If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 36

Qin Shu didn’t understand. The topic jumped so fast—just a moment ago it was routers, now white peaches and toothpaste.

“You like white peaches? I bought white-peach flavored toothpaste.” Xu Ning had just finished showering, so he probably brushed his teeth with it.

Qin Shu’s pupils dilated; his whole body was on fire. He gripped the phone tightly, holding his breath, not daring to make a sound. Seconds ticked by, yet there was still no sound from the other side.

Why weren’t they speaking? Were their mouths busy with something else?

—No way, no way, no way!!! Could Ning Ning be this skilled?! When did the gentle, soft bottom suddenly become a teasing bottom?!

But it didn’t matter! Attributes no longer mattered. As long as “Cheng-Ning” was real, even if the world ended, he didn’t care!

D*mn it, he knew it! Ning Ning definitely liked his baby too; otherwise, why would he care about the hammer the baby personally made? The mutual arrow between these two was thicker than Wild King’s thigh—completely locked!

This was another glorious victory for the devoted younger-fan revolution!

About half a minute later, Chu Cheng’s voice came again: “Why are you leaning so close?”

Qin Shu: “???”

Chu Cheng: “Want me to smell your toothpaste? Actually, it smells good. Send me the link later.”

Qin Shu: “……”

Xu Ning burst out laughing. “You, huh.”

“What’s wrong with me?” Chu Cheng said. “Move, you’re blocking the network port.”

Alright, the revolution wasn’t complete yet—comrades still had work to do.

But it was all just a dream.

Qin Shu hung up, calmly opened a drawer, and pulled out an oxygen tank, perfectly cosplaying the Sabering oxygen meme.

Xie Lanzhi was stunned by Qin Shu’s actions. “What are you inhaling?” He grabbed Qin Shu’s wrist, saw the writing, and frowned. “Why do you need oxygen?”

Qin Shu’s expression cracked, then shattered completely. “Bro… I—I—d*mn it!”

Xie Lanzhi froze. “You…”

Qin Shu let out a loud “Aaaah” and flopped into Xie Lanzhi’s arms, a strong man shedding tears. “I don’t want to live! My life is ruined! Living is meaningless! Ahhh, just kill me and blame Chu Cheng, let the police take him away…”

Xie Lanzzhi’s throat tightened as he quietly felt his own heart hammering.

“Wuwuwu—hic!” Qin Shu didn’t really cry, but the wailing was loud enough that even the dorm supervisor downstairs might hear. “I’ve struggled all my life, raising the baby through hardship and toil—am I not allowed to cry wuwuwu…”

Xie Lanzzhi lifted his stiffened hand, rubbed Qin Shu’s hair, and softly said: “What’s wrong, hmm?”

“Wuwuwu Oni-chan…”

“Did Chu Cheng bully you?”

Qin Shu nodded in Xie Lanzzhi’s arms, whining: “I don’t want him anymore—awoo—”

“Okay, we won’t want him.” Xie Lanzzhi’s mood was complex. It was the first time he’d seen the little player react so strongly, and it was all because of Chu Cheng. Combined with the phone call, Xu Ning was also involved. What was the status of these two in Qin Shu’s heart that they could push him to such extremes?

Qin Shu continued wailing when someone knocked at the dorm door.

“Hello? Anyone here?” It was Lu Rulu’s voice. “Who’s crying like this, little love letter? Overlord Chu?”

Xie Lanzzhi: “…I’ll get it.”

Qin Shu didn’t let go; instead, he hugged tighter, whispering: “Let me cry a bit more… my heart is broken…”

Outside, Lu Rulu knocked persistently. “Why’s it so quiet? Don’t scare people, hey.”

Worried, and knowing Chu Cheng left a spare key to 419 with him, Lu Rulu used it to open the door. He saw the junior burying his head in his beloved roommate’s arms. The roommate looked up coolly at him: “Something you need?”

Lu Rulu’s mouth formed an O for several seconds. “Sorry… for disturbing.”

Qin Shu regained some composure, straightened up, sniffed, and said hoarsely: “No, Brother Lu, I’m not shooing you.”

“What exactly happened?” Lu Rulu asked, seeing Qin Shu’s red nose and cheeks. “Why are you crying like this?”

Qin Shu tried to speak but suddenly burst into another sob.

Lu Rulu glanced at Xie Lanzzhi, hand to his mouth, quietly asking Qin Shu: “Did Brother Lan make you cry?”

Xie Lanzhi: “You think you were being quiet?”

Qin Shu gave a bitter laugh and shook his head. “It has nothing to do with Brother Lanzhi.”

“Then,” Lu Rulu kept guessing, “you broke up, huh?”

Xie Lanzhi looked at Qin Shu, also waiting for his answer.

“Worse than a breakup.”

Lu Rulu’s face changed. What else besides a breakup could make a grown man cry like this? He glanced at the oxygen bottle on the desk, and sucked in a cold breath.

“Little Love Letter, you—!” Lu Rulu’s eyes turned red. “When did this happen, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Just now.”

Choking up, Lu Rulu said, “It’s okay, Little Love Letter, medical science is so advanced now, no matter what the illness is there’s always hope for a cure, hang in there!”

“That’s enough.” Xie Lanzhi pressed at his brow. “Qin Shu, explain.”

“……” How was he supposed to explain? Just outright tell two straight guys he was shipping a CP? He seriously doubted Xie Lanzhi and Lu Rulu even knew what “shipping a CP” meant. Besides, his CP’s first kiss had been ruined thanks to the gong side being too dumb, and right now all he wanted was to curl up in a corner and lick his wounds, not explain anything.

