If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 25

Qin Shu opened his school forum profile, found “My Posts,” and after just a quick glance, blood rushed to his head. The embarrassment had him curling his toes into a whole three-bedroom apartment.

Luxury cars, luxury houses, all sorts of designer goods, rants about national politics and school policies, and even a candid shot of Xu Ning with the caption: One hour, I want all his info.

Aaaaahhh! Delete, delete, delete! If he moved fast enough, embarrassment couldn’t catch him!

But then Chu Cheng delivered the killing blow: “Too late. I saved all your black history as backups, even made a few memes. One a day keeps the depression away.”

Heh. He was tired of calling him an “unfilial son.”

Qin Shu calmed down a little, waited for the heat in his face to subside, then asked, “When did you show Xie Lanzhi those videos?”

“Just a few days ago,” Chu Cheng said, “over the Mid-Autumn holiday.”

Qin Shu thought back to all the moments he’d spent with Xie Lanzhi that break.

—Senior, it’s dark, I don’t dare drive.

—Senior, senior, where’s the low-beam light?

——“Senior, senior, senior, I can’t back the car in, save me ahhhh!”

……

So what would Xie Lanzhi think of him? That he was playing him, like Chu Cheng did? Then why didn’t he call him out, and instead kept playing along? Or… had Xie Lanzhi already contacted the mental hospital, reserved a bed, and was just waiting for him to slip up so an ambulance could drag him away?

Qin Shu painfully covered his burning face again. Ah, living is so meaningless, please just let him disappear right here, thank you.

But alas, human suffering isn’t shared. While Qin Shu was already ashen inside, across from him Chu Cheng was laughing so hard he nearly fell off his chair: “The more I think about it, the more I feel you really were a genius back then. I’m dying of curiosity—what happened that suddenly made you see the light and reform yourself so thoroughly?”

Qin Shu numbly said, “Take a guess.”

Chu Cheng lowered his voice mysteriously: “Actually, you got body-swapped, right?”

Truly worthy of being his chosen baby—even this he could guess. Qin Shu gave a skin-deep smile, “Yeah.”

Chu Cheng slapped his thigh hard, acting all serious: “I knew it!”

Of course, despite saying that, Chu Cheng was still a youth who believed in science. “Body-swapped” was just a running gag for him. He shared the joke in his little three-person WeChat group with Xie Lanzhi and Lu Rulu.

【Chu Overlord: Got solid proof, Qin Shu admitted himself he’s a body-swapper.】

【Chu Overlord: (These eyes have seen through too much.jpg)】

 【Red Carp Green Carp and Donkey: (D*mn, wisdom and courage in one.jpg)】

 【Shuimenjian: You’re with Qin Shu?】

 【Chu Overlord: Ah, we’re eating together.】

 【Shuimenjian: Tell him to reply to my message.】

Chu Cheng read Xie Lanzhi’s message several times, making sure he hadn’t misread.

【Red Carp Green Carp and Donkey: ???】

【Red Carp Green Carp and Donkey: Usually it’s you ignoring other people’s messages, now it’s karma! Heaven’s wheel turns! Chu, tell Little Love Letter not to reply, let’s drive Lanzhi mad for once—for the sake of all his many suitors, take revenge!】

【Shuimenjian: You very free?】

Between Lu Rulu and Xie Lanzhi, Chu Cheng chose the latter without hesitation. He raised his head to Qin Shu: “Hey, Lanzhi’s telling you in the group to reply to him.”

“……” F***, since when did Xie Lanzhi turn into an impatient type? He hadn’t replied for just a little while, and the guy had already tracked him down through his baby. Unreal.

With a face full of tragic resolve, Qin Shu opened Xie Lanzhi’s WeChat and replied: 【Here, I’m here.】

【Uncle Qin: Can’t tonight, I’ve got homework.】

Escaping may be shameful, but it’s useful—if he could delay, he would.

【Xie Lanzhi: Mm.】

Looked like that was it. Just as Qin Shu exhaled in relief, another message popped up.

【Xie Lanzhi: I’ll be in my dorm tonight. Come find me when you finish.】

…Well, he couldn’t run.

【Uncle Qin: Okay. QAQ】

【Uncle Qin withdrew a message】

 【Uncle Qin: Received.】

After sending, Qin Shu suddenly remembered something and asked, “Just now you said Xie Lanzhi messaged you in the group—what group is that?”

“Oh, just the little three-person group with me, Brother Lu, and Lanzhi.”

Qin Shu’s chest gave a jolt—another heavy blow. “You guys actually have a three-person group? What about me, am I from the neighboring village?!”

Chu Cheng hadn’t expected him to react so violently. “We didn’t really hang out much before, so I didn’t pull you in.”

