Everyone Is Non-Human Except Me [Rebirth] Chapter 23

The Shanhai Festival was a much-anticipated event for students. Whether still in school or graduates from years ago, anyone who had studied at Shanhai could participate. To let the students fully enjoy themselves, Principal Baize even gave the faculty time off—those who wanted to rest could rest, and those who wanted to join the festival were welcome to do so.

After the lot drawing, everyone was taken by their assigned booth leaders to prepare. Dressed as Black Impermanence, Yang Sheng looked like he’d rolled through a pile of flour, with a long fake tongue stuck to his lower lip.

“I think this is unfair,” Yang Sheng looked at Su Buyu, who was dressed like a graceful young master. The fake tongue wagged as he spoke. “You look way too cool.”

“No worries, Ah Huan will balance things out for you.” Su Buyu tried to hold back his laughter, but the dimples at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

Soon after, Wei Huan came out, grumbling, “This skirt is way too tight, I can’t even walk properly!”

Yang Sheng stared at him for two seconds, then burst into laughter so hard his fake tongue flailed wildly, almost slapping his real one. “Hahahahaha! What a little beauty from someone’s house!”

Wei Huan didn’t feel embarrassed at all. Instead, he struck a shamelessly flirty pose and winked, “A senior peach demoness from Jiahui Academy even did my makeup.”

Su Buyu, holding a folding fan, tapped it lightly on his left palm, eyeing the peacock-blue, silver-embroidered phoenix-patterned qipao Wei Huan was wearing. He reached out to touch Wei Huan’s double-bun hairstyle. “Looks good. Ah Huan surprisingly suits this look.”

“Doesn’t he look like a jacked Barbie?” Yang Sheng adjusted his fake tongue and tugged at Wei Huan’s blue hair ribbon.

Wei Huan slapped his hand away. “What do you know? This is a Chun-Li cosplay. The senior said so. She told me this was a beloved game character from way, way, way back in human history. You wouldn’t know, it’s out of your knowledge zone!”

Yang Sheng couldn’t argue back and asked quietly, “Where’s the other one?”

“Oh right!” Wei Huan suddenly realized. “There’s only one changing room. After I came out for makeup, I saw Yun Yongzhou go in. It’s been a while—he should be done now, right…”

Just as he finished speaking, out came a tall figure in a dark crimson velvet qipao. With long straight black hair, the striking flame mark on the left side of the forehead looked like a natural floral ornament, perfectly matched with his red lips—cool and stunningly elegant.

Wei Huan froze. He had a whole bunch of jokes ready to tease Yun Yongzhou, but the moment he actually saw him, his mind blanked completely.

Yun Yongzhou frowned, still wearing his trademark “stay away” expression. His features were sharp, skin pale, barely any makeup on, yet somehow perfectly matched with the long black hair.

“Keep staring and I’ll gouge your eyes out.”

His voice was cold and low, instantly snapping Wei Huan out of his daze. “What, can’t I look too? I’m not pretty? Why so fierce…”

From not far off, someone from the haunted house booth called Yang Sheng away, and Su Buyu was dragged off by the cosplay team. Only Wei Huan and Yun Yongzhou—two crossdressing “beauties”—were left. The senior peach demoness in charge of the maid café emerged from the makeup room and pushed the two from behind. “Let’s go, let’s go, two lovely ladies!”

Yun Yongzhou’s face darkened. “Who are you calling—”

Wei Huan pouted. “I’m not a pretty lady. I’m a gorgeous lady!”

Yun Yongzhou: “…”

The two were taken to the café. Wei Huan dove right in, fluttering around the room like a theater star, sweet and cooperative. Yun Yongzhou, however, was ice-cold, standing behind the café counter cleaning cups with a stiff face—and soon had an entire cabinet full of wiped-empty coffee cups.

