If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 44

D*mn, screwed up. But it wasn’t his fault—blame Xie Lanzhi for not even leaving a remark note for his mom.

Honestly though, wasn’t his mom a bit too young? Was she really his biological mother?

“She is,” Xie Lanzhi said. “She’s spent half her life on skincare.”

Qin Shu forced a polite yet awkward smile. “I can tell.”

“Then may I reply to her now, Junior?”

Qin Shu, mortified, covered his face. “Of course you can—reply if you want. You don’t need to report to me.”

“Don’t need to?” Xie Lanzhi found the junior’s reaction amusing enough to keep teasing. “What if you get mad again?”

Qin Shu couldn’t show his face. “I’m not mad, I just… I was just curious.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “So it was just curiosity.”

“Go reply to your mom already,” Qin Shu said, face red. “I’ll go buy some vegetables.”

For stir-fried beef, cilantro was best. The lettuce looked fresh—he could make oyster-sauce lettuce. Finally, smashed cucumbers for a cold dish. After picking out vegetables, Qin Shu said: “We still need one more meat dish… Brother, choose between cola chicken wings or potato braised ribs.”

Xie Lanzhi took the cart from Qin Shu’s hands. “Choose whatever you like.”

“Then cola chicken wings? They’re easier to make.”

Once they’d gotten all the ingredients, the two headed for the checkout. Passing by the fruit section, Qin Shu suddenly froze when he spotted a familiar face. Before Xie Lanzhi could even ask “What is it,” Qin Shu grabbed him. “Quick, quick, quick, hide!”

Following Qin Shu’s gaze, Xie Lanzhi saw—two tall boys picking out durians. The one in a white shirt layered with a V-neck knit vest was none other than Xu Ning; the other one… Xie Lanzhi gave him a glance, then immediately looked away. “Why are we hiding from them?”

Crouching behind the shelves, Qin Shu looked tense. “No way, I’ve got to call Baby.”

Xie Lanzhi: “??”

When he actually saw Qin Shu pulling out his phone, Xie Lanzhi frowned slightly. “Qin Shu, don’t tell me you’re—”

“Shhh—”

The call connected, and Qin Shu launched into a frantic tirade: “Chu Cheng, I just saw Ning Ning shopping at the supermarket with some dumb*ss!”

Chu Cheng’s voice sounded confused. “Huh?”

“What the hll is wrong with you! It’s the weekend, and instead of asking Ning Ning out, you let him go to the supermarket with some dumbss?!” Qin Shu grew more agitated as he spoke. “Are you even trying to pursue him or not?!”

Chu Cheng stayed silent. Thinking he hadn’t heard clearly, Qin Shu pressed on: “At the supermarket! Ning Ning’s shopping with another man! D*mn it, they even bought a ton of groceries—it’s obviously enough for two people. They’re totally going to eat together later! My god, shopping together, cooking together, eating together—round it up and that’s basically marriage! If you don’t act now, you can look forward to attending their golden wedding anniversary!”

Xie Lanzhi: “……”

So apparently shopping, cooking, and eating together equaled marriage. Another strange fact added to his knowledge bank.

At last, Chu Cheng reacted. “Who did you say he was shopping with?”

“Some sleazy guy in saggy jeans, a baseball cap, and sunglasses. Eyesore as h*ll.”

“…Where are you right now?”

“At the supermarket near campus,” Qin Shu whispered. “Hurry up, I’ll keep watch on them for you.”

Chu Cheng: “I’m here.”

Qin Shu froze. “That fast?!”

Wait a sec—why did Baby’s voice sound… doubled?

A terrible realization crept up on Qin Shu. He slowly raised his head—only to meet the blank expression of the so-called “sleazy guy.” Then Xu Ning walked over, smiling as he greeted them: “Qin Shu, Xie Lanzhi. What a coincidence.”

Qin Shu looked from “the sleazy guy” to Xu Ning. All the question marks in his head flipped into exclamation marks.