Qin Shu was about to brush it off, but then saw Xie Lanzhi’s shirt, rumpled from when he’d leaned on him. He hesitated, then said: “I was teaching Chu Cheng how to chase someone, but he’s too stupid, I just can’t carry him. I got this worked up from being mad at him.”

Xie Lanzhi quickly pieced it together. “The one Chu Cheng is chasing… is Xu Ning?”

“Mm…”

Lu Rulu’s mouth opened into an O. “Xu Ning’s a guy, isn’t he? Chu Cheng, he… f*ck, he bent?!”

Qin Shu let out an “ah.”

Xie Lanzhi asked uncertainly: “So, you’re helping Chu Cheng chase Xu Ning?”

“Wait, let me sort this out!” Lu Rulu dramatically raised his hand. “I remember, Little Love Letter, you’ve always been chasing Xu Ning. Now you just said Chu Cheng is too… what the h*ll kind of pure and simple boy-boy relationship is this?! Do you have an extra oxygen bottle, lend me a hit, thanks.”

Qin Shu handed him a bottle, numbly saying: “I don’t want to chase Xu Ning anymore. I’ve been chasing him for so long, I’m tired.”

Lu Rulu’s worldview shattered. He took a breath from the oxygen, then said: “So you’re just helping your straight roommate chase him? Keep the resources in the family?”

Xie Lanzhi thought for a moment, then asked: “You’re letting go because you couldn’t get him?” The playboy suddenly giving up on two fish at once—yet he wasn’t as happy as he thought he’d be. He gave a meaningful little smile. “Then when do you plan to chase the next one?”

The next one? Where was he supposed to find a next one?

“No rush, really,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Put yourself back together first, then start fresh.”

Qin Shu stared blankly. “Oh.”

Chu Cheng only came back after dinner, completely unaware of what he’d missed. “The malatang at the third cafeteria tonight was really something. From now on I’m eating that every day.”

Qin Shu lowered his head, playing on his phone, not responding.

“Tomorrow’s the last day of break, your leg should be better, right? Let’s go play ball! Didn’t you say you’re god-tier at ping pong? Afterward let’s get a haircut too, your hair’s a bit long.”

“Not going. Don’t feel like moving.”

“Oh, right, I fixed Xu Ning’s dorm’s router,” Chu Cheng said proudly. “Xu Ning said the internet seems faster now.”

“How awesome of you. Want me to clap for you?”

Chu Cheng caught the sarcasm. “You’re having another episode?”

Qin Shu rolled his eyes. “Don’t talk to me.”

Chu Cheng: “?”

“Seeing you makes my chest tight and short of breath.” Qin Shu grabbed the oxygen bottle and took a puff. “See that broom on the floor? From now on, that’s the demarcation line. Whoever crosses it is a dog.”

Chu Cheng stared at him for a while. “F*cking idiot.”

Qin Shu gave a cold laugh. “And who’s the idiot here.” He decided he couldn’t keep spoiling his baby—he had to give some punishment, make him realize the consequences of being such a dumb*ss. As for how to solve the “white peach toothpaste” problem, he’d wait until after the punishment. Like dealing with a kid who failed a test—hit him first, then talk.

***

On the last day of break, Qin Shu really did plan to get a haircut. He and his baby were still in a cold war, and he didn’t want to go alone, so he tried knocking on the door across the hall. Xie Lanzhi wasn’t there, only Lu Rulu was.

Without much hope, Qin Shu asked: “Brother Lu, want to go get a haircut?”

Lu Rulu touched his own hair. “Sure, I was just thinking of changing my style.”

“Oh? What kind of style?”

Lu Rulu gestured. “Slightly permed, a Korean vibe, like Lee Dong Wook’s.”

Qin Shu: “…Who?”

“You don’t watch K-dramas?”

“No, I watch more Japanese anime.”

“I don’t either, but my mom loves them, so I’ve watched plenty with her.”

For his new hairstyle, Lu Rulu picked a salon that looked fancy, and even booked the pricey director service. When asked what he wanted, he pulled out a photo of a Korean star. The director promised to make it look exactly the same.

Qin Shu was much more casual. He was happy with his style, just told Tony to trim it shorter.

Wash-cut-blow, half an hour and done. His bangs were a good bit shorter, overall no big change—just fresher looking.

Lu Rulu, not so fast. Qin Shu waited two hours in the lounge until his phone was nearly dead, before Lu Rulu finally came out stiff-faced.

One look at the new hairstyle left Qin Shu speechless. “This…”

Lu Rulu forced a smile. “Just say it, I can take it.”

Qin Shu only said three words, and Lu Rulu died on the spot: “Bu Jingyun?”

To comfort the failed makeover victim, Qin Shu treated him to a nice meal—seafood buffet, over 700 each. Lobster and grilled oysters they couldn’t finish soothed Lu Rulu’s heart. After thirty minutes of cursing the director, he and Qin Shu started talking about the relationship messes in 418 and 419.

Lu Rulu: “Is our dorm under some kind of bad luck spell lately? Everyone’s running into problems one after another.”

Qin Shu was peeling a mantis shrimp. “Brother Lan too?”

“Yeah,” Lu Rulu said like it was nothing. “I’ll tell you, but don’t spread it around.”

“The moment you say that, it basically means the whole world’s going to know—so what is it?”

Lu Rulu lowered his voice: “Brother Lan… he fell for a playboy.”

Crack—Qin Shu snapped the mantis shrimp clean in half.

Author’s note:
Little Love Letter: … just bald

If you can’t imagine Lu Rulu’s hairstyle, search it up online—it’s handsome.