If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 56

Hehe asked: “Qin Shu never told you?”

Xie Lanzhi: “No.”

Hehe immediately opened the door to a new world for him: “‘Shipping a CP’ means there are these two people, and you really really want them to end up together. To exaggerate a bit: as long as they can get married, you wouldn’t regret staying single your whole life. We CP fans devote ourselves to finding every glance, interaction, and conversation between them, and treating these as ‘sugar.’ That’s why the word ‘to ship’ also has the meaning of ‘eating.’”

Xie Lanzhi’s expression was subtle: “So, Qin Shu’s been hoping all this time that Chu Cheng and Xu Ning would get together?”

“Yeah, he told me himself.”

“When?”

“At the last photography club outing.” Hehe slid her phone open and glanced at it. “From the way he looked, I think he’s been shipping ‘Cheng–Ning’ for a long while now. I suspect he’s even Chu Cheng’s ‘dad fan’—ah, the birthday cake’s here, I’ll go pick it up.”

Xie Lanzhi’s thoughts drifted back a few months. Xu Ning once said that although Qin Shu always claimed to like him, he had never once contacted him privately, let alone asked him out alone. Xie Lanzhi always thought Qin Shu was just too much of a “playboy,” liking him only superficially, which was why he hadn’t acted. But after hearing Hehe’s words, he faintly sensed another explanation. Thinking of Qin Shu’s recent confession—“You’re the first person I’ve ever liked, and the only one I’ve ever liked.”

Xie Lanzhi felt confused: in the playboy’s sea, how many fish were there really?

Meanwhile, Qin Shu was painstakingly persuading Wang Youyu to let go, his lips nearly worn thin, and he still didn’t know how much sank in. When he came back inside, he saw Xie Lanzhi sitting at the bar, eyes lowered, as though lost in thought. Qin Shu hurried over: “Brother, I’m back.”

Xie Lanzhi looked up at him, gaze complex.

Qin Shu’s heart gave a jolt. Was his boyfriend mad again? Was it because he’d come back too late?

Feeling guilty, Qin Shu reported what had just happened: “Wang Youyu got rejected by Xu Ning again, he’s in a bad mood. I comforted him a little, told him to let go.”

“Qin Shu.” Xie Lanzhi’s tone was strangely calm. “You said you never liked Xu Ning.”

Qin Shu froze, then nodded hard, wishing he could swear to heaven to prove his innocence. “Yes, I’ve never liked him.”

“Then why did you tell people you liked him?”

Qin Shu scratched his head, awkward: “Ah, you might not believe me if I say it.”

Xie Lanzhi gave the same line: “I’ll believe you.”

“…Okay then. The thing is, I could tell from early on that Chu Cheng liked Xu Ning, but you know what he’s like—stubborn as a mule, refusing to admit it, emotionally clueless, completely unaware of his own feelings. As his roommate I wanted to help him. Based on my years of experience, with this type you have to use reverse psychology—the more you provoke him, the faster he’ll realize his feelings. So I just…” Qin Shu trailed off, noticing the change in Xie Lanzhi’s expression. “Brother? You okay?”

Xie Lanzhi finally lost his composure, almost grinding the words out: “So you ‘sacrificed yourself for others,’ and used yourself to provoke Chu Cheng?”

“Y-yes.” Qin Shu hadn’t expected such a strong reaction. Sure, his method was dumb, but it had worked somewhat. And hadn’t Xie Lanzhi said he didn’t mind if he’d liked someone before? Now that everything was clear, Xie Lanzhi was his first love, and his only love. So why was Xie Lanzhi even angrier than before? Qin Shu couldn’t figure it out.

Xie Lanzhi closed his eyes, took a big gulp of the lemon water in front of him, the fingertips holding the glass trembling slightly.

He had thought he’d defeated the other fish, winning the right to be the one and only. But it turned out that in little “playboy” Qin Shu’s sea, there had never been any other fish at all—only him. All his past struggles and jealousy were meaningless; Qin Shu had never looked at anyone else.

Leaning back, Xie Lanzhi rubbed his brow, letting out a short, quiet laugh.

