If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 50

Qin Shu’s little heart drifted for an entire day and night, bursting like fireworks in the air.

On a winter evening, in a bright, empty classroom, Xie Lianzhi confessed to him.

Xie Lianzhi liked him. Xie Lianzhi really liked him.

The most popular stock, drop-dead gorgeous, our school’s male god, the genius boy, the former straight guy destined to like Xu Ning—Xie Lianzhi—liked him.

“Lan-Shu” was real! D*mn, older guys are so good!

He didn’t know when or how Xie Lianzhi started liking him. The sheer joy had smashed him senseless—forget about asking for details, he couldn’t even manage to say something as simple as “count me in” or “me too.”

The only thing he could do was muster up all his courage and look straight into Xie Lianzhi’s eyes.

Even while confessing, Xie Lanzhi still looked calm, perfect, unhurried—as if he were only teaching him “train theory.”

“The wind isn’t strong here,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Did you hear everything clearly?”

Qin Shu held himself back from touching his burning earlobes—after all, that would be way too stupid. “H-heard it clearly.”

“Mm, that’s good.” Xie Lanzhi looked at him, then suddenly gave a low laugh, a bit self-mocking. “I’m so nervous.”

Qin Shu’s heart gave another jolt.

Holy cr*p, this man is terrifying! It’s really not that I’m too weak—the enemy is just way too strong. Who could withstand this?!

The class bell rang abruptly, ruining the mood. Qin Shu snapped back to reality and said, “Brother, you’d better hurry to class.”

Xie Lanzhi lifted his eyes toward the classroom camera, suppressing the urge to act on his thoughts. He placed his hand lightly on Qin Shu’s head. “Go back. And don’t forget to message me again.”

Qin Shu vowed solemnly: “I definitely won’t forget this time.”

When Xie Lanzhi arrived at his classroom, Lu Rulu was already there. Seeing him, he said, “I thought you weren’t coming again.”

Xie Lanzhi thought to himself, he almost hadn’t.

Lu Rulu chattered on: “The teacher’s probably gonna mark key points this period. Don’t tell me the whole Analects is on the exam—if that’s the case, I’ll jump from the third floor right now.”

Xie Lanzhi said carelessly, “First, the Analects is only ten thousand or so characters. Second, jumping for an elective isn’t worth it. Third, from the third floor you probably wouldn’t die. I suggest the thirteenth.”

Lu Rulu was floored. “I said it casually, and you still found so many holes to pick.”

Xie Lanzhi couldn’t be bothered to answer again. He focused on the lecture. Ten minutes later, his phone lit up on the desk.

[Love Letter: Brother, I’m downstairs at the dorm building.]

 [Shuimenjian: Mm.]

 [Love Letter: I’m on the fourth floor now.]

 [Love Letter: I’m at the dorm. Going to shower now.]

 [Love Letter: Report complete.]

 [Shuimenjian: …]

 [Love Letter: Oh, right, one more thing I forgot to say.]

 [Love Letter: (Onii-chan, daisuki.jpg)]

Qin Shu had sent his favorite reaction sticker of a shoujo anime girl.

Xie Lanzhi didn’t watch much anime. He thought the phrase sounded familiar but couldn’t place it, so he searched online.

Daisuki: “really like, like a lot, like the most.” With onii-chan, it meant: Love you the most, big brother.

Xie Lanzhi smiled silently and replied: [That’s it?] 

[Next time send me a native voice version.]

The other side went quiet for a few seconds: [(Trembling hands, slight OK.jpg)]

Qin Shu didn’t know what exactly counted as the mark of officially being in a relationship. He and Xie Lanzhi had both said they liked each other, and the other hadn’t said “don’t like you, get lost,” so… did that mean they were together now? He still didn’t really feel it. Probably because their confession had come at the worst timing—right during exam month. Making time to date just meant raising the odds of flunking. And even when they did see each other, there was usually some clown nearby wrecking the vibe. It was hard to say or do anything. At times like this, he had to thank the great invention of the cellphone, which let him and Xie Lanzhi grow closer over WeChat… yeah, right.

Back in the dorm while reviewing, Qin Shu “idly” scrolled through his WeChat history with Xie Lanzhi. To be honest, it wasn’t that different from before. No shameful sweet talk at all. Was it that they were just too proper now, or had their chats already been crossing the line back then?

“F*ck, I’m done for.” Chu Cheng threw down his pen in frustration. “Failing is fine—at least I won’t be alone.” He shot Qin Shu a look full of friendly sincerity.

Qin Shu shivered under his gaze. “I can accompany you to class, eat with you, even go to the space station with you—but wanting me to fail with you? No deal.”

Chu Cheng sneered. “That’s not something you can refuse.” He ruffled his hair irritably. “Mainly, I just can’t focus when I think about having to celebrate Xu Ning’s birthday this weekend.”

Qin Shu stared at his textbook, muttering silently: If I can’t even pass exams, what right do I have to be in a relationship with him?

He was glad he hadn’t met Xie Lanzhi back in high school. With his brains, he could never have balanced early love and studying. Those who could date and still ace their grades—they were true role models.

After class, Lu Rulu brought back some roast duck to share with the two younger guys. Crispy outside, tender inside, dipped in sweet sauce, paired with cucumber and scallions, wrapped in soft lotus-leaf pancakes—warm and fragrant in hand.

Qin Shu asked, “Where did Brother Lan go after class?”

