The orientation was suddenly reversed.
The bright incandescent light was blinding when he looked up.
This made Zuo Shihuan subconsciously reach out to block it before slowly opening his slightly reddened eyes. He was about to struggle angrily when he was covered by a tall shadow.
He looked up and gazed upwards.
Suddenly, he froze and remained motionless.
Perhaps it was because of the lighting, but the gloomy white incandescent light shone on Gu Heng’s back, swirling around the ends of his black hair. His profile, which was not illuminated, seemed to be shrouded in a thick shadow, making it impossible to see his expression.
Especially when Gu Heng wasn’t smiling, he seemed like a stranger, distant and unreachable.
Even the harsh white light of the fluorescent lamp couldn’t pierce the darkness of his eyes. When he wasn’t smiling, Gu Heng appeared exceptionally cold, his half-lowered gaze calm and still, like a god high above the mortal world, far away from everyone.
Far away from him.
Untouchable, like the horizon itself.
Zuo Shihuan was so close to Gu Heng, close enough to reach out, to touch the warmth of his cheek yet he still felt a vast distance between them, as if they did not belong to the same world.
Even being this close wasn’t enough. Zuo Shihuan didn’t know why, but a gnawing unease and restlessness kept churning inside him, a desperate fear of loss that made him feel hollowed out as if he had turned into a greedy, never-satisfied creature.
He wanted to reach out and pull Gu Heng down from that unreachable height, to hold him tightly in his grasp.
But he couldn’t understand why he felt this way, why every movement Gu Heng made could shake him so much.
Pathetic.
He didn’t want to see himself reduced to this because of Gu Heng yet the more he tried to suppress it, the stronger the restless fire and unspoken yearning inside him burned.
When he raised his head to look up at Gu Heng towering over him, his pupils tightened, his lips pressed into a line, and his hands unconsciously clenched tighter.
Inwardly, his heart was shouting:
Pull him down.
Don’t let him be so far away.
Don’t let him withhold even a smile.
Don’t let him leave.
If Gu Heng was a god above the world, then Zuo Shihuan would drag that god down, no matter what it took, down from his pedestal, down into the same mortal dust, to sink and lose themselves together in the chaos of the human world.
A strange tension hung between them.
Gu Heng, who moments ago had the upper hand, forced himself to maintain a cool, unreadable expression. He stifled the smirk that was about to rise, holding back all his teasing words, afraid that showing too much smugness would only make Zuo Shihuan angrier.
But his attempt at restraint seemed to backfire.
Gu Heng blinked nervously and glanced down carefully at Zuo Shihuan’s expression, only to see a gloomy face and narrowed brown eyes filled with clear displeasure.
He didn’t even need to guess who that frustration was directed at. There was no one else.
For a moment Gu Heng felt guilty but it passed quickly. He lifted his brows, trying to sound justified. No matter how annoyed Zuo Shihuan might be, he couldn’t lose this small victory he had earned.
Yet the next second, Gu Heng bent down again, bracing his hands on either side of Zuo Shihuan, the cold arrogance gone. His dark hair brushed Zuo Shihuan’s forehead as he smiled, a brilliant, boyish grin that replaced his earlier aloofness.
With bright, mischievous eyes, he leaned in like a large cat seeking forgiveness, rubbing his cheek against Zuo Shihuan’s face in exaggerated contrition.
Frowning pitifully as he continued the gesture, Gu Heng lowered his voice to a soft murmur beside Zuo Shihuan’s ear. “Shihuan, why aren’t you talking to me all of a sudden?”
The sulky expression on Zuo Shihuan’s face couldn’t hold up against such coaxing. His face flushed red; unsteady, he reached out to grip the edge of the sofa before he fell over from all the nuzzling.
Completely worn down, he put a hand against Gu Heng’s face to stop him, his light brown eyes carrying helplessness and frustration. “I’m not ignoring you,” he said quietly. “I was just… thinking about some pointless things.”
As he spoke, a flicker of emotion passed through his gaze, something complex and hard to read.
Gu Heng noticed it, his own eyes briefly darkening before he resumed his teasing smile.
Still pressing close to Zuo Shihuan’s palm, he curved his lips and asked with a playful glint, “Then… you weren’t thinking about me?”
Zuo Shihuan’s eyes flickered. He had been thinking about him but there was no way he could say that aloud. Gu Heng would definitely laugh at him.
So, he fell silent again, troubled and uncertain.