Since their duel upon entering the academy, Wei Huan and Yun Yongzhou had become Shanhai’s newest celebrity figures. In no time, they’d replaced the previous popular students and were now the most talked-about male idols among the girls. Both bore the unofficial title of school heartthrob—though in most girls’ eyes, Yun Yongzhou was distant and unreachable, the kind of campus god they wouldn’t dare chase, while Wei Huan, being playful and full of antics, seemed more approachable.

Once word got out that the two had both drawn the rare “crossdressing” lot, nearly every girl in Shanhai descended on the café booth. Layer after layer of crowds surrounded it tightly.

“Ahhhh Huan-huan’s Chun-Li buns are adorable!!”

“Oh my god, my Yongzhou with that long black hair is stunning!!”

Even the peach demoness senior managing the café didn’t expect the situation to get so out of hand. Flustered, she had no choice but to cast a spell. In an instant, rows of peach trees bloomed around the café, branches stretching out and weaving together to form a thick screen, enclosing the booth and leaving only one entrance.

“Everyone, line up, okay? Don’t rush!”

After serving so many guests, Wei Huan was about to collapse. At first, he’d enthusiastically carried coffee and cake for everyone, posed for photos, appeared in videos—cooperative in every way. But later, he just summoned eight clones to do the work so his real self could finally rest.

“I’m tired.” Wei Huan ducked behind the bar, just about to rest his chin on Yun Yongzhou’s shoulder—only to have Yun Yongzhou dodge swiftly, making him miss and almost fall over.

“You heartless b*stard. Would it kill you to let me lean on you?” Wei Huan laid sprawled on the bar. The senior sister walked over, holding back laughter as she patted the little buns on his head. “You’ve worked hard.”

Wei Huan looked pitiful. “Mama-san, too many customers ordered me.”

“Hahaha, you’re too popular—you’re the star of our shop.”

Wei Huan shot a look at the ever-professionally-glass-polishing Yun beauty. “The real star is right here, looking like a mascot.”

Yun Yongzhou didn’t even bother replying.

Wei Huan reached out and poked Yun Yongzhou’s waist. “Gorgeous lady, could I trouble you for a glass of Jia Fruit juice? I’m exhausted, I need a buff.”

Yun Yongzhou’s brow furrowed, and a flame appeared right at the tip of Wei Huan’s nose. “Okay okay, I’ll do it myself.” Wei Huan raised both hands in surrender, sidestepping under the threat of the little flame to Yun Yongzhou’s other side. He opened the fridge, found the juice, conjured a ribbon of wind to snatch a freshly cleaned cup from beside Yun Yongzhou, and muttered, “Do it yourself, and you’ll never go hungry.”

The juice slowly filled the transparent glass, but just then, Wei Huan’s communicator beeped in his ear, glowing blue. He set the juice on top of the fridge and touched the communicator. The headset extended out.

“Hello, you’ve connected with the channel of Fuyao’s number-one beauty. How can I—”

“Cut it out, Wei Huan, get to the south gate of Shanhai now!” It was Yang Sheng’s voice. “The instructor just summoned us—there’s a monster that snuck in from outside!”

“What?!” Wei Huan slammed the fridge shut. When he turned around, Yun Yongzhou had already left the bar, one hand on his earpiece, striding away. “Hey, Yun Yongzhou, wait for me!”

“D*mn, I didn’t even get to drink my juice…” Wei Huan scrambled after him, the clones he’d made earlier returning to his body one by one. But the outside of the café was packed—there was no way out. “What do we do now?”

Yun Yongzhou walked straight to the door and spoke coldly: “Move.”

His voice wasn’t loud, but the girls queued up in front were all stunned by his aura. A hush spread down the line, and people began to step aside. Wei Huan grinned as he followed, “Thanks, everyone! I’ll serve you all when I get back!”

The moment they stepped outside, Yun Yongzhou took off into the sky. Wei Huan flew after him.

“Hey, careful not to flash anyone!”

Yun Yongzhou: “…”

The sky was full of colorful balloons and floating lanterns celebrating the Shanhai Festival. Holographic displays lit up the building walls, cycling through congratulatory messages from Headmaster Baize, remote performances by famous monster-world alumnae, and festival promo clips from each academy.

