Xiao Yun took two deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. Then, with a sneer, he said, “You think I’m falling for your tricks?!”
With a dramatic sweep of his sleeve, he strode away at full speed.
Behind him, the Changling guards struggled to hold their ground, using their bodies to block the advancing ministers.
These ministers were supposed to be the emperor’s most trusted officials, but the higher their rank, the crazier they seemed to be. The guards didn’t dare draw their swords—not only because these old officials weren’t afraid of death but also because if any of them were merely injured, they would use their last breath to take revenge later.
The emperor’s ministers were terrifyingly vengeful.
Thus, a group of highly skilled warriors was reduced to using the most primitive methods—yelling, shoving, and brawling like common street hooligans—to drag the surging ministers back.
But within seconds, the ministers scrambled back to their feet and rushed to the human barricade, pushing against it while shouting after the retreating emperor.
After several rounds of this, a few short-tempered military officials finally snapped. Their hair practically stood on end. “You sons of b*tches! Who the h*ll do you think you are?! Blocking me?! Back when I was fighting on the battlefield, you were still suckling at your mothers’ teats!”
“To h*ll with this—charge!!”
“Attack!! Kick their *sses!!”
The official who yelled had once been a battlefield commander. His voice, sharp and thunderous, carried a tragic, impassioned intensity that struck deep into the soul.
As soon as he finished shouting, he threw a punch straight at the Changling guard in front of him.
The unsuspecting guard was instantly knocked to the ground, utterly stunned.
Seeing this, the ministers’ eyes turned red with exhilaration. A wave of triumphant ecstasy surged through them, and they lost all sense of restraint. Those who could fight, fought. Those who couldn’t, charged ahead anyway.
In an instant, several military officials and the guards were tangled in a full-on brawl. Meanwhile, the frail, elderly ministers lifted their oversized robes, sneaking in cheap shots—kicking, dodging, and slipping past defenses in their pursuit of the emperor.
Xie Caiqing, standing at the back of the crowd, watched the chaos unfold with wide eyes. He took two shaky steps backward, his heart trembling.
Royal Brother, I want to go home. I don’t want to have children anymore. I just want to go home.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist with a vice-like grip, squeezing his bones so tightly that it hurt.
“What are you standing around for?! Come with me—we’re chasing after the emperor!”
Without giving him a chance to resist, Liu Yun dragged him along at full speed.
The wind of the Great Ning dynasty lashed against their faces, sharp and painful. Xie Caiqing felt as if he were about to be lifted off the ground.
…
“This is absolute rebellion! Did my previous words mean nothing to them?! Who gave them the guts?!”
Inside the imperial bedchamber, Xiao Yun slammed his palm against the table, nearly splitting it in two.
“Your… Your Majesty, please—please calm down! Be careful of your hand!” Yin Xian hurried around, pouring tea and trying to smooth things over, his heart sinking with dread.
Xiao Yun planted his hands on his hips and paced back and forth, his strides quick and forceful, his expression dark and menacing. His clenched fists trembled inside his sleeves, his knuckles cracking from the sheer force of his grip.
The emperor was fuming.
Bracing himself, Xie Zhe cautiously said, “Your Majesty, they may have gone a little too far, but it’s only because they—”
“A little too far?!” Xiao Yun’s voice was filled with disbelief. He pointed toward the tightly shut doors and bellowed in fury.
“Your Majesty! Ahhh! Your Majesty! Ahhh! Your Majesty! Please see this old minister! Wuwuwu—smack smack smack.”
“Your Majesty! Ahhh!—smack smack smack.”
“Smack smack smack—Your Majesty, please see this old minister! Wuwu!! Your Majesty! This old minister still has something to say—smack smack smack Why did you leave? Wuwu!”
“…” Xie Zhe was speechless.
Xiao Yun’s expression twisted in rage, but then he suddenly laughed and said, “If you knew they were just forcing me to get married, you’d think nothing of it. But if you didn’t, you’d think I had died!”
Yin Xian, who was holding a teacup, suddenly trembled, spilling tea all over his foot. When Xiao Yun looked over at him, he immediately dropped to his knees and loudly declared, “Your Majesty is in your prime! Long live His Majesty! Long live, long live, long live!”
