If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 33

After Chu Cheng finished speaking, he nervously observed Qin Shu’s reaction.

Although at one point he had suspected Qin Shu wanted to murder him, after spending this time together—going to class together, eating together, raising and killing off a little goldfish together—despite always complaining about this and that with Qin Shu, in truth, he had long since regarded Qin Shu as a brother.

A friend’s wife is off-limits. If he could, he wouldn’t want to fall for someone his brother liked. But Xu Ning was so good-looking, so gentle, and when he smiled, it was as if there was moonlight in his eyes. He couldn’t control his heart. Just as Qin Shu had said, he thought about Xu Ning all day, felt upset whenever he saw Xu Ning with someone else, wanted Xu Ning to see only his best side, wanted to protect Xu Ning forever (even if in sparring class Xu Ning could already fight him to a draw).

If Xu Ning were already Qin Shu’s boyfriend, then no matter how much he liked him, he would only bury those feelings in his heart. But the fact was, Qin Shu hadn’t managed to win Xu Ning over, and Xu Ning didn’t seem to have that kind of interest in Qin Shu either. So for him to propose fair competition shouldn’t be too much… right?

Qin Shu lowered his head in silence, his face hidden in shadow so Chu Cheng couldn’t see his expression.

Chu Cheng’s heart gave a jolt—was Qin Shu angry? Looked like he was really angry.

“I know it’s my fault,” Chu Cheng said quietly, “go ahead, hit me.” As he spoke, he stretched out his hand, palm open, toward Qin Shu.

At last Qin Shu reacted. He slowly lifted his head, eyes carrying a terrifying, almost fanatical light. “You said… you like Xu Ning?”

The way Qin Shu looked made Chu Cheng think of a believer seeing God. “Yeah, I like him.”

“Is it the kind of liking that means he’s your favorite?” Qin Shu’s voice trembled, eyes brimming with tears.

Chu Cheng looked at him in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Answer me!” Qin Shu shouted.

Chu Cheng was startled, then blankly said: “Yes, it’s that kind of liking.”

Qin Shu tilted his head back, clutching his chest like he couldn’t breathe. “Finally—I finally waited for this moment! I… cough, cough, cough—”

“Qin Shu?!” Chu Cheng quickly helped him into a chair. “Don’t scare me like this, d*mn it!”

Qin Shu gasped for breath, gripping Chu Cheng’s hand tightly. “Baby, hearing you say that, Daddy… can die without regret.”

Chu Cheng was completely dumbfounded, too flustered to care about the “Daddy” business. “I’m calling 120 right now, hang on!”

Qin Shu smiled weakly. “I’ll hold on, I haven’t seen you two get married yet.”

“Sh*t, he’s lost his mind already!” Chu Cheng panicked. “Let go, I need to make the call!”

Qin Shu soothed him: “I’m really fine, just heart beating too fast, a little hypoxic.” It was a common CP-shipping symptom; he’d had it before, but this was the worst yet. The moment Chu Cheng said he liked Xu Ning most, his heart had raced so wildly he could hardly breathe. He was sure there’d be worse in the future—like when “Cheng-Ning” first held hands, first kissed, first did it, first came out… No, no, can’t think about it, or he really would faint.

Has anyone ever shipped a CP so hard they almost passed out from happiness? No, no one—only him! (proud chest puff)

“Hypoxic?” Chu Cheng frowned. “We’re not on a plateau, what hypoxia are you talking about?”

Qin Shu wore an indulgent smile. “It’s just a little condition I’ve always had, no big deal.”

Chu Cheng half-believed him. “Really? Then why don’t you keep an oxygen bottle around?”

Qin Shu didn’t want to waste time on side issues, so casually said, “Forgot—Chu Cheng, just now you said you wanted to compete with me fairly?”

