If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 39

Qin Shu was instantly flustered, overwhelmed by the honor. He knew that unless it was unavoidable, Xie Lanzhi almost never skipped class. A top student skipping class—for him! And this top student was the campus heartthrob on top of that. This was something he could brag about for life. When he was old and in a nursing home, he’d have one more story to boast about: Who wasn’t a fresh young thing once? The campus heartthrob even skipped class for me!

Imagining the jealous looks of a bunch of old ladies, Qin Shu couldn’t help but smile. “How did you even know I was in the library?”

“I ran into Chu Cheng at the cafeteria. He told me.”

Qin Shu frowned. “Cafeteria? But I ate there with him earlier tonight. He left pretty early.”

Xie Lanzhi offered a clue: “He was wearing an outfit he called ‘hip-hop Hong Kong style.’”

“Huh?” Qin Shu distinctly remembered Chu Cheng wearing plain white, looking almost like the uncle at the cafeteria counter. That was ‘hip-hop Hong Kong style’?

After a moment’s thought, Qin Shu analyzed calmly and reached the conclusion: “Ahahahahaha I get it! Bro, listen. When I was eating with Chu Cheng, we ran into Wang Squid—his love rival. Chu Cheng the silly goose thought he looked ugly, his hair wasn’t fabulous, and he didn’t dare face him head-on, so he ran off. I bet he couldn’t swallow the humiliation, so he went back to the dorm to change into a ‘cool’ outfit, hoping to awe his rival with sheer hotness.”

Xie Lanzhi couldn’t quite grasp the logic of silly geese. “That works too?”

“Hahahaha, so silly,” Qin Shu laughed. “But also kind of cute.”

Xie Lanzhi raised his brows, clearly unconvinced. “Using that method against a love rival—competing over clothes and style—you think that’s cute?”

Qin Shu’s smile froze. He’d just said it casually, but why did Xie Lanzhi take it so seriously?

Seeing the junior looking a little dazed, Xie Lanzhi said, “Forget it, let’s study.”

“Uh…” Qin Shu glanced back at his desk. “The library’s so packed. It took me forever to find a seat.”

Xie Lanzhi: “Want to switch to another place?”

“Change to where?”

Xie Lanzhi, looking as if it were nothing, said: “My place.”

Xie Lanzhi’s apartment was close to campus, spacious and quiet, and he even had cats to pet—definitely a good place to study—like h*ll it was.

“But I can’t study in a place with a bed,” Qin Shu said. “Otherwise why wouldn’t I study fine in the dorm? The moment I study, I’ll want to flop on the bed and rot.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “My bed—you want to get on it too?”

Qin Shu choked, quickly trying to clear his name: “I don’t, I didn’t—Brother, don’t say nonsense.”

“What’s the rush? I never said I wouldn’t let you.”

This wasn’t the first time Xie Lanzhi teased him with something off-color. Before, he could parry yellow jokes with yellow jokes, but now he didn’t know what to say—he could only beg for mercy with a soft, “Brother…”

Luckily, just then the two guys sitting across from and beside Qin Shu left, freeing up two spots and solving Qin Shu’s dilemma. Xie Lanzhi told him to hold the seats while he went to borrow a couple of reference books.

Qin Shu had barely sat down when a boy came over, spotting the empty places. “Hey, bro, are these two seats taken?”

“One of them is.”

“Which one?”

“Uh…” Did Xie Lanzhi want to sit across from him, or beside him? Or rather—did he want Xie Lanzhi to sit across, or beside him?

If across, then every time he looked up, he could admire Xie Lanzhi’s god-tier face. But that would mean Xie Lanzhi sat next to the girl currently diagonally across from him.

Qin Shu glanced at the girl—pink-and-white JK uniform, twin ponytails. Even as a gay guy he thought she was kawaii, let alone straight men. Having Xie Lanzhi sit next to her didn’t seem great.

Why not? Because… because Xie Lanzhi already had a player he liked! Yes, that was it!

But sitting across felt weird too. The JK girl would look up and see Xie Lanzhi right there—wouldn’t that disturb her studying? No, no good.

In just two seconds, Qin Shu’s brain spun in circles. He made up his mind and said, “The seat across from me’s free, you can sit.”

