Ever since learning that He Xulan was returning to the palace, Xueya had been feeling uneasy. Especially when he saw that Cui Lingjing didn’t even blink as he gave away his prized Ferghana horse to He Xulan.
The warmth of little New Year’s Eve now seemed like nothing but a dream to Xueya. He had a growing sense that once He Xulan returned, he would have to wake up from this dream.
In a moment of desperation, he did something impulsive—he made marks on his own body, pretending that he and Cui Lingjing had already been intimate. If he couldn’t make Cui Lingjing hate He Xulan, then maybe he could make He Xulan hate Cui Lingjing instead.
Xueya, facing He Xulan’s gaze, forced himself to remain lying there. After not seeing him for almost two months, He Xulan seemed to have paled a little and lost some weight. He didn’t respond to Xueya’s words, only letting his gaze rest on Xueya’s open collar.
Xueya, feeling uncomfortable under the prolonged scrutiny, raised his hand to adjust his hair, slightly covering himself in the process.
As soon as he did that, He Xulan turned around and walked away. Xueya was stunned. He waited in the inner hall for a long time, but He Xulan didn’t return. Helpless, he buttoned his collar back up.
Did he fail to deceive him? Even after going so far as to fabricate marks on his body?
Xueya remembered that he had once deceived He Xulan by complaining about his sore hands and aching back. Back then, He Xulan had undressed him and checked. But now, after just a glance, He Xulan walked away.
It seemed He Xulan really didn’t like him. All the kindness before had just been a lie.
With that realization, Xueya couldn’t help but grip his clothes tightly.
After sitting in the inner hall for a while longer, he stood up and walked outside. He Xulan was sitting in a chair, and though he heard Xueya coming, he didn’t spare him a glance. Xueya silently bowed to He Xulan and left. He went back to the veranda and resumed playing with his puzzle. After about the time it took to burn one incense stick, Cui Lingjing hurried back.
As soon as Cui Lingjing entered the side hall, he called out for “Godfather”
He Xulan sat there, expressionless, only glancing at Cui Lingjing. Cui Lingjing turned to look at the head eunuch behind him, who immediately led everyone out of the hall and closed the door behind them.
Once only He Xulan and Cui Lingjing remained in the hall, Cui Lingjing carefully chose his words. “Godfather, after all, you are the Empress Dowager of the nation, your status is noble. If word gets out that you personally went to provide disaster relief, someone might try to harm you.”
***
Two months earlier.
The continuous snowstorms had caused the number of refugees to increase. The freezing cold and dwindling food supplies meant that more and more people were dying on the roadside each day.
The court had initially sent a minister to provide disaster relief, but that minister fell ill on the way. Another minister was then sent, but when he arrived, refugees rushed to loot the supplies. Seeing the situation getting out of control, the minister ordered his guards to restore order, which the refugees misunderstood as an attack. Furious, they beat the minister, and the guards, in defense of the minister, killed a few refugees.
This only worsened the conflict.
The third choice for a relief official had to be chosen more carefully. However, most of the officials were either weak scholars or coarse generals. Yin Qingxuan would have been a good candidate, but the capital itself was still dealing with the effects of the snowstorm.
With Yin Qingxuan unable to go, Cui Lingjing didn’t trust anyone else. Finally, it was the Censor-in-Chief who suggested, “I believe the Empress Dowager would be an excellent choice. When the Empress Dowager served in the court years ago, he personally led disaster relief efforts in Jiangnan.”
Cui Lingjing’s first reaction was to refuse. What surprised him, however, was that many ministers supported the Censor-in-Chief’s recommendation. Cui Lingjing privately summoned Yin Qingxuan to ask for his opinion.
Yin Qingxuan’s thoughts aligned with Cui Lingjing’s. “I also believe the Empress Dowager should not go.”
“I agree. Those refugees are so violent, they might hurt Godfather,” Cui Lingjing said, feeling frustrated. “Yuan Wenquan is being utterly reckless.”
