Chapter 84: Extra 12
Xiao Shan had entered the palace when he was very young and had grown up inside the palace walls.
Compared to many other eunuchs, he was not particularly good at flattering others, nor was he interested in climbing the ranks. He was the type who simply followed the rules. Most other eunuchs either hoped to serve directly before the emperor and secure a promising future in the palace, or they aimed for a lucrative post so they could save enough silver to support themselves once they left the palace.
But Xiao Shan was different—neither of those lives was what he wanted.
Or rather, his rather limited mind had never even thought about such complicated matters.
Since he had already entered the palace and had nothing left tying him to the outside world, being able to live quietly and steadily while doing his assigned duties was enough for him. Especially during the past few years since he had been transferred to the Imperial Kitchen, he had lived fairly peacefully. He was sensible and obedient, well liked by others, and he handled things cautiously, never offending anyone.
Even so, when he occasionally thought about the long and distant future, he would feel a bit lonely.
But in this deep palace, who did not spend their entire life in solitude?
Xiao Shan felt that this was simply fate.
Fate had decided that people like them had no control over their own lives, from birth until death.
So he chose not to struggle, because chasing what could not be obtained would only bring more suffering.
However, fate did not let Xiao Shan continue along the path he had expected…
That year, the chefs of the Imperial Kitchen created a new dish: roasted suckling rabbit.
As usual, most of the palace’s daily ingredients were transported from the outskirts of the capital.
Ordinary ingredients were easy enough to handle, but live animals like suckling rabbits were another matter. They were timid and fragile, making them difficult to transport. So the kitchen masters came up with an idea: they would raise rabbits themselves in an empty courtyard just outside the palace gates.
In the Great Yu dynasty’s imperial city, there was another outer court beyond the palace gate, and only past that was the city wall. This small courtyard for raising rabbits was located between the palace wall and the imperial city. According to palace regulations, as long as eunuchs did not leave the imperial city, they were free to move about in that area.
At first, the task of raising rabbits in the Imperial Kitchen had not been assigned to Xiao Shan, but to his master instead.
But because Xiao Shan loved small animals, he could not resist visiting the courtyard in his spare time to see the rabbits.
When he arrived that day, he happened to find his master sighing heavily.
After asking, he learned that the mother rabbits that had just been delivered a few days earlier had all fallen ill for some unknown reason.
“They were perfectly fine when they arrived yesterday, but today they suddenly looked weak and lifeless,” his master said.
“Could they have eaten something they shouldn’t have?” Xiao Shan asked.
His master shook his head. “I don’t know. I was busy when the supplier came yesterday and didn’t pay much attention to what he said. We’ll have to wait until he comes again tomorrow to ask him.” His master clearly was not very detail-oriented; he had failed to notice something this important. And now, there was no one in the palace who knew how to raise rabbits, so they had no one to consult.
Xiao Shan looked at the rabbits and felt quite worried. He did not know if they would survive until the next day.
“Maybe we could ask someone in the palace who has experience raising other animals. They might know something,” Xiao Shan suggested.
“I only know of people who raise birds or crickets. I’ve never heard of anyone raising anything else,” his master sighed.
Birds had two legs, crickets had many more—neither was much help for rabbits, so it was unlikely they could assist.
The master and disciple stared at the rabbits, both at a loss. This was the first time the Imperial Kitchen had ever tried raising live animals, so no one had any experience.
After leaving the courtyard, Xiao Shan still felt uneasy, wondering whether the rabbits could last until tomorrow.
Just as he reached the side gate, he suddenly heard a horse neigh. Then he remembered that there was a stable nearby where many palace horses were kept. Horses and rabbits were not the same, but they were both four-legged animals. Perhaps the stable’s groom would know something.
With that thought, Xiao Shan turned and headed to the stables.
As soon as he entered, he saw a groom in the distance feeding hay to the horses.
The groom had his back to Xiao Shan, so his face was not visible, but from his build he appeared to be a tall, sturdy young man.
“Brother…” Xiao Shan walked over and greeted him.
The man did not respond at all.
Thinking he had not heard, Xiao Shan raised his voice. “Excuse me…”
This time his voice was very loud, yet the groom still gave no reaction.
Xiao Shan felt embarrassed. He thought the man might just have a solitary personality and did not like talking to others. But Xiao Shan was easy-going and did not take offense; he had come to ask for help and was not afraid of being ignored.
So he waited patiently at the side. After the man finished pouring out the hay, he finally turned around and noticed Xiao Shan. Only then did Xiao Shan see his face and realize that he was quite handsome. Even though he wore a worn-out guard’s uniform, he still looked remarkably spirited.
