with the same person.
—
“Dai Yixin,” Huo Youqing tried to calm him down, but the young man holding him just shook his head with a gentle and sweet smile.
“Older Brother, you called me by the wrong name. I’m Dai Yuan.”
Huo Youqing took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I called the wrong name. Dai Yuan, where’s your medicine? Have you taken it?”
Still holding him, Dai Yixin carried him out without any intention of letting his feet touch the ground. “I’m not sick, why would I take medicine?”
He placed him on the sofa, and when Huo Youqing tried to stand, he was quickly pressed back down into the soft cushions. Dai Yixin knelt in front of the sofa on one knee, looking up at him.
Light poured in through the spotless floor-to-ceiling windows, with one ray falling into his amber eyes.
“I want to take a picture of you.”
As if fearing rejection, he added, “I’m Dai Yuan.”
At first, the situation had filled him with disgust, but eventually, as Dai Yixin’s obsession became clear, a strange sense of pity crept in.
Huo Youqing nodded slowly.
What he didn’t expect was that Dai Yixin insisted on replicating the exact photos that Dai Yuan had taken of him. The two reached a stalemate until Huo Youqing’s phone suddenly rang.
It was his cousin calling.
He immediately reached for it, but Dai Yixin stopped him. “Older Brother, you haven’t agreed yet.”
Huo Youqing didn’t want to agree. He felt that doing so would be a betrayal to Dai Yuan. Dai Yixin had already taken everything from Dai Yuan, and he wanted to keep those photos as something that belonged solely to Dai Yuan.
“I can agree to other photos, but I can’t let you replicate the ones from that camera. My cousin is calling me, let me answer the phone.”
Most of the time, Dai Yixin was obedient to him, but right now he was unyielding. Without Huo Youqing’s consent, he trapped him on the sofa, peppering him with sticky kisses.
When Dai Yixin’s lips touched the sensitive skin behind his ear, Huo Youqing let out an involuntary gasp of discomfort. The incessant ringing of his phone, followed by silence, then ringing again, made his frustration grow, a frustration that made him more determined not to give in.
He had already agreed to let Dai Yixin take photos, so why was Dai Yixin being so unreasonable?
Dai Yuan was dead, yet Dai Yixin still wanted to compete with him.
—
From that moment onward, every second of every day, Huo Youqing was filled with regret.
Why had he fought with Dai Yixin back then?
If he hadn’t been stubborn, could he have seen his uncle and aunt one last time?
***
On the third day of his uncle and aunt’s funeral, Dai Yixin, like a child, clung to his leg in front of everyone, repeatedly saying, “I won’t let you go, don’t leave…”
The crowd at the airport walked by, some curious, some shocked, and some even took out their phones to record the scene. Huo Youqing tried to pull him off, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t.
With time running out and the risk of missing his flight, it was finally the Dai family’s people who arrived.
Father Dai, swift and decisive, ordered people to take Dai Yixin away by force. Before leaving, he turned to Huo Youqing, saying, “I deeply regret what happened to your family, but you should know this was an accident.”
Huo Youqing let out a bitter smile. “An accident for us, but what about your family? A deliberate suicide?”
