Before leaving the city, the Empress’s carriage waited for Fusang to catch up. The girl said on meeting her: “Why did you call me along, Your Highness? You and Caiwei could go alone; someone needs to watch the house.” Ever since the Empress had confided in her, Fusang was alert at all times, never letting her guard down.
Caiwei was first to notice her feigned words: “If you want to laugh, just laugh. Why the stern face? Has the palace rubbed off on you? The Empress told me her most important possessions are the two of us. Out on this trip, of course she’d bring us. You don’t want to go? You can stay behind.”
Fusang couldn’t resist her true nature, replying, “You’re an object, I’m not, I’m a person.”
“I was just saying, I won’t argue. I’m in a good mood today.” In fact, since yesterday, she had been in high spirits. The air outside, dusty yet fresh, was nostalgic after long palace confinement. The Empress traveled lightly; though the carriage indicated wealth, no one knew it carried the mother of the nation. Outside, she could lift the curtain to see the scenery. Originally, aristocratic ladies were to accompany her, but the Empress Dowager had decreed that only those able should go; the rest needn’t force themselves.
Right now was a season full of troubles, and in the scorching heat of June. The Empress was only going to burn incense in the Empress Dowager’s stead, it wasn’t some grand ritual. Which pampered noblewoman would willingly suffer such hardship? They all used various excuses: marriages, funerals, confinement after childbirth to decline. The remaining few who were willing to go were a sparse handful, hardly a proper entourage. So in the end, they simply didn’t go at all.
Meng Guqing was happy to have some freedom. Caiwei and Fusang lifted the curtain to look at the scenery outside, so different from the palace, chattering away just like when they were young girls going out on spring excursions. After half a day on the road, they figured they were already a hundred li from the capital and excitedly wanted to go ride horses. The attendants, seeing that the Empress seemed in good spirits, did not dare shoulder such responsibility. But when they heard it wasn’t the Empress who wanted to ride, only her maids, then there was no need to be so strict. They brought out two horses. The two young women looked quiet and proper, but once they mounted, they turned into entirely different people, more agile and fearless than those who had ridden all their lives.
Caiwei and Fusang, like birds released back into the forest, regained the joy of riding and refused to return to the slow, swaying carriage. As a result, tragedy. After three years without riding, suddenly pushing themselves so hard, their thighs were burning painfully by nightfall, nearly rubbed raw. They practically hobbled into the temporary palace. Seeing their pained expressions, Meng Guqing wanted to laugh but held it back. She pressed the two who were still struggling to get up to serve her back into bed. “Just rest. There are people to prepare my room and help with washing up. I can manage on my own.”
Fusang regretted it deeply, she had been too pleased with herself. Once Caiwei suggested a race, that stubborn, competitive streak from her girlhood was immediately ignited. She had never delayed her duties due to play before. Naturally, the two began bickering noisily. Seeing that they still had the energy to argue over such trivial things, Meng Guqing felt the injuries couldn’t be too serious, so she left them alone and returned to her own room.
When they left the palace, a group of junior palace maids had accompanied them. They had already swiftly tidied up the Empress’s quarters. All the bedding and furnishings came from Princess Yang’a’s residence and were of excellent quality, not inferior to the palace’s special supplies. Since the Empress disliked having too many people around her besides her two personal maids, everyone understood. They left two to keep watch by the door, and the rest scattered to the side rooms. After sitting in the carriage all day, everyone was exhausted. The entire estate soon fell quiet, with the lush vegetation filled with all kinds of insects chirping endlessly, mingled with the harsh drone of cicadas.
Night was the coolest time of the day. Meng Guqing had slept too much in the carriage earlier. After hearing the two girls next door whisper and settle down, she put on an outer robe and went outside to cool off. Her heart was rarely this calm. It felt as though, the moment she left the palace, she had also left behind all the people and matters there. Only then did she realize she liked the free life outside even more than she thought. If that day she feared yet anticipated was bound to come eventually, and such peaceful days awaited her afterwards, then perhaps there was nothing to fear.
She leaned against the doorway in a daze. The third-watch clapper sounded outside, eleven o’clock, time to sleep. She turned back into the room, stepping over the threshold, and was startled to see an unexpected living person inside. Meng Guqing said helplessly, “Didn’t the Shizi say he wouldn’t suddenly appear and frighten people again?” His qinggong was even better than she imagined. At such a quiet hour, she hadn’t heard a single sound. He was like a ghost. Sitting under the dim lamp, with his snow-pale face, ink-black hair and eyes and those lips, exposed in the lower half of his face, so vividly red, truthfully, he really did look like a ghost. A beautiful male ghost.
Amused by her own imagination, Meng Guqing stepped inside slowly. She wanted to invite him to sit but was afraid that the night guards outside might walk in and see him. She stood where she was, restless and anxious. Xiao Shuo seemed to know what she was thinking. He did not respond to her complaint but instead said, “Your two maids, along with the people outside the door, I’ve put them all into deep sleep. They won’t wake for a while.”
Those trained in martial arts naturally knew some acupuncture-point techniques. It was said that if someone was struck at these points and the hold wasn’t released, they could remain in a deep sleep for several hours. Meng Guqing felt a little reassured. She poured two cups of tea and pushed one toward him, gesturing politely.
He spoke: “I was going to warn you, but didn’t get the chance. Can’t very well make a big announcement, can I?” The way he pondered this so seriously made it hard not to think that he actually had considered it.
She had always thought him dark and ruthless, yet in moments like these, he seemed almost foolishly earnest, which was indescribably strange. Not wanting to mislead him, she said quickly: “It’s fine as it is now. Just try not to scare me into making a sound.”
