Chapter 8 The Pretend Game
You think I died for righteousness, but in truth, I died for love.
Every single word of this sentence was understandable to Fan Wujiu, but when combined together, its meaning left him utterly confused. The words entered his ears, but his mind couldn’t process them.
Died for love?
What did that mean?
Was it the kind of love he thought it was?
……He couldn’t even bring himself to think about it.
Fan Wujiu steadied his breath and nodded solemnly. “On the day we swore brotherhood, we pledged not to seek to live in the same year, month, or day, but to die together in the same year, month, and day. You died for our brotherhood, I understand that.”
Xie Bian tilted his head, his clear, earnest gaze locked onto him.
After a long silence, he gently shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. You blockhead, you have no idea that I’ve loved you for a thousand years.”
Fan Wujiu’s pupils trembled, his heart shaking with fear.
Wait, why was Lao Bai stealing his lines?
Wasn’t he the one who had secretly loved him for a thousand years?
……This had to be a dream. It could only be a dream.
Only in a dream could Xie Bian respond to him.
This dream felt too real. Fan Wujiu couldn’t help but think that he was on the verge of sinking into it. He did not want to wake up for the rest of his life.
Xie Bian stood up from the sofa, his bare feet brushing against the floor. His long hair cascaded down his back like a waterfall, resembling an immortal descending from the Moon Palace.
Slowly, he walked toward Fan Wujiu, one hand resting on his shoulder. His eyes, glowing with a soft light, unwaveringly locked onto Fan Wujiu’s.
Fan Wujiu felt his shoulder burn, as if it had been seared by fire. He wanted to pull away, but he couldn’t. He was forced to meet Xie Bian’s gaze. The emotion in Xie Bian’s eyes was so strong, almost uncontrollable, that it left him stunned. Avoiding it, he lowered his gaze, and his eyes landed on the lips that had kissed him earlier, their color red and moist, parting and closing as Xie Bian spoke.
“Would a brother look at you like this?” Xie Bian gazed at him with eyes full of affection.
“Would he kiss you like I did just now?” His hand, still resting on Fan Wujiu’s shoulder, began to slide downward.
“Would he have impure thoughts about you?” The hand continued its descent, reaching lower.
The air in the room grew thick with tension, the atmosphere growing hot and charged with unspoken desire.
Fan Wujiu’s breath hitched, growing heavier. His gaze darkened as he seized Xie Bian’s wrist, halting the tension that was about to spiral out of control.
Xie Bian lowered his eyes, glancing at the hand Fan Wujiu had grabbed, and noticed the desire that had stirred beneath Fan Wujiu.
He raised an eyebrow, seemingly surprised as he asked, “Brother Fan, I haven’t even touched it yet, how come you’re already reacting?”
Fan Wujiu’s face flushed bright red, embarrassed that his secret thoughts had been laid bare under the harsh light of day.
A person shouldn’t, at least, respond to their own brother like this.
This only meant that Fan Wujiu had never truly seen Xie Bian as a brother.
“……Lao Bai.” Fan Wujiu’s voice came out hoarse. “Don’t torture me.” He wouldn’t be able to take it.
“And don’t joke with me like this.” He would take it seriously.
“I don’t joke.” Xie Bian looked at him, his voice as calm as always, but everything felt different now.
“Can’t you tell that I like you?” Xie Bian asked, his expression confused. “Even if you can’t, I’ve already said it outright. Why won’t you believe me?”
Fan Wujiu swallowed hard, his sluggish mind slowly starting to piece things together.
It wasn’t about whether the words were spoken or not.
Imagine having a crush on someone who is quiet, reserved, pure as ice and jade, someone you thought you’d never have a chance with in this lifetime. Then, one day, they suddenly confess their love directly to you, telling you that they’ve also been in love with you for a thousand years. Wouldn’t that feel like being hit by a huge pie in the sky?
Fan Wujiu had never believed in pies falling from the sky. He only felt that this must be some sort of fleeting dream.
He released Xie Bian’s wrist and muttered to himself, as though trying to convince his own mind, “Tonight, either you’re not sober, or I’m not. But you’re always in the right, so it must be me who’s not clear-headed. I’ll sleep it off, wake up, and everything will be fine…… yes, just sleep.”
As if he had found the right answer, Fan Wujiu turned and walked toward his bedroom.
Xie Bian stood still, quietly watching his retreating figure, not saying a word to stop him. He observed as Fan Wujiu entered the bedroom and closed the door. Once again, the living room was left empty, with only him remaining, alone in the silence.
Xie Bian’s expression remained unchanged, calm and collected as he followed.
Inside the bedroom.
Although he had said he was going to sleep, Fan Wujiu just sat at the edge of the bed, staring blankly. Sleep was impossible.
His lips still seemed to hold the lingering taste of that kiss, and in his mind, Xie Bian’s sudden confession kept replaying over and over.