Xie Lanzhi, understanding, said, “So you really didn’t recognize Chu Cheng.”

“I—I… Wait, Chu Cheng, you…” Qin Shu’s gaze swept up and down Baby, taking in every detail. That suffocating sense of familiarity hit him again. “What is this… Did you move your whole wardrobe out of Pinru’s closet?”

Chu Cheng looked a little uneasy. “If you don’t understand, don’t make random comments.”

Qin Shu’s face twisted with secondhand embarrassment. “Right, right, I don’t understand. You do. You’re the king of understanding.”

Xu Ning looked at Chu Cheng with a smile. “I think it looks good. Really handsome.”

Chu Cheng smirked triumphantly. “Hear that? Someone who actually gets it!”

With “Cheng Ning” feeding sugar right in front of him, Qin Shu felt like crying and laughing at once. Fine, he could stamp this: Ning Ning’s love for Baby was the real deal.

Noticing the pile of groceries Qin Shu had bought, Xu Ning asked, “You guys planning to cook too?”

Xie Lanzhi: “Mm. You as well?”

“Yeah, Brother Lanzhi,” Chu Cheng boasted, “Ning Ning’s cooking is amazing! But it’s such a pain to cook in the dorms—just an induction cooker, and always worried the dorm auntie will find out. Since you’re cooking too, we could all cook together—Brother Lanzhi?”

Xie Lanzhi turned to Qin Shu. “Is that okay?”

“Uh…” If this had been before, of course it’d be okay. Wherever there was “Cheng Ning” sugar, there’d be him, the old dad fan! But now—now he hesitated. He actually hesitated!

Why?! Wasn’t a warm, domestic scene of Baby and Ning Ning cooking together his dream come true? What was there to hesitate about?

Except… he also really wanted to be alone with Xie Lanzhi.

Wait, alone? What was wrong with four people hanging out together?

No good! Because… because if others were around, then they wouldn’t be able to—wouldn’t be able to do what again?

Qin Shu’s brain short-circuited.

Xu Ning seemed to catch their reactions, and with a smile said, “I’m used to cooking with an induction cooker. I might not do as well with other equipment.”

“That’s fine!” Chu Cheng was eager. “Brother Lanzhi’s place has an induction cooker too.”

Xu Ning sighed, helpless. “You really are…”

Qin Shu finally forced himself to recover. “Of course we should cook together. I want to try Ning Ning’s food too—right, Brother?”

Xie Lanzhi nodded lightly. “Alright.”

The four of them went to Xie Lanzhi’s place. He took charge of washing the vegetables, leaving the rest to Xu Ning and Qin Shu.

When Qin Shu carried out the stir-fried beef, he saw Xie Lanzhi and Chu Cheng sitting on the couch, watching silly videos on Bilibili on the giant screen, with Snowball squatting between them with its little paws tucked in. His feelings were… complicated.

Xie Lanzhi asked, “Need help?”

“No, Brother, you just sit and wait for the food.” Qin Shu walked over to Chu Cheng and kicked him. “I’m done cooking, now Ning Ning’s the only one in the kitchen. Got it, Mr. Know-It-All?”

The video made Chu Cheng laugh like a goose. “Wha—what did you say?”

Qin Shu scooped up Snowball, trying to squeeze himself between them. But Xie Lanzhi pulled him to the side, so Qin Shu sat down, ending up with Xie Lanzhi between him and Chu Cheng.

Too lazy to waste words with Chu Cheng, Xie Lanzhi cut straight to it: “He said, go help Xu Ning cook.”

“But I can’t cook,” Chu Cheng replied, eyes never leaving the screen. “I’d just get in the way. Last time we had hotpot in his dorm, I tried slicing meat and cut my hand. Xu Ning hasn’t let me near anything sharp since.”

Qin Shu: “…”

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

They actually got shown a public display of affection?

“You two are together already?” Xie Lanzhi asked.

Chu Cheng’s expression turned serious. “Not yet. Qin Shu, Brother Lanzhi, I plan to confess to him on his birthday. I might need your help when the time comes.”