Xie Zhe hurriedly echoed, “Long live, long live, long live His Majesty!”
Xiao Yun’s face remained dark as he stared at the palace doors.
The thick palace doors were shaking under the force of that pack of scoundrels, as if they might collapse inward at any moment.
Xiao Yun sneered, “Since they’re so capable, why don’t they just grab a battering ram and break down my palace doors while they’re at it?!”
Xie Zhe: “…”
“Breed, breed, breed! That’s all they think about every single day! If they’re so capable, then what do they need me for?! They might as well just strip me down, tie me to a bed, and take turns picking whose child they want. Wouldn’t that be much more convenient? An endless supply, generation after generation! Then Great Ning will never have to worry about heirs again!”
Xie Zhe let out a small laugh.
Even Yin Xian, who had been sweating nervously, suddenly snorted with laughter.
“You dare laugh? Laugh again and I’ll throw you both outside to let them beat you first!”
Xie Zhe immediately straightened his face.
“I think even breeding pigs have a better deal than I do! At least they don’t have to work! I get up at the crack of dawn and work my *ss off every day, and for this?! This ridiculous—no, gigantic nonsense?! They have to meddle in this, too?!”
Xie Zhe coughed. “…Your Majesty, please calm down.”
There was nothing useful he could say. Many of the emperor’s troubles were beyond anyone’s ability to understand.
This wasn’t the first time Xie Zhe had felt the sheer futility of words—and of action, too.
Xiao Yun took a few deep breaths, barely suppressing his anger and regaining some semblance of reason. He forced himself to say, “They’re just thinking of—”
“Your Majesty! Wuwu, Your Majesty!—smack smack smack Your Majesty! Wuwu!”
“Your Majesty! Wuwuwu!”
“Your Majesty—smack smack smack Your Majesty! Ahhh!”
“…Yin Xian!!!” Xiao Yun’s forehead veins throbbed violently as he roared.
His voice shook the entire palace hall, the impact so strong that Yin Xian’s ears went blank for a second. The next moment, his own name echoed off the palace beams.
Yin Xian thought he had been caught for some past wrongdoing and immediately collapsed to the ground, forehead hitting the floor. “Your Majesty, please take care of your divine health! This servant is—”
“Summon the Imperial Guards! Every single person involved today—twenty strikes with the rod! Right outside the palace doors!”
Yin Xian let out a sigh of relief, instantly reviving. He perked up and cheerfully answered, “Understood!”
“They think they’re not ashamed, huh? Strip their pants and beat them! Tell them: if they admit their mistake, twenty strikes. If they don’t, after the beating, they can parade their bare asses through the streets! Let all the young ladies of Great Ning admire their majestic bearing! We’ll see which they value more—their knees or their asses!”
“Yes!” Yin Xian accepted the order enthusiastically, half distressed and half exhilarated, and dashed out in a flash.
“Come back!” Xiao Yun snapped impatiently. “Forget the old ones. If they drop dead, that’s on me. Just strip them and make them stand for an hour.”
“…” Yin Xian thought to himself, That’s worse than a beating! “Understood!”
As Yin Xian ran out, Xiao Yun sat down at the table and gulped down a cup of cold tea.
Xie Zhe finally stifled his inappropriate laughter. A beat later, something occurred to him, and he glanced at the fuming Xiao Yun, hesitating before saying, “Your Majesty… Xie Caiqing seems to be among them.”
Xiao Yun froze mid-sip, recalling what Xie Caiqing had said earlier in the Jinluan Hall. His lips curled into a smirk. “Let’s go take a look at how precious our top scholar’s *ss is.”
…
All the ministers were stunned when they heard the emperor’s decision, tears still half-dried on their faces. They stared at each other in disbelief.
They had only meant to show their care for His Majesty! They understood that he needed to put up some resistance—after all, even young maidens played a bit of hard-to-get to save face, so how much more so the Son of Heaven? But why were they getting their *sses beaten for it?!
And naked, no less.