Yin Qingxuan remained silent.
But what Cui Lingjing hadn’t expected was that the Censor-in-Chief didn’t give up. He secretly sent a message to He Xulan, who then personally requested permission to lead the relief efforts.
Cui Lingjing originally refused to entertain the idea and even had the messenger executed for overstepping his bounds. But on New Year’s Eve, He Xulan approached him again. While the two shared drinks, He Xulan gently reminded him that the disaster could not be delayed any further.
Cui Lingjing knew as well. The Imperial Astronomers had predicted that the snow would likely last for a long time. If the situation dragged on, social unrest would surely follow.
Looking at He Xulan, who spoke softly about the greater good, and after having had a few drinks, Cui Lingjing found himself agreeing, even writing an imperial decree that night. He also promised to personally escort He Xulan out of the city the next day.
By the time Yin Qingxuan realized that He Xulan had left the palace, it was too late.
Cui Lingjing half-covered his face with his hand and mumbled, “Prime Minister Yin, why are you here in the palace instead of at home on New Year’s Day?”
Yin Qingxuan rarely displayed anger in front of Cui Lingjing, but today he could barely contain himself. “How could Your Majesty allow the Empress Dowager to go for disaster relief?”
“What’s done is done. Besides, the Empress Dowager has experience with disaster relief. Of course, I made sure to assign Yi Yefeng to protect him. He took his personal guard along, so Godfather should be safe,” Cui Lingjing replied.
Yin Qingxuan sternly said, “This is ridiculous. The Empress Dowager is a member of the inner palace. Under what pretense is the Empress Dowager supposed to lead a disaster relief effort?”
Being reprimanded by his minister, Cui Lingjing felt his temper flare. “Godfather is not a woman, so why shouldn’t he go?”
“Your Majesty, do you know why the late emperor decreed that the Empress Dowager must never leave the palace or the capital for the rest of his life? It wasn’t just because he is the Empress Dowager,” Yin Qingxuan pointed outside. “Back when the Empress Dowager, a man, married into the palace, do you know how many public protests there were? It’s only because the Empress Dowager has stayed out of public view for so long that the people have mostly forgotten about him. If the Empress Dowager succeeds in this disaster relief and gains widespread acclaim, what will people say about the past when the late emperor married him to avert bad luck? What if the people start petitioning for the Empress Dowager to return to court and resume his role as Grand Scholar of the Hanlin Academy? How will Your Majesty handle that?”
Cui Lingjing pressed his lips together and gripped the memorial beside him tightly. After a long silence, he said, “But wasn’t that always his rightful position?”
“Then the late emperor will be criticized as a foolish ruler who, for his own brief comfort, ruined someone else’s career.”
Yin Qingxuan’s words were so bold that they made Cui Lingjing furious. He smashed his teacup on the floor. “Yin Qingxuan, do you have no fear of death? How dare you speak ill of the late emperor?”
Yin Qingxuan stood firm. “I’m only telling the truth.”
Cui Lingjing, now rubbing his aching head, finally gave in. “It’s too late to change anything now. Godfather has already left.” After a pause, he straightened up. “Godfather is not someone who seeks personal gain. He went purely for the safety of the people of Li Dynasty. This disaster relief… Let’s say Yi Yefeng is in charge. I’ll send word.”
Yin Qingxuan bowed deeply. “Your Majesty is wise.”
***
Xueya noticed that the palace doors had closed and all the servants had stepped far back. He couldn’t help but wonder what He Xulan and Cui Lingjing were discussing inside. After waiting for a long time, he finally saw the doors reopen.
He Xulan came out first, followed by Cui Lingjing, who said something to him. He Xulan nodded and left Fengrui Palace. As soon as he saw He Xulan leave, Xueya rushed over to Cui Lingjing, catching the tail end of his instructions to the head eunuch to invite He Xulan to see the Ferghana horse the next day.
“Your Majesty, are you really going to give the Ferghana horse to the Empress Dowager?” Xueya couldn’t help but ask.