It was so crowded in the air. Should’ve used teleportation, Wei Huan thought.

“Excuse me, coming through! Sorry!” They pushed through a flying line of girls who looked like they were from Fuyao Academy—each styled like celestial maidens with hair buns and gauzy outfits. The two of them stumbled right through the group. Wei Huan repeatedly apologized, “Ahh! Sorry, sorry! Whoa, your costumes are gorgeous!”

Just as they passed the maidens, Wei Huan nearly collided with a massive object.

“Holy cr*p… what is this…” He flew farther out to see—it was a giant floating vessel packed with candy, shaped like a colossal aircraft carrier, bigger than two classrooms put together.

“Oh I get it now, this is for the candy frenzy finale.” Wei Huan dodged it and shouted, “Let’s use a teleportation array, Yun Yongzhou! Flying over there is too much trouble!”

Just as he said that, Yun Yongzhou suddenly stopped. Wei Huan halted too, following his gaze.

Not far away, near the south gate’s open area, a massive creature loomed—a hooked serpent as tall as half a building. Its enormous tail split into two parts and thrashed violently. Luckily, the south gate was in the staff area, where students weren’t allowed to set up stalls. But because of the festival, all the instructors were off-duty.

“Sh*t! That’s the monster Yang Sheng was talking about?”

The communicator beeped again. Wei Huan answered, “Hello? We’re here—how the h*ll did a monster that size sneak in?”

“Someone with spatial abilities must’ve brought it in!” Yang Sheng’s voice came through with the sounds of battle. “That hook serpent’s lost all rationality—attack on sight. Be careful!”

“Copy that.” Wei Huan hung up. “Shouldn’t we at least strategize—hey hey hey Yun Yongzhou wait for me—”

With a flap of his wings, Yun Yongzhou summoned countless golden light spears in the air. They avoided the floating festival-goers and shot straight toward the hook serpent wreaking havoc by the south gate.

Whoa, that’s intense. Wei Huan watched, shaking his head. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw the serpent’s tail had coiled around a girl—Bai Jiu—who looked pale and on the verge of tears. Bai Jiu was a tree spirit from Jiahui Academy with natural healing abilities—likely brought here to provide support.

More and more light spears flew, and Yun Yongzhou didn’t seem to care whether the hook serpent was holding someone or not. Gritting his teeth, Wei Huan summoned twin shields of wind to cover himself. But clearly, Yun Yongzhou’s light spears were sharper—Wei Huan could almost hear his shields cracking.

The hook serpent swung its tail high, lifting the terrified Bai Jiu into the air.

Wei Huan dashed forward. Yun Yongzhou’s light spears slammed into the serpent’s armor-plated body, most bouncing off, only a few lodging into the gaps between the scales—enraging the beast further.

In the middle of the dazzling flurry of light, Wei Huan flung both arms outward. Two long blades of wind materialized in his hands, and he slammed them hard into the gaps in the thrashing tail.

The hook serpent howled in pain and let go. Wei Huan caught the nearly unconscious Bai Jiu midair—but just then, his wind shield shattered. A light spear shot toward him. Wei Huan sensed it—but with Bai Jiu in his arms, he couldn’t react in time.

“Ah Huan—watch out!”

It was Buyu’s voice.

Wei Huan twisted his body back, but the light blade still grazed his cheek.

Through the dense web of light blades above, Yun Yongzhou met Wei Huan’s gaze—his eyes falling on the thin cut just below the blue demon mark on Wei Huan’s cheek. Yun Yongzhou’s fingers paused for a split second, and the barrage of falling light blades instantly froze midair, as if time had stopped.

Wei Huan hadn’t even figured out what Yun Yongzhou’s move meant when the hook serpent’s tail came lashing at him. He shot upward to dodge and spotted Su Buyu approaching. “Quick! Catch the girl!”

He tossed the unconscious Bai Jiu toward Su Buyu.