“You think I died for righteousness, but in truth, I died for love.”
“You blockhead, you have no idea that I’ve loved you for a thousand years.”
“Would a brother look at you like this? Would he kiss you like I did just now? Would he have impure thoughts about you?”
“Brother Fan, I haven’t even touched it yet, how come you’re already reacting?”
……
Everything felt so real, yet so absurd.
Fan Wujiu suddenly shook his head violently. “This dream is too fake. How could I dare to dream like this?”
“Oh? Then what kind of dream would you dare to have?”
Fan Wujiu replied, “In my dreams, I’m the one confessing to Lao Bai. If he responds, I’d be overjoyed, but never the other way around.”
The other person chuckled lightly. “So, you like me too.”
Fan Wujiu: “……” Wait a minute, that voice……
He quickly turned his head. The beautiful figure in white, with long flowing hair, was sitting at the head of the bed, gazing at him with a soft smile.
Fan Wujiu felt a shiver run through him. Although Lao Bai often wore a smile when working, appearing gentle and approachable, that was only out of respect for the souls of the virtuous deceased. In private, Lao Bai was distant and aloof, rarely showing such a smile.
That smile was indeed beautiful, enough to make his heart flutter, but it also made him uneasy.
The main thing was that tonight, Lao Bai was just too different.
Fan Wujiu stiffly asked, “How did you get in here?”
Xie Bian slightly lifted his chin and gestured toward the wall.
Right. Lao Bai could walk through walls.
Fan Wujiu rubbed his forehead, feeling like he had completely lost his mind.
He immediately asked the next question, “What are you doing in my room?”
Xie Bian casually lifted the covers and climbed in beside him without hesitation. “I came to sleep with you.”
Fan Wujiu was taken aback, stammering, “T-this…… this isn’t appropriate, is it?”
Xie Bian glanced at him with surprise. “Why not? I remember when we were young, we used to sleep side by side. Are you rejecting me now?”
“It’s not that I’m rejecting you, it’s just—” Fan Wujiu didn’t know how to explain. When they were younger, their bond was pure brotherhood, so it was fine to sleep together. But now, with the feelings he had developed for Xie Bian, and with how unusual tonight felt, could they really sleep in the same bed without something going wrong?
At least Fan Wujiu couldn’t be sure whether he could control himself.
“Lao Bai, you should go back to your room and sleep. I need some time to calm down.”
“No,” Xie Bian said slowly, his tone measured. “You can’t calm down while I’m here? If you can’t face me calmly, it means you have feelings for me. And if you have feelings for me, then I do for you as well. We should be sharing the same bed.”
Logically, there was nothing wrong with what Xie Bian said.
But emotionally, Fan Wujiu truly couldn’t accept it so quickly. While he had dreamed for so long of Xie Bian finally reciprocating his feelings, now that it had suddenly happened, he still needed time to process.
The things you value most require the most careful consideration. To expect him to instantly accept it with open arms, as if they were meant to be together forever, was far from realistic.
“Alright then, you sleep here, I’ll give you the bed, and I’ll take the sofa,” Fan Wujiu hurriedly got off the bed, ready to leave.
Xie Bian’s gaze turned cold.
Fan Wujiu had barely reached the door when a long, sinuous tongue suddenly lashed out from behind him, wrapping around his neck and pulling him back into the bed.
“Uch, uch! Lao Bai!” Fan Wujiu gasped for air, nearly choking. He sat up, meeting Xie Bian’s dark, emotionless eyes.
Xie Bian.
Fan Wujiu’s heart skipped a beat. Just like he couldn’t bear to see the white silk hanging in the air, he couldn’t stand seeing Xie Bian’s tongue.
In the underworld, only the ghosts who had hanged themselves had tongues that long.
Fan Wujiu felt uncomfortable just from the sensation of Xie Bian’s tongue tightening around his neck. The pain Xie Bian must have experienced when he hanged himself with the white silk was unimaginable. The mere thought of it made Fan Wujiu unable to bear it.
“Lao Bai, let’s talk this through. Please put your tongue away.”
Xie Bian’s expression remained unchanged.
Fan Wujiu raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I won’t leave. I’ll stay and sleep with you.”
Only then did Xie Bian slowly retract his tongue, gently brushing his lips with his fingertips. “You’re avoiding me. Are you scared? Or do you find me ugly like this?”
“Not ugly, not ugly,” Fan Wujiu quickly replied. “I just feel heartbroken. I didn’t mean to avoid you, but this is too sudden. You said you like me? How could you like me? I never noticed it before……”
“Like is just like. Is there a need for a reason?” Xie Bian countered.
Fan Wujiu shook his head. “This is starting to feel more like a dream.”
“Whether it’s a dream or not, you know it in your heart.” Xie Bian treated his reaction as an escape from reality. “You just don’t want to accept me.”
