If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 34

Xie Lianzhi’s brows furrowed slightly as he found the four people in 418 and 419—even Lu Rulu had a name of “Brother Lu.”

“Brother,” Qin Shu glanced at Xie Lianzhi during the red light, “what did Baby say?”

Xie Lianzhi’s mood was complicated. “Just some daily complaints, nothing important. You can read it later.”

Qin Shu said: “That’s good then.”

Xie Lianzhi put Qin Shu’s phone back into the armrest box, then casually asked: “Why give Chu Cheng that kind of name?”

Qin Shu’s right hand rested on the gearshift, ready to start at any moment. Their hands brushed slightly. “Because he’s foul-mouthed, but also a complete blockhead. Calling him ‘Bad Baby~’ suits him perfectly.” Although Qin Shu was speaking badly of Chu Cheng, there wasn’t the slightest trace of malice in his tone or expression. It wasn’t like the usual bickering between boys—if anything, it carried a touch of indulgence.

That “~” after “Bad Baby”… would a normal boy use such a symbol?

Following the navigation, Qin Shu found a parking lot near the animal hospital. It took him ten minutes to parallel park. He worried Xie Lianzhi might be impatient, but aside from giving necessary, concise instructions, Xie barely said anything.

Exhausted but triumphant after parking, Qin Shu got out of the car and began reading Chu Cheng’s messages.

【Uncle Qin: (wide-eyed.jpg)】

【Uncle Qin: Maybe you didn’t twist it tight enough.】 

【Bad Baby~: Not tight enough? I already used all my strength, like I was nursing!】

【Bad Baby~: (screaming marmot.gif)】

【Uncle Qin: (father’s silence.jpg)】

Back when Baby gave Ning Ning a gym membership, Qin Shu had already felt an ominous premonition. And now, it had come true—Ning Ning had leveled up into Ning Ning Plus. No longer the fragile, pitiful little white flower. He didn’t need anyone’s protection, and certainly didn’t need anyone to open bottle caps for him. Baby’s posturing was useless.

【Uncle Qin: Why don’t you sneak into his dorm and disable his router?】

Qin Shu, head lowered, typed back to offer advice to Baby. Xie Lianzhi followed half a step behind, and when he saw Qin Shu was about to bump into someone, he grabbed his shoulder and pulled him aside. “Don’t look at your phone while walking.”

Qin Shu readily agreed: “Mm, okay, just let me send one more sticker.”

Xie Lianzhi: “…”

Qin Shu sent a cat-in-deep-thought sticker, and as he exited the chat interface, he accidentally noticed Xie Lianzhi’s WeChat avatar—a regal, elegant heterochromatic cat. It was Snowball, the one they were going to pick up.

On a whim, Qin Shu said: “Brother, I’ll change your remark name too. What do you want it to be?”

Xie Lianzhi paused for a moment, then smiled faintly. “You’re asking me?”

“‘Brother’? But I already have one brother saved as ‘Brother.’ Or maybe ‘Brother Lan’? Tsk, not very original.” Qin Shu muttered to himself.

“You used to call me something else,” Xie Lianzhi said.

“Senior? ‘Senior Xie’?”

“Onii-chan.” Xie Lianzhi’s voice was low and husky, the words spoken quickly, so quickly Qin Shu thought he had misheard.

Both froze for three seconds. Qin Shu said: “Onii-chan?”

“…Mm.”

“But ‘Onii-chan’ is usually what little kids or cutesy girls call their older brothers.”

“Aren’t you a kid?”

“I’m not!” D*mn it, I’m already nineteen, just one year younger than you!

Xie Lianzhi ignored Qin Shu’s protest. “And you said it back in 419.”

“That was because I’d just watched anime, got brainwashed by Umaru calling ‘Onii-chan’…” Qin Shu’s cheeks heated inexplicably, shame finally crawling up his slow reflex arc. What the h*ll was wrong with him in the dorm? To actually call Xie Lianzhi “Onii-chan”!

