Chapter 15 Be Quiet
Ouyang Feng had traveled far and wide, going wherever the wind took him. Wherever he went, he would address any issues he encountered along the way. He had helped guide and pacify dozens of vengeful spirits like Ying Xiaowen. He had also subdued many malicious ghosts that were wreaking havoc in their areas.
His encounter with the Black and White Impermanence had been entirely by chance. He asked, “Are the Seventh and Eighth Masters here on business in Xiamen?”
As a Taoist priest, Ouyang Feng understood spirits and gods better than most. When he had invited the Black and White Impermanence for the first time, he assumed he was calling upon the true Impermanence Immortals. He had addressed them with great respect, referring to them as the “Seventh Master” and “Eighth Master,” only to be met with panic. The two impermanence ghosts had frantically waved their hands in protest. “We dare not use the titles of the Seventh and Eighth Masters,” they had said. It was then that Ouyang realized that there were more than just two Black and White Impermanence.
Later, whenever he arrived in a new place and summoned the impermanence ghosts, they always looked different from the previous ones. He then understood that these were local impermanence ghosts, each responsible for their own jurisdiction. The Impermanence Immortals were far more exalted, only called upon by high-ranking individuals. If these two had made an appearance, something big must have occurred, signaling the departure of a significant person from the world.
He knew that the Impermanence Immortals wouldn’t be dispatched for ordinary ghosts, but he hadn’t heard of any major figures passing away in Xiamen recently……
Xie Bian simply said, “Not quite.”
“So, if you’re not here on business, then you’re here for sightseeing?” Ouyang Feng asked, suddenly enlightened. “Of course, even immortals need some downtime. They can’t be working all the time.”
Ouyang Feng continued, smoothly recommending local tourist spots, “I just came from Putian. The scenery there is beautiful. Since you’re already in Fujian, you might as well take the chance to visit. After you’re done in Xiamen, you should check out Putian. You can even take a cruise around Meizhou Island to enjoy the sea views.”
No one, be they mortal or divine, could resist the persuasive power of the phrase “since you’re already here.” Not even the gods of China.
Fan Wujiu turned to Xie Bian and asked, “Xiao Bai, do you want to go?”
Xie Bian: “If you go, I’ll go.”
Fan Wujiu smiled. “Of course, we’ll go together.”
Xie Bian, maintaining his usual composure, said, “In that case, it’s fine.”
Fan Wujiu turned to Ouyang Feng. “We’ve decided to take your suggestion. Thank you.”
Ouyang Feng: “……You’re welcome.”
The Black and White Impermanence were truly the most inseparable pair of gods in Chinese mythology, a real-life example of “death cannot tear them apart.”
That night, Xie Bian and Fan Wujiu lay side by side on the bed, neither of them able to sleep. They chatted all night.
This was the home they had once shared, and revisiting the place brought back a flood of emotions. The memories that had faded with time resurfaced, clearer than ever.
Fan Wujiu rested his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “I remember that there used to be a bamboo grove where the road is now.”
“I remember too,” Xie Bian said. “You always practiced swordplay there and ended up destroying quite a few bamboo stalks.”
Fan Wujiu chuckled. “You loved playing the zither there. The tunes sounded beautiful. I can still hum a few of them.”
As he spoke, Fan Wujiu began to hum, his voice flowing smoothly, clearly familiar with the melody.
“It’s the bamboo forest tune I composed on a whim all those years ago. I’d forgotten about it,” Xie Bian said, quietly listening for a moment before speaking. “A thousand years have passed, and you still remember it.”
Fan Wujiu smiled. “How could I forget the tunes you played? I care about you too much.”
“Actually, I remember your sword moves too,” Xie Bian said, his eyes closing. “It’s a pity I’m not skilled with the sword, or I’d perform a set for you. Not just the bamboo forest, I remember how mother and the neighborhood aunties were hanging out their laundry. We played hide-and-seek, and you’d hide behind the wet laundry, thinking that covering your eyes would hide you from me. But your feet were sticking out. You were just like the thief who thought no one would hear the bell if he couldn’t hear it himself.……”
Fan Wujiu paused, his thoughts drifting far away.