Cui Lingjing glanced at Xueya. “Yes. Why?”
Xueya opened his mouth but then closed it again, shaking his head.
Cui Lingjing’s gaze shifted toward the side hall. “The pastries inside haven’t been touched. Are you hungry? Go eat.”
After saying this, he turned and went to the Imperial Study. Xueya looked at the table in the side hall, which was set with several delicate pastries, all prepared for He Xulan. The treats Cui Lingjing sent to He Xulan were ones he personally liked, while the ones given to him were the ones He Xulan didn’t care for.
***
When He Xulan returned, Xueya clearly noticed that Cui Lingjing had grown much colder toward him, spending most of his days in He Xulan’s palace.
While Xueya was troubled by this, he suddenly overheard the palace staff discussing the spring hunt.
Right, it was almost time for the spring hunt again.
Last year, Xueya went to the Sui Bai Race Track as part of He Xulan’s entourage. Would Cui Lingjing bring him along this year?
Xueya wanted to ask Cui Lingjing, and as it happened, Cui Lingjing was in the pavilion at that moment. As Xueya approached, he unexpectedly overheard the conversation between the chief eunuch and Cui Lingjing.
“Your Majesty, the list of palace servants to accompany the spring hunt has been drawn up. It includes those who served in previous years, but regarding Xueya, last year he went with the Empress Dowager. Should he accompany us this year?”
Cui Lingjing pondered for a moment. “Don’t take him. Let him stay in the palace. Godfather has been in a bad mood lately. Taking Xueya along would only worsen his temper. He’s never liked Xueya.”
The chief eunuch asked, “Your Majesty, do you plan to assign Xueya to another palace?”
After a pause, Cui Lingjing replied, “We’ll see after we return from the hunt.”
Hearing this from behind a tree, Xueya’s first thought was that he was about to be sent back to the laundry department. Was it because he almost slapped He Xulan that he was being sent back?
Just the thought of the endless laundry work there made Xueya shiver. He couldn’t go back, no matter what.
That night, Xueya couldn’t sleep. Just before dawn, he pulled out a fertility drug from his pouch.
If… He Xulan slept with someone else and Cui Lingjing caught them, surely Cui Lingjing wouldn’t favor He Xulan anymore.
It wasn’t easy to drug He Xulan. Xueya had to wait until Cui Lingjing held a private banquet, inviting only He Xulan and Yi Yefeng. Xueya, of course, wasn’t allowed at the table, but he had access to the small kitchen in the Fengrui Palace.
After spending some time with He Xulan, Xueya knew his tastes well. He immediately noticed the incense-infused cooked water placed on the kitchen table—it was something He Xulan often drank.
“I’ll take this over,” Xueya said to the palace servant carrying it, smiling.
Seeing it was Xueya, the servant thought nothing of it. All food served at the table had to go through poison testing, and the eunuchs tested it themselves. However, the fertility drug Xueya used couldn’t be detected by the silver needle, and since eunuchs were castrated, the drug wouldn’t affect them.
Xueya didn’t serve the drink himself. Just before entering the hall, he pretended to twist his ankle and asked another servant from the side hall to deliver it.
***
Xueya stood outside the hall, secretly watching the events unfold. When the incense-infused water was placed in front of He Xulan, he clenched his fists. He Xulan seemed to sense someone watching him and suddenly glanced in Xueya’s direction. Terrified, Xueya quickly hid behind a pillar.
Pressing his back tightly against the pillar, Xueya realized there was no turning back. The next step was to make sure Cui Lingjing witnessed He Xulan with someone else.
The drug wouldn’t take immediate effect; it would need at least half an hour to kick in.
Less than the time of one incense stick later, the banquet ended. To Xueya’s surprise, Cui Lingjing suggested taking Yi Yefeng to see the famous Ferghana horse, and since He Xulan now owned the horse, all three went together.
All three had been drinking heavily that evening.