When the man saw Xiao Shan, he was clearly surprised, then gave him a smile.
Xiao Shan had expected him to be aloof, so he was surprised by the friendly smile and returned it.
They stood there smiling at each other foolishly for a while, until the man suddenly gestured with his hand.
Xiao Shan froze, realizing that the man could not speak.
Seeing Xiao Shan’s reaction, the man picked up a stick and wrote on the ground: “What can I do for you, little brother?”
Xiao Shan was about to pick up a stick himself, but the man pointed to Xiao Shan’s mouth and then to his own eyes.
Xiao Shan understood—although the man could not speak, he could read lips. So Xiao Shan explained why he had come.
After hearing him out, the groom set down his hay bucket and gestured for Xiao Shan to lead the way, clearly intending to go and take a look.
Although he was only a horse groom, he actually knew a bit about raising rabbits as well. After examining the sick rabbits, he wrote a few questions for Xiao Shan’s master and eventually concluded that the rabbits had likely fallen ill because Xiao Shan’s master had given them untreated water.
“Oh dear! Now that you mention it, I remember—the supplier did say they mustn’t drink raw water!” Xiao Shan’s master slapped his forehead in frustration. “Look at my terrible memory!”
“If we stop giving them raw water now, will they recover?” Xiao Shan asked.
The man hesitated, but then nodded. He added that he could try prescribing some medicine for the rabbits.
At this point, they had no other choice—it was like treating a dying horse as if it might still live.
“Thank you so much for your help today,” Xiao Shan said as he walked the man out of the courtyard. “I may need to trouble you again in the future.” He did not know whether the man could truly save the rabbits, but the groom gave off an air of reliability and trustworthiness.
The man smiled at Xiao Shan, then wrote two characters in his palm.
After reading them, Xiao Shan asked, “He Man—is that your name?”
He Man nodded, then pointed at Xiao Shan.
“My name is Xiao Shan,” Xiao Shan said.
Afraid that He Man might not recognize the character, he took He Man’s hand and wrote the character for “Shan” (mountain) on it.
He Man nodded and smiled at him again before leaving.
From that day on, Xiao Shan and He Man became friends.
With He Man’s help, the rabbits in the small courtyard gradually recovered their health.
Xiao Shan noticed that He Man seemed very lonely at the stables. The other workers there did not appear to like him much, probably because he could not speak, which made communication difficult. He Man understood what they thought, so he rarely bothered them.
Over time, He Man became something of a lone wanderer at the stables.
At first, Xiao Shan often brought He Man food, partly to thank him for his help and partly because he pitied his loneliness. But after spending more time together, Xiao Shan realized that He Man was actually a very interesting person.
Although he could not speak, he knew a great deal. Every few days, Xiao Shan learned new and fascinating things from him.
Having grown up in the palace, Xiao Shan had always been surrounded by eunuchs, and their conversations rarely touched on anything new. He Man was different. To Xiao Shan, he was unfamiliar yet intriguing—his thoughts and insights were unlike anyone Xiao Shan had ever met.
Even without all that, Xiao Shan felt he genuinely wanted to be friends with He Man.
Just like the first time they met at the stables—He Man’s brief smile back then had made him seem warm and approachable.
“Do you want to try riding a horse?” He Man once wrote in Xiao Shan’s palm.
Xiao Shan quickly shook his head. “I don’t know how.”
He Man pointed at himself, indicating that he could teach him.
Xiao Shan had never ridden a horse before, and he did want to try, but he did not want to cause trouble for He Man.
Sensing his worry, He Man wrote again: “I’m the only one on duty today. No one else is here. And besides, the horses need to be exercised regularly—it’s not against the rules.”
Xiao Shan was still hesitant, but He Man took his hand and led him straight toward the stable.
He Man chose a smaller horse for him, but Xiao Shan felt a bit intimidated.
“Maybe we should forget it. I’m afraid I’ll fall off,” Xiao Shan said nervously.
He Man then picked out a much larger horse, pointed at Xiao Shan, and then at himself.
After spending so much time together, Xiao Shan had learned to understand many of He Man’s gestures. He realized that He Man meant they would ride together. That made him feel safer—He Man was an experienced stableman, so he surely would not let him fall.
He Man led the horse out, helped Xiao Shan mount it, then climbed up behind him. As He Man showed Xiao Shan how to hold the reins, he gently urged the horse forward. The horse obediently began to trot around the stable grounds.
As the horse ran faster and faster, Xiao Shan felt both frightened and exhilarated. He Man’s solid chest pressed against his back, and his arms held him securely, making him feel safe.
Through the thin fabric, Xiao Shan could almost feel the strong rhythm of He Man’s heartbeat.
