After waking from the nightmare, Ah Zheng couldn’t fall asleep again.
Lately, though he had been dreaming intermittently, they were mostly scenes of him fighting on the battlefield.
But such vivid and detailed scenes with his parents and siblings were so real they made his whole body tremble.
He stared at the face in the bronze mirror, still deeply shaken.
What was real, and what was not?
These days, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he felt more and more unlike the childhood friend Ah Heng had spoken of.
Though everyone in the Gu household believed he was Shen Zhengyu, they all said his personality had changed too much since childhood. If not for his unchanged appearance, they might not have recognized him.
But could everything in that dream really be his past?
If it was, he never wanted to return to it.
That lavish but icy palace, the mother who despised him, the father who used him to kill, and those he had cared for but ultimately killed—just thinking about it, just imagining it, made him feel insane.
Compared to that horrific dream, the days spent beside Ah Heng were too beautiful.
By her side, no one loathed or resented him. He didn’t need to kill against his conscience. He even befriended Ah Heng’s eldest brother.
If all this was fake, destined to be taken from him, then what should he do?
At this thought, the pain in his head returned.
He hugged himself, curled up in a corner like a wounded beast licking its wounds alone.
He refused to accept anything from that dream.
Dreams are always the opposite of reality. It had to be.
Eventually, the pain wore him down, and he drifted off again. This time, he did not dream.
When daylight came, he heard the sound of a door opening.
He opened his eyes and saw—it was Ziyun.
“Young Master Shen, are you up? Miss said she bought something yesterday and forgot to give it to you. She asked you to go to her courtyard once you’re awake.”
Ah Zheng took a deep breath and replied, “Alright, I got it.”
After Ziyun left, he saw the sunlight pouring through the window, landing directly on his bed, warming his whole body.
In that moment, the shadows from the nightmare finally faded a little.
He got up, washed, and stared at the wardrobe. Finally, he chose a white robe.
Ah Heng was right. White suited him—it used to be his favorite color.
He had to become the gentle, refined scholar Ah Heng spoke of, not the violent, cruel crown prince from his dreams.
From now on, he would never wear the black robes in this wardrobe again.
Once he finished dressing, he headed for Mingyue Pavilion.
As he entered the courtyard, he saw Ah Heng sitting on the little swing he had built for her, her smile bright as sunshine.
When she saw him, she raised her hand in greeting.
“Ah Zheng, you’re here? Come push me on the swing?”
Ah Zheng smiled and walked behind her, placing his hands on the swing and starting to push her. “Alright, then you’d better sit tight!”
As soon as he said that, he gave her a strong push. Watching Ah Heng soar high, her face full of joy, all the unease in his heart was swept away.
If possible, he wished he could stay in this moment forever.
Eventually, Quan Heng got tired of playing and got off the swing, sitting down by a small table nearby. The table was already covered with all kinds of pastries she liked.
She picked one out and stuffed it into Ah Zheng’s mouth. “You eat some too.”
Ah Zheng chewed and tasted the sweetness melting in his mouth, and for a moment, felt incredibly happy.
Just then, Ah Heng suddenly remembered something. “Oh right! I almost forgot why I called you here. You stay here, I’m going to get something.”
As he watched her back disappear into the house, Ah Zheng suddenly recalled the time they’d spent together at the Gu residence.
It had been New Year’s Eve. Ah Heng had spoken to him just like that before heading back into the house to fetch two gifts for him.
He wondered what she had prepared this time.
A while later, he saw her come out of the house again, just like last time, carrying something in a box, which she handed to him.
“Open it and take a look? I bought it yesterday while I was strolling around with Princess Zhaohua. I don’t know if you’ll like it.”
As she spoke, Quan Heng looked at him full of anticipation.
Ah Zheng took the box, nervous and excited, and slowly opened it.
But the next second, he saw something inside that he absolutely did not want to see.
It was a mask!
At that moment, the nightmare from the night before flashed through his mind. A splitting headache struck him.
He couldn’t even hold the box properly—it slipped from his hands and fell to the ground.
He lowered his head and clutched it with both hands, trembling in pain all over.
Quan Heng was terrified. She stood up in a panic and walked over to him.
She wanted to reach out and rub his head, but didn’t dare. She stood there awkwardly, anxious and flustered.
“Ah Zheng, what’s wrong?”
Ah Zheng was in so much pain he couldn’t speak, but seeing the worry on her face, he forced himself to endure it and squeezed out a sentence: “It’s nothing, just a sudden headache. I’ve been getting these a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I saw the mask and it reminded me… I used to wear one too.”
Quan Heng nodded blankly, picked up the mask, and put it back on the table.
After a moment, seeing that his pain had eased a little, she finally dared to speak softly, “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I bought that mask and triggered you. That’s why you’re hurting like this.”
At that moment, she truly felt distressed.