Panicked, Xueya rushed out from behind the pillar without thinking and said, “Your Majesty, this servant wishes to go too.”
Already slightly drunk, Cui Lingjing glanced at He Xulan before waving him off, “What would you do? Aren’t you afraid? Stay in the palace.”
“I just…” Before Xueya could finish, the chief eunuch stepped in.
“Xueya, you haven’t had your dinner yet. Go eat,” the eunuch said, while He Xulan and the others walked out. But Xueya had no appetite. Growing more anxious as He Xulan’s time to be affected drew nearer, he found Liang Mu.
“Liang Mu, I want to go outside for a moment,” Xueya said.
Liang Mu asked, “What for?”
“I want to pick some peach blossoms to make perfume,” Xueya lied.
Liang Mu looked at the sky. “It’s very late. Can it wait until tomorrow?”
“No, I want to pick them today. I’ll be quick and come right back.” Xueya’s palms were sweating. He had to find Cui Lingjing; if he was with He Xulan when the drug took effect, everything would be ruined.
After staring at Xueya for a moment, Liang Mu stepped aside. “Go ahead.”
Xueya thanked him and hurried out. Once out of sight, he lifted his robe and ran toward the stables.
He had never run so fast in his life, filled with regret for what he had done.
To avoid running into the palace guards, Xueya took a shortcut. As he ran, a figure suddenly appeared from the side. Startled, Xueya screamed, but his mouth was quickly covered.
By the dim moonlight, Xueya saw the person’s face. It wasn’t a ghost, but to Xueya, this person was more terrifying than any ghost.
It was He Xulan.
***
He Xulan brought Xueya to Ningfu Palace. Xueya, overwhelmed with guilt, didn’t dare make a sound. He was thrown onto the bed, and only then did he scramble back in fear, trying to act clueless.
“Why did you bring this servant here, Your Highness?”
He Xulan’s expression was unlike anything Xueya had ever seen. His eyes were bloodshot, like a wolf’s, as he closed in on Xueya. Trembling, Xueya huddled in the corner of the bed, his voice faltering.
“Your Highness, I’ll call someone. The imperial physician can help…”
But He Xulan didn’t respond, as if he hadn’t heard a word.
His hand reached for Xueya’s robe.
Xueya grabbed his wrist, shaking his head in terror.
—”This drug is potent. If someone takes it, things will get serious.”
—”Will they die?”
—”No, but they might lose control.”
***
Xueya had never experienced such pain. He regretted it—regretted ever drugging He Xulan. Crying, he begged He Xulan, “I’m sorry, I know I was wrong. Please… don’t…”
But nothing could stop it.
He Xulan ignored him entirely. After what felt like an eternity, Xueya noticed something different. Using all his strength, he pushed He Xulan away, his lips trembling.
“No… no, stop…”
Halfway through his sentence, Xueya bit his lip hard. His whole body went stiff until He Xulan finally stood up.
Compared to Xueya, He Xulan was still dressed impeccably, not even his hair was out of place. If it weren’t for his red eyes and heavy breathing, no one would know he had been affected by the drug.
Xueya stared at He Xulan, his gaze falling on something that terrified him. He tried to stand but collapsed after taking just two steps.
He had no strength left—everything hurt.
Realizing he couldn’t escape, Xueya broke down, sobbing. His raven-black hair cascaded over his pale skin, and the contrast between the cold floor tiles and his burning body was stark.
Through tear-filled eyes, he saw someone approach him.
Xueya whimpered as he felt the tears on his face gently kissed away. The kisses were as soft as feathers. Without realizing it, Xueya grasped He Xulan’s robes, his sobs turning into quiet whimpers.
“It hurts, brother. I’m in so much pain. Please stop.”
“I’ll be gentler,” He Xulan replied softly.
Hearing this, Xueya cried even more, his once sharp fox-like eyes now rimmed with pink. As He Xulan lifted him, Xueya finally understood what it meant to hoist a rock only to drop it on your own foot.