Lu Rulu said, “Think the photography club had something, called him over.”

Chu Cheng looked thoughtful: “Then Xu Ning should be there too—d*mn, Squid King must be there as well! They’re all in the photography club, sh*t!”

Before, when “Lan-Ning” were mentioned together, Qin Shu would be on full alert. Now he could lazily say: “Relax. Squid King struck out long ago. They’re probably just planning Xu Ning’s birthday.”

“Xu Ning’s birthday?”

Qin Shu explained, “It’s Xu Ning’s birthday this weekend. The photography club wants to celebrate Christmas early and also give him a birthday party. Chu Cheng and I are going too.”

Lu Rulu pointed at himself. “And me?”

Qin Shu and Chu Cheng exchanged a glance. Chu Cheng said, “You’re not in the photography club.”

Lu Rulu snorted. “Neither are you, really.”

“We’re like half-members. We went along for their last team-building, too.”

“‘Half-members’? You sound like family dependents.”

Feeling guilty, Qin Shu and Chu Cheng carefully avoided each other’s eyes.

“I don’t care, I’m going too.” Lu Rulu put on a willful face. “I’m Brother Lan’s one and only roommate. Calling me his family isn’t wrong.”

Qin Shu muttered under his breath: “That family spot’s already taken.”

Lu Rulu didn’t hear clearly. “Huh? Wait, aren’t 418 and 419 supposed to be one big family? How come you two suddenly act alone, even dumping me on Christmas?” The more he spoke, the more he felt life was meaningless. “Scumbags, you have no heart!”

Qin Shu: “…”

Chu Cheng: “…”

Qin Shu could already imagine the future: Lu Rulu turning into a super lightbulb, illuminating everyone around; or else just holing up in the dorm, waiting for his bros to care for this lonely old man. That thought made Qin Shu feel a bit sympathetic. He cleared his throat and said: “Brother Lu, once winter passes, comes the spring when all things revive. Spring… is the season most suited for mating…”

Lu Rulu: “???”

“I mean—you should get yourself a girlfriend, Brother Lu.”

Lu Rulu’s expression turned sorrowful. “I… I still haven’t gotten over my last relationship.”

Qin Shu was shocked. “You had a last relationship?!”

Lu Rulu: “Thanks, I feel kinda offended by that.”

Chu Cheng, who had been witness to that last romance, said: “Brother Lu dated a junior girl in his sophomore year, for about one semester. Turned out she was multi-timing with N guys. The scale of her ocean was truly awe-inspiring.”

Lu Rulu snapped back: “Wow, even pulling out idioms now. Funny how you never sound this cultured usually.”

Qin Shu was dumbfounded. These days, even players are this popular?! And Lu Rulu turned out to be the only one among them with actual dating history!

After hesitating, Qin Shu asked: “Brother Lu, how did you and your ex usually… date?”

“Just like that.”

Qin Shu waved his hand. “I mean, like, did you chat on WeChat? What did you usually talk about?”

Lu Rulu laughed. “What do couples talk about? Sweet nothings, dirty talk.”

“Dir…?” Qin Shu thought he’d misheard. He glanced at Chu Cheng, saw the same dumbstruck expression, and realized he hadn’t. “You mean, you guys start driving that fast right after getting together?”

“Of course not right away,” Lu Rulu patiently guided the two romance noobs. “When couples first get together there’s always an awkward phase. Alone together, both act like idiots, don’t even know where to put their hands.”

Qin Shu agreed wholeheartedly. “Yes, yes, exactly! Then when does that phase end?”

“Depends on the people. Some get past it after a few dates, some only after kissing or sleeping together.”

Qin Shu: “…”

Chu Cheng: “Kissing… that really works?”

“Of course. Once your bodies have been that intimate, what’s there to be awkward about?” Lu Rulu rubbed his chin, sinking into memories. “I remember my first date, I acted like a total idiot. Later…”

Qin Shu already tuned out.

Halfway through, Lu Rulu sighed: “Ah, whenever I think of the past, my head just aches. Feels like that green hat is still sitting on my head, no matter how I try to shake it off.”

Chu Cheng patted his shoulder. “Brother Lu, you’ve had it rough.”

Qin Shu handed him a cup of water. “Thanks for the lesson, Brother Lu.”

Lu Rulu looked heavily out the window. “Even the heavens are crying for me.”

“Is it raining?”

Chu Cheng went to the balcony to check. “Snowing too—it’s sleet.” He shivered. “D*mn, it’s freezing out there.”

“The sleet’s coming down hard,” Lu Rulu said. “Brother Lan didn’t bring an umbrella. Wonder how he’ll get home.”

Qin Shu stared at the snowflakes mixed with rain for a while, then said: “Do you know where he is? I’ll bring him an umbrella.”

“At the Starbucks by the South Gate.” Chu Cheng shoved his phone in his pocket, grabbed an umbrella, and bolted out. “I’m off first, later!”

Before they could even react, he rushed back in. “Qin Shu, lend me your umbrella too, I’ll deliver one to Brother Lan as well.”

Qin Shu: “emmmm…”

“What are you dithering for!” Chu Cheng barked, frantic, eyes landing on the umbrella hanging by Qin Shu’s door. He snatched it straightaway. “I’m gone!”

Lu Rulu chuckled. “Not bad, still remembers his senior.”

Qin Shu smacked a hand over his face with a loud slap.

Author’s note:
Qin Shu: Wait, stop, that’s my boyfriend you’re running after!