Ah Zheng always acted fearless, but now he looked so fragile.
She grabbed the box and slapped it hard twice. “Blame this stupid mask. I’ll throw it away right now!”
Unexpectedly, the next second, Ah Zheng reached out and snatched it back, holding it tightly in his arms.
“It’s fine. I really like this mask.”
Since it was a gift from Ah Heng, no matter what it was, it was a precious token of her heart—how could he bear to throw it away?
Seeing this, Quan Heng gave a helpless smile. “Seeing that you’re feeling better now, I’m a bit relieved. I originally wanted to tell you that Princess Zhaohua invited me to a flower-viewing banquet at the palace in two days. I was going to ask if you wanted to go too. But now that I see how badly your headache flared up, maybe it’s best if you rest at the manor.”
Hearing the first half of her sentence, Ah Zheng’s heart leapt into his throat. If he really went into the palace—even if he couldn’t recognize anyone, someone might recognize him.
He didn’t want to destroy his current peaceful life. He didn’t want to return to that dark, damp palace. He only wanted to stay by Ah Heng’s side.
Even if there was a small risk of exposure, he wanted to avoid it.
Hearing the latter half, seeing that Ah Heng suggested he not go, he finally let out a breath of relief.
“Yes, my head’s been hurting a lot lately. I won’t go this time. You enjoy yourself.”
Quan Heng nodded. “There are so many rules in the palace. You probably wouldn’t feel comfortable anyway. You’d just be restricted everywhere—better to stay here.”
But when she thought of the reason why he couldn’t go, she still felt a deep sorrow.
When she looked up and saw his pale, weak face, her heart ached as if it were being pricked by needles.
At last, she hugged Ah Zheng tightly.
She wasn’t as tall as Ah Zheng. He was eight chi tall, while she only came up to his chest.
At this moment, she buried her face in his chest and rubbed it gently. “You must get better soon.”
Looking at the little head in front of him, Ah Zheng felt his heart pounding like it was about to burst out of his chest.
He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. He took a deep breath. “Okay. I will definitely get better.”
But in his heart, what he was really saying was—if he could, he never wanted to “get better.” He never wanted to remember the past.
Just like now, living together with her forever—that would be the best thing in the world.
***
Two days later, Quan Heng entered the palace.
She was accompanied by Quan Rui, as well as two young ladies from the second and third branches of the family.
After all, Princess Zhaohua had sent an invitation to the entire Yongning Marquis household, so they all attended together.
Though they were all daughters of the marquis house, the second and third branches were still side branches. Opportunities to enter the palace were rare for them, so they were all dressed in their finest.
Even though the banquet was nominally for flower viewing, in truth, spring had come and it was time for young people to be matched up. Every family sent their sons and daughters, hoping to try their luck and maybe make a match.
And it was said that even several princes and princesses would attend. The whole capital was scrambling for a chance to get in—so it wasn’t surprising that the second and third branches took it so seriously.
Quan Heng didn’t share a carriage with them; she rode with Quan Rui instead.
This time, the two didn’t speak.
Quan Rui seemed to be preoccupied with something. She kept lifting the curtain to peek out the back.
Quan Heng knew what she was thinking. She had been acting like this the whole way, even blushing now and then. Quan Heng couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Little Sister Ah Rui, what are you looking at?”
Quan Rui hadn’t expected Quan Heng to speak to her, and was startled.
Then she felt like she’d been caught, growing both embarrassed and defensive.
“N-Nothing.”
Quan Heng sighed. “Oh dear, I think our little Ah Rui is falling in love. The ones following behind us are our cousins from the manor. All handsome young men—no wonder you keep looking back.”
Upon hearing this, Quan Rui got flustered. “I am not! You’re making things up!”
Quan Heng chuckled, “Alright, alright—it’s my fault, I slandered you.”
Then she raised an eyebrow and closed her eyes to rest for a bit.
But Quan Rui was no longer at ease. She snuck a few glances at Quan Heng and grew suspicious.
Could it be… that she knew about her and Brother Suifeng?
But she quickly shook her head.
Impossible. Every time she met Suifeng, she had checked that no one was around.
Quan Heng must have been teasing her and just happened to guess correctly.
Thinking this, she felt more at ease.
Seeing that Quan Heng seemed asleep, she didn’t say anything else either. But she didn’t lift the curtain again the rest of the ride.
After an unknown amount of time, they finally arrived at the palace.
Quan Rui had been here a few times with the Marchioness, so she wasn’t surprised.
But Quan Heng, seeing the grand scene before her, suddenly felt a hint of nervousness.
This place was full of splendor, the place everyone yearned for.
But to her, it was a nightmare.
In that dream, she had been trapped here, unable to escape, repeatedly humiliated day and night by the Crown Prince—unable to resist at all.
This time, she would never let the nightmare come true.
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