After the boy sat, Qin Shu quietly moved his tablet and books to the seat beside him, scooting over too. The JK girl lifted her eyes and gave him a little smile.

When Xie Lanzhi came back with books, he saw Qin Shu had moved. He lightly tapped Qin Shu’s head with the spine of a book. “Why’d you switch?”

Qin Shu tilted his head up at him. “I was thinking if I need the bathroom later, this side’s closer.”

The difference between the two spots was maybe one step. The excuse was laughably flimsy. Xie Lanzhi glanced at the girl across, and for a moment couldn’t tell—was Qin Shu wanting to sit opposite her, or avoiding having him sit next to her?

“Brother,” Qin Shu pulled out the chair, “sit.”

Xie Lanzhi sat down beside him. After a moment’s thought, he suddenly lowered his head and smiled.

Qin Shu asked: “What’s funny?”

“Nothing.” He’d just remembered how Lu Rulu was when dating—how he’d overanalyze a single WeChat from his girlfriend, or spin wild fantasies from a tiny move of hers, even planning out honeymoon destinations. Back then he thought it was possible but unnecessary. Now, it seemed he wasn’t much different from that idiot. “Go ahead and read. If you don’t get something, ask me.”

Qin Shu straightened up. “Okay!”

But since Xie Lanzhi sat down, the JK girl opposite hadn’t looked at her books once. She was frantically typing on her phone. Qin Shu could pretty much guess what she was doing. Running into the campus heartthrob at the library? She’d definitely be live-reporting to her girlfriends. Qin Shu could even imagine the messages:

【!!!】

【It’s Xie Lanzhi ahhhh!! He’s sitting diagonally across from me right now!! (Sa Beining oxygen meme.jpg)】

【WTF?! Sis, go! Ask for his WeChat!】

 【Xie Lanzhi’s so aloof, no way he likes forward girls. I’ll be aloof too, wait for him to come to me.】

 【(Black guy question mark.jpg)】

 …

But in fact, Qin Shu’s imagination was totally wrong. Before long, the JK girl slipped him a note. It was torn from a cutesy pastel planner, full of girly doodles. Qin Shu didn’t want to seem too obvious, so he kept his eyes on his PPT while watching Xie Lanzhi from the corner of his eye.

Xie Lanzhi took the note, glanced at it, shook his head, and returned it. The girl looked embarrassed and soon packed up and left.

Qin Shu couldn’t help himself: “Brother, you scared the junior away.”

Xie Lanzhi asked, “How’s it going?”

“…Fine.” Thanks to Brother, he hadn’t absorbed a single thing.

“Anything you want to ask me?”

“Probably?” Qin Shu flipped back a few slides. “Brother, I’ve never really understood this ‘train algorithm.’”

“You need to start with its motivation. Look at the example on the slide—two objects in regions i and j that are linked, but each has pointers from outside its region…” Xie Lanzhi explained, then asked, “Got it?”

“Got it.” He hadn’t got it at all.

From Qin Shu’s expression, Xie Lanzhi knew he was bluffing. He thought for a moment, then explained in a simpler way. By the end, Qin Shu suddenly lit up. “Soga, now I get it! Thanks, Brother. It’s actually amazing that you managed to make me understand—most people couldn’t.”

Xie Lanzhi said lightly: “Chu Cheng couldn’t?”

“Well duh, he only scored six points higher than me last exam.”

“So studying with him is useless.”

Qin Shu was puzzled. “I’ve never studied with him though.”

“Mn.” Xie Lanzhi’s lips curved silently. “Don’t, in the future either.”

Qin Shu scratched his head. “Alright.”

Since they were speaking softly to avoid disturbing others, they had to lean in close. By the time the “train algorithm” was done, Qin Shu realized how absurdly near he and Xie Lanzhi were. His mind drifted—remembering he still hadn’t asked what brand of laundry detergent Xie Lanzhi used. He was just about to bring it up when Xie Lanzhi spoke first:

“You smell sweet. What did you eat?”

Qin Shu thought for a moment, then said: “I had a lollipop after dinner.”

Xie Lanzhi asked: “What flavor?”

Xie Lanzhi’s face was right there, so close that Qin Shu couldn’t take the beauty assault and leaned back a little. “B-blueberry.”

