When she learned her father had come to take her home, Meng Guqing felt as if her long suffering had finally eased, sorrow giving way to relief. Gaochang Wang, after meeting the Empress Dowager, finally had time later that day to see his daughter.
In her first two years after transmigrating, Meng Guqing had secretly hoped she might someday return to the modern world. Toward this father, she’d been respectful but lacked true filial warmth. Yet Gaochang Wang and the heir had always treated her well. Among his many children, he’d cared most for his eldest daughter.
It was said that by age seven, the original Meng Guqing could already ride a horse, taught personally by her father, who’d held her steady in the saddle as a toddler, guiding her bit by bit.
When she first came here and was sick those two years, Gaochang Wang, no matter how busy or tired he was, would always visit his daughter every day, asking after her meals and rest, and only when satisfied with the answers would he go to sleep himself. When he married her off, he was generous with her dowry, afraid she might suffer grievances alone in the capital. Gaochang Wang, though a tall and stout man, might not be as distinguished as other fathers with great reputations and military exploits that make their children swell with pride when mentioned but his love for his children was second to none. Seeing Meng Guqing’s thick black brows, he frowned and twisted them slightly.
“Mingzhu’er, how have you grown this thin? Tomorrow you won’t even be able to climb onto a horse.”
Meng Guqing’s heart, full of joy, faltered a little. She looked down at herself, in truth, she had grown a bit taller over these two years, and the baby fat of her fourteen- or fifteen-year-old self had faded, making her look naturally slimmer, though not so much that she couldn’t mount a horse. “I’m not very used to the food here, and when the seasons change I often lose my appetite, but I haven’t lost much weight. I just haven’t touched a riding whip in a long while, maybe I’m a bit out of practice but once I go home with Father and train more, it’ll come back.”
Gaochang Wang’s eyes brightened. “You’re willing to go back with Father? You don’t miss the Emperor?”
Who said she missed the Emperor? She mustn’t let her father think she still had feelings for him and didn’t want to return, the original one’s fate was proof enough! Meng Guqing quickly replied, “Even if I missed him, wasn’t I still deposed? Father must know why I was abolished, too many people and matters were involved. I’ll never have a chance to get close to His Majesty again. I can’t bear to be apart from you and my brother, I want to go home. I haven’t seen Ao’er in so long. Have Brother and Sister-in-law given me any new nephews or nieces? I want to see with my own eyes. If Father feels I’ve disgraced the family, I won’t go back to Gaochang, I’ll stay at my maternal grandparents’ house instead.”
“What are you saying? If you truly have no hope with the Emperor, then of course you should return.” Yet earlier that day, when he had spoken to the Empress Dowager about taking his daughter home, the Empress Dowager hadn’t replied and the Emperor had shown up. That child had called him “Uncle” with the same warmth as three years ago when he’d first brought his daughter here; it even felt more like family now. At the end of last year, when his letter of self-reproach reached the capital, he quickly received a reply, kind words, no blame. He wasn’t a fool: the Emperor, who had once treated him coolly, had suddenly become warm, surely because of his daughter. Even after abolishing her title as Empress, he still seemed to hold affection for her.
Thus, Gaochang Wang hesitated. If he simply took his daughter away now, wouldn’t that mean tearing apart a good bond? The Empress Dowager had said, after all, that Mingzhu’er was an understanding child and without her own younger kin in the palace, the Empress Dowager enjoyed having her niece for company. It seemed both mother and son wished her to stay. To insist too strongly might sour things so he came to test his daughter’s intent. Yet who would’ve thought she’d say exactly what he feared? That made things troublesome. Gaochang Wang sat down, sipped his tea, and began chatting about home. He summoned the two maids who had come as her dowry, asking idle questions.
Meng Guqing invited her father to stay for a meal, but hearing that the Empress Dowager had invited him to an evening banquet to welcome him and wash away the dust of travel, she saw him off at the door to give him time to rest and prepare. She was worried. While her father seemed inclined to take her back, his tone was hesitant, neither firm nor determined. If he wavered, and the Emperor opposed it, wouldn’t she be trapped here? She had endured and yielded so much, all for the sake of leaving. If she couldn’t go now, she’d truly be furious.
She was never one to let fate dictate her path. Even when she compromised, it was only temporary. Seeing her fears materialize after meeting her father, Meng Guqing refused to sit idle. She turned back into the room and told Fusang to bring out her account books. When they’d moved out of Fengyi Palace, there had been mountains of things, and this new courtyard was small. Many boxes were stacked high, all in one room, hard to find anything.
“Why does Your Ladyship want the account books now?” Fusang asked. “The year’s just begun, are you checking last year’s harvests?”
Some plans needed to be shared with her maids, both to enlist their help and prepare them mentally. “No. I want to convert the estates and lands into silver, easier to store and carry. You both heard my father wants to take us back to Gaochang. I can’t have the stewards coming all the way here every year to report to me, can I? I’ll have to settle everything.”