“No, I—”
“I’m going to sleep.” Xie Bian seemed to be upset. He lay down, pulling the covers over himself, turning his back to Fan Wujiu. “You stay awake then. Since you think you’re dreaming, you don’t have to sleep.”
Fan Wujiu stared at the black hair that spread across the pillow, remaining silent for a long while.
He wasn’t really foolish. He could objectively distinguish between illusion and reality. He knew this wasn’t a dream.
……But this was something he never dared to imagine, not even in his wildest dreams.
After a long period of hesitation, Fan Wujiu finally lay down to sleep, carefully placing a boundary between himself and Xie Bian, as if creating an invisible line.
But Xie Bian rolled over and, as if by instinct, ended up in his arms, one hand casually draping over his waist.
Fan Wujiu’s body went rigid. No matter how he positioned his hands, he couldn’t seem to find a comfortable spot. He could only nervously inch away, as if trying to create more distance.
With his eyes still closed, Xie Bian’s voice came out flat, yet chilling. “If you try to avoid me, don’t blame me for using my tongue to bind you.”
Fan Wujiu: I don’t dare to move.
He looked at the young man in white, who was now in his arms. After a brief hesitation, he slowly wrapped his arms around him. Xie Bian’s brows softened slightly, as if he had truly fallen asleep.
They slept together through the night.
Fan Wujiu: No, it was a sleepless night.
–
Early the next morning, Fan Wujiu saw that Xie Bian was still sound asleep. He carefully eased Xie Bian’s arm off of him, then quietly slid out of bed. Thankfully, Xie Bian didn’t wake up.
Fan Wujiu was planning to go across the hall to ask Venus about the situation.
Xie Bian’s behavior had been so unusual that Fan Wujiu suspected he might have fallen under some kind of spell. The night before, Xie Bian mentioned seeing Venus at the amusement park. Whatever had happened, Venus might know more.
Just as he pushed the door open, he saw Venus across the door also opening the door.
Venus greeted him with a smile. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” Fan Wujiu replied.
“About what happened yesterday, it was my oversight. I had planned to bring Cupid to apologize, but Bai Wuchang should still be a little groggy,” Venus said. “Once he’s fully awake, we’ll go apologize properly.”
Fan Wujiu’s eyelids twitched as he quickly picked up on the key words.
Apologize? Fully awake?
“What do you mean?” Fan Wujiu immediately asked.
“Didn’t he tell you?” Venus asked. “Yesterday, Cupid shot an arrow by accident and hit him. Anyone struck by the arrow of love falls in love with the first person they see and begins to pursue them.”
So that was what happened.
It really was like that.
The events of last night suddenly made sense.
As Fan Wujiu’s confusion was cleared up, his mood plummeted uncontrollably.
Despite how unbelievable it was that Xie Bian had confessed to him, there was still that flicker of secret joy and pleasure rising from the depths of his heart.
Now that he knew Xie Bian didn’t truly love him, but had merely been struck by the arrow of love, he naturally felt disappointed.
Thankfully, he had never fully dared to believe in it. So he only felt disappointment, not despair.
“So what should we do? The first person he saw was me,” Fan Wujiu thought of the white silk that had covered Xie Bian’s eyes, which also explained things.
Xie Bian was so aloof and indifferent that he would never want to be controlled by the golden arrow and pursue a stranger he happened to see on the street. But since he couldn’t escape its control and had to choose someone to pursue, Xie Bian chose him. After all, they had been inseparable friends for a thousand years, so it wouldn’t be too much of a disruption.
Xie Bian’s actions showed that he truly regarded him as a trustworthy brother.
“There’s nothing we can do,” Venus repeated the same explanation as yesterday. “It will eventually wear off on its own. How long it will take, I don’t know.”
Fan Wujiu gritted his teeth. “So, can I avoid seeing him during this time?”
Once the effect of the golden arrow faded, Lao Bai would return to being the same Lao Bai, and everything could be treated as if nothing had happened. But not for him. He would lose control and believe it. He liked Xie Bian, and even knowing that this so-called love was nothing but an illusion, he would fall deeper and deeper into it, unable to pull himself out.
Venus said, “If you avoid him, he’ll be sad.”
No one would be happy if the one they loved treated them like a stranger, as if they were a danger.
Fan Wujiu pressed his lips together. He thought back to last night, when he tried to go to the living room to sleep on the sofa and saw Xie Bian looking down silently.
Of course, he couldn’t bear to make Xie Bian sad.
Fan Wujiu took a deep breath. “I understand.”
So, during the time the effect of the golden arrow lasted, he would pretend to be Xie Bian’s boyfriend?
Once Xie Bian recovered, he would think it was all just roleplaying. He would express his gratitude, and Fan Wujiu would laugh and pat his shoulder, saying it was nothing, just helping a brother out.
No one would ever know that he was not really just acting.
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