Du Xiu Chapter 89

Inside the studio, after hanging up the phone, Chu Duxiu even patted her own cheeks, but the host and guests still wouldn’t let it go. Seeing her flushed face, they let out teasing cries of “yo, yo, yo,” and even urged her to call again.

The host suggested, “Don’t hang up, chat a little longer – what’s a bit of phone bill?”

Others chimed in, “Yeah, exactly! Don’t mind us – we’ve got plenty of questions, we can keep asking him!”

Of course, Chu Duxiu could hear the teasing in their tone. Embarrassed, she muttered in a voice as soft as a mosquito, “It’s not the phone bill I mind, it’s the performance fee. That would be extra…”

“Fine, we’ll have the director add to the budget, then we can make another call.”

“What’s a phone call? Have the director add money and invite him here in person!”

Chu Duxiu protested, “Forced love is never sweet!”

The host teased, “Doesn’t matter if it’s not sweet – we’ll sprinkle sugar on it and make sure it is!”

“…”

The room was filled with laughter, everyone teasing and making fun of Chu Duxiu.

For the rest of the show, people kept bringing it up now and then, deliberately making her tongue-tied, while waves of laughter rolled on – never tiring of the joke.

*

Before they knew it, the day’s recording had wrapped up, and everyone was chatting casually as they said their goodbyes.

After Chu Duxiu and Scallion finished exchanging farewells with the staff, they left the set.

In the hallway, the two sipped water to soothe their throats as they headed toward the exit. The main doors were already in sight; now and then figures passed by or cars stopped outside. Since Shanle Culture was still some distance away, they would need a ride back.

Stretching his arms, Scallion asked, “How are you getting home? Going back to the office?”

Chu Duxiu replied, “Either way works for me. How about you?”

Scallion raised an eyebrow and gave a thumbs-up, gesturing toward the entrance.

Following his gaze, Chu Duxiu spotted a familiar female figure not far away. They had crossed paths a few times back in Yancheng – it was none other than Tofu, who often came by the club to pick people up.

Noticing them, Tofu waved and hurried over with quick steps.

“Nothing I can do – someone’s here to pick me up.” Scallion folded his arms across his chest, looking rather smug. “Lost in the show, but won in real life. That’s what life’s all about.”

Chu Duxiu caught his provocative tone: “…”

So arrogant. Someone really ought to ban this stand-up loudmouth forever.

Tofu had clearly overheard and witnessed Scallion’s antics. She walked over, greeted them with a smile, and said, “Hello, I’m here to pick up the Season Three The Stand-Up King champion. Which one of you is it?”

Scallion: “?”

Chu Duxiu shot him a glance, then cheerfully replied, “That would be me.”

Tofu nodded knowingly, deliberately ignoring Scallion, and said with mock seriousness, “Then let’s get going.”

Chu Duxiu said, “Sounds good.”

She immediately followed after Tofu.

Scallion: “???”

Seeing the two of them stride off together – smooth as if they were acting out a skit -Scallion hurried after them, half exasperated, half amused. “Hey, wait for me! What about me? Who’s supposed to pick me up?”

“To start with, what place did you get? Top three?” Tofu shot him a sidelong glance, feigning confusion. “Sorry, I don’t really know you, so… no pickup.”

“Ha, shows you don’t know the business.” Scallion put on a thick skin. “Popular stars always get paired with a couple of not-so-popular ones. I’m the one bundled with the show’s champion – how can you not pick me up?”

Chu Duxiu: “?” Wow, talk about shamelessly clinging to fame.

Tofu gave him a once-over and said, “Fine then – you can ride underneath the car.”

Scallion: “…”

The three of them laughed and joked as they walked out together. Tofu and Scallion suggested giving Chu Duxiu a ride, but at the entrance they ran into someone else.

The studio’s main entrance was the only convenient spot for cars, so most of the crew came and went through there. Amid the moving crowd, Xie Shenci stood out – tall and upright like a stalk of bamboo. He quickly spotted the three of them and strode over.

