The moment the Emperor agreed to hold the selection, the Empress Dowager immediately summoned the Empress to inform her of this major event. Meng Guqing was momentarily stunned upon hearing it. The Empress Dowager didn’t seem to notice her reaction nor did she need to. Since entering the palace, the Empress had been sensible, helping her aunt considerably, and unlike Noble Consort Xu, had not favored her own family. She had done very well; there was little to criticize. The Empress Dowager was pleased and hoped she would continue doing well, consolidating her position. Once she selected a few Donghu girls for the palace, they would reinforce her influence, aligning with her family while maintaining balance in the harem, raising heirs, and securing the dynasty, allowing the Emperor to focus without worry.
This was essentially the minimum expectation any matriarch of a great family had for a daughter-in-law; for the Empress, it was the responsibility of an entire nation. At the same time, the Empress Dowager considered her niece’s capacity, she did not intend to leave the entire matter to the Empress to handle alone. Even the Empress could not manage everything; the Ministry of Revenue would issue the decree, preparing both the civil and military officials and the populace. Since the first month of the year had not yet ended, the announcement would allow some time for preparation. Those from remote regions would have to arrive in the capital before summer, a tight but doable schedule.
The Empress Dowager had planned everything meticulously, every detail arranged. Meng Guqing guessed she had been thinking about this for a long time but had waited to raise it until the Emperor stumbled, leaving no room for argument. Truly a careful strategy. Perhaps people who have been in the palace too long develop minds like coked coal, complex and dense. The Empress Dowager had considered everything, except the most important factor: human emotion. She knew the Emperor and Empress were both reluctant, yet proceeded. She was thinking of the larger picture. When she herself had suffered in the late Emperor’s harem, hadn’t she endured similarly? Everything done was for the sake of the grand plan, perhaps that was why she alone had survived.
Meng Guqing had always thought she was close to the Empress Dowager. Only now did she realize how self-assured she had been; their thoughts diverged completely, walking entirely different paths. Meng Guqing remained silent, revealing nothing of her own thoughts. But she had every reason to believe that if she acted even slightly contrary to the Empress Dowager’s expectations of a national mother, even as her niece, the Empress Dowager would not hesitate to suppress her first.
At one time, she had thought that pleasing the Empress Dowager would secure care if she were deposed. Based on the Empress Dowager’s current attitude, would she even speak for her then? Yet Meng Guqing never doubted one thing: sooner or later, she and Zhao Donglin would have a major confrontation. The shadow cast by the regent had never been forgotten, and now Jing Wang continued to provoke him. All their current closeness and affection was like a reflection in water or a flower in a mirror. He was deliberately forgetting certain things, wasn’t she doing the same?
Now, the Empress Dowager’s selection plan shattered her illusions completely. Perhaps it was for the best. She had never expected him to belong only to her. The Emperor, everyone knew how things were. Meng Guqing felt a bit disheartened. That night, when Zhao Donglin came to see her, he noticed her mood and hesitated, holding her hand. Her hand was cold, so he warmed it with his breath, smiling: “What’s wrong? Why so unhappy? I came straight after handling state affairs. I know you were waiting for me to eat.”
Meng Guqing wanted to smile but couldn’t. She lowered her head, reading herself reflected in his eyes, clear as day: “Did you visit the eldest prince today? I heard he’s learning to walk.”
Because Li Wei had dragged out two cases, implicating over a dozen southern officials and punishing two ringleaders, Zhao Donglin had to placate the court. The best way was to reconcile with Noble Consort Xu, as her family represented southern civil officials. Favoring her was a statement of attitude. He didn’t want to complicate things, so he prioritized spending time with the eldest prince, visiting and playing with him today.
The news traveled fast; the Empress knew immediately. What he didn’t know was that when Caiwei visited the imperial kitchen, the people of Jianjia Palace seemed to deliberately wait there to tell her loudly, making sure Fengyi Palace wouldn’t miss it. Now the entire palace knew Noble Consort Xu was to regain favor, after all, a mother’s honor comes through her son.
Zhao Donglin looked at Meng Guqing and explained: “I visited the eldest prince, sat in the side hall a while. You wouldn’t believe it, he’s drooling so much he wet my sleeve. Where does all this drool come from?” He smiled dreamily, with a hint of teasing.
Seeing him coax her like this, so different from when they first met, Meng Guqing recalled how proud he had been, even using his nose to observe her. At one time, he had even treated Noble Consort Xu as he now treated her. Under the Empress Dowager’s arrangement, who would be the next to be favored as she was? Meng Guqing smiled calmly: “Actually, you could rest there; Noble Consort Xu was your concubine anyway.”
