If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 17

Ahhhhh, Xie Lanzhi go away go away, don’t come over! “Cheng Ning” is already locked, I even swallowed the key—if you dare steal Ning Ning, I’ll curse you so your cola has no pull-tab, your milk tea no straw, and every bag of chips you buy gets crushed into powder!

At this moment, Qin Shu’s mind was broadcasting madly: Protect our Ning Ning! Protect the back line! I’m going in for the kill!

Qin Shu took a stride toward Xie Lanzhi, mouthing: Stop. Don’t move. I’ll come to you.

Xie Lanzhi actually understood and stopped walking.

Qin Shu had run too fast to brake, crashing straight into Xie Lanzhi’s chest. Xie Lanzhi let out a muffled sound, stepped back half a step, and instinctively steadied Qin Shu by the shoulders.

Breathless in Xie Lanzhi’s arms, Qin Shu caught a faint whiff of refreshing lemon scent on him.

Xie Lanzhi pressed his hand lightly against Qin Shu’s forehead, gently pushing him back. “What’s wrong, your face is so red.”

Truth be told, it was from shipping his CP. If someone hadn’t suddenly shown up, his face could’ve gotten even redder. Qin Shu shook his head. “Why did you come here?”

Hearing the hint of complaint in Qin Shu’s tone, Xie Lanzhi said coolly, “Your mug arrived.”

“Oh, oh, then give it to me.” Qin Shu accepted the mug expectantly. “Are you leaving now?”

Xie Lanzhi: “…” The “cold” part of “hot and cold” arrived. Judging from Qin Shu’s expression, it seemed like he couldn’t wait for him to disappear. Smiling faintly, he asked, “You want me to go?”

Qin Shu smiled back. “Do you have other business here?”

Lowering his gaze at the younger student, Xie Lanzhi thought of his cat. She appeared when she wanted, vanished when she wanted, sometimes perfunctory, sometimes clingy. Even as her owner, he could never completely control her, as if he were nothing more than her plaything. He disliked that feeling—whether with a cat or a person.

“Chu Cheng is here too, isn’t he?” Xie Lanzhi heard himself say. “I’ll go say hi.”

He took a step forward, and Qin Shu, as if facing a great enemy, rushed to block him. “You’re already so familiar, what’s the point of saying hi again? Skip it once and your little boat of friendship won’t sink… right?”

Xie Lanzhi’s expression grew colder and colder, making Qin Shu’s voice shrink smaller and smaller. Was Xie Lanzhi… angry?

Qin Shu flustered. “Xie… senior?”

Xie Lanzhi ignored him and didn’t move forward either, as if truly angry. Qin Shu hurried to shoulder the blame. Xie Lanzhi had come all this way just to deliver his mug, and the moment he received it he tried to shoo him away like a tool-man—it was unreasonable. “I’ll treat you to a Coke,” Qin Shu said, “thanks for the mug.”

The “hot” part of “hot and cold” returned. “No need,” Xie Lanzhi said. “I’m going.”

Qin Shu hugged the mug, hesitating whether to coax him further, when he suddenly heard someone call Xie Lanzhi’s name. His heart leapt into his throat. Slowly turning his head, he saw Xu Ning and Chu Cheng walking toward them with smiles. His vision went dark—he nearly fainted.

D*mn it, what are you doing here?! Your dad out here is killing himself tanking damage for you, and you two deliver yourselves for a double kill?! You… I… you can’t do this to me!

Chu Cheng’s eyes lit up at the sight of Xie Lanzhi, as happy as a three-hundred-pound kid. “Brother Lan, you’re here to work out too? Great, now the three of us can train together.”

Qin Shu clutched his chest, holding back the urge to vomit blood. The three of you together? Seriously, is that even human speech? Watch me call the cops!

Xie Lanzhi didn’t say he came for Qin Shu, only said, “I usually train at home.” Then he looked at Xu Ning, thought a moment, and said, “Xu Ning.” —The person Qin Shu liked.

Xu Ning smiled brightly. “Xie Lanzhi, long time no see.”

Chu Cheng was surprised. “You two know each other?”

Xu Ning said, “Xie Lanzhi and I are both in the Photography Club, we’ve met once or twice.”

Chu Cheng laughed. “That’s great, saves me the trouble of introductions.”

Qin Shu: “……” Yeah, great my *ss.

Xu Ning: “I haven’t seen you at the last few club events.”

