Du Xiu Chapter 75

The scorching sun blazed overhead, while the trees cast lush green shadows.

Time flew quickly, and the contestants all gathered at the hotel next to the studio. The recording of the third season of The Stand-Up King began right on schedule.

In midsummer, Haicheng was like a giant steamer, driving people indoors to the cool air, with no one daring to linger outside.

Yet outside the suburban studio, the air buzzed with noise, as hot and fervent as the summer cicadas. A crowd had gathered there, cameras and lenses at the ready, eager to capture the celebrity guests arriving for the show.

“Qi Yunhan!”

“Xinyi! Xinyi, look over here!”

“Luo Qin, when are you releasing a new song? Stop watching stand-up comedy all the time!”

Fans from every camp clamored noisily, erupting into shrieks the moment they spotted a guest stepping out of a car.

A staff member, holding a loudspeaker, tried to guide the fans clustered at the entrance. “It’s hot in summer, and heatstroke is a real risk. Please head into the lobby to wait! Don’t crowd the entrance passage!”

Although The Stand-Up King had only just begun recording and hadn’t even started official promotion, The Greatest Funmaker had already provoked them in advance, attracting a huge crowd of onlookers eager to see how Shanle and the show would fight back.

Audience members on the front line sent in live updates, practically turning it into a real-time broadcast.

[LOL, The Stand-Up King is bold – this season’s guest lineup is basically last season’s finalists, but they still kicked out Lu Yi.]

[For real? Su Xinyi’s a hardcore Chu fan, but Luo Qin supports Cheng. And yet they’re both here?]

[“The gentleman seeks harmony but not uniformity; the petty man uniformity without harmony.” Only true Cheng fans would show up here. Who’d go watch The Greatest Funmaker instead?]

[Wasn’t the guest Lu Yi invited someone who had beef with Su Xinyi?]

[These two shows are hilarious – like sorting trash in the entertainment industry. The contestants and guests split into two camps that just happen to be rivals!]

[Last season Shanle messed up by inviting Lu Yi to the finals – like throwing hazardous waste into the recycling bin…]

[Fight, fight! This is way funnier than the stand-up routines!]

[The trending topic is the real drama. Chengjing bought promotion for the new show, but the comment section completely derailed into talking about Shanle – Lingguo really snagged that clout (dog-head emoji).]

During the live taping of The Greatest Funmaker, they threw shade at Chu Duxiu. Meanwhile, The Stand-Up King invited the entire finalist lineup from the previous season – except Lu Yi. Before either show had even aired, the two were already clashing behind the scenes, the atmosphere thick with smoke and gunpowder.

Beyond the die-hard fans of each camp, ordinary netizens, ever eager for drama, were gleefully waiting for chaos and ready to watch the new round of battle unfold.

Chengjing Video, trying to suppress their competitor’s momentum, launched an overwhelming wave of promotion for The Greatest Funmaker on the very day the first episode of The Stand-Up King was recorded.

But who could’ve guessed – the comment section was completely overrun by netizens, who gleefully stirred the pot and fanned the flames. In the end, they actually boosted The Stand-Up King’s popularity.

[Does your show live on the trending chart? It hasn’t even aired yet, but you’re hyping it every single day?]

[Report—bad news, King Chu has brought his troops over!]

[It’s over, the real boss has arrived. This trending war is about to explode.]

[Wait, isn’t today the recording of The Stand-Up King?]

[Buying a trending spot right now is basically the same as telling King: “If you’re my rival, come and fight me.” (dog-head emoji)]

[Lingguo is so savage – saw something on the trending list and instantly pushed Season 2 of King to the homepage with the caption: “The show The Greatest Funmaker most wants to defeat! Often imitated, never surpassed!” hhhhhh]

[Lingguo: “Funmaker, if your big brother Chengjing finds out that your trending hashtag ended up boosting my show instead, won’t he be mad?” (shy emoji)]

Inside the studio, the stage for Season Three shimmered with radiant lights, broader and brighter than the season before. The stage extended in a graceful arc, with the audience seating wrapped around it in a circle. From their close vantage point, spectators could clearly see every performer, the dense arrangement creating an atmosphere both compact and lively.