His state made Qin Shu seriously worried—for two whole seconds he even thought Xie Lanzhi might be having a heart attack. “Brother, are you okay?” Qin Shu put a hand to his forehead, anxiously saying, “Where does it hurt? Tell me.”

Xie Lanzhi slowly calmed down, took Qin Shu’s hand and held it. “If I didn’t care so much, I’d really want to…”

Qin Shu let out a confused “Ah?” He didn’t get it, but obediently apologized anyway: “I’m sorry, Brother, I was wrong.”

Xie Lanzhi: “What exactly were you wrong about?”

Qin Shu: “…Everything.”

Xie Lanzhi’s hand slid to the back of Qin Shu’s neck, pinching it lightly like a kitten. “Good thing I like you this much.” Liking him enough that even believing he was a playboy hadn’t made him give up.

Qin Shu, suddenly confessed to for no reason, went blank. Just as he was about to respond, the room suddenly grew noisy.

Xie Lanzhi looked toward the door: “Your son and daughter-in-law are here.”

Hehe clapped her hands loudly: “The birthday star has arrived—”

Maybe because birthdays come with a beauty buff, Xu Ning today was breathtaking, with eyes that lifted slightly when he smiled, his whole person shining with light. Chu Cheng beside him had changed into a black short jacket with cargo-style pants, sharp brows and bold features. Their temperaments were completely different, yet standing together they looked unexpectedly well-matched.

Qin Shu couldn’t help but glance twice before refocusing on Xie Lanzhi. Xie Lanzhi was also looking at him: “Good-looking?”

“Good-looking, but Brother is the best-looking.”

“No need to flatter me.”

“That’s not just some ‘beauty in the eyes of the lover’ cr*p, it’s the truth,” Qin Shu said seriously. “Even putting Xu Ning and Chu Cheng together, they can’t compare to Brother’s brilliance.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. It seemed that in this former “playboy’s” heart, he had already surpassed the CP ship. “Thanks—now go celebrate Xu Ning’s birthday.”

Qin Shu hesitated. “I’m not going.” This had to be a trap: if he went, Xie Lanzhi could take the moral high ground and condemn him. He wouldn’t fall for it.

Xie Lanzhi stood, pulling Qin Shu up with him. Qin Shu, like a stubborn little Shiba Inu, refused to move. “I’m not going, I’m not going, I want to stay with you!”

“We’ll go together,” Xie Lanzhi said.

“But if you get jealous and angry, then I’ll be upset again.”

“I won’t.”

“You will! You just said if it weren’t for not wanting to, you’d really want to—you say it, what did you want to do?”

Xie Lanzhi paused. “You really want to know?”

“You must’ve wanted to strangle me.”

“No,” Xie Lanzhi said. “You got one word wrong.”

“What are you two tugging at each other for?”

Chu Cheng and Xu Ning walked over. Seeing the two still holding hands, Xu Ning smiled: “Qin Shu, is senior bullying you?”

Qin Shu looked at Xie Lanzhi pitifully, sniffed. “No.”

Everyone else: That face clearly says yes!

Xie Lanzhi politely said, “Xu Ning, happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” Xu Ning’s tone was as gentle as always. “And thanks for taking care of Chu Cheng.”

“I haven’t taken care of him much.”

“Come on, Lanzhi,” Chu Cheng laughed, “if not for you I’d have flunked long ago.”

Xie Lanzhi said meaningfully: “Qin Shu’s taken care of you even more, hasn’t he?”

Chu Cheng snorted: “Bullsh*t, Qin Shu can’t even take care of himself. If anything, I take care of him.”

Qin Shu sneered: “You really don’t know who takes care of who? Please recite the full text of ‘Knowing Your Own Sh*t,’ thank you.” His fatherly love had been wasted—better spent on a dog, at least a dog would wag its tail at him.

Xu Ning helplessly said, “Chu Cheng, manners.”

Chu Cheng didn’t care, slinging an arm around Qin Shu’s shoulder: “Manners are for outsiders, we’re all close here.”

Qin Shu smacked his hand away: “Close my *ss. Get lost, you piss me off.”