That feeling was unfamiliar to Xiao Shan, yet it brought him a kind of joy he had never experienced before.
“Did you like it?” He Man wrote in his palm.
The calluses on He Man’s fingers brushed against Xiao Shan’s skin, creating a distinct sensation.
Xiao Shan instinctively wanted to pull his hand away, yet for some reason, he could not bring himself to do it. He had come to enjoy those small touches between them.
He could not explain what the feeling meant, but he simply let himself follow his instincts when it came to He Man.
“What is it?” He Man gestured when Xiao Shan did not answer.
Xiao Shan smiled and replied, “I liked it very much.”
Relieved, He Man took Xiao Shan’s hand as if he wanted to write something, but in the end, he did not. What he had wanted to say was that one day, if they ever had the chance, he would take Xiao Shan riding across the grasslands. That would be far more exciting.
But then he remembered their circumstances and knew such a day would probably never come.
That realization made He Man feel a little down.
Not long after, the female rabbits gave birth to several litters.
Without hesitation, He Man took on the role of caretaker for both the mothers and their newborn kits.
The newborn rabbits were covered in only a thin layer of down, barely hiding their pink skin. Over the next few days, they changed quickly, and soon their bodies were coated in soft white fur.
At that stage, the baby rabbits looked extremely cute, and Xiao Shan came by almost every day to see them.
He Man quickly learned Xiao Shan’s visiting habits, so he was almost always there when Xiao Shan arrived.
“Can I hold one now?” Xiao Shan asked as he stared at the rabbits.
By then, the baby rabbits were nearly a month old, small, soft, and snow-white.
He Man picked one up from the cage and placed it in Xiao Shan’s hands.
Xiao Shan cradled it carefully and could not resist rubbing his cheek against its soft fur.
He Man watched him, seeing the joy and tenderness plainly written across Xiao Shan’s face.
Something stirred in He Man’s heart. The emotions he had been trying so hard to keep under control slowly began to surface. Without thinking, he reached out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair away from Xiao Shan’s forehead.
Xiao Shan looked up at him, puzzled.
He Man’s breath faltered. Almost unconsciously, he leaned closer toward Xiao Shan.
His movement was slow and cautious, leaving Xiao Shan room to pull away if he wished. Xiao Shan blinked nervously, clearly understanding what was happening, yet he did not move.
So He Man softly kissed him on the lips.
The kiss was so light that Xiao Shan barely felt it, but He Man’s warm breath lingered against his face, making Xiao Shan’s heart tremble.
Afterward, He Man flushed red with embarrassment and looked at Xiao Shan anxiously, waiting for his reaction. Xiao Shan glanced at him for a brief moment, then lowered his eyes to the rabbit in his hands.
“Put it back,” Xiao Shan said quietly.
He Man quickly took the rabbit from him.
Their fingers brushed for a moment, and He Man looked at Xiao Shan again, noticing the faint blush coloring his ears.
“Are you angry?” He Man gestured.
Xiao Shan did not answer. He Man then pointed at Xiao Shan’s hand, indicating that if he was upset, he could hit him.
Xiao Shan still did not answer his question. He only avoided He Man’s gaze and looked at the little rabbits inside the cage.
He Man could not read Xiao Shan’s thoughts for the moment, and he felt both uneasy and regretful.
He thought he had acted too impulsively earlier. He should not have lost control at that moment, and he definitely should not have kissed Xiao Shan without his consent. If Xiao Shan had scolded or hit him, he would have felt a little better. But now that Xiao Shan was ignoring him, it was far worse.
After that day, He Man assumed Xiao Shan would no longer want to see him.
For several days in a row, he did not see Xiao Shan in the small courtyard.
He Man felt extremely dejected and told himself that if he ever saw Xiao Shan again, he would properly and sincerely apologize.
If Xiao Shan did not want to scold or strike him, he would hit himself instead. At the very least, he wanted Xiao Shan to be able to vent his anger.
After all these years in the imperial city, Xiao Shan was the only friend he had.
It was his own fault for having such thoughts. As long as Xiao Shan could forgive him, he was willing to do anything.
A few more days passed, and He Man finally saw Xiao Shan again in the courtyard.
To his surprise, Xiao Shan did not seem distant at all. He even brought him some freshly made pastries.
Since Xiao Shan’s master was present, He Man did not dare to say much. He simply accompanied them as they checked on the rabbits.
Before leaving, while Xiao Shan’s master was distracted, He Man carefully reached out and tugged on Xiao Shan’s sleeve.
Xiao Shan did not look at him. His gaze remained fixed in the distance, but his hand followed the pull on his sleeve until it found He Man’s hand, and then he gave it a light squeeze.