She spoke with sudden magnanimity. He felt no surprise, only that his fluttering heart slowly calmed. “I won’t go. I know what I promised you. Even if you didn’t ask, I’d still feel this is fine. Haven’t I told you? I want the same as you, to find a devoted partner and never part. Mingzhu’er, why do you suddenly doubt me?”
He was earnestly explaining, but Meng Guqing felt tired for him. The Empress Dowager had chosen a shortcut for him, by adding a few more concubines, he could gain substantial support. Why struggle unnecessarily for her sake? She said seriously: “The Empress Dowager told me, the Ministry of Revenue will soon select concubines for you, no later than this autumn. The empty palace will become lively. By then, neither you nor I have choices, why not restore things to how they were now?”
“‘How they were before’? I could touch you, but never share your bed again? Just because the Empress Dowager wants a selection, you voluntarily give me up? Is that what I want? Have I ever said I’d give up my promise to you? You’re by my side every day, don’t you know what I endure? I strive so hard for you, yet your heart is like stone, not warming at all.”
Meng Guqing hadn’t expected this. She merely stepped back a little, and he looked so furious, his eyes red, she had never seen him like this. Her heart ached too. She realized that the Empress Dowager, a woman who considered three steps ahead, was matched by her own foresight. Once the selection happened, a batch of legitimate palace consorts would appear. Would he favor them? How to handle the families? Should children be allowed? Favoring one, would she neglect another?
Step by step, the bottom line eroded. Even if he could endure, she could not. She admitted she was tired, enduring love brought so much trouble. Even the Empress Dowager found it improper. Meng Guqing suddenly longed for carefree days back home, she still wanted to leave the palace.
She didn’t say all this to him. The Empress Dowager had already spoken enough. Meng Guqing only made her stance clear; he would understand. Seeing his distress, she wanted to comfort him, but since they had stepped this far, there was no turning back. She turned her head: “I shouldn’t have said those foolish things. Given your status, it’s impossible. Let’s pretend we’re as before.”
“But things have changed. You’re here,” he pressed a hand to his chest. “I planned to first comply with the Empress Dowager’s request, then see if we could manage summer affairs. I didn’t expect you to advise me this way. Do you really need me to bare my heart to prove I don’t want to disappoint you?”
How could she doubt him? An emperor’s exclusive favor, even under hardship, was proof enough. Because he truly cared, she had to consider him too. She knew her way of showing care might not align with his desires so she stopped explaining. Seeing his anxious helplessness, she shook her head: “Enough of this. I understand everything you’ve said, want to say, or haven’t said. You’ll know in time.”
“You’ll know in time”—these words reflected his thoughts as well. Zhao Donglin nodded solemnly.
The fifteenth day of the first month was the Lantern Festival. A grand lantern show was held in the capital, but those confined in the palace could not see it. After eating dumplings with the Empress Dowager, she kept the eldest prince with Noble Consort Xu, and everyone else dispersed. Meng Guqing, noticing the slightly cold Empress Dowager and the ever-beautiful Noble Consort Xu at her side, led the others out. At the entrance to the Imperial Garden, she parted from the group and walked silently back toward Fengyi Palace. From the Imperial Park, faint laughter drifted; she only asked Caiwei and Fusang to accompany her for a stroll near Yinghua Hall.
Caiwei and Fusang sensed her distress, she had been quarrelling with the Emperor again these past few days. Though their interactions remained sweet, there was an added wariness, as if afraid a single word might upset the other.
She carefully carried the tray. The emperor had come several times and probably couldn’t stand this sort of scene anymore, after dinner with the Empress Dowager today, he left with the excuse that he had other matters to attend to.
As for Her Majesty, she had always been the most perceptive sort. Ever since entering the palace, the lively, spirited girl she once was had never been seen again. The Empress Dowager often praised her for being dignified and sensible, but that wasn’t really true, when Her Majesty was still a commandery princess, she had loved to play, to go out and explore. It was only because of the palace’s strict rules and the countless watching eyes that she was forced into this graceful, proper façade. Even the two maids found it stifling, how much more so for their mistress, who spent every day dealing with endless people. Quiet nights like this one were rare.
Caiwei watched as Meng Guqing strolled ahead, her gaze unable to pass beyond the high palace walls. The noise and bustle from the imperial gardens could only be heard, not seen. She whispered to Fusang, “If only the palace could hold a lantern festival too. Remember when we were in Gaochang? We even made our own lanterns! These noble families in the capital so many rules.”
The Empress Dowager used to say that women of Donghu should be raised like spirited horses, but in truth, she was the strictest of them all. Caiwei could never understand her contradictions. Fusang leaned in and whispered, “The palace used to have lantern festivals, but not in recent years. They were planning to hold one this year, but since Jing Wang hasn’t returned and peace talks with Nanyan aren’t going well, no one up top is in the mood for celebration, so it’s been postponed.”
