If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 54

Qin Shu drove the car to the dorm building. Chu Cheng and Lu Rulu were waiting by the roadside—Chu Cheng holding a huge gift box stuffed with all the presents he’d prepared for Xu Ning. Lu Rulu helped him put the box into the trunk, then quite naturally opened the passenger door and sat down.

Qin Shu couldn’t help but ask, “Brother Yun, you’re sitting in the front seat?”

“Huh? I can’t?”

Qin Shu hesitated. “It’s not that… but then where will Brother Lan sit?”

Lu Rulu was baffled. “The back’s full? Is Chu Cheng taking up three seats by himself?”

“…Forget I said anything.”

“Then why are you fussing? Let’s go, let’s go—time to pick up my dear roommate.” Lu Rulu took out his phone and WeChatted Xie Lanzhi: “I told him to wait for us at the entrance of his complex in ten minutes.”

That tone of a “main wife in the big house” made Qin Shu want to laugh and cry. Lu Rulu and Chu Cheng really were stumbling blocks in his love life. With them around, he and Xie Lanzhi could hardly say a single word alone together—if they managed, it was already a blessing.

Lu Rulu turned to ask Chu Cheng, “What did you pack for Xu Ning? Feels heavy.”

Chu Cheng distractedly said, “A lot, hard to explain in a few words.”

Qin Shu asked uneasily, “They’re all normal things, right?” He was supposed to help Chu Cheng vet the presents, but lately he’d been too wrapped up in Xie Lanzhi, neglecting both Baby and Ning Ning, and had completely forgotten about it.

Chu Cheng frowned. “When have I ever given anything abnormal?”

Qin Shu snorted. “A gym membership? A router repair service?”

“What’s wrong with a gym membership?!” Chu Cheng protested loudly. “Didn’t you see how much fitter Xu Ning is now? Let that Squid King try bullying him again—he’ll beat him until he calls him Daddy, I’ll eat sh*t standing on my head if he doesn’t!”

At the thought of Xu Ning’s physique, Qin Shu’s mouth twitched. A perfectly good delicate beauty shou had become a strong shou—he just couldn’t get over it. Still, it was Baby’s wife after all, and as long as Baby liked it, it was fine. For him, as a CP fan, as long as “Cheng–Ning” wasn’t broken or reversed, he could accept it.

Qin Shu drove his buddies to the entrance of Xie Lanzhi’s complex. When Xie Lanzhi saw someone sitting in the passenger seat, he still opened the door and said coolly, “Go to the back.”

Lu Rulu blinked innocently. “???”

Seeing his dazed expression, Qin Shu almost pitied him. If only he’d listened and sat in the back with Baby, how nice that would have been—instead of waiting for the dear roommate to come and kick him out. If you don’t ask for trouble, you won’t find it—why couldn’t he understand?

Lu Rulu asked, “You serious?”

Xie Lanzhi countered, “Do I look like I’m joking?”

“It’s not that… What the h*ll’s going on between you two?” Lu Rulu looked from Qin Shu to Xie Lanzhi, confusion big in his small eyes. “Is the front seat your reserved throne, Xie Lanzhi? Why don’t you just slap a sign on it?”

Chu Cheng said, “I think I’ve seen that before. Isn’t it like ‘Fairy Girl’s Exclusive Seat,’ ‘Wifey’s Throne,’ ‘Girlfriend’s Seat—other women please sit in the back’?”

Linking Xie Lanzhi with words like “fairy girl,” “wifey,” “girlfriend” made Qin Shu both guilty and amused. He said, “Brother Lan isn’t a fairy girl, he’s a fairy man.”

“Then make it ‘Fairy Man’s Exclusive Seat’?”

“Tomorrow I’ll put one on,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Go sit in the back, or get your own cab.”

Lu Rulu scrambled out of the car, saying mournfully, “In the end, I still had to shoulder it all alone.”

Out of respect for the Society for the Protection of Single Dogs, Qin Shu said, “This is Brother Lan’s car. He has to sit next to me while I drive—what if I mess it up?”