In truth, three years ago when she came, she’d planned only to sell off her live assets and save the money but land and estates were cheap then. Many old nobles from the previous dynasty couldn’t afford the capital’s high expenses and wanted to sell their properties before returning home. Such opportunities were rare, fertile lands, well-situated shops, so Meng Guqing bought a batch at low prices. She hadn’t dismissed the shopkeepers or clerks, and over the past two or three years, as peace gradually returned, property prices in the capital soared. With income from operations aside, even selling them now would yield a huge profit.
She owned too much and always assumed she could leave openly, so she’d never compromised on quality in her daily life, buying only what she loved best, expecting to take it all with her. But if Zhao Donglin refused to let her go, she needed to plan an escape route. Her external assets had to be liquidated early.
Her reasoning was sound, and once Caiwei and Fusang thought it over, they agreed. Their families, a dozen people each, had come with the Princess too, and Meng Guqing planned to send them back early. That afternoon, the three of them shut the doors and whispered for a long while, finally deciding to hire a broker. Such people knew the market well, had wide connections, and could find good buyers.
Though brokers were technically a lowly trade, many nobles still dealt with them, the profession was well established and reputable. The honest ones were even known by name in both the streets and the yamen. Meng Guqing thought of using Princess Yang’a’s name to find someone reliable, but feared the Princess might discover her plans. Tan Ying, too, was close to the Emperor and wouldn’t keep secrets from him, he was no help. So she decided to call in Fusang’s brother later to discuss the details.
That night, the Empress Dowager hosted a family dinner inviting not only Gaochang Wang but also Meng Guqing and the Emperor, a gathering of four. Gaochang Wang and Empress Dowager sat at the head, reminiscing about their youth, while Meng Guqing sat beside her father, opposite Zhao Donglin.
They hadn’t seen each other for a while. Facing each other again, she could feel the old familiarity slowly peeling away. Her feelings toward him were also fading bit by bit. People lived on fate, not ties and now she understood that deeply. She was still his deposed empress, yet they could never return to the closeness of before. Even though she could still feel his gaze, heated and intent, she could no longer find in herself any trace of tenderness or affection for him.
After dinner, Meng Guqing played her part as a deposed Empress: silent, subdued, melancholic. Ever since moving to the secluded quarters, this had been her demeanor toward the harem women. She knew what they wanted to see, and to avoid trouble, keeping a low profile was best. The Empress Dowager and Gaochang Wang continued chatting behind a curtain.
Meng Guqing walked to the doorway, looking at the red plum blossoms under the gallery, bright and vivid, just like those once in her Fengyi Palace garden. She wondered if they’d been transplanted after she moved out.
A voice spoke behind her, answering her unspoken thought. “If you like them, when you come back, once you’ve chosen a residence, I’ll have them planted again for you.”
So they were from Fengyi Palace. Meng Guqing was a little surprised, then understood. The Empress Dowager never meddled, she wouldn’t have ordered the trees moved the moment the Empress left. Clearly, some people in the palace, eager to please her and to erase any trace of the former Empress’s return, had done it. And the man before her had not stopped them. She wasn’t angry at Zhao Donglin for not protecting what no longer belonged to her, only quietly aware: they were truly drifting apart, in every possible way.
He, however, refused to accept that change, stubbornly rooted where he stood. She no longer wished to give him false hope. “Even if a whole courtyard is filled with them, what meaning is there? It wouldn’t be Fengyi Palace anymore. From the moment I moved out, I knew nothing could go back to how it was. And I don’t want to. I don’t miss the flowers of Fengyi Palace, nor the people there.”
“You don’t miss me either, do you?” His lips curved into a bitter smile. “From the beginning, it was me forcing things. I was always chasing after you, begging for even a scrap of your affection. I thought that once you agreed to be with me, you’d slowly come to feel as I do but you only kept retreating. You wouldn’t bear my child, wouldn’t act as my Empress, wouldn’t even stay in the capital. You’ve never shown your feelings and now, the one time you finally speak your heart, it’s only to ask me to let you go.”
Indeed, she was being honest now only to persuade him to release her, to stop blocking her way home. Meng Guqing couldn’t bear his pained eyes. In matters of the heart, she had owed him much but hadn’t she also endured for the sake of his throne? She sighed softly. “You still call me Empress, but you know I can never be your Empress again.” Even if the Empress Dowager wanted peace with Donghu and chose another noblewoman from there, it would never be her and the southern ministers wouldn’t easily agree to a new Empress either. Choosing one too soon would only stir another storm.
“Why not?” he pressed, catching on her faint wavering like a drowning man clutching at straw. “Just wait for me a little longer, will you? I know you’ve suffered this time but I’ll find a way to restore your title. I only need a bit more time. Mingzhu’er, don’t leave me, please?”