Being ignored once more made Gu Heng’s temper rise. He narrowed his eyes, jealousy flashing in their depths, and pursed his lips tightly. His mood grew heavy and restless.
Was he not thinking of him?
Then who was he thinking of?
How could he drift off like that when Gu Heng was standing right in front of him?
Sometimes, Gu Heng thought Zuo Shihuan was remarkable. For someone so composed and restrained, he could so easily toy with him. By simply ignoring him for a moment, he could make Gu Heng miserable.
He wanted to bite him, hard enough to leave a mark that would never fade, a warning for anyone who might covet Zuo Shihuan.
But he couldn’t bring himself to hurt him.
So he had no way to deal with Zuo Shihuan at all.
Lowering his gaze, Gu Heng rose and quietly created some distance between them. He caught Zuo Shihuan’s attention only to calmly reach out and smooth the heavy coat beneath him, flattening the folds, neat and careful.
Only then did Zuo Shihuan realize, at some point, Gu Heng had taken off his own coat and laid it down for him to lie on. No wonder the metal sofa hadn’t felt cold at all.
Caught off guard by the unexpected gentleness, Zuo Shihuan felt uncomfortably moved. He opened his mouth to say that he could handle it himself when Gu Heng suddenly stopped and spoke.
“All right, Shihuan, do you still feel cold?”
Zuo Shihuan froze for a moment. For some reason, Gu Heng’s voice sounded low and listless, lacking energy as if even his hair carried a faint sense of dejection.
It made Zuo Shihuan suddenly want to reach out and pat Gu Heng on the head.
“Still cold? I knew it, shouldn’t have used this kind of sofa furniture. If you need anything, you can just tell me directly.”
“Uh… I’m not cold, and I don’t need anything. I’m fine with everything,” Zuo Shihuan said a little awkwardly.
And he really did mean it. He’d never liked troubling others, had lived in both good and bad environments without complaint. Being treated with such attentive care all of a sudden only made him uneasy, even restless.
“…I see.”
Gu Heng murmured in a deep voice. When he lifted his eyes to look at Zuo Shihuan, the dark depths of his gaze couldn’t hide the disappointment and gloom.
That made Zuo Shihuan feel uncomfortable too, like his heart was being squeezed tight. Finally, he let go of his restraint, hesitated briefly, and reached out to gently stroke Gu Heng’s head.
He patted softly, over and over.
Trying to smooth down that drooping, dispirited hair until it looked like it used to, spirited, rebellious, standing up just like its arrogant, unruly owner.
It was a pity that the once brash, sharp-toothed b*stard now behaved like a meek little lamb under his hand, letting him rub and ruffle his hair however he liked. Even when stroked against the grain, he didn’t resist; instead, he leaned quietly into Zuo Shihuan’s palm, obedient to an absurd degree.
What’s going on?
Zuo Shihuan suddenly grew worried. He stood up, cupped Gu Heng’s face between both hands, frowned in concern as he studied him for a long moment, and asked anxiously, “Gu Heng, what’s wrong with you? You look out of it, are you feeling unwell?”
Facing Zuo Shihuan’s worried question, Gu Heng had just been about to answer honestly that he wasn’t sick. But then, remembering how Zuo Shihuan had ignored him earlier, he felt a twinge of resentment and decided to get a little payback, maybe also win some extra sympathy and attention.
And so—
The very same Gu Heng who not long ago had the energy to overturn an entire engagement banquet (and could probably wreck a few more if he wanted) suddenly switched into an act.
He furrowed his brow, lowered his head tiredly, and rested it neatly against the crook of Zuo Shihuan’s neck. Breathing in that faintly calming scent from him, he let out a few weak hums, perfectly matching Zuo Shihuan’s worry.
Of course, that only made Zuo Shihuan even more anxious.
Normally so arrogant and domineering, if he wasn’t feeling truly awful, how could Gu Heng show such frailty?
“Gu Heng, are you in pain?” Zuo Shihuan asked softly, wrapping his arms around him and gently stroking his head in distress. “Are you sick? Do you have a fever?”
Gu Heng didn’t want to overdo the act. He coughed lightly. “No, I’m fine.”
But hearing him cough only made Zuo Shihuan more alarmed. “Why are you coughing then? No, this isn’t right, let me check. Did the bullet wound from before get properly disinfected and dressed? It could be infected now. I’ll get a thermometer and check your temperature—oh, right, Gu Heng, where do you usually keep your thermometer and medicine box?”
Panicked, Zuo Shihuan turned to leave.