“No way! Ah Huan, that’s a real live—” Su Buyu was startled by the wild move, but quickly raised his hand, catching the girl with a stream of clear spring water and setting her gently to the side. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief.

Yang Sheng also arrived and looked at Wei Huan. “What took you so long? Didn’t even change clothes?”

“Change clothes? If I stopped to change I’d be even later! The crowd was insane, I got stuck on the way. This guy here doesn’t even use teleportation spells.” Wei Huan sighed heavily just as the hook serpent’s tail came sweeping again.

“Watch out,” Su Buyu warned, tense, “That tail’s poisonous. One hit and you’re half-dead!”

Wei Huan dodged the split tail, brainstorming a strategy.

Not long after, he looked up at Yun Yongzhou and shouted, “Yun Yongzhou, how thick and long can your light ropes get?”

Yun Yongzhou didn’t answer. His brow arched slightly. His clenched fist gathered the flickering light blades from the sky, absorbing them all into his hands. As he flew toward the serpent, the light converged into thick, visible light cords, each about as wide as an arm. When he opened his hand, the cords zipped through the air, circling around the hook serpent in a weave. As they closed in, Yun Yongzhou soared higher, gazing down at the beast.

He lifted his slender index finger and casually traced a figure-eight in the air.

Now.

“Yang Sheng, give me wind!” Wei Huan extended his right hand toward Yang Sheng. Their decade-long tacit understanding kicked in—Yang Sheng drew a violet magic circle on his chest and pushed it forward. A deep purple tornado burst from its center, surging toward Wei Huan.

The second Wei Huan’s palm met the wind, his lips curled into a smirk, and his demon canines grew sharp.

“Let’s go.”

His bulging arm muscles ripped his short qipao sleeves as he grabbed the raging vortex and condensed it into a massive wind blade!

At the same time, in the sky, Yun Yongzhou raised his hands and pulled apart—like tugging an invisible thread.

The light cords surrounding the hook serpent instantly tightened, binding the giant beast in place.

Perfect!

Wei Huan channeled all his demon power into his right arm. The mark of the Nine Phoenix clan on his cheek glowed blue, and the exposed arm pulsed with blue light.

“Let’s see you hook now—!” Wei Huan slashed downward with the massive purple blade, leaping high into the sky before plunging.

With a single strike, he severed both of the hook serpent’s massive tails.

The beast screamed in agony.

These creatures could regenerate terrifyingly fast. Standing by, Su Buyu worried the tail might reattach, so he pulled the shark pearl from his neck and tossed it into the air. The softly glowing green orb turned pitch black, and waves surged from thin air, sweeping up the severed tails and pulling them into the pearl.

Wei Huan turned to Su Buyu and grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. Then he grabbed the massive wind blade again, aiming to behead the hook serpent—but right then, Yun Yongzhou suddenly scorched the serpent’s head with fire, startling Wei Huan enough that his blade missed.

“What are you doing?!”

Yun Yongzhou descended calmly, his expression unchanged. He said simply, “It’s like you.”

Then, with a backward sweep of his right arm, the entire serpent was engulfed in flame.

“It fears fire.”

What the h*ll… Wei Huan was fuming. Yun Yongzhou was even more of a kill-stealer than anyone he knew.

“I was supposed to carry this round!!!” Wei Huan nearly exploded.

“He did the right thing. We can’t just kill the hook serpent. I’ve already contacted the instructors.” Yang Sheng caught up and gestured for Wei Huan to retract the blade. The giant wind knife turned back into a violet whirlwind and was absorbed into Yang Sheng’s palm.

No kill credit. Blade stolen. Wei Huan was livid.

Seeing that the Bai girl had come to, Su Buyu left her side and asked, “So now what? We wait for the instructors?”

“Guess so…” Wei Huan suddenly felt something was off.

All four of them noticed it—a massive shadow loomed overhead.

Yang Sheng had a bad feeling. “Wei Huan… what exactly did you hit earlier?”

“How should I know?!”

The four of them looked up together. The giant candy airship floating overhead had a huge gash torn into it, and it had lost balance—now it was falling straight toward them.