“And later?!” With new grudges piled on old, this was the fiercest Qin Shu had ever been toward Chu Cheng. “Later we went through so much together—classes, meals, freeloading at the photography club—yet you still didn’t pull me in?!”

“Fine, fine, I’ll add you now.” Chu Cheng, annoyed, pulled him into the group right in front of his face. “Happy now?”

Qin Shu sneered: “Too late. Affection that comes late is worth less than grass.”

That evening, Qin Shu sat in the dorm half-doing homework, half-playing on his phone. When Chu Cheng came back from the gym, Qin Shu jumped: “You’re back already?”

Chu Cheng said, “What, body-swapped again? I always come back at this time.”

Qin Shu glanced at the clock—just past ten. About time to report in at Xie Lanzhi’s dorm. He stood slowly, heavy with doom: “I’m going across the hall.”

Chu Cheng was baffled. “Go if you want, do you really need to announce it?”

“Heh, and who do you think made me this way.” Qin Shu adjusted his face in the mirror, trying to look more natural. “I’m off.”

Chu Cheng watched him open the door, looking for all the world like he was about to go 1v5 in a crystal-stealing battle.

The door across the hall was ajar. Qin Shu knocked twice and pushed it open. “Senior?”

Lu Rulu was at his computer, with Xie Lanzhi standing behind him. The two turned toward the doorway at the sound.

Qin Shu, realizing he wouldn’t have to face Xie Lanzhi alone, felt his sanity bar refill halfway. Happily: “Brother Lu’s here too!”

“Uh?” Lu Rulu pointed to himself. “This is my dorm, why wouldn’t I be?”

Qin Shu explained, “I thought it’d just be me and Senior.”

Xie Lanzhi asked, “You wanted it to be just the two of us?”

Qin Shu froze. “N-no, of course not.”

Lu Rulu looked between them, then suddenly felt very redundant. “How about I go hang out with Chu Cheng across the hall and leave the room to you two?”

Qin Shu laughed: “Don’t, Brother Lu, you and Chu Cheng aren’t a good match.”

Lu Rulu turned blankly to Xie Lanzhi. “Your junior’s focus seems a little… off?”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “Come here.”

Qin Shu stepped over. “What are you guys watching?”

Xie Lanzhi said, “Dashcam footage.”

“Holy cr*p, let me see!”

Lu Rulu scrubbed the progress bar back a bit. “That lane-cutting dog swerved without even signaling—clear-cut full responsibility. I’m thinking of posting this video on the school forum, shut those idiots up.”

Seeing the accident scene again, Qin Shu was still shaken, and he couldn’t help swearing along with Lu Rulu: “D*mn it, that left a scar on me. Lane-cutting b*stard, may he get cut off for life—I curse him to be cut off by others forever.”

Lu Rulu laughed: “Isn’t your curse a little too gentle?”

The video kept playing. Xie Lanzhi appeared on the screen, and the two of them started talking. Lu Rulu heard Qin Shu nervously asking if anyone got hurt and commented: “Little Love Letter, are you being silly? The speed wasn’t even that high, no one could have been hurt.”

Qin Shu opened his mouth but swallowed the words, “I’m inexperienced,” and instead smiled and pretended to be oblivious. He sneaked a glance at Xie Lanzhi, whose expression remained indifferent, revealing nothing.

The video continued. Qin Shu heard himself blurting out: “That car suddenly cut in. I followed senior’s advice—speed without yielding—but he still crashed into me.”

Qin Shu: “…No way, was he really that pitiful at the time? He’s basically a bullied little elementary school kid asking for comfort and hugs—d*mn it!”

Xie Lanzhi: “Mm, I know Little Love Letter listens well. Can you keep listening?”

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

Lu Rulu’s smile faded. His small eyes were full of question marks: “Do you two usually talk like this?”

Xie Lanzhi hit pause with a click. “Once the video’s edited, post it.”

Lu Rulu had known Xie Lanzhi for three years but had never heard him use such a cloyingly sweet tone. He didn’t react immediately. “Uh… cut it where?”

Qin Shu quickly said: “Just cut it after the collision.”

“Your conversation isn’t needed?” Lu Rulu teased. “Perfect chance to let the whole school see what it’s like when the school grass pampers someone.”

Qin Shu’s cheeks burned. He defended himself: “It’s not pampering—it’s comforting.”

Lu Rulu threw up his hands: “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is huge.” The word “pamper” is usually used between family or lovers. He and Xie Lanzhi weren’t in that kind of relationship. Saying Xie Lanzhi pampered him felt… off.

“I notice you’re talking a lot today,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Can you shut up and edit? Otherwise, I’ll do it myself.”

Lu Rulu sighed. “So basically I’m just a tool, huh.”

The little episode made Qin Shu uneasy. He carefully avoided looking at Xie Lanzhi.

