If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 32

Qin Shu added another jab: “Actually, when you go through the symptoms one by one, the person who comes to mind ninety-nine percent of the time is the one you like. Admit it, young man—you just like him.”

After Qin Shu finished, 419 fell silent. Xie Lanzhi and Chu Cheng were still frozen in their previous positions—one with his hand on the doorknob, the other with his face pressed to the desk—as if turned to stone.

“What’s wrong with you two?” Qin Shu said. “Was I not clear enough?”

“Clear enough.” Xie Lanzhi’s eyes were complicated. “I’m just curious how you can say it so clearly—personal experience?”

Of course not. Qin Shu had been single since birth, with absolutely no idea what it felt like to like someone who wasn’t two-dimensional. But he’d read tons of romance webnovels and watched countless love anime, and he’d genuinely shipped CPs for so long. His theoretical knowledge reserves were more than enough—not to mention answering kindergarten-level questions like “How do you tell if you like someone?” Even giving an actual lecture on romance, he felt he could do it.

Qin Shu had intended to go along with Xie Lanzhi’s words, but when the words reached his lips, he unconsciously changed them: “No, I read it online. I thought it made a lot of sense.”

“It does make sense.” Whether it was “wanting to spend every day with him” in the big picture, or “scanning for his figure first after making a basketball shot” in the small details, every single point struck right at the heart.

That Qin Shu said it wasn’t from personal experience—Xie Lanzhi believed him. This kind of liking was too consuming; just liking one person was enough to leave someone unsettled, emotions out of control, let alone liking three at once.

If a playboy really liked every fish like this, the entire sea would dry up.

With Xie Lanzhi’s support, Qin Shu’s confidence soared. “Chu Cheng, did you hear? Even your Brother Lan agrees—my answer’s a perfect score!”

“D*mn it, every single one matches,” Chu Cheng howled, “then I’m doomed.”

Qin Shu rushed up to him, yanked him upright, and shook his shoulders furiously, roaring: “Recognizing your own feelings is a good thing! If you like him, then go chase him, go confess! What are you afraid of, holy sh*t—where’s the courage you had when you went 1v5 in a team battle?!”

Chu Cheng’s eyes were hazy, his cheeks flushed. “But—hic—what if the person I like is a guy?” he said painfully. “My parents won’t agree—they’ve already bought me a marital home.”

On the surface, Chu Cheng looked like just your average, carefree straight guy. Xie Lanzhi hadn’t expected that he could suddenly bend. “You mean… you’ve also fallen for a boy?”

Chu Cheng muttered fuzzily, “Brother Lan, why did you say ‘also’?”

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

“Your family prepared a marital home, maybe his family has one too,” Qin Shu coaxed. “If you two get together, wouldn’t that be two homes?”

Chu Cheng asked again, “Then whose surname would the kids take?”

Qin Shu: “???”

What what what? Kids? Where did kids come from? Baby, did you wander into the wrong script? No kids—we’re not doing kids!

Xie Lanzhi frowned. “Is he drunk?”

Qin Shu leaned closer to sniff Chu Cheng. “No smell of alcohol. Probably just overstuffed from eating.”

Xie Lanzhi: “…That’s a thing?”

“Maybe he just has a special constitution. For him, being overstuffed and being drunk show up the same way.” With a fatherly air, Qin Shu patted Chu Cheng’s cropped hair, which prickled against his palm. “Chu Cheng, are you dizzy? Feel like throwing up?”

Chu Cheng nodded. “Dizzy. Want to throw up.”

Qin Shu looked at Xie Lanzhi. “See? Told you.”

“Interesting,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Beyond the scope of my knowledge.”

Chu Cheng hiccuped again and muttered, “I want to sleep.”

“Sleep? Sleeping’s great!” There’s nothing a good sleep can’t fix.

Qin Shu and Xie Lanzhi helped him into bed. As soon as Chu Cheng’s head hit the pillow, he rolled into his favorite “lie-flat” pose and was out in seconds. Qin Shu looked at his sleeping face with the satisfaction of a parent whose child had finally learned to woo a girl.

“I’m heading back,” Xie Lanzhi said.

Qin Shu was still staring at the baby. “Mm.”

Xie Lanzhi couldn’t help himself—he put a hand on the back of Qin Shu’s head, pressed a little, and forced him to look his way.

Qin Shu was stunned. “Senior?”

Xie Lanzhi let go. “Why did you push Chu Cheng to chase someone?” If the fish in the sea were going to escape, shouldn’t the player care?

Push? Not just push—if threats weren’t illegal, Qin Shu would’ve put a knife to baby’s little chest and forced him to chase.

“Liking someone and going after them, that’s normal.” Qin Shu said. “As his roommate, of course I should support him.”

Xie Lanzhi lowered his eyes and asked: “What if it were me?”

“What?”

“What if it were me who liked someone. Would you tell me the same thing?”

Qin Shu froze. His whole focus was stuck on the first half of that sentence.

If Xie Lanzhi liked someone… other than a great beauty like Ning Ning, who else could it be? No, no, no—Ning Ning belongs to baby! Senior, can’t you pick someone else?

“Qin Shu.”

“…Uh?”

“Answer.”

Qin Shu asked cautiously: “Senior, you asking like this… does that mean you really do have someone you like?”

Xie Lanzhi’s lips curved slightly. “No.”

Qin Shu let out a breath of relief. “Oh!”

“But I do like the sea.”

Picking up on lines was etched into Qin Shu’s DNA. He blurted right out: “You like the sea, I have loved you; you like the forest, I have greened you?”

“…Good night.”