Lu Rulu muttered, “Thanks, I feel so comforted.”

Xie Lanzhi said, “If you mess it up, I’ll buy you a new one.”

Qin Shu tried not to let his grin get too sweet or smug. “Thanks, Brother.”

Lu Rulu: “I’m gonna… cough up blood.”

The four of them arrived early at the party house. Since there were no customers in the morning, Chu Cheng asked the owner if he could set up the confession scene ahead of time. Seeing how handsome Xie Lanzhi was, the owner readily agreed and enthusiastically introduced the facilities.

The first floor had various board games, foosball, mahjong tables, KTV, PS4, and a bar. The second floor had a five-person e-sports room, a home theater, and an escape room (with the entrance on the first floor and exit on the second). With Christmas approaching, there was also a two-meter Christmas tree in the lobby, decorated with plenty of mistletoe.

Lu Rulu joked, “Why not confess at the mahjong table? Lay out a 520 with the tiles.”

Chu Cheng thought seriously, “Emmmm…”

Qin Shu groaned, “Brother Yun, please, don’t give him dumb ideas. He’ll actually do it.”

Chu Cheng was shocked. “So that’s a dumb idea? I thought it was creative!”

Qin Shu rubbed his temples. “Aren’t you planning a private confession? Then you need to take him somewhere with just the two of you.”

The owner offered helpfully, “The home theater is designed for couples—only two seats inside. You could play a movie she likes, wait for the right moment to confess… Or, if you’ve prepared a confession video, I can help switch it in midway.”

Qin Shu exclaimed that he really knew his stuff. The owner chuckled, “This trick’s cliché, but it works. If you’re set, I’ll prepare some mistletoe in the theater.”

Chu · Straight-As-An-Arrow · Cheng: “Mistletoe? What’s that?”

Xie Lanzhi said, “A kind of plant.”

“Like… ‘grass’?”

Lu Rulu made a fuss: “No way no way no way—someone still doesn’t know mistletoe?!”

Chu Cheng turned to Qin Shu. “You know?”

Qin Shu patiently explained to Baby: “In Europe, mistletoe is a Christmas must-have. Legend says you can’t refuse a kiss under mistletoe, or else you’ll be cursed with bad luck.”

Chu Cheng choked. “That’s just superstitious cr*p, right? I never planned…”

The owner laughed. “If your confession works out, sneaking in a kiss is perfectly normal. Don’t be shy.”

Chu Cheng stiffened his neck. “I’m not shy—I just think it’s too fast.”

Lu Rulu said, “Fair point. First day of confessing and you’re already kissing. By the time you get married, what, straight to the bed?! D*mn, who could stand that? Hahaha—”

Chu Cheng, red with shame and anger: “Shut the h*ll up!”

Speaking of that, Qin Shu recalled his own pitiful bit of experience. On the day he confessed to Xie Lanzhi they hadn’t done anything, and it was only a week later that, in front of that big refrigerator… Now, several more days had passed since then, and their kissing progress was still stuck at 1/10.

Qin Shu glanced over at Xie Lanzhi—today his boyfriend was once again extremely handsome, and he wanted to kiss him.

Xie Lanzhi sensed his gaze, looked back, and asked: “What are you thinking about?”

Qin Shu’s face burned hot. “N-nothing.”

Xie Lanzhi gave an understanding “oh,” and said, “I understand.”

“Huh?”

Xie Lanzhi said slowly: “You’re thinking… about the refrigerator?”

Qin Shu muttered softly, “I wasn’t!” But even he didn’t believe those three words himself.

“Brother Lan, Brother Lan,” Chu Cheng cut in, “what do you think, give me some advice.”

Lu Rulu was still holding a grudge about being kicked out of the car by Xie Lanzhi, so he seized the chance: “Brother Lan might be able to help you not fail your exams, but if you’re asking him this, he definitely can’t help. Has he ever dated anyone, ever confessed? What does he even know!”

Qin Shu: “…heh.”