Seeing that, Gu Heng immediately wrapped an arm around his waist, refusing to let him go. The gloom that had clouded him before dissipated a little, replaced by helpless exasperation toward this completely unromantic man.
“I’m fine—Shihuan, I’m perfectly healthy.”
Gu Heng sighed inwardly. He’d only wanted a bit of comfort and affection, just a little clinginess, but somehow Zuo Shihuan had misunderstood completely.
Zuo Shihuan, unconvinced, turned his head while still held in place, pressing his forehead to Gu Heng’s. His sincere, light-brown eyes locked straight onto Gu Heng’s, filling his entire field of vision, leaving nowhere to hide.
The whole world was full of Zuo Shihuan’s earnest concern.
That clumsy, easily deceived, utterly unromantic Zuo Shihuan who never knew how to say sweet words and always left Gu Heng helplessly exasperated was looking right at him now.
Those steady, focused eyes traced the contours of his face, calm yet warm, carrying no threat at all, yet effortlessly disturbing the still surface of his heart.
Zuo Shihuan’s clean, slender fingers brushed gently across his forehead, cheek, and jawline before finally resting over his restless chest.
He gazed at Gu Heng with faint confusion, lips slightly parted and flushed, his light-brown eyes filled with silent worry. They never burned hotly or drew attention; instead, they quietly, tenderly sank into one’s heart.
Like a soft beam of moonlight falling silently upon him—wordless, yet wrapping him in gentle, unconditional warmth.
Not a dazzling sun that shines on everyone but a crescent moon that lights the way for him alone.
A light that favored him, and him only.
Suddenly, Gu Heng’s heart gave two fierce thumps. His dazed eyes fixed on Zuo Shihuan, unwilling even to blink for fear of missing a single instant. His heart pounded wildly, as if it might burst out of his chest.
His throat felt dry, his voice caught.
So that’s what it was.
He had been blind.
Not only blind but also a coward.
He’d pretended to be a shameless, unshakable scoundrel, pestering Zuo Shihuan no matter how many times he was scolded or pushed away.
But even a self-aware b*stard like him could feel hurt, could feel jealous and insecure, could care too much about what Zuo Shihuan was thinking—about how much, if at all, he liked him.
He was just a show-off and a coward, terrified that behind Zuo Shihuan’s quiet reserve lay only indifference, that Zuo Shihuan tolerated him not out of affection, but because he couldn’t shake him off.
Countless times, Gu Heng had wished he could read minds and countless times, he was grateful he couldn’t.
Because that way, he could keep chasing after Zuo Shihuan, stubbornly, shamelessly; even if Zuo Shihuan liked him only a little, he could fight to turn that one part into three, five, into all of him.
And now he realized—
What he had always longed for, Zuo Shihuan had already given him long ago.
He’d just been too blind to see it.
Zuo Shihuan had never been someone who said sweet words, nor did he do anything romantic, he just loved Gu Heng in a pure and earnest way, with every action taken seriously.
He was so easily deceived.
Never once did he doubt this troublemaking scoundrel, even when Gu Heng’s act of being sick was so poorly done, he still believed him and worried for him so sincerely.
It wasn’t that Zuo Shihuan was gullible.
It was simply because he…
Once Gu Heng figured that out, his heart began to beat with wild excitement, unstoppable.
Heart racing.
Utterly swept away.
Sweat formed on his forehead; his pulse pounded so hard it made his eardrums ache. His breathing grew rapid, yet he couldn’t suppress the bubbling joy and sweetness flooding up from his chest like a spring overflowing with rich, honeyed affection.
Truly…
His heart was completely captured.
How could this man, so rational, serious, unromantic, unable to utter even a single line of sweet talk, make his heart race like this?
Suddenly Gu Heng felt thankful.
Thankful that Zuo Shihuan didn’t know how to say romantic things. Even like this, he already made Gu Heng’s heart beat out of control; if he were to say even one more line of sweetness, his heart might just explode.
All of a sudden, Gu Heng wanted to laugh, he wanted to laugh aloud with unrestrained joy, to pull Zuo Shihuan into his arms, to gather that sliver of moonlight against his chest.
But in the end—
He only gently held Zuo Shihuan’s fingers, dark eyes bright and clear, overflowing with tenderness as he smiled softly and said,
“I’m fine.”
“Are you really fine?”
Zuo Shihuan’s eyes were filled with uncertainty and worry. Gu Heng’s sudden lack of energy earlier had frightened him, but after touching his forehead and finding his temperature normal, it really didn’t seem like he was ill.