He Man’s heart jumped, and he stared at Xiao Shan in disbelief.
Xiao Shan still did not meet his eyes, but the corner of his lips lifted into a faint, gentle smile.
Before He Man could ask anything, Xiao Shan left with his master.
But He Man knew that Xiao Shanhad not blamed him.
In his entire life, He Man had never dared to imagine that someone like Xiao Shan would exist—someone who truly saw him and kept him in his heart. Yet Xiao Shan had appeared, not only noticing him, but cherishing him.
From that day on, Xiao Shan became He Man’s lover.
Since childhood, Xiao Shan had known that he was a eunuch. In the eyes of others, eunuchs were incomplete, almost inhuman. They could not react like ordinary men, and they never allowed themselves to dream of love or desire.
But He Man’s arrival shattered the quiet balance of Xiao Shan’s life.
Once Xiao Shan acknowledged his feelings for He Man, he was no longer a man without desires. He began to long for He Man’s presence, to crave his scent, and even to yearn for things he himself could not name.
That spring, He Man fell ill during a cold spell.
When Xiao Shan went to the stables to see him, he found He Man lying alone on his bed, burning with fever and barely conscious.
“I need to get you some medicine,” Xiao Shan told him.
He Man opened his eyes and held tightly onto Xiao Shan’s hand, refusing to let go, as if he feared Xiao Shan might disappear.
Xiao Shan first cooled his forehead with a damp cloth, but He Man’s fever did not improve for hours. Xiao Shan was anxious and wanted to fetch medicine, yet He Man, even in his weakened state, was still stronger. Xiao Shan could not free himself from his grip.
Afraid of hurting him, Xiao Shan did not dare to use force, and could only remain there in distress.
“If you don’t let go, I’ll be angry,” Xiao Shan whispered beside him.
He Man looked at him weakly, his expression fragile from the illness.
Xiao Shan’s heart ached, and he added softly, “I care about you. Please listen to me, okay?”
He Man watched him for a moment and then wrote the word “cold” on the back of Xiao Shan’s hand.
There were no spare blankets in the room, so Xiao Shan simply held He Man in his arms to keep him warm. He Man’s body burned with heat, and Xiao Shan could feel the fever radiating from him.
They met each other’s eyes. He Man pointed to Xiao Shan’s lips, then to his own.
Xiao Shan leaned in and kissed him.
The kiss was brief, and He Man was clearly not satisfied. He continued to look at Xiao Shan.
Soft-hearted, Xiao Shan kissed him again.
Their breaths intertwined, and He Man, as if regaining strength from the contact, pulled Xiao Shan closer and returned the kiss.
At first, Xiao Shan did not fully understand what was happening. But as He Man’s actions grew more daring, Xiao Shan began to realize what he intended. He was nervous, even a little frightened, but he did not resist.
Instead, he felt a deep, unfamiliar sense of fulfillment.
So this was what it felt like for two people to give themselves to each other completely.
That afternoon, Xiao Shanexperienced the full meaning of love for the first time.
For the first time, he realized how close two people could truly become.
…
…
Whether it was because he had sweated out the illness, or simply because his spirits had improved, He Man’s fever miraculously subsided that day. By dusk, his temperature had almost returned to normal, and his strength had mostly recovered.
Since it was their first time being so intimate, Xiao Shan felt shy around him.
He Man was not much better—his face flushed repeatedly like a young man experiencing love for the first time.
“What is this?” Xiao Shan asked, lowering his head and noticing a red cord around his neck, with a jade pendant hanging from it. Looking up, he saw He Man wore an identical pendant.
He Man took Xiao Shan’s hand and wrote: “Keep it with you.”
Xiao Shan understood it was a token of love and nodded.
The jade itself was not of high quality—rough, even—but it was the most precious gift Xiao Shan had ever received.
Before Xiao Shan returned to the palace that day, He Man checked his neck carefully to make sure there were no marks that might raise suspicion. Xiao Shan found his concern puzzling and looked at him with confusion.
He Man pulled him into a firm embrace and wrote in his palm: “Don’t tell anyone.”
Xiao Shan paused, at first thinking He Man did not want their relationship known. Only then did he remember that what they had done was forbidden by palace rules.
“Are you afraid?” He Man wrote.
Xiao Shan thought about it, then nodded, and then shook his head.
He Man smiled for a long moment and then wrote: “If we are discovered, I will die for you.”
Xiao Shan looked at him, seeing the unwavering determination in his eyes, yet also the deep affection he had come to recognize.
At that moment, Xiao Shan thought that if such a day ever came, even dying together would not be frightening.
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