Xie Lanzhi: “Been a little busy.”

Xu Ning: “There’s another event for Mid-Autumn, moon-watching and photography. If you’re free, come join. It’s pretty fun.”

Xie Lanzhi nodded. “Alright.”

From their conversation it was obvious the two of them were really only acquaintances. But Qin Shu dared not relax. They’d only exchanged a few lines, yet already set a time to meet again. Leave them to keep talking, and before long they’d be discussing where to go for their honeymoon.

Heh. The official pairing. Truly worthy of the title.

Qin Shu squeezed himself in between Xie Lanzhi and Xu Ning. “What’s all this? Weren’t we here to work out? Weren’t we going to spinning class? It’s starting.”

Chu Cheng glanced toward the spin room. “Looks like it’s about to start. Brother Lan, we’ll head out first.”

Xie Lanzhi gave a faint “Mm.”

Xu Ning said, “Qin Shu, you haven’t changed clothes yet.”

Qin Shu looked down at his loose jeans. “Seems like you’re right.”

Chu Cheng sneered: “So what the h*ll did you go to the locker room for just now, to peek at naked men?”

Qin Shu winked at Xu Ning. “I went to look at Ning Ning, of course.”

That sentence dropped like a sudden clap of thunder, leaving all three of them stunned.

Chu Cheng froze, then exploded: “You f*cking—”

Qin Shu poured oil on the fire: “I was looking at Ning Ning, so what are you swearing at me for? Who are you to him, huh?”

“I wasn’t cursing a person, I was cursing a p*rvert!”

Xu Ning just shook his head helplessly and walked toward the spin room. Xie Lanzhi left even earlier, not even bothering with a word of goodbye. After Chu Cheng and Qin Shu finished bickering, they realized the other two were gone.

“You’d better not fall asleep tonight, or tomorrow there’ll be one more corpse in 419.” After dropping his threat, Chu Cheng followed Xu Ning. Qin Shu, after struggling for a bit, pulled out his phone and sent Xie Lanzhi a “Thank you, senior,” then happily went back to shipping CP.

Xie Lanzhi didn’t look at his phone the whole way home. Only after he got back did he see Qin Shu’s message. At first, he hadn’t planned to reply, but Snowball—currently in heat—was especially clingy, rubbing against his legs, pushing its head insistently into his palm. With his hands tied up, he finally replied with just a “1.”

He gathered Snowball into his arms, gently stroking her head to distract her. For some reason, Xu Ning came to mind—gentle, clear, refined. So that’s the type Qin Shu liked.

Xie Lanzhi gave a dry laugh. He was being ridiculous. What type of boy Qin Shu liked—what did that have to do with him?

That night, Qin Shu, having gorged himself on “sugar,” slept very soundly. And the next day, sure enough, there was one more corpse in 419—their last goldfish had died. With heavy hearts, Qin Shu and Chu Cheng buried it downstairs so it could be reunited with its siblings.

***

As the Mid-Autumn Festival approached, Qin Shu grew more and more anxious. By the tenth time he asked Chu Cheng, “Do you think Xie Lanzhi will go to the photography club’s Mid-Autumn event?” Chu Cheng finally snapped: “I don’t know! Ask me again and I’ll report you to the teacher!”

Qin Shu said, “Reporting to the teacher? Please, I stopped using that move in middle school.”

They were in their “metalwork practicum” class, an elective for engineering majors. In the lab, they had to grind tools, solder circuits, and manufacture all kinds of strange parts. Because there were many machine tools around, guys couldn’t wear slippers, girls couldn’t wear skirts, and everyone had to tie up their hair.

This period, they were making hammers. After much fuss, Qin Shu finally ground his hammer into something resembling a hammer and handed it in for inspection. The instructor studied his little hammer with a look of disdain, then grudgingly gave him a “B+.”

Qin Shu let out a breath of relief and went to find Chu Cheng, who had finished earlier. “Wanna grab food?”

“Wait, I’m going to carve my name into my hammer,” Chu Cheng said. “After all, I made it with my own two hands.”

Qin Shu gave him the “subway old man looking at phone” face. “Don’t tell me you’re planning to carve Ning Ning’s name and give it to him.”

Chu Cheng froze for a second, then quickly returned to normal. “Do I look like an idiot?”

Qin Shu sighed in relief. “Good.”

While waiting for him, Qin Shu idly played with his phone. Seeing the handsome guy on his home screen reminded him of the Mid-Autumn Festival.