“Oh? That’s not what you said in bed yesterday.”

Xie Lanzhi raised a brow. “Learned that from Lu Jingyun again?”

“Hahaha, where is he anyway?”

Qin Shu pointed at the mahjong table. “Over there. Just now I heard him shout ‘Self-draw!’ like he won five million.”

“I’ll go look.”

Once Chu Cheng left, Xu Ning told Qin Shu, “Chu Cheng may not say it, but he’s always thought of you as a good friend.”

Qin Shu joked, “I know. That’s just his personality, like a grade-schooler—he bullies whoever he likes. If I really took it to heart, I’d have poisoned him long ago, he wouldn’t be alive today.”

Xu Ning shook his head. “I’ll make him get rid of that bad habit.”

“Curing tsundere isn’t easy, you’d better be ready for a long battle.”

Xu Ning smiled. “I’ve been ready for a long time.”

Though Xu Ning and Chu Cheng had interrupted, Qin Shu was still worried about his little spat with Xie Lanzhi. He snuck glances at him. Seeing his face was as calm as usual, Qin Shu asked: “Brother, you’re not angry anymore?”

Xie Lanzhi smiled lightly. “I was never angry. Whatever you want to do, I’ll accompany you.”

Qin Shu sighed in relief. “Keep gaming?”

“Want to watch a movie?”

They spoke at the same time.

Qin Shu paused, remembering the little two-seater cinema here. Since Chu Cheng and Xu Ning wouldn’t be using it, why wait? This was a rare chance to be alone! Without hesitation he changed his words: “I want to, I want to watch a movie!” What he wanted to watch wasn’t the movie—it was his boyfriend!

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “Gaming’s fine too if you want.”

“No! I don’t want to! I hate gaming the most!”

Xie Lanzhi laughed low. “Then let’s go.”

The home theater was on the second floor. There weren’t many entertainment facilities on the second floor, and not many people either. The door of the theater was open, inside was pitch black—probably no one there. Qin Shu was secretly delighted, when suddenly a head popped out from the next-door e-sports room:

“Senior Xie, want to play PUBG?”

Qin Shu’s mouth twitched. He’d just managed to shake off Lu Jingyun and the Baby, and now—what the h*ll is this?!

Xie Lanzhi recognized the boy as a junior from the photography club and said, “No, we’re here to watch a movie.”

“What’s so good about movies? Just a bunch of old ones. Come play PUBG, with you two we’d have a perfect four-man squad.”

Qin Shu’s whole face spelled out Don’t come near me. He said faintly, “We just like watching old movies.”

Fortunately this junior wasn’t like Lu Jingyun, and didn’t push it after hearing that: “Alright then, go watch. When you’re done, come find us to eat ***.”

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

Qin Shu couldn’t hold back anymore and said: “Say ‘PUBG,’ don’t just say ‘chicken.’ Civilization, you, me, and everyone.”

The junior’s head withdrew.

Qin Shu noticed that across from the theater there was another tightly closed door. He pushed, but it wouldn’t open. “This should be the escape exit for the escape room, right?”

Xie Lanzhi: “Mm.”

Qin Shu smiled with satisfaction. “When Chu Cheng and Xu Ning come out from here, they’ll have their happy ending, and so will I.”

His expression was just like an old mother seeing her son bring home a girlfriend. Xie Lanzhi was thoroughly convinced that his silly boyfriend really treated those two as if they were his children.

“Don’t know when they’ll come out,” Qin Shu said.

“Why don’t we wait here for them?”

“No way, I want to watch the movie!”

Xie Lanzhi went into the theater first, switched on the wall light, and said, “Come in.”

Qin Shu grew flustered, feeling the fever rise to his head again. He was a little vexed: clearly he could talk to Xie Lanzhi normally when others were around, but once it was just the two of them, he’d turn into a bashful little bride.

Not his fault though—blame it on Xie Lanzhi’s friends and that damn disgusting exam month. Otherwise, his progress bar would definitely be more than 1/10 by now.

Would today reach 2/10? Hard to say. Even though the theater was cut off from outside and soundproofed, it couldn’t count as a truly private place—next door that junior was still playing PUBG. Qin Shu didn’t care, but Xie Lanzhi might.