“Looks like someone’s here to pick up the star. That means it’s not your job anymore,” Scallion said as he recognized him. He threw an arm over Tofu’s shoulder and raised his brows smugly. “Too bad, guess you’ll just have to pick me up instead.”

When Chu Duxiu saw Xie Shenci, she froze for a few seconds before hurrying over.

“What are you doing here?”

“I guessed you’d be wrapping up soon.” Xie Shenci looked at her. “I was just about to say something, but you hung up on me.”

Chu Duxiu gave a guilty little laugh. “…I was in the middle of recording.”

“So after I finished answering the questions, you just cut me off.” His tone was faintly aggrieved. “Used me, then ignored me.”

She clasped her hands behind her back and said earnestly, “You’ve got it wrong – it was a special situation.”

After all, if she hadn’t hung up, the people around her would have gone on and on.

Xie Shenci: “?”

Xie Shenci had seen Tofu once before at the bar, though they hadn’t spoken.

The group exchanged greetings and then headed outside together.

“Mr. Xie, you’re finally here – you don’t know how awful they were–” Scallion whined. “They just ganged up on me!”

Tofu dragged him away. “Stop embarrassing yourself.”

Both actors had someone come to pick them up after the show, so they simply waved goodbye at the entrance.

Chu Duxiu and Xie Shenci watched the two disappear into the distance. Then, just as naturally, they took each other’s hand and walked along the road toward the parking lot.

“The show actually asks you to make phone calls?” Xie Shenci asked as he held her hand and led her forward. “And now everyone’s having their partners come pick them up too?”

Chu Duxiu gave his hand a squeeze. “The call was arranged by the production team. As for the partners showing up – that’s all on their own.”

She wasn’t sure if Scallion and Tofu had planned it, but she truly hadn’t expected him to make a special trip here.

Xie Shenci raised an eyebrow. “Then I guess I had good timing. Otherwise, I’d have been outdone by the guy next door again.”

“If you really had good timing, would you have said that on the phone?” Chu Duxiu’s eyes widened. “You knew it was just for show!”

The memory of his words still made her blush – especially since he’d pulled that deliberate “expectation twist.” Anyone could tell he’d done it on purpose.

“What was wrong with what I said?” Xie Shenci asked innocently. “Everything I said was true.”

Chu Duxiu said, “It was so cheesy – like you’re showing off our relationship!”

Xie Shenci answered, “Not like. I was showing off.”

“…”

The remnants of Chu Duxiu’s “AI single-dog program” were still struggling. She turned her head away and muttered, “No, this won’t do. From now on we can’t do that. You only show off what you’re lacking, and that’s not right…”

Xie Shenci replied with “Ohhh–” he dragged out the sound.

She shot him a sideways glance. “What’s that supposed to mean? Were you even listening to me?”

He nodded. “I get it. You think we’ve got more than enough love already, so there’s no need to flaunt it.”

“?”

Chu Duxiu turned to stare at him. He looked back calmly, not giving anything away.

The two walked along the road, locked in a silent staring contest.

“Nice ears,” Chu Duxiu said at last. “Shame they’re like a sieve.” She reached out and pinched his earlobe, finding the texture surprisingly pleasant. “Only letting through the parts you want to hear, huh?”

Xie Shenci: “…”

*

After Want to Chat with You aired, the Shanle comedians – appearing as guest stars -received a great response online. Long-time viewers praised the episode, and even new audiences drawn in by the stand-up comedians found it very entertaining.

[Shanle should totally do a group reality show! Just sitting around chatting would already be hilarious!]

[I’ve rewatched this episode over and over. The punchlines are packed so tightly – look away for a second and you’ll miss one. So many inside jokes from the comedy world.]

[Why are stand-up comedians’ partners all so funny too?]

[Sorry, Scallion, but you talk about relationships every day. I’m not that interested. But Chu Wang rarely brings it up, so I got super excited. You always want what you can’t have (dog-head emoji).]

[Xiuxiu making that phone call was adorable!!]