Oh no…

Crash! Colorful candy rained down from the sky, burying the four of them under a mountain of sweets.

“Pffft. God—” Wei Huan, with only his head sticking out, pushed up his now-loose topknot. “Somebody pull me out, now.”

Of course, Yun Yongzhou didn’t lift a finger. Even after extricating himself from the candy pile, he coldly stepped over the sweets and walked past Wei Huan’s head toward the fire cage encasing the hook serpent.

Wei Huan grabbed Yun Yongzhou’s leg lightning-fast. “You’re not going anywhere! Help me!” And he actually dragged Yun Yongzhou down with him.

“Wow, your qipao’s all ripped!”

“Let go!”

“Not letting go!”

“Hey Wei Huan, this rectangular candy is really tasty—try it! I even unwrapped it for you.”

“I don’t have time for that!”

“Ah Huan, I’ll pull you out. I’ll be out in a second…”

“Let go of me.”

“No! You pull me out, and then I’ll let go!”

After much struggle, nearly until sunset, the group finally returned to the school area from the south gate. Su Buyu and Yang Sheng rushed back to their booths. Yun Yongzhou and Wei Huan were so exhausted they could barely fly, dragging their feet back to the café. Their cheongsams were tattered, their lipstick smudged beyond recognition, hair messy—they looked downright wretched.

“Oh my god, what did you two just do?” A senior covered her mouth in shock.

Wei Huan tugged at the hem of his completely ruined cheongsam. “We did something only real men would do.”

Yun Yongzhou rolled his eyes and pulled off his wig. “I’m going to change.”

“I’m first!” Wei Huan was about to bolt, but the senior grabbed him. “Hold on, I’ll undo your bun first.”

“Oh.” Wei Huan obediently bent down so she could take apart the messy double buns. “Fine, let him go first this time.”

The senior joked, smiling: “You two sure are close.”

“Close?” Wei Huan puffed his cheeks. “Not at all. He ran off right after snatching the kill.”

“I made a joke and you’re rhyming now?” The senior laughed, undoing the hair. “All done.”

Wei Huan swaggered off toward the changing room, mumbling as he walked: “That d*mn kill-stealer… stole the kill, and then just vanished…”

Right on cue, Yun Yongzhou stepped out, lifting the curtain—black shirt, cold face, full of intimidating energy.

“…friend.” Instantly cowardly, Wei Huan flashed a bright smile and reached out for a high-five.
“Yo! Yo! Yun Yongzhou! You’re my best friend~”

Yun Yongzhou ignored the hand in front of his face and walked off in another direction.

“You thought I wanted a high five? Pfft, no way,” Wei Huan said smoothly, using that very hand to lift the curtain and stride into the changing room. “I was just going in to change. Disappointed, huh~”

By the time he came out, Yun Yongzhou had already disappeared.

Wei Huan didn’t know why, but he felt a little… let down. He called Yang Sheng and asked to hang out at the Shanhai Night Market. After hanging up, the senior called out to him.

“Little Huan, wait up.” She came up and handed him a band-aid.

Wei Huan paused. She pointed to his cheek, and only then did he remember the cut left by Yun Yongzhou’s light blade when he saved Bai Jiu. Yun’s light blades weren’t just sharp—they left wounds that were especially hard to heal on most demons.

“Thanks, senior.” Wei Huan took the band-aid.

“Don’t thank me. Yongzhou left it for you.” She chuckled. “He just left it on the bar, said nothing. Good thing I’m smart and figured out it was for you.”

Wei Huan shrugged. “Maybe it wasn’t.” Then raised an eyebrow, “Anyway, thanks.”

The senior gave him a strange look.

“What?” Wei Huan looked down at himself, joking, “You’re not used to me in guy’s clothes now?”

“No,” the senior tilted her head. “It’s just… doesn’t that black shirt look bigger than the one you wore when you came here…? Or is it just me…”

Wei Huan tugged at the shirt.

“…Is it?”