“I’m really fine.” Gu Heng smiled helplessly, fingers still holding Zuo Shihuan’s, and his black eyes shimmered with a teasing glint as he said,
“I’m not sick but there is something I want Zuo Shihuan to do.”
“What is it?” Zuo Shihuan’s brows furrowed immediately.
“I want you to kiss me.”
“……”
Gu Heng raised an eyebrow and repeated bluntly, “I want you to kiss me. I’ve been wanting it so badly since just now.”
Zuo Shihuan’s pupils shrank bit by bit. The straightforward and perfectly reasonable request left him nowhere to run. His face flushed scarlet, and he stammered nervously, “Th-this… like this?”
“Yes. Just like that.”
It was the most ordinary thing between lovers, they had kissed countless times already. By logic, he should’ve been used to it by now.
And yet—
Even after giving himself a silent pep talk, when he finally looked at Gu Heng’s calm, burning eyes filled with longing, his mind went blank as if he were running a fever. His hands trembled, face burning, completely at a loss.
He didn’t move for a long time.
Gu Heng, waiting too long, suddenly pressed a hand to his chest. “Ah, it hurts—”
Zuo Shihuan panicked instantly. “Where does it hurt?”
Gu Heng slowly opened his eyes, dropping his hand from his chest, and frowned slightly with a pitiful tone. “Because I was thinking about you… but you weren’t thinking about me. You ignored me, wouldn’t even give me a kiss. It made me feel awful.”
Faced with Gu Heng’s sulky complaint, Zuo Shihuan froze, then blushed even deeper, heart aching. “I—I actually…”
“What, actually?” Gu Heng’s eyes widened slightly, full of hopeful anticipation.
“I—I…” Zuo Shihuan grew flustered, too anxious to voice what was in his heart.
Gu Heng didn’t rush him. He just savored the moment, Zuo Shihuan’s whole attention fixed solely on him, eyes filled only with him.
Even if Zuo Shihuan said or did nothing, Gu Heng already felt smug and content, the corners of his lips twitching upward, itching to lift this blushing, flustered man into his arms and spin him around.
Still, he couldn’t help but be a little curious, what was Zuo Shihuan thinking just now?
Greedy as ever, Gu Heng didn’t just want the man; he wanted every bit of his heart, too.
So, his eyes shifted, and he quickly put on another expression.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to say it,” he said with a small smile, though a faint shadow passed through his gaze. His smile looked forced, painfully easy to see through.
Zuo Shihuan’s chest tightened, and he grasped Gu Heng’s hands in worry.
Gu Heng forced another soft smile, voice trembling slightly as he continued, “Really, it’s okay… As long as I think about you more times than you think about me, it still means I win, right? I get the better end of the deal.”
He gave two dry laughs, but they died quickly. His gaze, fixed on Zuo Shihuan, glimmered with barely contained hurt.
That pitiful look utterly undid Zuo Shihuan. His heart twisted painfully, like it was being wrung by Gu Heng’s wounded expression.
“That’s not true!” Zuo Shihuan said at once, flustered and distressed, light brown eyes full of worry.
“Not true?” Gu Heng chuckled hoarsely, lowering his dark lashes as his voice trembled. “Not that you don’t think of me, right?”
In truth, Gu Heng’s heart felt as if it were soaked in syrup, warm and sweet. Being pitied and worried over by Zuo Shihuan was intoxicating.
The ever-scheming Gu Heng even pulled out one of the Empire’s most shameless seduction tactics he’d once scoffed at, tilting his face at just the right angle, the one he knew would look most irresistible and make Zuo Shihuan soften completely.
Zuo Shihuan, completely entranced, didn’t notice a thing. His eyes were filled only with panic and tenderness.
To him, compared to Gu Heng’s fragile hurt, his own shyness and hesitation were nothing.
The words caught in his throat finally tumbled out—
“I-I was thinking of you!”
After saying it, he still seemed worried Gu Heng wouldn’t believe him.
Zuo Shihuan clumsily and impulsively leaned in to kiss Gu Heng, clutching his arm as he hurried closer.
Gu Heng’s heart leapt in excitement, and he instinctively leaned in to meet him.
But joy turned into mishap.
Bang!
They collided.
Gu Heng’s head was knocked back, his nose reddened, and tears nearly sprang to his eyes.