On both sides were rows of seats for the contestants. The participants had already taken their places, with Chu Duxiu and the others seated in the front row, where they could occasionally hear the audience calling out.

Backstage, Shang Xiaomei kept a sharp eye on the program flow, counting down:

“Three.”

“Two.”

“One.”

With rousing music and flashing multicolored lights, three laughter representatives stepped onto the stage together, standing in the spotlight: Luo Qin, Su Xinyi, and Qi Yunhan.

The audience erupted, waving their arms and cheering in excitement.

Hearing the noise, Chu Duxiu and the others clapped along in rhythm, waiting for their turn.

The three hosts, impeccably dressed and flawlessly made-up, stood shoulder to shoulder in a line and loudly declared the show’s opening.

Luo Qin announced, “Welcome, everyone, to Season Three of The Stand-Up King!”

Su Xinyi smiled meaningfully. “I believe that when many of you see us, your hearts skip a beat, stirring up some unpleasant memories, right? A familiar stage, familiar contestants, familiar laughter representatives… the only thing we don’t want is a familiar ending.”

A ripple of laughter rose from the audience.

Su Xinyi continued, “But don’t worry – Season Three is a complete upgrade. Not only do we have new guests, but the competition format has also changed. We’re bringing something fresh.”

Qi Yunhan took over. “Let me explain the rules. In the breakout round, there are 300 audience members on-site. After each contestant’s performance, the audience votes to decide whether they advance or are eliminated. Each laughter representative can also press their light to add votes – one light equals two additional votes.”

Luo Qin explained, “This round offers 26 slots. The top 25 ranked contestants will break through and move on to the next stage. In addition, each laughter representative may select one eliminated contestant to enter the revival competition, where they’ll fight for the final qualifying spot as the 26th contestant.”

“Now then, the knockout round begins! Let’s welcome our first contestant – Chu Duxiu!”

For a few seconds, the audience froze, caught completely off guard.

Then, in the very next moment, the venue erupted in cheers and thunderous applause.

From the contestants’ seats came shouts as well, everyone rallying behind Chu Duxiu.

Scallion exclaimed, “She’s here, she’s here! The King of Stand-up Comedy!”

Wang Nali cheered. “Go, go, go—!”

Waving goodbye to her enthusiastic friends, Chu Duxiu stepped onto the stage amidst the tidal wave of sound, striding toward the microphone at center stage. Her long hair was tied back, giving her a sharp, lively look – like a banner streaming in the wind.

Backstage, Xie Shenci and Shang Xiaomei sat before the monitor, their eyes fixed on the dazzling figure under the blinding lights.

Perhaps some people are simply born for the stage – silent and unremarkable off it, but transformed the instant they step into the spotlight, commanding attention in a heartbeat.

On stage, Chu Duxiu gave a deep bow before rising with composure. She introduced herself, “Hello, everyone. I’m Chu Duxiu.”

The audience roared in excitement.

Su Xinyi’s smile widened, and she couldn’t help applauding.

Facing the waves of applause, Chu Duxiu held the microphone and quickly said, “Thank you, thank you, everyone. Lately, I’ve been in a really awkward spot. I believe some of you here share the same dilemma I often run into.”

“You think of yourself as pretty average, and you just want to vent a little – but others assume you’re showing off. In the end, you don’t even dare to speak anymore.”

“Back in last season’s breakout round, I talked about my anxiety over job hunting and civil service exams. Afterward, a viewer DM’d me to complain: ‘What a joke. You’re a graduate from a prestige university whining about jobs – what about people with lower degrees? Should they just stop living?’”

Chu Duxiu gave a sharp hiss and sighed. “Honestly, I thought they had a point. Life requires effort and optimism. You can’t set your sights too high when job-hunting. So I turned over a new leaf and found part-time work – as a stand-up comic – completing the recordings for Season Two.”

“Of course, everyone knows how Season Two ended.”