Chu Cheng straightened up. “Yes. We each rely on our own ability, no interfering. If… if you win Xu Ning over, I’ll back out willingly, and sincerely bless you both, treating you and Xu Ning as friends. If Xu Ning chooses me, I hope you can—”

“No need to compete anymore!” Qin Shu flung out his little hand with heroic flair, almost hitting Chu Cheng’s head. “Chu Cheng, you treat me as a brother, I treat you as a brother too. You like Xu Ning? Then go pursue him openly. I’m bowing out, not chasing anymore!”

Qin Shu thought Chu Cheng would be touched enough to call him “Daddy.” Instead, the guy just froze and asked: “Why?”

“Because I’m tired of chasing, don’t want to anymore.” Qin Shu shrugged. “Besides, there’s plenty of grass in the fields, I—”

“That’s enough!”

Qin Shu: “???”

Chu Cheng snapped, “Are you trying to play the noble martyr?”

“Huh?”

“You think I can’t take the heat? Well duck that! I don’t need you to step aside, I’ll make Xu Ning like me with my own ability!”

Qin Shu didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I’m not, I really… just don’t want to chase anymore.”

“Bullsh*t!”

“…” Fine. So the baby’s finally enlightened, but still a blockhead—probably will stay that way forever. Seeing him so fired up, Qin Shu said, “Alright, alright, treat it as me talking bullsh*t. But let me remind you—if you’re going to pursue, do it quick. Lots of people like Xu Ning. I’m out, but Wang Youyu’s still after him. Competing fair with him won’t work—you’ve gotta strike first.”

Chu Cheng looked thoughtful. “Got it.”

Chu Cheng was a man of action. Once he sorted out his feelings, if he said he’d pursue, he’d pursue—no hesitation.

Qin Shu saw him studying online guides: “how to pursue a guy.” The answers made both of them give old-man-on-the-subway-looking-at-phone faces.

Qin Shu read the top-voted ones aloud: “On a summer date, wear an off-shoulder top, then go eat something that needs gloves, like crayfish, and let him brush away the hair on your chest.”

Chu Cheng read the next: “Pretend you can’t open a bottle cap, let him help. Or say there’s dirt on his clothes and brush it off for him.”

Qin Shu: “Deliberately break your Wi-Fi router, ask him over to fix it, then cook him a meal to thank him.”

The father-son pair both glanced at the router that had already given them so much joy.

Qin Shu: “…”

Chu Cheng: “…”

“I don’t think these will work,” Qin Shu said. “They’re tricks for girls chasing boys. We should adapt, apply by analogy.”

“Like what?”

“For example, you could screw Xu Ning’s water bottle lid on super tight, so he can’t open it and comes to you for help.” Qin Shu spoke like a pro. “Or, unplug the router in his dorm…”

Chu Cheng caught on quick. “Then he’ll invite me over to help!”

Qin Shu snapped his fingers. “Bingo!”

“Brilliant.” Chu Cheng was amazed, thumped Qin Shu’s shoulder. “Nice one, bro. Knew I could count on you.”

Qin Shu modestly replied, “Thanks, thanks.”

“Wait, no—what happened to fair competition? Why are you giving me these tricks?”

“Even rivals can help each other out.”

This time, Chu Cheng was truly touched. “Good brother, if I ever get tricked into a pyramid scheme, you’ll be the first one I rope in.”

Brotherly affection, so deep it could move heaven and earth. Qin Shu’s mouth twitched. “…Thanks.”

Having received Qin Shu’s secret tips, Chu Cheng didn’t waste a word before asking Xu Ning out to dinner. Qin Shu was in a great mood, lounging in his chair with his legs on the table, binging the new anime season—until a knock came at the door.

Qin Shu opened it, and seeing Xie Lanzhi’s face, his mood soared to the skies. “Onii-chan!”

Xie Lanzhi: “?”

Qin Shu explained: “‘Onii-chan’ means older brother in Japanese.”

“I know,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Why are you suddenly calling me that?”

Qin Shu pointed at the tablet on the desk. “I was watching anime, got brainwashed.”

“You can just call me ‘older brother’ from now on.”

Qin Shu had read so many BL novels—half of them had the younger one calling the older one “older brother.” It always felt weird to him, like there was some shady business between them. “Then I’ll just call you brother.”