[Ughhh watching other people fall in love is the best. I’ve sworn off romance for myself, but seeing theirs makes me squeal – it’s so sweet.]

[It’s over. The AI single-dog program has been hacked by the love virus.]

[??? Xiu’er is dating now?]

[Yep, mentioned it on the show. Even called their partner on the phone. Voice sounds nice, too.]

[Thanks for the compliment on my voice, upstairs. I didn’t expect my relationship with Xiuxiu would get exposed like this (shy emoji).]

[Hey, stop pretending to be me. Don’t you have your own girlfriend? I was obviously the one on that call (dog-head emoji).]

[I feel like I’ve heard that résumé story before – at an offline open mic – but it wasn’t in her set, so now I’m confused (scratches head).]

[She’s never told it. Mr. Nie told it once, about how Queen Chu got started in comedy -there was something like that in it.]

[So my “battlefield rose” ship is officially over? I was still rewatching that finals photo!]

[Bad news: “battlefield rose” is over. Good news: you can still use that finals photo – just with a different lead character (dog-head emoji).]

[Wait, what? I don’t get it. Did I miss some drama??]

Although Chu Duxiu never mentioned Xie Shenci’s real name, her story of how she first got into stand-up comedy had been floating around at open mics both online and offline. Naturally, gossip-hungry netizens began piecing the clues together.

Scallion and Nie Feng often performed at Typoon Transit, and they’d sometimes improvise little anecdotes – sooner or later the “Honey Chicken Cutlet Rice” joke would come up.

When Chu Duxiu briefly alluded to it on the show, all the scattered hints connected, and the whole story became clear.

Not long after, anonymous posts began appearing online, digging deep into how the two had met and fallen in love, using special nicknames to stand in for Xie Shenci and Chu Duxiu.

“King of Comedy Sugar-Drops: The Story of the Mute Robot and the Humor Source Code”

[Once upon a time, there was a robot named Mute. While studying abroad, he booted up the stand-up comedy module. Later, he returned home with two friends, determined to dive deeper into the field – but he lacked the proper source code. Without a key program, the robot was nothing but a heap of scrap metal. So he set out searching. In Haicheng and Nancheng he found nothing, and finally he pressed on to Yancheng.

Once upon a time, there was a piece of code called Humor. She couldn’t find a domain that fit, and after repeated setbacks, people labeled her “bad code.” Just as she was about to discard her past and rewrite herself, she was discovered by the Mute Robot who had arrived in Yancheng.

The Mute Robot believed Humor Code was one of a kind and invited her to join him. But after listening, she wavered – after all, aside from a polished exterior, the Mute Robot seemed like nothing but scrap metal inside. If she followed him, it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Better to change her name early and switch to another field instead.

However, the Mute Robot was extremely persistent. He tried every trick he could to coax the Humor Code into doing stand-up. Soon, Humor Code discovered that the Mute Robot wasn’t made of scrap copper and iron after all – he was scrap gold and silver. In other words, he did have some resources. Doing stand-up with him wouldn’t collapse right away, so she decided to give it a try.

The Mute Robot’s instincts were right: once Humor Code entered the world of stand-up, she thrived. She knocked down one old program after another, even faintly brushing against the industry ceiling. But then an unexpected blackout hit, throwing every program into chaos – and knocked Humor Code back to Wencheng.

The Mute Robot and Humor Code were separated once more. Left with no choice, he rushed to Wencheng, searching through endless tangled data for her…

…

In the end, the Mute Robot and Humor Code joined forces again, expanding the boundaries of stand-up comedy and fulfilling their fated “51% promise.”

The Mute Robot was no longer mute, and the Humor Code no longer needed to rewrite herself – she became the source code of stand-up comedy.]

The post, written like a fairy tale, narrated in a flowing, almost lyrical style, sketched out the story of how Chu Duxiu and Xie Shenci first met – even including plenty of rich detail, though no one knew who had leaked it.

Soon, hordes of netizens flooded into the anonymous thread, eagerly gossiping.

[Ughhh what a beautiful ghost story. I don’t believe it – must be seeing ghosts!]