He’d asked Xu Ning—the event was the day after Mid-Autumn, since the moon was fullest on the sixteenth, which made for better photos. Xu Ning would be there, but he didn’t know if Xie Lanzhi would go. Xu Ning had asked if he wanted him to check with Xie Lanzhi, but Qin Shu had cried: No!!!! I’ll ask myself!!!

…Except he still hadn’t asked.

“All done carving.” Chu Cheng stuffed the hammer into his bag. “Let’s go eat.”

“Show me?” Qin Shu said casually.

“Not a chance.”

After eating, they returned to the dorm, barely sat down when Lu Rulu came knocking, carrying a bag of duck necks and duck bones. “Here you go, Little Love Letter. Brother Lan bought these for you.”

“Huh?” Qin Shu blinked, torn between laughter and tears. So Xie Lanzhi was actually serious.

Chu Cheng was curious: “Why would Brother Lan buy Qin Shu duck necks and duck bones?”

Lu Rulu spread his hands—he had no idea either. “He just said he promised Little Love Letter.”

Qin Shu opened the bag, and the other two helped themselves to the duck bones.

“By the way, Brother Lu,” Qin Shu asked, “do you know if Senior has any plans for Mid-Autumn?”

“His family’s local. Probably going home to spend it with his parents.”

“Is that so,” Qin Shu said, happily gnawing on a duck neck. “That’s perfect.”

After devouring the duck necks and bones, Qin Shu thanked Xie Lanzhi over WeChat and even sent him a red envelope. The duck necks were delicious, but he couldn’t just freeload.

Xie Lanzhi seemed busy—he didn’t reply or accept the money.

The day before Mid-Autumn, Chu Cheng—also from the same city—went home too, leaving Qin Shu alone in the dorm. But Qin Shu was long used to spending holidays alone: treating himself to a good meal, scrolling Weibo, watching dumb novels and videos. He laughed out loud by himself, not feeling lonely at all.

As for his family, his parents were constantly abroad. He’d been in touch a few times, enough to see that they did care for him. Unable to come back for the holiday, they wrote their guilt directly into his living expenses—his bank balance had suddenly gained an extra zero.

Munching chips while immersed in his novel, Qin Shu was interrupted by a voice call. The caller was his older brother, Qin Hua—the infamous “24-year-old virgin.”

As soon as Qin Shu picked up, Qin Hua couldn’t wait to blurt out: “Qin Shu, I’m on the plane right now. It’s about to take off. I’ll be at your place in two hours.”

The chips fell right out of Qin Shu’s hand. “Huh? Bro, what are you coming here for?”

“Anyway, it’s not to spend the holiday with you.”

“???”

“Drive to the airport to pick me up. I have to switch off my phone, see you in two hours.”

Qin Hua sounded like he was rushing to reincarnate. As soon as he finished speaking, he hung up. Qin Shu was dumbfounded—he… didn’t really know how to drive. He had gotten his license before, but he’d never actually driven on the road; aside from the instructor’s car, he’d never even touched another car.

On Qin Shu’s keychain, there had always been a car key. He had also heard Wang Youyu say that his car was parked in the lot of the C-zone teaching building.

Forget it—since he’d gotten a license, it proved he had the qualification to drive.

Qin Shu grabbed the key and went out. Under the moonlight, he headed to the parking lot. Pressing the key fob, a flashy red two-seater sports car responded to him.

There isn’t a boy who doesn’t like sports cars. Qin Shu, thrilled, got into the car, but immediately frowned. This seat was a little low—it wasn’t nearly as comfortable as the instructor’s car. Wait—how was he supposed to start it again? What was this button for? Where was the clutch? How could he drive without a clutch???

What a piece of junk! Trash car!

Ten minutes later, Qin Shu admitted defeat and opened his phone, ready to call for a substitute driver. Just then, someone knocked on his window. Qin Shu rolled it down and saw a handsome yet aloof face.

“Need help?”

Xie Lanzhi was holding a laptop—he must have just come from self-study and was about to head home. Qin Shu snapped out of it and said, “Do you know how to drive?”

Xie Lanzhi countered, “Which kind of driving are you talking about?”

Author’s Note:

Little Love Letter: “Senior, do you know how to drive? Can you teach me?”

Xie Lanzhi: “I can.”

A few hours later…

Little Love Letter biting the blanket in protest: “That’s not the kind of driving I meant!”