Back in dorm 418, the room was pitch dark. At this hour, Lu Rulu shouldn’t be asleep. Xie Lanzhi flipped on the light. “Why didn’t you turn the light on.”

Lu Rulu lay on his side on the bed like a resentful wife. “Darkness magnifies my loneliness infinitely. I wanted you to see it.”

Xie Lanzhi: “I can’t see it.”

Lu Rulu accused theatrically: “Young Master Xie, you’re really heartless. Rarely come back to the dorm for a few nights, and you throw away your one and only dear roommate to go live it up across the hall. Is 419 really that good? Hah, you city folk sure know how to play.”

“You country folk sure talk a lot.” Xie Lanzhi paused. “By the way, I remember the reason you broke up with your ex-girlfriend was because she had N guys on the hook, right?”

At the mention of this, Lu Rulu felt like his whole body lit up green, his brain instantly congested, his chest suffocated. “The h*ll, I just acted a little, and you really had to bring that up to stab me?!”

“I didn’t mean to stab you.”

Lu Rulu fumed. “Then what the h*ll do you want?!”

Xie Lanzhi asked: “How did she cheat on you?”

Lu Rulu raked his hair in frustration. “On the surface she said she liked me, loved me, but in her heart she always had some white moonlight. Her computer was full of that guy’s photos—I found them. She said she was just reminiscing about her youth, that she hadn’t contacted him in ages. Then she flipped it back on me, said I didn’t trust her.”

“Just that?”

Lu Rulu was shocked. “What do you mean, ‘just that’? Isn’t that excessive enough already?! Besides this so-called ‘white moonlight,’ the moment she saw a handsome young guy, she’d cast her net, pretending to be single. She’d tell me she was going to shower and sleep, then turn around and be riding on some guy’s head in King’s Canyon, having the time of her life…”

Xie Lanzhi remembered—Lu Rulu’s ex had also added him on WeChat. He couldn’t recall exactly what she’d said, but as soon as he learned it wasn’t Rulu who told her to add him, he deleted her.

Lu Rulu rambled on and on, and finally summed it up: “She was a d*mn player. Whoever falls for her is cursed with eight lifetimes of bad luck.”

Her behavior really had been vile. But Qin Shu was different—he didn’t give people that same disgusting feeling. Qin Shu had always been single; no matter how many faces he liked, he’d only ever publicly admitted to chasing Xu Ning, just one “fish.” He always claimed to be pursuing Xu Ning, but he never actually made a move. Instead, he gave Chu Cheng painstaking attention, looking after him constantly, setting him up with schemes day after day.

When Xie Lanzhi realized he was actually making excuses for Qin Shu’s “player” behavior, he almost laughed. Was his intelligence dropping?

“What does it feel like, to like someone”—maybe Qin Shu had missed one line.

Even knowing he’s fickle, a face-con, a player, you still can’t help but like him. Like a moth diving into a flame. Like a sea fish swimming into the deep.

“…No, seriously, what’s the point of you asking me all this?” Lu Rulu groaned. “Sprinkling cumin on my wounds, is that it?”

Xie Lanzhi said lazily, “Because I also fell for a player.”

Lu Rulu’s pupils shook; he shot upright. “Huh?! What—the h*ll—no way!”

“Why not.”

“You’re—d*mn it—you’re Xie Lanzhi! The whole school—no, the whole world wants you, and you go and like a player?!”

Xie Lanzhi said evenly, “Players are cute, and they know how to use routines. I couldn’t resist.”

“Cute?! Routines?! Since when did Xie Lanzhi fall for routines?”

“I don’t fall for other people’s. I fell for his.”

Lu Rulu nearly fainted from rage. “Couldn’t you just not like him?!”

Xie Lanzhi thought for a moment. “Probably not.”

“That’s a player we’re talking about!” Lu Rulu wailed hysterically. “Liking a player is just volunteering to be a sucker, to be a dog licking boots!”

“I won’t debase myself. I won’t be a boot-licking dog.”

Lu Rulu: [Jackie Chan clutching his head.jpg]

“What? Then you…?”

“Haven’t decided yet.” Xie Lanzhi looked toward the door. “Maybe I’ll drive all the other fish out of the sea, so in the player’s eyes, he’ll never see anyone else. Only one fish, forever.”

Lu Rulu was speechless. He dropped to his knees on the bed before Xie Lanzhi. “I concede defeat.”

***

Chu Cheng woke from his sleep; his stomach had digested most of the food, and his mind had cleared.

Qin Shu was applying medicine to the burn on his own thigh. Hearing movement, he looked up. “Awake—? Still dizzy?”

Chu Cheng stood there stiffly. “Yesterday…”

“You just ate too much yesterday,” Qin Shu said. “Do you remember what you said? You said you liked—”

Chu Cheng cut him off. “Of course I remember. I was stuffed, not drunk.”

Qin Shu drawled, “With all due respect, being stuffed and being drunk are basically the same for you.”

Chu Cheng rubbed his stomach. “Yesterday was the fullest meal of my life. I don’t think I’ll recover in a few days.”

“That’s not the point.” Qin Shu stood by Chu Cheng’s bed, craning up to look at him eagerly. “Who is it you like? Yesterday you said it was a boy…”

Chu Cheng stiffened, turned his head. “I don’t want to tell you that.”

Qin Shu grew anxious. “Why not?! Aren’t we friends?”

“Exactly because we’re friends…”

“Friends keep secrets from each other? That’s the kind of guy you are, Chu Overlord?”

Chu Cheng clenched his teeth, drew a deep breath, and said: “Qin Shu, I like Xu Ning too. Let’s compete fairly.”

Author’s Note:
Little Love Letter: “If you call me ‘daddy’ once, I’ll withdraw from the competition. (dog head)”