But leaning back didn’t help at all—Xie Lanzhi leaned in even closer. “Let me taste?”

Qin Shu unconsciously swallowed. “But I already finished it… I’ll go buy you another one?”

“Alright,” Xie Lanzhi leaned back lazily, “thanks, junior.”

On his way to the convenience store to buy Xie Lanzhi a lollipop, Qin Shu couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Was he missing something? Why did this feel so strangely familiar…

The two of them stayed in the library until ten. Qin Shu was starting to feel hungry, but going out to eat at this hour might mean missing the 11 o’clock dorm curfew, so he planned to grab something from the night market by the back gate.

“Brother, I wanna get some food.”

“Let’s go.”

Qin Shu asked in their four-man group chat if Chu Cheng and Lu Rulu had anything they wanted. Chu Cheng wanted fried noodles, Lu Rulu ordered crayfish and beer. Qin Shu bought their stuff first, then got himself a grilled cold noodle and spicy potatoes.

Xie Lanzhi: “Is that enough?”

“I still want milk tea.”

“Milk tea at night might keep you awake.”

Qin Shu said carelessly: “I don’t have class first thing tomorrow, I can sleep till ten.”

“Buy it then.”

Qin Shu ordered a Cheese Berry Berry and sat on a high stool waiting. His legs didn’t reach the floor, so he swung them back and forth. “Brother, the cream cap on Cheese Berry Berry is super good. I never get enough.”

“Then why not just buy the cream by itself?”

Qin Shu shook his head. “Just eating cream has no soul. You have to pair it with milk tea or juice. Like the Maltesers you gave me—eating just the chocolate or just the malt paste isn’t the same, it has to be both together.”

“Another weird piece of knowledge—hold on.”

Xie Lanzhi went back to the counter and ordered another Cheese Berry Berry with double cream cap. Qin Shu thought it was for him and hurriedly said:
“Brother, I can’t finish that much, I still have cold noodles and potatoes!”

“You’re overthinking it,” Xie Lanzhi said. “This one’s mine.”

Qin Shu: “…oh.”

Since Qin Shu had bought quite a bit, Xie Lanzhi carried part of it for him and saw him back to the dorm. The last time he was walked back, Qin Shu felt weird about it, thinking boys didn’t need an escort. But now—he happily accepted this setup.

At the dorm entrance, Qin Shu said goodbye: “Then I’ll head up.”

“Wait.” Xie Lanzhi opened his Cheese Berry Berry with the double cream cap. “Drink the cream before you go.”

Qin Shu was puzzled:
“But didn’t you say it wasn’t for me?”

“The cream is yours. The rest is mine.” Xie Lanzhi stuck in a straw and held it to Qin Shu’s lips. “Here’s the ‘soul’ you wanted.”

“That’s so embarrassing.” Qin Shu said no with his mouth, but his body was very honest. His hands were full of food, so he had no choice but to lean down and take a big sip from the straw in Xie Lanzhi’s hand.

The cream blended with the juice slipped down his throat, sweet but not cloying, with bits of strawberry pulp.

Ah. He died.

Qin Shu didn’t finish the cream, leaving some for Xie Lanzhi. “Enough, enough, if I drink more I’ll turn into a fat otaku.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled softly. “Go on. If you can’t sleep, come find me.”

“Okay! Then… good night?”

“Good night.”

Qin Shu stepped into the dormitory, only to meet the subtle gaze of the dorm matron, who had witnessed the whole thing. Without context, he blurted: “That’s my brother.”

The matron said coolly: “You think auntie’s dumb? As if I wouldn’t recognize the campus heartthrob from 418?”

Qin Shu put on an awkward but polite smile. “Thank you for your hard work, auntie.”

The matron shook her head, baffled. “Nowadays even boys need boys to walk them back… what’s left for the girls?”

Qin Shu pretended not to hear, and scuttled off with his late-night snacks.

Author’s note:
Next episode preview—

Little Love Letter sees toothpaste while washing up and realizes something: No way, no way, no way! Brother meant that?! (Rushes into the dorm to grab an oxygen tank)

Baby sneers: And you had the nerve to laugh at me? Aren’t you just as much of an idiot in front of Brother Lan?!