He hummed, saying no more. Meng Guqing waited for him to bring up the matter, but he merely sat there staring at her for half the night. She had to speak first: “Shizi, are you leaving the capital on official business? Just happened to be on my route?” She hesitated slightly, surely it wasn’t that coincidental.
“Zhao Donglin is selecting a consort. The day you left, he stayed in Consort Xian’s Palace.” He had originally wanted to say “Your Emperor,” but those words, with their familiar tone from before, had sounded sarcastic in her ears. Mentioning the emperor by name instead was jarring. In their world, hierarchy demanded respect; everyone spoke of the emperor with utmost reverence. Yet his tone carried none of that respect, almost casual, even slightly annoyed. Had he been in the martial world too long, or was he truly not in awe of imperial authority?
Meng Guqing pondered briefly. Hearing Zhao Donglin’s name stirred something in her. She lowered her head, appearing melancholic but unwilling to let anyone see. Xiao Shuo’s irritation deepened: “Soon you won’t even be Empress.”
Meng Guqing’s heart skipped a beat. Were they already discussing her deposition? “Your Highness, where did you hear that? From the Empress Dowager? Or the emperor?” It could also be from the former court, but that made no sense now. Her brows drew together, her expression showing concern. Xiao Shuo realized his words could be misinterpreted, he wasn’t warning her out of sorrow for Zhao Donglin. His face darkened with a grim expression: “He already has so many women. For convenience and favor, he sent you out of the palace. And you still want him?”
Meng Guqing paused, understanding his meaning. A fleeting mix of relief and disappointment passed through her mind before she shook her head: “He doesn’t want that either…” Yet hearing that he had stayed in Consort Xian’s Palace the very night she left made her heart ache a little. Still, it was bearable, after a few more times, it might become natural.
Seeing her sitting there with such focused sorrow, Xiao Shuo’s expression also darkened. He didn’t understand what was happening to himself. Her inability to forget her old feelings, what did that have to do with him? Even if she someday abandoned her good nature and threw herself into Zhao Donglin’s harem to fight and scheme, he would simply have even more entertainment to watch. So why was he so angry? Although it didn’t quite feel like anger, there was also a streak of violence swirling inside him, something even he couldn’t decipher, churning until he was restless and irritable, wanting to kill someone. He suddenly said, “If you want to get rid of those women, I can help you. You know what I’m capable of.”
Encouraging her to raise a blade against others, he used to be very interested in such things, even going out of his way to gather information just to tempt her. But once he thought about helping her kill her romantic rivals, helping her return to a state of mutual affection with Zhao Donglin, he felt unbearably uncomfortable. He stared tightly at her reaction, not joking at all.
Meng Guqing was startled again. “No, no need.” After a moment, she composed herself and said calmly, “Your Lordship comes and goes freely in the harem; you must be well aware of how things are. If not these people, there will be others. I can’t possibly kill all of them.” Then she thought since they were neither relatives nor close friends, he wouldn’t really help her kill anyone. Perhaps he was teasing her.
She didn’t fully understand his abilities, but she understood his twisted sense of humor far too well. And they had been talking so long, circling back to her matters again and again, all those problems that could not be solved, yet had to be endured. She no longer wanted to speak of them. She changed the subject: “Your Lordship still hasn’t said why you came out of the capital. During this time, you should be quite highly valued.”
He indeed was highly valued but every day, the ones seeking him out were foolish imbeciles ignorant of death. If he stayed in the capital any longer, he feared he would lose control and kill them, and the time wasn’t right yet. As for the person he was actually interested in, she never took the initiative to look for him. As he’d always been someone who acted on impulse, if she wouldn’t come to him, he would simply follow her. At the time, the idea sounded simple, just go. But now that he was supposed to admit that he had followed her out, he found he couldn’t say it. As though admitting it out loud would be the same as acknowledging something deeper. What exactly was he hesitating over?
Unable to figure it out, he simply stopped thinking altogether. Instead, he threw her a question: “Now that you’ve left the palace and left the capital, you could simply not go back. Zhao Donglin is off fighting his uncle, he has no time to care about you. If you want to leave, I can help you.”
It seemed the young shizi had indeed spent too long among commoners, he had even forgotten how tugging one thread could shake the whole web. She had always thought him a dark, ruthless man, but he also had moments of loyalty toward friends, it seemed. She explained to him just as she would to a close friend: “It’s not that simple. I’m not only his Empress, I’m also the Empress Dowager’s niece, a commandery princess of Gaochang. I married into Wu as part of a political alliance. If I suddenly disappear, it would become a major scandal. If I leave, I should leave openly and properly. Then I could return home to Gaochang.”
For instance, if she were deposed. But something like that didn’t need to be said to him. Xiao Shuo, however, took her words to mean something else entirely: she wasn’t unwilling to leave Zhao Donglin, she was unwilling to leave in disgrace, unable to show herself again, unable to return to her own family. That reason, he could reluctantly accept.
After all this conversation, she still hadn’t figured out what Xiao Shuo was doing outside the capital. Meng Guqing felt that everyone had their own secrets. Given his position, Wu’s internal turmoil might also be an opportunity for him. If he earned some merit and the court valued him, they might even restore him someday. It wasn’t surprising he didn’t want to explain such complicated matters to an outsider like her, and she’d never liked digging into other people’s secrets anyway.
She had no idea he had simply followed her out, unable to find a reasonable excuse for his own actions, he remained silent. In truth, he had always acted freely without needing to explain himself to anyone. But for some reason, she was a bit different.