Lao Bai had forgotten his own zither melody, yet still remembered his swordplay.
Just as the tune had been improvised by Xie Bian, the sword moves were something Fan Wujiu had created himself. Apart from the two of them, no one else knew.
But a thousand years had passed, and even they had forgotten. Yet the other still remembered.
Wasn’t this something beyond what brothers should be capable of? Fan Wujiu thought, hesitating. He remembered Lao Bai’s melody because he loved him and had committed every one of his actions to memory. But why did Lao Bai remember his sword dance?
The golden arrow of love didn’t make people lie. But the golden arrow couldn’t have made Lao Bai love him since a thousand years ago.
Loved him since a thousand years ago……
How could that be?
Two voices seemed to be arguing in Fan Wujiu’s mind.
One voice said, “Lao Bai must just have a good memory. He’s always been smart. He could glance at a book and remember it all. What’s so special about him remembering your sword moves?”
This made sense.
The other voice countered, “But Xiao Bai didn’t know any martial arts back then. For him to remember your sword moves, he must have observed you very carefully. Think about it, you’re not musically inclined, yet you can remember his zither tunes. That takes a lot of attention, a kind of care and concern.”
……That also made some sense.
“I think you’ve been blinded by the golden arrow of love. Just because Lao Bai loves you now, you’re imagining that he must have liked you back then too. Don’t get carried away. Be more rational. If you take this seriously, things will get awkward once the effects of the golden arrow wear off.”
“You’re being a coward! If you don’t take a chance, how will you know there’s no possibility? Such a good opportunity is right in front of you, yet you’re hesitating? You deserve to be single for the rest of your life.”
“You can’t betray your brother!”
“You’re so hypocritical! You never treated him like a brother in the first place!”
The two voices continued to argue, each with its own reasoning. They clashed back and forth in his mind, giving Fan Wujiu a headache.
He shouted in frustration, “Be quiet!”
Instantly, the two voices in his mind vanished, and the world around him fell silent.
……It was so unnaturally quiet.
After a moment, Xie Bian’s calm voice broke the silence. “Am I annoying you?”
Fan Wujiu: “……”
In his mind, he was wrestling with his thoughts, but in the real world, only Xie Bian was speaking to him. Abruptly exclaiming “be quiet” made it hard for Xie Bian not to misunderstand Fan Wujiu as telling him to shut up.
Fan Wujiu quickly tried to explain, “Xiao Bai, no, that’s not what I meant. I……”
Xie Bian turned his back. “I understand. You don’t want to hear me talk. I won’t say anything more.”
That truly struck a nerve with Fan Wujiu. He hastily sat up, placing a hand on Xie Bian’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Xiao Bai, I’m not annoyed. I was just thinking about other bothersome things in my mind and wanted them to stop……”
Xie Bian’s voice grew colder. “You’re distracted even while talking to me. You really don’t want to hear me speak.”
Fan Wujiu quickly protested, “No, it’s just that the things on my mind are related to you.”
Xie Bian’s voice now carried no warmth. “So, the things related to me are bothersome to you? If this is how things are, then let’s break up.”
Fan Wujiu: “……”
If only he had half the wit of Xie Bian, he wouldn’t have made things worse by trying to explain.
Taking a deep breath, Fan Wujiu said, “Xiao Bai, turn around and listen to me.”
But Xie Bian was already angry, the kind of angry that wouldn’t be soothed even if he kneeled.
Fan Wujiu surrendered. “Ancestor, it was just a misunderstanding.” But what he had actually been thinking in his head earlier was something he couldn’t bring himself to say.
Xie Bian spoke softly, “Is it because I brought up old, trivial matters that you find it annoying?”
Fan Wujiu froze for a moment. “How could that be? Besides, wasn’t it me who brought it up first?”