She didn’t want to upset him, she’d wanted to part peacefully. But she truly didn’t have the heart for his pleading anymore. “But Consort Shu is pregnant,” she said plainly. “What use is there in saying this now?”
She had once pitied him deeply, a lonely ruler, desperately needing support, yet he’d kept his word to her, refusing all others, bearing the weight alone. She’d felt guilty, and giving him up had taken great resolve. Now, at last, his reign was finding stability, and she herself was about to gain freedom, what a perfect ending. She didn’t resent him for choosing an empire over her. Faced with the same choice, ninety-nine of a hundred people would do the same. It was only human.
But since the choice had been made, there was no room for regret.
Perhaps, as an emperor, he had the means and the right to have both the fish and the bear’s paw—to have it all.
But she was a person too, with her own feelings and thoughts. He couldn’t simply discard her when he no longer needed her, then, when he still felt affection and couldn’t bear to let her go, force her to stay against her will.
Meng Guqing couldn’t help her eyes turning red. Seeing her like this, Zhao Donglin’s expression turned from embarrassment to a deep sense of defeat. He didn’t dare meet her gaze, afraid to see disappointment and resentment there. “I told them not to spread it, yet you still found out… When I learned about it, the first person I thought of was you. I knew you’d never forgive me, it was my fault. You must hate me…” His low, broken voice suddenly hardened, turning rough and possessive. “But even if you hate me, I still can’t let you go. The moment I imagine you going back to your family, your uncle choosing another husband for you, I feel like killing someone. Mingzhu’er, hate me all you want but you will still be my Empress. I won’t let you leave. You’ll stay obediently in the forbidden court and wait for me to bring you back in all honor.”
Meng Guqing returned home furious. In truth, she had long known that he had taken new concubines to his bed. Those women had once sent people to spy on her in the forbidden court, but after the New Year, not a single one came again because she no longer had value. With the emperor’s favor on their side, they’d gained new enemies instead. That suited her fine. She had thought that the storm over her dethronement six months ago had finally passed with the redistribution of favor in the harem. She never expected he was still plotting to “restore” her, to bring her back into that nest of jealousy and strife. For what? To fight over his affections with his other concubines, watching him claim to love her while refusing to forsake the rest?
She couldn’t do it. Leaning against the low table, the anger in her eyes slowly faded. Her father’s trip had been for nothing. The proper route home was now blocked. But under the emperor’s power, how could she slip free of his grasp?
Since she returned, she’d been in low spirits. Caiwei wanted to go and ask, but Fusang pulled her aside and whispered a few words, and Caiwei too grew angry. “Those people are shameless! The flowers and plants in Fengyi Palace were all tended by Her Highness herself, better kept than the palace gardeners ever managed. The moment we left, they had them dug up. Why couldn’t they just plant their own!”
Fusang sneered. “They think dividing up Fengyi Palace will erase the traces Her Highness left behind? Ridiculous. But we shouldn’t lower ourselves to their level. Why waste our anger? We’ll be returning to Gaochang soon anyway, no need to deal with this mess again.”
Fusang said it lightly, just venting her frustration. The ones bullying their mistress were the emperor’s favored consorts, the high seats of the harem. Once they bore sons, they might become Empress Dowager one day, mothers of the realm. And their mistress, the deposed Empress, returning to her homeland, who knew what fate awaited her there? Sometimes Fusang wished she could urge her mistress to fight for the emperor’s favor again, but life in the harem was too bitter. “So what if she’s pregnant? Barely a month along, and already the whole world knows. Let’s see how long that lasts.”
They were people of Donghu, born free, wild birds of the open sky. To them, life trapped within the palace walls could never be joyful. Whatever envy they once felt toward that splendor was long gone, they only wanted to go home. Caiwei agreed softly, “Exactly.”
“Who’s pregnant?”
They were in the middle of whispering when a sudden voice startled them. Both girls jumped and turned, only to see the figure of the missing-for-months Xiao Shizi.
Although he was strikingly handsome, Caiwei’s first impression of him had been terrible, and the fear still lingered, she didn’t dare speak. Fusang answered instead, “Consort Shu.”
Zhao Donglin’s Consort Shu? Xiao Shuo’s brows lifted slightly. A flicker of unacknowledged relief crossed his chest as he strode in, as if this were his own home, walking straight into Meng Guqing’s chamber. But when he saw that face, the one that often visited his mind on sleepless nights, shadowed with that faint sorrow, his mood turned from clear to stormy in an instant.
Zhao Donglin’s Consort Shu was pregnant, and yet she dared to look heartbroken?
Meng Guqing had already noticed the uninvited guest. She flicked a glance toward him, picked up the half-read book from the table, and pretended not to see him, turning her full attention to the pages until she sank into reading. Just as she flipped a page, the book was yanked from her hand. A tall, lean body loomed over her, and in those beautiful eyes before her, a storm was brewing. She glared coldly at him. “Go away.”