Zuo Shihuan immediately realized that in his nervous excitement, he hadn’t gauged the distance or force properly and had accidentally bumped Gu Heng’s nose.
Seeing Gu Heng toppled back, nose red, eyes teary, and somehow looking kind of cute, Zuo Shihuan froze, then immediately smacked his own forehead in frustration. “What am I thinking? Stop overthinking!” He hurried forward, checking on Gu Heng. “Let me see if you’re okay. Sorry, I should’ve been more careful!”
Gu Heng, though in pain, didn’t care at all. He had it coming in some way, and besides, he still got a kiss from Zuo Shihuan in the end.
So he didn’t mind the small injury at all. He opened his gleaming black eyes, touched his nose, and with a small smile said, “Not enough—”
Zuo Shihuan: “?”
“Not enough—” Gu Heng dragged the words, completely ignoring his reddened nose, eyes sparkling as he stared directly at Zuo Shihuan. His smirk was like a mischievous cat caught stealing a treat. “One kiss isn’t enough. Since you bumped me, you have to take responsibility.”
Zuo Shihuan was speechless: “……”
But he couldn’t deny that Gu Heng’s shameless, lively expression made his tense body relax, and he found the mischievous little scoundrel amusing and adorable.
“Fine,” Zuo Shihuan agreed, deciding to fulfill Gu Heng’s request.
He leaned in and kissed Gu Heng’s reddened nose gently this time.
Very gently.
He was careful not to repeat the previous mishap, brushing it like a feather before releasing him slowly with care.
After the kiss, he cautiously watched Gu Heng’s reaction.
Gu Heng’s eyes lit up instantly. Sensing Zuo Shihuan observing him, he pretended to be slightly annoyed. “Just that? Not enough.”
Zuo Shihuan could immediately see through the pretense. Gu Heng’s black eyes sparkled with delight and triumph, his rosy lips curling slightly, and his long lashes seemed to lift Zuo Shihuan’s heart, making it skip several beats.
Zuo Shihuan smiled helplessly and indulgently, cheeks warm. He leaned forward again, kissed Gu Heng’s cheek, lifted his chin, and kissed his lips.
Softly. Tenderly. Affectionately.
The intimate kisses seemed to seep into both their hearts, and both broke into smiles brimming with love and sweetness.
Gu Heng, finally receiving Zuo Shihuan’s active kisses, didn’t want to let go for even a moment. He wanted to lift Zuo Shihuan up, kiss those warm, heart-melting light brown eyes, and press kisses into the dimples that made him swoon.
Zuo Shihuan didn’t even realize how irresistible he was.
Gu Heng was lost in his smile, heart fluttering, as if his chest had turned into a melting gummy bear, dissolving into a pool of sweet syrup.
He thought that if anyone else saw his precious, sweet Zuo Shihuan, he’d want to hide him away, carry him everywhere.
But even if Gu Heng wanted that, Zuo Shihuan would never agree.
Gu Heng sighed inwardly, turning his longing into more fervent kisses. Zuo Shihuan, unusually shy, had initiated the kiss, and Gu Heng restrained himself from overwhelming him, savoring the rare, enticing, tender kisses.
Over and over again.
Whenever Zuo Shihuan showed any sign of pulling away, Gu Heng clasped his hands, holding him in place, humming to prompt more kisses.
Zuo Shihuan had no choice but to keep kissing him.
Really, over and over.
Kissing lips, then cheeks, then under Gu Heng’s urging, his forehead, like a kiss-crazed demon leaving no spot untouched.
Zuo Shihuan’s head spun, breath grew ragged and fast, as if they’d sucked all the air out of the world, lips numb from kissing.
Gu Heng still wouldn’t relent, pointing to different spots on his face for Zuo Shihuan to kiss.
Even patient Zuo Shihuan couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed. He pinched Gu Heng’s plump cheeks. “Enough already. If you keep going, I’ll bite you.”
“No—” Gu Heng drawled, pitifully, rubbing against Zuo Shihuan like a big affectionate cat. “You’re already tired of me so quickly?”
Zuo Shihuan, half-amused, half-exasperated, poked Gu Heng’s forehead with a finger. “Stop pretending, little rascal. I saw you smirking just now. No matter how much you act pitiful, I won’t kiss you. Everything has a limit.”
“Can’t stop.” Gu Heng lowered his gaze, looked up at Zuo Shihuan with dangerous, burning eyes, pointed to his lips, and smiled coyly.
“Last time. Otherwise bite me, or I won’t stop.”
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