Thank god, thank god his face was still decent. Saying “Onii-chan” once could be forgiven—

Like h*ll it could!!

“It’s just a WeChat remark name,” Xie Lianzhi decided for him. “Use that. Change it.”

Qin Shu surrendered. “I’ll change it later.”

“Change it now.”

Qin Shu muttered under his breath: “Didn’t you just tell me not to look at my phone while walking?”

Xie Lianzhi glanced around. “We’ll go to the convenience store. Buy a bottle of water.”

Under Xie Lianzhi’s “supervision,” Qin Shu, face burning, changed “Xie Lianzhi” into “Onii-chan.”

Xie Lianzhi pulled two bottles of water from the fridge. After paying, he handed one to Qin Shu. Qin Shu didn’t drink right away, instead pressing the bottle against his cheek to cool down. When he looked up, Xie Lianzhi had already downed half of his bottle in one go.

“Onii… Brother, are you really that thirsty?” Qin Shu remembered he had drunk quite a bit before they got out of the car.

Xie Lianzhi’s voice was hoarse. “Very thirsty.”

“Oh—maybe it suddenly got warmer? I feel a bit hot too.”

“Probably.”

The cashier who overheard them glanced out the window. The weather was gloomy, autumn winds blowing cold.

At the animal hospital, they saw a visibly “depressed” Snowball. She wore a cone of shame, locked in the ward, pitifully curled up asleep. The moment she saw Xie Lianzhi, she stood and meowed softly.

“The surgery went very well. Her wound is healing nicely,” the young lady vet said with a smile. “You can bring her back in three days for stitch removal.”

“How’s her appetite?”

The vet said: “Not great, but that’s normal. She just had surgery, and she’s in an unfamiliar environment. Once you bring her home, it should improve.”

Xie Lianzhi said to Qin Shu: “I’ll go pay. Can you carry Snowball out?”

“Okay.”

Snowball’s belly had been shaved bare, stitches still in place. To avoid touching her wound, Qin Shu cradled her like a baby. She had only met Qin Shu once before; normally, with her old personality, she would’ve struggled if a stranger held her. But now, probably too weak, she obediently let him carry her, even tucking her head into his chest.

While waiting at the counter, Xie Lianzhi kept watching Qin Shu and Snowball. The vet lady asked: “Little brother, is he your roommate too?”

Lu Rulu once accompanied Xie Lanzhi to the pet hospital, so the young lady vet still remembered his roommate who was a hardcore fluff-enthusiast. That time, every single fluffy creature in the shop fell victim to his “hands,” not a single one spared.

“He’s my junior,” Xie Lanzhi said.

The young lady laughed: “The junior of a handsome guy is also a handsome guy. Are you two from the film academy?”

Xie Lanzhi simply said: “No.”

Qin Shu drove Xie Lanzhi and Snowball back home. Back in the familiar environment, Snowball’s spirits indeed improved a lot. Xie Lanzhi opened a can of her favorite staple cat food, added some freeze-dried treats and nutrition paste. She ate with little “ying-ying” sounds, enjoying every bite.

Crouching to watch her eat, Qin Shu occasionally couldn’t resist teasing her tail, and said: “From now on Snowball won’t be bullied by scumbag tomcats. She’ll be a maiden for life.”

“Mn—are you hungry?”

“You mean me?” Qin Shu felt his stomach, “A little bit.”

“How much is ‘a little bit.’”

This time Qin Shu didn’t make hand gestures, but kept fiddling with Snowball’s tail: “About as much as Snowball’s little tail.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled: “Auntie’s not here these days, let’s order takeout.”

Qin Shu disliked having to wait for delivery, and asked: “Do you have ingredients in the fridge? Even if Auntie’s not around, I’m here. I can cook for you.”

Xie Lanzhi wasn’t sure: “You can take a look.”

His fridge was absurdly large, but its contents could be taken in at a glance: two tomatoes, a bunch of eggs, scallions, sausages, packaged fish balls and fish-skin dumplings, plus a few packs of instant noodles.

