Until the first light of dawn seeped through the window, Xueya finally managed to lie down and sleep. He had endured many hardships in his life, but never had he suffered such agony. His body was forced open, forced to accept, as pain and unspeakable shame engulfed him completely.
When Xueya was at the Red Moon House, he had seen all kinds of young male courtesans. Most of them would greet guests with a smile and send them off with one, too, despite the suffering their bodies endured. They would curse privately, but if a guest came, they would still receive them.
In his mind, this kind of thing should have been as simple as eating a meal. Xueya had never witnessed the real act, only hearing sounds through a screen. At that time, he was nearly fifteen, and the madam had instructed him to listen.
Sitting behind the screen, Xueya heard the creaking, rising, and falling sounds from the other side. He grew bored, playing with the orange on the table. After some time, the noise stopped.
When the sounds ceased, Xueya thought he could finally leave. But before he could stand up, the guest emerged.
“When are you going to be available?” the guest asked, eyeing the tender, fresh-looking Xueya with obvious desire.
The head courtesan, wearing only a thin robe, quickly grabbed the guest’s hand before he could touch Xueya’s face. “Him? He’ll be ready when he turns fifteen. Come back then.” With that, he ushered the guest out the door.
Once the guest had left, the head courtesan sat down in front of Xueya. As he did so, a flicker of pain crossed his face.
“Does it hurt?” Xueya couldn’t help but ask, noticing the expression, even though what he had heard earlier was filled with apparent pleasure.
The head courtesan looked at Xueya for a moment before picking up the orange from the table and placing it in his hand. “Eat it,” he said. After a pause, he added, “It doesn’t hurt.”
That type of orange was expensive, costing a string of copper coins each—far more than a young courtesan like Xueya, who hadn’t yet been made available, could afford.
“That’s good,” Xueya replied at the time. “I’m really afraid of pain.”
The head courtesan laughed, though it was unclear whether he was laughing at Xueya or at himself.
Only now did Xueya realize that he had been lied to.
It hurt—a terrible, unbearable pain!
***
As the daylight brightened, He Xulan returned from outside. Unlike the curled-up boy asleep on the bed, He Xulan had not slept a wink but appeared full of energy, without a trace of fatigue.
He carried a lacquered tray to the bedside, set it down on a stool, and pulled aside the bed curtain to sit next to Xueya.
The boy, curled up in a corner of the bed, slept restlessly, his brows tightly knitted, with tears still clinging to the corners of his eyes. The thin blanket covered most of his body, but his shoulder, pale and striking, remained exposed.
He Xulan leaned closer, and as soon as his fingers touched the boy’s shoulder, the body beneath his hand flinched. Xueya whimpered softly in his sleep, begging for mercy, “I was wrong, I know I was wrong… Please, no… Spare me… Mother, save me…”
Even though his eyes were still closed, he instinctively pleaded.
He Xulan paused briefly, then gently gripped Xueya’s shoulder. “Eat something before you go back to sleep.”
But the boy didn’t respond, still muttering those same pleas for mercy. He Xulan had no choice but to let go, standing to close the bed curtain again. By nightfall, when the boy still hadn’t awakened, He Xulan lifted him from the bed. Feeling the trembling in Xueya’s body, he held him closer, positioning him to lie comfortably in his arms.
After resting in He Xulan’s embrace for a while, Xueya’s body gradually relaxed. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw a cup brought to his lips. He timidly glanced at He Xulan, and seeing no sign of anger on his face, leaned in to drink.
He gently sucked on the rim of the cup, drinking a little at a time.
He Xulan watched him closely, and when Xueya finished the water, licking his lips, he poured another cup and held it to his lips again. Exhausted, Xueya drank slowly, as if he could fall asleep at any moment. After feeding him the water, He Xulan patted the back of Xueya’s neck. “You still can’t sleep yet. You need to eat some porridge first.”
It took the time of an incense stick for He Xulan to feed Xueya the porridge. Afterward, he carried him to the adjoining bathhouse in the palace. When they emerged, both were dressed in light, matching robes.
Xueya was placed back onto the bed, where he saw the shredded clothes on the floor, especially the dudou on top. The steam from the bath had turned his face a soft shade of pink. He Xulan sat beside the bed, his gaze darkening as he looked at Xueya. In a calm voice, he asked, “Are you hiding more of the drug?”
The question drained the color from Xueya’s face. He looked at He Xulan, panic rising within him, leaving him speechless. His fear spread like wildfire.
He Xulan noticed the fear but said nothing, only continuing to stare at him. Xueya bit his lip and glanced down at the floor, struggling to get the words out. “In… in the sachet.”
He Xulan rummaged through the torn clothing and retrieved the small sachet. Inside, he found a black pill. He sniffed it before looking back at Xueya. The boy shuddered, pulling the blanket up to cover half his face, leaving only his eyes visible. He Xulan crushed the pill into powder through the sachet and threw it back on the floor.
He then pulled the bed curtain closed. Seeing this, a chill ran down Xueya’s spine, and as He Xulan leaned over him, a sob escaped his throat. “Brother, I was wrong… Please… please spare me…”
He Xulan hummed in response, but his hand moved to pull away the blanket covering Xueya.