“As you like,” said Xie Lanzhi. “How’s the leg injury?”

“It’s scabbing over now. Doesn’t really hurt, just a little itchy.”

“Then you can go out?”

Qin Shu grinned. “Sure can.”

“Snowball’s getting discharged. Drive me to pick her up.”

Qin Shu pointed at himself. “Me?”

“My car keys are with you,” said Xie Lanzhi.

Qin Shu hadn’t left the dorm for several days while healing. He actually enjoyed being holed up inside, but some fresh air sounded good, and Snowball, fresh out of surgery, needed him too. “Alright, I’ll drive onii-chan.”

Xie Lanzhi: “…Wear more layers, it’s colder now.”

Qin Shu put on a jacket, grabbed the keys, and left with him. As they passed the break room, footsteps came from ahead, accompanied by horribly off-key humming. Qin Shu recognized Lu Rulu’s voice and was about to call out when Xie Lanzhi suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the break room.

Qin Shu was pinned loosely against the wall, Xie Lanzhi’s hand holding his wrist, the other resting behind his head. Meeting Qin Shu’s puzzled gaze, Xie Lanzhi let go of his wrist and gestured for silence.

Qin Shu didn’t know what he was up to, but obediently kept quiet. They were close—his eyes happened to fall on Xie Lanzhi’s Adam’s apple, and the familiar, pleasant scent on him made Qin Shu inexplicably nervous. A ridiculous thought popped into his head: if he could smell Xie Lanzhi, then surely Xie Lanzhi could smell him too. Thankfully, he hadn’t eaten anything weird this time.

Outside, Lu Rulu stopped at the door of room 418, went in, and closed the door. Hearing it shut, Qin Shu whispered cautiously, “Can I talk now?”

Xie Lanzhi’s long lashes fluttered. “Mm.”

Qin Shu smiled. “Brother, you smell so nice. What brand of laundry detergent do you use?”

Xie Lanzhi lowered his gaze at Qin Shu. His chest had taken a heavy hit, but his tone remained calm. “Didn’t notice. I’ll check for you later.”

“Alright.” Qin Shu scratched his head. “By the way, why were we hiding from Brother Lu? Doesn’t he really like Snowball? Shouldn’t he want to go pick her up with us?”

“I don’t want him to,” Xie Lanzhi said.

“Huh?”

“I don’t want him to come with us.”

Qin Shu blinked blankly. “…Oh.” So Xie Lanzhi had quarreled with Lu Rulu?

At the parking lot, Qin Shu asked, “Am I driving?”

Xie Lanzhi nodded. “Best to practice more when there’s nothing urgent.” Best to practice scheming, too.

They switched cars, so Qin Shu had to get used to it all over again. Fortunately, with Xie Lanzhi in the passenger seat, everything went smoothly. He pulled out onto the road, when the phone on the console buzzed several times.

“You’ve got messages,” Xie Lanzhi reminded him.

Qin Shu gripped the wheel tightly, not daring to blink, let alone check. “I’ll look later.”

“What if it’s urgent?” Xie Lanzhi said. “Want me to check?”

“Sure,” Qin Shu said without thinking. “Password’s ‘cnszd’.”

Unlocked, the wallpaper was the same as last time. Xie Lanzhi opened WeChat—it was from someone named ‘Bad Baby~’.

【Bad Baby~: ????????】

【Bad Baby~: I did what you said, tightened the cap on the drink I bought him as hard as I could.】

【Bad Baby~: But he opened it effortlessly…】

【Bad Baby~: (existential crisis.jpg)】

Qin Shu asked, “Brother, who’s it from?”

“‘Bad Baby’,” said Xie Lanzhi. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s Chu Cheng—what did he say?”

No wonder the profile picture looked familiar. So Chu Cheng had such a special nickname in Little player’s WeChat… and yet when Xie Lanzhi checked his own entry, it was just three plain characters—Xie Lanzhi.

Author’s Note:
Senior: Change the nickname. Immediately.