“You eat instant noodles too?” Qin Shu was surprised.

“Sometimes at night when I’m hungry.”

“That really doesn’t match your vibe.” Qin Shu said casually, “Do you also eat spicy sticks and Maltesers?”

Xie Lanzhi gave a small laugh: “Aren’t those more your style?”

“When I was little I often ate them.” Qin Shu took everything out of the fridge one by one. “Let’s keep dinner simple. We’ll cook instant noodles.”

“I’ll cook the noodles,” said Xie Lanzhi. “You go keep Snowball company.”

“Nope. My instant noodles and your instant noodles are not the same.” Qin-the-Masterchef-Shu pulled an apron from the side and put it on. “I’m pretty amazing, you know.”

Last time at the homestay, Xie Lanzhi had already witnessed his knife skills. “I can imagine.”

Qin Shu stood with his back to him: “Brother, tie my apron for me.”

Xie Lanzhi laughed softly: “Alright.”

He scalded the tomatoes in boiling water for two minutes, peeled and diced them; sliced the sausage, readied the fish balls and fish-skin dumplings, put them in the pot with the tomatoes. When they were almost cooked, he added the noodles, seasoning packets, plus his own special sauce. While the noodles cooked, Qin Shu also started another pan to fry eggs.

“Brother, look!” Qin Shu cried out in delight. “A double-yolk egg!”

He hadn’t expected such a small thing could excite the junior this much. “I see it,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Lucky.”

Qin Shu laid the fried egg over the noodles, sprinkled scallions, and the deluxe spicy beef ramen was done.

They didn’t go to the dining room, but sat facing each other at the kitchen bar to share dinner. The double-yolk egg went to Qin Shu, but still, this was the most delicious bowl of instant noodles Xie Lanzhi had ever had.

After the meal, Qin Shu instinctively wanted to clean up, but was stopped by Xie Lanzhi: “I’ll do it.”

Qin Shu didn’t insist, propping his chin on his hand as he watched Xie Lanzhi put the bowls into the dishwasher. It was fully dark now, the warm kitchen light outlining his figure. Maybe it was because they were at home, the aloof air around him had lessened a lot. Handsome, refined, almost noble—Qin Shu’s gaze turned hazy. D*mn, how could someone doing housework look this pleasing to the eye?

Dinner was done, dishes cleaned. Qin Shu said: “Then I’ll head back to campus?”

“I’ll go with you.”

“You’ve already brought Snowball back, and you’re still staying in the dorms?”

“I’ll see you back.”

Qin Shu smiled: “No need, I’m a guy. What’s there to ‘see me back’ for?”

Xie Lanzhi ignored him: “Let’s go.”

“…Fine.”

They didn’t drive, but walked back to school. At the dorm entrance, Qin Shu said: “Brother, you can head back now.”

Xie Lanzhi looked at him. “Mn.”

At this hour, a lot of guys were returning to the dorms. Qin Shu felt a little awkward. “Tch, I’m probably the first guy in our dorm building to be sent back like this.”

Xie Lanzhi gave a smile: “Sleep early.”

When Qin Shu returned to the dorm, Chu Cheng was lying on his bed gaming. As soon as Qin Shu entered, he asked: “How was your date today?”

Chu Cheng’s face was dark: “Didn’t I already tell you? Oh right, there’s a package on your desk.”

“Package?” Qin Shu was puzzled. “I haven’t ordered anything lately.”

“I bought it for you.”

OMG?! What kind of auspicious day was today? Tasty noodles, and now baby finally knew how to show filial piety to his old dad!

Qin Shu eagerly tore it open. “What did you buy?”

“See for yourself.”

Inside the box lay a long cylindrical object. Qin Shu froze. “This…?”

“You said you get short of breath sometimes, right? I bought you a few oxygen canisters. I used these when I went to Tibet, they work well.” Chu Cheng glanced at him. “No need to thank me.”

Qin Shu: “…”

Author’s Note: Remember this oxygen canister, it’ll be important later. (dog head emoji)

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