“What did I just hear?!” Qin Shu was so shocked he squeezed Snowball, making the cat meow. “You’re finally going to confess? A once-in-a-lifetime event!” He almost cried tears of relief—he could see ChengNing become official without having to wait until the nursing home.

Xie Lanzhi asked, “Do you have a plan?”

Chu Cheng glanced toward the kitchen. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Later… fine.”

Xu Ning cooked two dishes and one soup. Added to Qin Shu’s, it was more than enough for four people. Qin Shu minced the leftover beef, mixed it with egg, boiled it, cooled it down, and fed it to Snowball. Both humans and cat ate to their fill.

After the meal, Xie Lanzhi and Xu Ning cleaned up. Chu Cheng flopped back onto the sofa like a salted fish. Qin Shu, with all the earnestness of an old father, said: “Cheng, look at Ning Ning—he has to prep the food, cook, and even clean up in the end. Meanwhile you don’t lift a finger. Is that okay?”

Chu Cheng looked baffled. “If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

Qin Shu put on a serious face. “I just think Ning Ning has it tough. You should spoil him more. Being a 0 isn’t easy. You, as the 1, can’t you feel some heartache for him and do more housework?”

Chu Cheng asked, “What does being a 0 mean?”

Qin Shu: “…” Oh right, he almost forgot—even though Baby liked a guy now, deep down he was still straighter than straight, a big clueless idiot.

Has raising his son really reached the stage of giving him the talk about X-knowledge? But since Baby and Ning Ning weren’t even official yet, wasn’t it too early to bring this up?

While Qin Shu was still hesitating, Chu Cheng snapped impatiently: “Don’t speak halfway. That’s why you’ll die alone.”

Qin Shu hesitated. “You really want to know?”

“Cut the cr*p.”

“Alright. You know how two guys… get together, right?”

“What do you mean ‘get together’? Isn’t it just like normal couples?”

Qin Shu scratched his head. “Right, so the things boy-girl couples do, boy-boy couples also do. Get it now?”

“And then?”

Qin Shu’s face turned complicated. “Wait—you do know what boy-girl couples do, right?”

“Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve never eaten pork but I’ve seen pigs run. Isn’t it just holding hands, kissing, and then…” Chu Cheng’s eyes suddenly went wide. He shot to his feet. “Fck! What the hll, you’re talking dirty!”

Qin Shu looked innocent. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You—” Chu Cheng’s face flushed red. Honestly, with his skin tone, noticing his blush wasn’t easy—so one could imagine how shocked he really was inside.

After struggling for a moment, Chu Cheng sat back down again, looking like someone who’d just opened the door to a brand new world.

Qin Shu tested: “Want me to keep explaining?”

Chu Cheng snapped: “The door’s over there. Get out!”

Qin Shu refused. “This is Xie Lanzhi’s place. Why should I be the one to leave? Fine, I won’t say it. Anyway, you’ll definitely go Google it yourself.”

“Whoever Googles it is a dog!”

Xie Lanzhi and Xu Ning came out from the kitchen after cleaning up and saw the other two on the sofa. Qin Shu was petting Snowball. Chu Cheng leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped under his chin, in the standard posture of someone pondering life.

Snowball spotted them first and meowed. Chu Cheng snapped out of his thoughts and reached out to pet the cat—but instead of fur, he touched something smooth and soft. Not realizing, he even rubbed it twice more.

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

Xu Ning: “…”

Qin Shu and Chu Cheng met each other’s eyes. The next second, both leapt up.

Chu Cheng: “Fckfckf*ck (string of plants)! I’ve got goosebumps all over!”

Qin Shu, not to be outdone: “Aaaaah I just got touched by a big dumb*ss! I’m tainted, I’m unclean! Ughhh—”

Xie Lanzhi & Xu Ning: Alright. False alarm.

Author’s note: After going back, Baby started madly Googling and studying, brimming with confidence as he waited to put theory into practice. However… (dog head)