But Xie Bian didn’t respond.
The golden arrow could magnify a person’s true nature infinitely. Xie Bian’s calmness made him appear unaffected, but his sensitivity, the inferiority and caution that came with his secret love, had all been intensified a thousandfold.
He loved Fan Wujiu. That was the greatest secret he had carried with him, both in life and after death. Even though it was no longer a secret, the thousand years of suppressed feelings had seeped into his very bones.
Because he secretly loved Fan Wujiu, Xie Bian remembered everything from their past. He remembered holding hands as children and going to the town to watch shadow puppets. He remembered practicing swordplay in the bamboo forest, how he had accidentally cut his finger, and how Fan Wujiu gently wiped away the blood from his fingertip. He remembered watching Fan Wujiu intently, memorizing every dazzling sword move. He remembered every little game they played together, every piece of white sugar cake they shared……
These trivial little matters were precious memories to him, but he couldn’t be sure if they held the same value for Fan Wujiu. Fan Wujiu’s attitude was so straightforward, treating him completely as a brother. Perhaps those memories were just insignificant past events to Fan Wujiu, not worth mentioning.
He was afraid of being annoying by bringing up such trivial matters.
Even after they had been together, Xie Bian, ever sharp, could sense that Fan Wujiu was still holding back. He had not fully committed to this relationship. Even holding hands had been initiated by Xie Bian. What was Fan Wujiu still hesitating over?
Perhaps Lao Hei didn’t really like him, but simply couldn’t bear to hurt a brother he valued, and that was why he reluctantly agreed to be with him. Xie Bian had always thought this way, which was why he never asked for kisses, never sought affection, never put Fan Wujiu in a difficult position. Even though he longed for it — who wouldn’t yearn to do these things with their lover?
Love was something that couldn’t be forced. Xie Bian knew that Fan Wujiu was just pretending, yet he still clung to this fleeting illusion, even though he had never felt secure in it.
He feared that one day, Fan Wujiu would simply stop pretending and say to him, “Lao Bai, I’m sorry, I still see you as just a brother.”
That day, he hoped, would come later. He still dared to dream that this game of pretend might someday turn real.
Xie Bian thought that unrequited love was truly a hopeless, heartbreaking thing. It was pitiful, laughable, and terrifying. It could make someone as celestial as him become as humble as dust. Unrequited love was like performing a one-man show full of bittersweet emotions, with no audience. From the beginning to the end, the person you loved remained completely unaware.
Fan Wujiu sensed something was wrong. Lao Bai hadn’t spoken, but even he, with all his usual dullness, could tell that Lao Bai was clearly upset.
Had he said something wrong? He had indeed shouted “be quiet,” but when he thought about it, it was obviously a misunderstanding. So why was Lao Bai so upset?
Fan Wujiu couldn’t make sense of it. But he knew he couldn’t just sit there, doing nothing, while Lao Bai silently suffered through the night.
How should lovers show affection for each other?
A flood of inappropriate thoughts rushed through Fan Wujiu’s mind.
……He quickly shoved all those thoughts aside.
No, none of that.
After thinking deeply for a while, Fan Wujiu closed his eyes, and made up his mind.
He leaned down. Cautiously and with utmost care, he kissed the side of Xie Bian’s face.
This was the first kiss he had ever given to Xie Bian.
Xie Bian’s eyelashes fluttered, but he didn’t struggle or open his eyes. The heavy, tense atmosphere around him lightened significantly.
Unrequited love was like that, both bitter and sweet. Even when you felt like giving up, just a small response was enough to lift your spirits and keep holding on.
Fan Wujiu knew that Xie Bian wasn’t asleep. Maybe he was just pretending, shyly acting like nothing had happened.
Fan Wujiu wasn’t very brave. That one kiss nearly drained all his courage. He pulled away immediately, barely lifting his torso.
But at that moment, Xie Bian softly said, “If you go a little lower, I’d be even happier.”
Fan Wujiu’s breath hitched.
……Lower would be his lips.
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