After finishing the edit, Lu Rulu reopened a post and uploaded the video, captioning it: “The proof you wanted is here.”

The previous thread had nearly a thousand replies. Many sympathized with the Camry owner. Some tried to shift the blame to Qin Shu, claiming that ordinary cars usually avoid luxury cars, so maybe Qin Shu hadn’t started his car immediately, and the Camry owner had to cut in—then Qin Shu suddenly accelerated. They argued convincingly, as if they’d been on the scene. Even worse, people agreed with them. Ridiculous.

Once the solid proof went up, comments were surprisingly consistent—@ing those who previously shifted the blame, demanding apologies. Some took responsibility, most stayed silent. Qin Shu was somewhat satisfied; at least no one would blindly hate on him again.

“By the way, what about the compensation?” Lu Rulu asked.

Xie Lanzhi said: “The insurance company’s assessed damage is just over eighty thousand.”

“Tsk, lucky for him.”

Xie Lanzhi continued: “Insurance assessment doesn’t mean he only has to pay eighty thousand. I consulted a lawyer. The exact repair costs aren’t finalized—eighty thousand might not be enough. Plus, any other transportation costs while your car is being repaired should be covered by him.”

Qin Shu and Lu Rulu, both clueless about law, exchanged glances. “Like…?”

“For example, if you had to spend 500 per day on taxis for 100 days because your car’s gone, that 50,000 should also be covered by him. Add other expenses, and beyond the insurance’s eighty thousand, he might have to pay a significant sum out of pocket. A year’s salary for a lesson—worth it.”

“But I don’t spend 500 per day on taxis.”

Lu Rulu: “Little Love Letter, are you stupid? Just say what needs to be said.”

Qin Shu hesitated: “Isn’t that… inappropriate?”

“Speaking of which,” Xie Lanzhi pulled a set of car keys from his pocket, “you can use my car while yours is being repaired.”

Before Qin Shu could speak, Lu Rulu jumped up yelling, pointing at Xie Lanzhi: “What the h*ll? You wouldn’t lend me your car before, now you offer it voluntarily?”

Xie Lanzhi lazily moved Lu Rulu’s finger with the key: “You borrowed it to chase a junior girl.”

“Which is fine!”

“Fraud isn’t good—you should let the girl see the real you,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Qin Shu, take it.”

Qin Shu took the keys Xie Lanzhi tossed him: “Senior, I mostly just hang around school. I don’t need a car. Also, if I dent it again… even if you don’t mind, your parents wouldn’t either, right?”

Xie Lanzhi found it odd: “Why care about something under a million?”

Qin Shu: “…Oh.”

Lu Rulu was silent for a few seconds, then clapped: “You’re handsome, whatever you say goes.”

With everything said, Xie Lanzhi needed to head home before curfew. “I’m off.”

Lu Rulu: “Take care, invisible flexer.”

Qin Shu: “Bye, Senior.”

Xie Lanzhi looked at Qin Shu: “You’re not leaving?”

Meeting Xie Lanzhi’s gaze, Qin Shu felt his scalp tingle, forced a dry laugh: “I’m going.”

Xie Lanzhi opened the door: “Go then.”

The door to 418 closed behind them. They stood in the hallway, across from Qin Shu’s 419. Before he could think of the perfect excuse, Qin Shu, so embarrassed he felt like he was losing a square meter of apartment space per second, eagerly unlocked his door: “Well, Senior, we’ll… see each other tomorrow… some other day.”

“Wait.”

Qin Shu had his hand on the doorknob, too nervous to turn back. “Is there… something else?”

“I forgot to buy duck neck and duck collarbone for you today,” Xie Lanzhi said. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.”

Qin Shu froze for a moment.

“Good night.”

“…Good night.”

Back in the dorm, Qin Shu leaned against the door, chest tight and stuffy, not happy at all.

Seeing him just standing there in a daze, Chu Cheng asked, “That look on your face… did Brother Lu confess to you?”

Qin Shu ground his teeth, yanked the door open, and bolted out. He ran all the way, and on the third-floor stairs he caught sight of Xie Lanzhi on the second floor. “Senior, wait up!”

Xie Lanzhi stopped and looked up.

Qin Shu came to a halt in front of him. They were separated by one flight of stairs, their eyes just about level.

“What is it?” Xie Lanzhi asked.

Panting a little, Qin Shu said, “About me saying I don’t know how to drive… I’m sorry. I had my reasons. I can’t tell you what they are, but…”

He rambled incoherently, looking like a complete idiot.

Xie Lanzhi cut him off. “I know.”

“Huh?”

“I know why you did it.”

Qin Shu looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

Xie Lanzhi considered his words. “You can keep going.”

He didn’t like being played, but the freshman in front of him was an exception.

Author’s note:
Senior: Go on, keep running your little scheme.
Little Love Letter: ???

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