“The drug hasn’t worn off,” he said.
Xueya knew there was no way to avoid it. Crying, he slowly parted his legs.
***
After it was over, Xueya was carried back to bathe. By the time they came out, he had fallen asleep again, not waking until midday the next day. When he tried to sit up, he winced in pain.
Painful.
Xueya slowly sat up and cautiously peeked out from behind the bed curtain. Seeing a figure by the window, he quickly let the curtain fall back down. After a moment, he peeked again—the figure was He Xulan.
Today, He Xulan was dressed in a pale white robe with a soft sheen, and the sunlight streaming through the window made him look clean and pure, like a flawless piece of jade. Even Xueya couldn’t reconcile the person sitting there with the one who had nearly swallowed him whole the night before.
As Xueya stared at He Xulan, the man suddenly turned his head. Xueya quickly lowered the curtain, but it was too late. Not long after, the bed curtain was drawn back, and He Xulan sat down beside him. He looked at Xueya, who had curled into a corner of the bed, and raised an eyebrow before pulling him into his arms.
Xueya, noticing He Xulan’s actions, shook his head in fear, his face turning pale.
He Xulan’s voice was gentler than before. “I won’t touch you, just want to take a look. I applied some medicine while you were asleep.”
Xueya didn’t need He Xulan to explain what kind of medicine it was; he understood immediately. He looked at He Xulan with uncertainty, noticing that his eyes were not red, and his breathing had returned to normal. Only then did he slowly release his grip on He Xulan’s hand. But just as he let go, he grabbed it again. “I… I’ll check myself.”
“How are you going to check?” He Xulan’s simple question left Xueya speechless.
He couldn’t see.
Xueya lowered his eyes and let go of He Xulan once more.
Lying face down on the bed, Xueya stared at the patterns on the canopy, his face gradually turning red. He could feel He Xulan applying the medicine, and he had to admit, it did feel a bit better.
Once his pants were back in place, Xueya hurriedly pressed his lower back against the bed, no longer wanting to maintain such an embarrassing position. He heard He Xulan get up and leave, and he secretly sighed in relief, but not long after, He Xulan returned.
For the past few days, He Xulan had helped Xueya bathe and clean up several times, but this time, Xueya was fully conscious. He Xulan’s movements were gentle, treating him as if he were a precious porcelain vase, like the expensive one on Cui Lingjing’s desk.
Thinking of Cui Lingjing, Xueya suddenly sat up straight and looked out the window.
How many days had passed? He couldn’t even remember.
“I…” Xueya started to speak but then changed his mind. “I need to return to Fengrui Palace.”
He Xulan wiped Xueya’s hands several times with a towel. “No need to go back.” He tossed the towel into the basin and lifted Xueya, carrying him to the soft couch by the window.
The couch was covered in soft cushions.
Xueya looked at He Xulan in confusion. Over the past few days, his mind had been foggy, and he couldn’t quite understand. “Why don’t I need to go back?”
He Xulan first called for someone to bring food before turning to Xueya. “I’ve told His Majesty that from now on, you’ll stay in Ningfu Palace. He agreed.”
Xueya blinked, sitting dumbfounded on the couch. When someone entered with the food, he suddenly realized and wanted to hide, but there was nowhere on the couch to conceal himself.
Not wanting anyone to see him in this state, Xueya hid behind He Xulan, clutching his clothes tightly. The aroma of food reached his nose, and though he was starving, he only dared to sneak a peek with one eye.
Huang Gonggong, accompanied by two apprentices, brought in the food. They kept their gazes straight ahead, set the small table with the dishes, and left without lingering. He Xulan let Xueya hide behind him until they were gone. Then he lifted Xueya out from behind him and placed him next to the small table, putting a jade chopstick in his hand.
“Eat,” He Xulan said.
Xueya was truly hungry. He thought, even if this were his last meal, he had to eat it, so he wouldn’t die a starving ghost. He devoured a bowl and a half of rice before realizing that He Xulan had been watching him eat the entire time.
Glancing at He Xulan, Xueya quickly averted his gaze.
His mind was filled with too many thoughts—He Xulan’s mocking words telling him he wasn’t worthy of being liked, the image of his frostbitten hands, and the memory of that bowl of fragrant water laced with medicine.
This disaster was of his own making, and now he was tasting the bitter consequences.
Xueya began to realize that he might never get another chance to cling to Cui Lingjing’s favor. Not only that, but his life might also be in danger. If Cui Lingjing found out he had slept with He Xulan, he would surely kill him. And if Cui Lingjing learned that he had drugged He Xulan, he would assume Xueya had seduced him on purpose.
Drawn and quartered…
He would be drawn and quartered, wouldn’t he?
Thinking of this, Xueya looked at He Xulan. Crawling over to him, he pleaded in a servile tone, “I know I was wrong. I’ll never do it again. Can we pretend this never happened? Please, just send me to the laundry house for punishment. I’ll wash clothes and never see His Majesty again.”