[So many sweet details… my sugar levels are off the charts…]

[Even spilling dirt on an AI single-dog has to be done in AI style? With a sci-fi setting thrown in too, huh?]

[You sly dog, those last two lines are full of tricks – helping Queen Chu push that “51% shares” agenda (dog-head emoji).]

[Why does the ending call Chu Duxiu the “source code”?]

[Because Chu Duxiu-as-source-code is the foundation for building jokes, systems, and shows in stand-up comedy. With her alone, inside jokes became public memes. She’s the endless well of humor for countless comedians (…right?).]

[Okay, I get the logic – but why call him “Mute”? He clearly knows how to talk!]

[Because on Shanle’s shows he only ever shows up on camera, never speaks. The director always does the talking. That’s why he’s the “stand-up mute.”]

[Oh, so your definition of “knows how to talk” is: staying silent on his own show, but whispering sweet nothings on a rival show? (dog-head emoji)]

[No wonder Season Two collapsed. And yet she still signed with Shanle… Queen Chu couldn’t resist the beauty trap (tears emoji).]

[Honestly, if not for that whole “mentor” backstory, the Season Two finals would’ve been a dead end. The two sides would’ve fallen out completely – at least like Cheng, who disappeared for a year.]

[I get where Chu’s coming from. Bosses can be dumb, but if they’re good-looking, you can forgive their dumbness (?).]

[Other comedy bosses: …So this is the reason we lost?]

[Fake business strategy: spotting talent and offering high pay to keep them.
Real business strategy: marrying into the company to hold onto a top performer.]

[Such a scheming boss – totally unfair competition!]

[No wonder Chu said on the show, “You kid, you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve.”]

[Chu: I didn’t expect that saving Shanle would guarantee me a lifetime of wealth and glory.]

[Why won’t she do relationship jokes! Why!!]

[It’s workplace couple’s tacit understanding – they won’t mention each other in their own sets, but they’ll spill plenty on other people’s stages. If you know, you know.]

[Who said they’ve never mentioned each other? He asked for 51% shares – round it up and that’s basically a proposal!]

[Doesn’t matter. If she won’t say it, I’ll make up rumors myself. Xiu’er, how do you know he loves hiking? Unless… he hiked all the way to Wencheng to chase you back? (dog-head emoji)]

[Exactly. Even if they do say it, we’ll still make up rumors. Why else bring up that 51% shares thing all the time? Clearly my CP already got the marriage certificate! (dog-head emoji)]

Although Chu Duxiu wasn’t used to making a big splash, she couldn’t help that netizens loved to dig deep, savoring every little detail over and over again!

That’s how shipping always worked – Scallion could talk about love every single day and no one cared. But when it came to half-hidden, half-revealed hints, that was where the real flavor lay. That left plenty of room for… let’s call it “creative speculation” (?).

Especially when Chu Duxiu blushed bright red on the show – it only fueled the mischief of the jokesters. Afraid the world might be too peaceful, they started making up CP rumors, even creating memes and spamming them across her Weibo feed, clearly just to tease her.

One day, Chu Duxiu opened her Weibo comments and found row after row of memes, truly experiencing the sense of humor unique to stand-up fans.

Seeing her comment section completely overrun, she reluctantly scrolled through the images: “…”

In the photos, Xie Shenci and Cheng Junhua were both looking upward – probably watching her performance. It was a classic screenshot from the Season Three finals, once even trending under “Cheng Junhua Appears on Camera,” a moment considered iconic in stand-up comedy history.

But the gossip-loving netizens reposted the old picture with new captions, placing a line of text right next to Xie Shenci. They deliberately twisted his faint micro-expression, over-interpreting his stiff face.

The scariest part was that – even though the caption was fake – it actually fit a little too well.

The more she looked, the weirder she felt. Flustered, she finally closed it, fighting to suppress the upward curl of her lips.

Because the caption next to Xie Shenci’s face read: “Why are you watching my wife? Don’t you have a wife of your own?”