“Odd jobs, odd jobs… but who’d have thought that after all that, I ended up with a big fat zero.” She shrugged helplessly. “To this day, I still don’t even know what my final ranking was.”

The audience let out a mix of groans and laughter.

Suddenly, Su Xinyi slammed her button – on stage, the very first light lit up!

Chu Duxiu clutched her chest, feigning heartbreak. “See? Miss Su is even flaunting it at me – she can hit the light, but I can’t. Just stabbing me right in the heart again.”

“After the finals, I made myself a grand vow: forget becoming champion, I want to be a laughter representative! I want the power to press that button!”

“So when our industry was on the verge of collapsing, I still chose to join Shanle Culture. You know, proximity has its perks. But who could’ve guessed things would change the moment I got in?” She pouted in frustration. “Twenty votes cut down to two… Of course I’d be the unlucky one, always missing out on the benefits.”

The crowd burst into laughter.

Chu Duxiu continued, “Because of that, the same viewer DMed me again – but the message had changed. This time, they wrote: ‘Maybe you should just go back to stressing over civil service exams. At least that’s fairer.’”

“The wording sounded gentler, but I know how to auto-translate in my head – I instantly heard it in the exact same tone as the first message.”

“What they really meant was: ‘Unbelievable. A graduate from a prestige university taking this kind of job? Do you even want to live?’”

She hopped in place, stamping her foot in exasperation. “When I told you not to aim too high, that didn’t mean you should throw your life away!”

Her vivid gestures and full-throttle outrage sent the audience roaring with laughter.

Chu Duxiu furrowed her brows, throwing her hands up in despair. “It’s so embarrassing. After the mess that was Season Two, we all begged the director not to make a Season Three. Doing this all over again is just ridiculous!”

“A little time to settle down, two years to improve production quality – yet all we kept producing was more insecurity.”

“It wasn’t until the rival show premiered that we suddenly regained our confidence.”

“Turns out, settling down doesn’t take time. All it takes is a catalyst.” Her face was expressionless as she said, “Like having an even more ridiculous show to compare with.”

The moment those words left her lips, the whole venue erupted.

The audience burst out in excitement, instantly grasping her meaning – the blade of her words was aimed straight at The Greatest Funmaker.

Bei He was so thrilled he couldn’t stay seated. “There it is, there it is – she really went there!”

Qi Yunhan laughed out loud and lit up the second button on stage!

Chu Duxiu looked puzzled and exclaimed, “Why would anyone still risk making a stand-up comedy show? Is this business really that profitable!?”

“Maybe not everyone knows this, but my company has a kind of corporate culture – we casually poke fun at the boss, saying he’s got cold humor and doesn’t know how to joke.”

“Our boss always argues back. He’ll say, ‘Who says I can’t tell jokes?’”

Her expression stayed calm as she declared confidently, “My choice to do stand-up comedy – isn’t that just making jokes with the investors’ money?”

Backstage, Shang Xiaomei was caught off guard by her imitation of the boss and suddenly burst out laughing: “Pfft-”

Xie Shenci, sitting beside her, got hit out of nowhere: “?”

The entire studio was filled with laughter; even the contestants doubled over, the atmosphere brimming with joy.

Bei He shook his head in amused disbelief. “The Lingguo higher-ups must be panicking after hearing that.”

Scallion chimed in, “I put up hundreds of millions to play this game with you, and you treat me like thin air – cracking jokes at my expense!”

Chu Duxiu replied mildly, “Of course, we also tell him, ‘Stop flattering yourself, that joke wasn’t yours.’”

“The joke wasn’t his at all – it was Director Lu’s.”

“His original work – while we got worked over.”

Her sharp, concise punchlines made the audience break into cheers and noise, the room buzzing with energy.

Luo Qin laughed, shook his head, and pressed the third button!

Chu Duxiu shook her head. “After Season Two aired, stand-up comedy really blew up -there were even copycats popping up.”

“But honestly, I think their ideas are ridiculously childish. They rushed in blindly, as if Shanle were singing nursery rhymes on the Nasdaq.”

She broke into a sing-song chant:
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, going public’s a breeze!
We’re riding trends, cashing in – success comes with such ease, hey!”