The two girls chatted idly from a few zhang behind. Meng Guqing reached the same spot they had rested at last time. The glow from the imperial gardens lit up half the sky. She spread a handkerchief on the ground and sat down. The moonlight was as cool as water, and her heart finally felt at peace. Smiling, she waved for the two girls to join her.
Caiwei suggested, “Why don’t I go back and fetch some hot tea and pastries and bring your flute, Your Majesty? You haven’t played in so long.”
Meng Guqing chuckled. “Playing the flute this late at night? People might think the Cold Palace is haunted.” She didn’t want Caiwei to go back anyway, it was still the chilly first month of the year. She only meant to sit for a bit to clear her head, then return soon. But Caiwei was already in high spirits, and even Fusang agreed they could entertain themselves a little. She added that they had made a few flower lanterns two days ago and told Caiwei to bring those too, they could float them like people do during the Lantern Festival, to ward off illness and bad luck.
Meng Guqing watched Caiwei skip off, calling after her a few times to no effect, then gave up. She turned to Fusang and said, “How has that girl managed to stay so impulsive after all this time in the palace? She can never wait for anything.”
“That’s because Your Majesty spoils her,” Fusang replied. “Remember when we first entered the palace? We were both terrified. At that time, the emperor didn’t favor you. When we went to the imperial kitchens, people mocked us outright. You still received the offerings due to an Empress, but there was no choosing the quality. Honestly, we suffered a fair bit of humiliation. Only later, when the Empress Dowager began treating you warmly, did those snobs in the palace finally start respecting Fengyi Palace. Now, the errands for our palace are always given priority, everyone knows exactly why.”
“This year, His Majesty will hold a selection for new consorts,” Fusang continued. “Who knows if life will still be this peaceful afterward? It’s no wonder you’ve been troubled lately.”
As Meng Guqing gazed at the moon’s reflection in the water, Fusang fell silent and stood to keep watch. Then, in the blink of an eye, someone appeared before her mistress. Fusang froze, staring at that breathtakingly beautiful face, her throat tightened around a scream that almost burst out.
The man she stared at only gave her a chilling smile. “Keep staring at me,” he said softly, “and I’ll dig your eyes out.”
The cruel, icy tone left no doubt he meant it. Meng Guqing thought to herself that he’d probably done such a thing before. With a face like that, so beautiful it was hard to tell if he was male or female, combined with his ambiguous position, it was inevitable he’d catch unwanted attention. But he didn’t seem like someone who would ever swallow his anger.
She quickly stepped between him and Fusang. “Shizi, don’t misunderstand. My maid meant no harm. You startled her by appearing so suddenly.” If anyone was to blame, it was him, appearing like a ghost. Even she’d been frightened, her heart still pounding.
Seeing her hand pressed to her chest, Xiao Shuo’s mouth curved slightly. “Then next time,” he drawled, “I’ll beat drums and gongs before I arrive, shall I?”
Meng Guqing was speechless. This man had an incredible talent for twisting words. Arguing with him would only infuriate her further. She glanced at Fusang, who had retreated warily to the path they came from, far enough not to overhear, then turned back to Xiao Shuo. “Shizi, Your Highness, didn’t come all this way tonight just to scare me again, did you? Is there news?”
After all, the last two times he’d come, he’d brought explosive news. He clearly didn’t come for amusement’s sake, he enjoyed watching her squirm. Xiao Shuo smiled, and the sight was dazzling. Everyone said her own face was beautiful, and Meng Guqing had long since grown used to it, but she still couldn’t help being momentarily dazed. Under her breath, she muttered, “Disaster in human form.”
His expression darkened instantly. “What did you say?”
She’d spoken without thinking and immediately feared he might toss her into the river again, he was certainly capable of it. In this freezing winter, she had no intention of taking a swim. “Nothing,” she said quickly. “I just meant, it must be important news if Your Highness came so late. I feel bad troubling you so often.”
“One good news, one bad news,” he said.
“Let me guess, you want me to choose which to hear first?” Meng Guqing tilted her head back to look at him. He was so tall, it was tiring just keeping her neck raised.
“No,” he said with that trademark wicked grin. “I’ll only tell you one. You pick.”
She thought for a moment, then decided quickly. “The bad news.” Better to hear the worst first, so she could prepare. Good news could wait.
“Your emperor’s uncle, Jing Wang, is planning to rebel,” Xiao Shuo said lazily. “He’s been secretly moving to get key family members out of the capital. He’s also spent a fortune hiring assassins to kill Han Quan and Zhao Zhang and take over the southern army. Many of the Regent’s faction in the capital already know and are preparing to coordinate from within. The capital’s about to turn into a war zone. So tell me, Your Majesty, what will the Donghu Empress do now?”