Too lazy to bother with his idiot roommate, Xie Lanzhi asked, “What kind of movies does Xu Ning like?”

Chu Cheng said: “Hollywood blockbusters, that’s what we watch every time.”

“Cut the cr*p!” Qin Shu hated iron for not becoming steel. “You’re the one who likes those, Ningning is just accompanying you. What he actually likes is horror movies.”

Chu Cheng asked: “How do you know?”

Lu Rulu butted in, acting clever: “Did you forget Little Love Letter used to chase after Xu Ning? He did his homework really thoroughly back then.”

Chu Cheng and Qin Shu simultaneously cursed: “F*ck.”

Qin Shu felt the urge to yank out Lu Rulu’s hair. D*mn it, bringing up the most untimely things. Of course, it was also his own fault—back then, to provoke Baby, he’d loudly declared everywhere that he liked Xu Ning, until everyone knew. The tears he was shedding now were all because his brain had been full of water back then.

He secretly observed Xie Lanzhi’s expression. The other showed no particular reaction, only that distant, cold indifference he usually had toward unfamiliar people had returned. Qin Shu felt faint unease and probed: “Brother?”

Xie Lanzhi said: “I just looked over the escape room’s backstory. Seems like it has to do with paintings?”

The boss said: “That’s right, it’s about a famous painting being stolen in an art museum. A group of visitors get trapped inside and can only escape after finding the stolen painting. For this storyline it’s best if you know a bit about world-famous paintings, otherwise it’s a little difficult.”

Xie Lanzhi said to Chu Cheng: “What if you swapped the stolen painting for your confession gift, then took him to play the escape room—wouldn’t that be more of a surprise than just watching a movie?”

Everyone was stunned.

“Brilliant,” Qin Shu said. “And just right—Ningning studies that stuff!”

Lu Rulu was crushed: “D*mn, is a top student’s IQ reflected in every area? Being good at video games and basketball is one thing, but even picking up girls too…”

Qin Shu corrected him: “Not picking up girls, picking up guys.”

Chu Cheng asked hesitantly: “This escape room isn’t scary, right?”

The boss answered honestly: “There are some horror-thriller elements, but only enough to spook some cute girls.”

Chu Cheng let out a breath of relief. “That’s fine. Then let’s do it just like Brother Lan said.” He imagined taking Xu Ning into the escape room, the two of them working together to find clues, clearing stage after stage, and finally discovering his confession gift. Just picturing Xu Ning’s eyes lighting up in surprise made him grin.

After setting up the plan, it was lunchtime. There was a grilled fish place nearby, and too lazy to look further, they went in.

The four of them ordered two grilled fish, one spicy, one garlic, along with lots of side dishes. Lu Rulu grinned: “Cheng, you’d better not eat the garlic one, or you’ll stink him out.”

Chu Cheng looked like he was ready to kill: “Say that again and I’ll shove chopsticks up your nostrils, believe it or not?”

“What, I was just kindly reminding you! If you want to eat it, fine, just buy some gum after…”

Xie Lanzhi stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Qin Shu thought for a moment. “I’ll go too.”

When two boys date, another advantage is they can go to the bathroom together.

Qin Shu caught up with Xie Lanzhi. “Brother!”

Xie Lanzhi slowed his steps. “Hm?”

“You… are you mad?”

Xie Lanzhi stopped and smiled. “That obvious?”

Qin Shu shook his head, then nodded. “Not obvious, but I kind of felt it.”

Xie Lanzhi was quiet a moment. “A little.”

“Brother….”

“So I need some time to coax myself back into a good mood, before I can go coax you.” He had known from the start that Qin Shu was a playboy and had accepted that fact; it really wasn’t necessary to mind past things. He understood all that perfectly well. But hearing his idiot roommate bring up how much effort Qin Shu had once put into Xu Ning, he still felt a bit uncomfortable.

Qin Shu got anxious. “But—I want to coax you too.”

Author’s note:

Kisses: 1/10

Doi: 0/3