The playful parody, paired with its lively, catchy rhythm, had the audience laughing until their faces turned red.

“There’s also this magical rule of the internet – they love using pinyin abbreviations. Whenever someone gets famous, explodes in popularity, the fan circles stop writing their full name and just discuss them by initials.”

Chu Duxiu frowned in mock confusion. “It’s as if the person themselves isn’t what blew up – it’s their name. After the explosion, the Chinese characters are blasted into fragments, and only a few lonely letters are left.”

“But after I finished the show, I didn’t feel like I got famous. I rarely saw abbreviations of my name online – netizens didn’t take stand-up comics seriously enough. If they didn’t type out the full name, they wouldn’t even know who they were talking about.”

She patted her chest in exaggerated wonder. “My peak fame? It was inside other comedians’ routines – once in a while, even I got the abbreviation treatment.”

“After all, the moment you’re at your strongest is when you exist in the eyes of people worse than you.”

“Because the skill gap is so wide, they have to use their imagination – no matter what you say, you instantly become their imaginary enemy.”

“Waaah-”

When the crowd heard her openly addressing the digs from The Greatest Funmaker, they immediately let out excited cheers, eager to hear what she would say next.

“One day, a friend came running to me and said, ‘Hey, did you know there’s a show writing routines that throw shade at you?’”

“I felt a little awkward and said, ‘Come on, you can’t think people are that malicious, right?’”

“‘How are they not? A bright talent, failed the exams, once a hugely popular leader in the circle, initials are c-d-x.’”

Chu Duxiu blinked and let out a soft sigh of relief. “When I heard that, I instantly relaxed and said, ‘Oh – you’ve misunderstood. That’s not me.’”

Then, in the very next beat, she declared with righteous certainty, “That’s the founder of the New Culture Movement! Anyone who’s cracked open a book for two days would know that!”[1]

The unexpected punchline triggered thunderous laughter.

String Bean and the others had tried to take jabs at Chu Duxiu on their own show, never daring to mention her name directly – but here she turned the tables in one stroke.

Bei He laughed so hard he slapped his thigh. “Who are you calling out, huh? Who are you saying has no education-”

“Only studied one day, never two!”

Chu Duxiu crossed her arms and, with mock seriousness, said, “I even told my friend, ‘Wow, this show really dares to write anything – it has zero sense for what should or shouldn’t pass review.’”

“Of course, maybe it wasn’t intentional. Online abbreviations are way too easy to misinterpret. Like if I want to praise a show, I might type: zqdlw, yyds.”[2]

She drawled lazily. “But people could twist that into zhuan qian diu lian wo, yin yang de se – ‘a pit of money-making and shame, smug and two-faced.’”

The sharpness of her words, her blunt attitude, and her casual delivery set off a wave of roaring laughter in the studio, the effect explosive.

Even the contestants were floored by the jab, unable to hold back their grins, laughing until their faces hurt.

Scallion clutched his head in admiration. “YYDS!”

“Oh my god, that’s a brand-new interpretation for The Greatest Funmaker’s abbreviation-”

Cheer after cheer shook the venue, as if the sound would rattle the rooftop. The opening performance had completely ignited the atmosphere, marking the firing of the first shot in the rivalry between the two shows!

On stage, Chu Duxiu remained calm and composed, continuing her set with poise.

“Perhaps the real embarrassment isn’t people mistaking your words for showing off -the real embarrassment is when your own skills aren’t enough, yet you still jump around overestimating yourself.”

“Using humor as a blade to wound others only makes you ridiculous.”

“Thank you, everyone. I’m Chu Duxiu.”

She gave a deep bow and exited the stage to the sound of applause.

Translator’s Notes:

[1] In Chinese, Chu Duxiu’s name (楚独秀) sounds very close to Chen Duxiu (陈独秀), a real historical figure who was a famous intellectual and one of the founders of the New Culture Movement in early 20th-century China.

[2] zqdlw is the abbreviation for Zui Qiang Doule Wang (The Greatest Funmaker). yyds is common internet slang in China meaning forever the god.