She would have liked to humor his twisted amusement and act frightened for him, but Meng Guqing couldn’t fake it. Jing Wang’s rebellion had long been expected, the emperor and the Empress Dowager had been on guard. She had heard whispers herself. Everyone had been waiting for that sword hanging above their heads to finally fall. That was why the Empress Dowager had been so eager to secure allies for the emperor, and why Meng Guqing had pushed him outward—after all, this was an empire at stake. Who would be foolish enough to choose beauty over power? She certainly didn’t think she had that kind of allure. She couldn’t afford for Zhao Donglin to lose.
It was expected, just a bit earlier than she’d thought. She sighed and asked, “Then what’s the good news?”
The “good news” was that Zhao Donglin had ordered flower lanterns to be arranged in the imperial gardens a few days ago, as splendid as any festival market. He’d planned to invite his Empress to see them tonight and surprise her. But with the news of the rebellion, all such merriment had been cancelled.
Xiao Shuo’s lips moved as if to speak, but when he met her upturned gaze, those gentle, unchanging eyes that only shifted slightly when Zhao Donglin was mentioned, he decided not to tell her. He didn’t want to see her light up with joy because of that man. He hated that smile on her face.
“Why should I tell you?” he said instead, frowning slightly, an expression that was somehow still breathtaking.
Meng Guqing looked at him for a moment, thinking it rare to see him so childishly obstinate. Though his motives were questionable, the information he’d brought her had always arrived before anyone else’s, giving her time to prepare. So she smiled sincerely. “Thank you. Once again, your warning is timely. I’ll be ready.”
“People say the kind-hearted are invincible,” he sneered. “They weren’t wrong about you.”
Every time he came, it wasn’t out of goodwill. Yet she always thanked him with that calm smile. Did she have a heart too big or none at all? Was she really so unafraid, even of death?
He stared at her face, soft and delicate in the moonlight. Such a mild, docile little Empress. Zhao Donglin really had “good luck” picking her out of thousands.
When this rebellion ended, her fate would be decided with it. Meng Guqing naturally hoped Zhao Donglin would win, but as for her own role, how could she act in a way that earned trust without endangering herself? She fell into thought, unaware that Xiao Shuo was still there. When she finally blinked and looked up, she seemed puzzled that he hadn’t left.
“You don’t have anything you want to ask me?” he said.
Something about himself, perhaps, that was what he’d hoped. Each time he saw her, that feeling grew stronger. In his short eighteen years, he’d learned only how to kill cleanly, how to rip apart anyone who dared reach for him. But now his chest felt soft, warm, emotions that didn’t belong to him.
It was only when he asked that she realized she knew almost nothing about him. All their meetings had been about her. Everything she knew came from hearsay, rumors about his time studying in the palace’s Wenyuan Pavilion, which might or might not be true.
After a pause, she finally asked something safe: “How is it that you can always find me so precisely? Do you linger around here often?”
He hadn’t expected that question and couldn’t answer it. How could he tell her that he really had been lingering, watching from the shadows since the day she entered the palace? That he’d seen her every day, knew her life better than Zhao Donglin did? The first time he appeared before her, he could have stayed hidden but something in him had compelled him to step out, just to meet her eyes.
And those eyes, he could still remember them now: startled, gentle, tranquil as water.
The gaze others gave him was completely different from the same stunning; it was immediately a greedy and lustful look. In hers, there was a kindness in it he had never seen before.
There was nothing shameful about observing her, but saying it aloud was difficult. If she knew he had been watching her secretly, would she dislike it? Xiao Shuo was silent for a long while. Just when Meng Guqing thought he wouldn’t answer, he said, “You don’t go to many places anyway. You don’t like visiting others.”
He really did lurk in the palace like a shadow, he even knew she didn’t like visiting others. She really didn’t; ever since entering the palace, she had been familiar mostly with Shoucheng Hall, and at the end of last year she spent some time in Huangji Hall. Now, she barely went there at all.
Meng Guqing felt embarrassed. If she asked any further, she would have no place to hide in front of him. Just then, Fusang made a big gesture toward her, Caiwei must have arrived. That girl wasn’t as steady as Fusang and had a loose tongue. Seeing Xiao Shuo could be harmful, Meng Guqing hurriedly said, “Your Highness, my other maid has come. I must go. We’ll talk next time.”
She rushed toward Fusang. This time, when she glanced back, unlike the last time when the path behind her was empty, he was still standing there, seemingly puzzled, head lowered in thought.