The bruised and battered Imperial Guards angrily dragged out benches, holding massive rods thicker than a grown man’s arm. They deliberately smacked them against the ground a few times, sending chills through Xie Caiqing’s delicate, poetry-loving heart.
There weren’t enough benches for everyone, so the ministers had to take turns.
“Who’s first?” one Imperial Guard growled.
“Beat me first! It’s just twenty strikes! I’ll go! If anyone chickens out, they’re a grandson!”
The great ministers of Great Ning prided themselves on their loyalty and bravery. In this moment, their righteousness shone through. The leading military officials slapped their chests and, without hesitation, began stripping off their robes. Large hands rested on the waistbands of their undergarments.
Xie Caiqing’s eyes widened in horror. He suddenly realized something and immediately covered his own eyes.
A second later, he heard a burst of loud, hearty laughter.
“Brother Gao, you’re truly majestic!”
“Hahaha, as are you, my friend!”
“No wonder Brother Gao’s wife is so gentle and considerate—unlike my fierce one!”
“Brother Ge, you’re not bad yourself!”
“Not at all, I could never compare to you!”
Xie Caiqing: “…”
Xiao Yun had just reached the palace doors when he heard the “Aiyo! Haha!” and “Oof! Oww!” sounds outside. His mood instantly soared.
Yin Xian and the eunuchs opened the doors, and amidst the sea of bare white asses, Xiao Yun immediately spotted Xie Caiqing standing stiffly at the back, hands over his eyes, slowly inching backward.
Under the glaring sun, the top scholar’s entire face and neck were burning red.
Xiao Yun burst out laughing. “They’re all men—what’s the big deal? Why is he blushing like some clueless maiden?”
Xie Zhe also found it amusing. “Your humble servant does not know.”
Xiao Yun stared at him for a moment and couldn’t help but wonder—if Xie Caiqing saw him like this, would he have the same reaction? Or maybe even more— He cut off the thought, suddenly feeling inexplicably parched.
The first batch had finished receiving their punishment. Under the emperor’s watchful gaze, they made a show of wailing for a while before finally getting up.
The Changling Guard standing before Xie Caiqing gestured toward the sweat-stained bench, speaking in an official tone. “Top Scholar, please.”
Xie Caiqing still covered his eyes, standing motionless. His voice was soft and steady. “…I don’t mean to make things difficult for you. Could you strike me a few more times instead, and let me keep my clothes on?”
Xiao Yun was stunned.
The court officials were also momentarily taken aback before bursting into laughter.
“Top Scholar, don’t be shy! We won’t look down on you just because it’s small!”
Xie Caiqing: “…I—”
“If it’s big, why are you embarrassed? Just take them off!”
“If you don’t take them off, that means it’s small! If it’s big, then prove it!”
Xie Caiqing: “…”
“Come on, we’re all men here. What’s there to be embarrassed about? If we’re going to be humiliated, we might as well suffer together! You’re not going to tell me you’re just shy, are you?”
“With that frail body of yours, you won’t last more hits anyway. Just take them off and get it over with!”
“Why are you acting like a girl? Why are you covering your eyes? There’s nothing you shouldn’t see. I had to strip, and I wasn’t embarrassed, so why is it that you, the one looking, are the one embarrassed? Just take them off!”
Xie Caiqing shook his head.
Since his eyes were covered, his neck appeared even more slender. His lips were full and glossy, a striking contrast against his pale, delicate skin.
Fair and refined, slender and graceful, standing among a crowd of burly men reeking of sweat, he looked completely out of place—isolated and defenseless.
The Changling Guard felt a twinge of guilt at his request and sighed. “His Majesty has ordered it. If the Top Scholar refuses, then… I’ll have to remove them for you.”
The surrounding laughter thundered. Xie Caiqing’s eyes widened in sheer mortification.
“So, will you…” The guard coughed awkwardly.
Xie Caiqing was silent for a long moment before finally giving up his resistance, barely audible as he murmured, “…Fine.”
Xiao Yun suddenly felt a strange discomfort at the thought of so many people seeing Xie Caiqing exposed. Lazily, he chuckled and said, “Come, come, since the Top Scholar is feeling shy, let’s move this inside. I’ll handle the punishment personally.”