“I thought you said you didn’t like Zhao Donglin anymore? Then what’s this? If you dare lie to me, I’ll kill you, burn you to ashes and take them with me.”
He had never cared for anyone, not even for himself. The inhuman training of his masters hadn’t broken him; pain barely registered. Life, to him, had always been simple, don’t die, and keep going. She was the first person who’d ever mattered, who’d slipped quietly into his heart without warning. Once he realized it, he only wanted to protect her, to treat her like a precious flower, nurtured with care. If Zhao Donglin could make her Empress, why couldn’t he? But d*mn it, he’d only been gone a short while, and she was already cozying up to her old lover again?
What did this have to do with Zhao Donglin? Meng Guqing thought he must have misunderstood something, but she couldn’t be bothered to explain. If he left angry, all the better. To make sure he wouldn’t come back, she fanned the fire instead. “Didn’t you leave? Haven’t seen you for months. Why come back now? With all your charms, surely you’re not short of women to play with. I’m done playing. My father’s come to take me home, I’m leaving for Gaochang soon. I’ll never come back here again. For the sake of our brief acquaintance, don’t come teasing me anymore, Shizi.”
He was already tall, and after a few months seemed even broader, stronger. His long limbs pinned her easily. Though both were dressed thickly, it still made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to being so close with another; his breath brushed her cheek, and she could see each of his eyelashes clearly, could read in his dark eyes the intent slowly sliding toward her lips. His mouth moved, she knew exactly what this shameless man was about to do and, furious, reached up to push his face away.
But Xiao Shuo’s thoughts matched hers perfectly. He actually bent down to kiss her. The angle went wrong; her nail scraped across the corner of his mouth, leaving a vivid red mark on his cheek.
She hadn’t meant to hurt him. Guilt flickered through her, and her eyes softened. He was bound to be angry. Xiao Shuo did pause for a moment, how long had it been since anyone dared touch him? Most couldn’t even get close. A spark of violence rose in his chest, but when he lowered his gaze and met her clear, glistening eyes, the anger melted. Still, no one had ever hurt him and gotten away with it. His eyes narrowed. “You hit me?”
“I didn’t hit you, it was an accident. You’re always… like this! Only scoundrels touch girls like that. They get slapped too…” Her voice grew smaller as his expression darkened further. She cursed silently, if he hated being called a scoundrel, maybe he shouldn’t act like one!
“What do you want, then?” she frowned slightly. They’d just met and were already arguing. After scratching him, she doubted he’d let her off easily.
But to her surprise, the madman’s mind took a turn no one could predict. He tilted his head and pecked her lips once. When she tried to wipe it off, his gaze turned sharp, warning that if she dared, she’d regret it. Startled, she froze, and he, not satisfied, lowered his head again and bit her gently. “You hit me, didn’t you? Then if I touch you, doesn’t that make us even? From now on, when I kiss you, you’re not allowed to call me a scoundrel. And you’re not allowed to refuse.”
Heaven above, was there no justice left? If this wasn’t extortion, what was? Meng Guqing bristled, about to argue but she forgot. The man before her wasn’t just deranged; he was shameless. His mouth crashed down on hers for real this time, unyielding, possessive, not sparing a single inch, his tongue sweeping and tangling with hers until it ached. Her thoughts scattered, everything drowned beneath the force of it. There was no reasoning with him, no resisting. Before his strength, all her protests were meaningless.
The kiss deepened, fierce and breathless, until even the initial anger dissolved. Or rather, he no longer cared. Because when she finally spoke, the first name from her lips hadn’t been Zhao Donglin’s, but his. Talking about them. Just like that, his fury ebbed away, replaced by something dangerously tender.
In his heart, anyone who had left a mark on her, he wanted to erase them all. But that would have to wait.
Gaochang Wang stayed in the capital until the warm spring of March, repeatedly pleading with the Empress Dowager and the Emperor to let him take his daughter home. The Empress Dowager at first refused, then softened under her brother’s insistence into indifference, her attitude no longer firm. The key lay with Zhao Donglin. Respectful and gracious to his uncle, he nevertheless refused to give consent for Meng Guqing to leave.
Gaochang Wang was helpless. He couldn’t remain in the capital forever. In the end, he sighed and bade farewell to his daughter, starting his journey home.
Meng Guqing saw her father off at the city gate. The last faint light in her heart was snuffed out. Dejected, she returned to the forbidden court and fretted for days until sudden news arrived: the Emperor’s long-abandoned plan to personally lead a southern campaign, once halted by his ministers, had resurfaced. This time he was determined. No one could dissuade him.
The court was filled with dread but Meng Guqing’s eyes lit up.
Her chance had come.
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