D*mn it, whatever. If Xie Lanzhi doesn’t want to, then I’ll just force a kiss. Pin him against the wall, grab his waist, and kiss him hard!

Lost in wild thoughts, Qin Shu stepped inside.

The theater wasn’t large. In front of the screen was a two-seater sofa. On the cabinet nearby sat two servings of popcorn, two bottles of cola, and 3D glasses. Very thoughtful setup—though the lack of mistletoe hanging overhead left Qin Shu a little dissatisfied. He glanced around, considering which wall would be best to press Xie Lanzhi against, when he heard Xie Lanzhi ask, “What movie do you want to watch?”

Absentmindedly, Qin Shu said, “Anything’s fine, up to you.”

Xie Lanzhi turned on the projector, browsing the selections. “Want to watch something in 3D?”

“Sure.” The walls were covered in minimalist white wallpaper. Looked pretty nice.

Xie Lanzhi picked a movie he’d already seen—good scenery in it. “This one?”

“OK, OK.” Now the problem was—how was he supposed to pin Xie Lanzhi against the wall? The guy was taller than him by so much…

A pair of glasses appeared before Qin Shu’s eyes. “Put them on.”

Qin Shu: “???”

“3D glasses.”

“….” Kissing with glasses on—maybe nothing for other people, but for a newbie in love like him, the difficulty was like trying to carry a losing game as jungler—this concubine cannot do it!

Xie Lanzhi asked, “What’s wrong?”

Qin Shu resignedly took the glasses. “Nothing.”

Xie Lanzhi narrowed his eyes, switched off the light. The room fell into darkness, with only the screen ahead glowing.

Qin Shu slumped, dejected, as he put on the glasses. The sofa was so soft his upper body sank right in. Xie Lanzhi sat beside him, their thighs touching—barely intimate, but still leaving Qin Shu unsatisfied. He sneaked a glance; Xie Lanzhi was calmly watching the screen, seemingly here just to watch a movie. Qin Shu grew sulky. If he’d known, he might as well have gone to play PUBG.

No progress bar increase today, it seemed. Qin Shu forced himself to focus on the movie instead. And it was actually pretty good—beautiful visuals, elegant music, a story with a touch of fairytale. Unwittingly, he got drawn in, even forgetting about forcing a kiss.

Not long after, both their phones started vibrating nonstop. Must be the group chat.

Qin Shu took off his glasses and checked. Sure enough, it was Chu Cheng yelling in the group.

【Overlord Chu: Bros, I’m going to play the escape room! Wish me luck!】

A minute later.

【Overlord Chu: …Where are you guys???】

【Uncle Qin: Scallion Duck! Waiting on your news! PS: Brother Lan’s watching a movie, Lu Jingyun’s probably busy playing solo mahjong, no time to check messages.】

【Overlord Chu: …F*ck.】

【Uncle Qin: Don’t panic, Xu Ning likes you—really likes you. (finger heart emoji)】

【Overlord Chu: (clutching chest.jpg) I’m going. Wait for my triumphant return.】

Xie Lanzhi asked, “What did he say?”

“Baby said he’s going to confess, wants us to wish him luck.”

“Mm.”

Qin Shu set his phone aside, about to put his glasses back on—when suddenly Xie Lanzhi caught his hand.

His heart leapt straight to his throat. In the dim light he couldn’t see Xie Lanzhi’s face clearly, but he could hear his faintly hurried breathing.

“Brother?”

Xie Lanzhi took off his own glasses and leaned in.

Their lips touched briefly. Before Qin Shu even processed it, Xie Lanzhi pulled back.

Qin Shu felt a little disappointed—that’s it? Already over?

Xie Lanzhi showed him with actions that it wasn’t over.

He captured Qin Shu’s lips again.

The first time Xie Lanzhi kissed him, Qin Shu had been so flustered that his mind went blank—he couldn’t remember the details. But he was sure: back then Xie Lanzhi had been gentler, more patient.

Now it felt like Xie Lanzhi had been holding back for a long time. Slightly forceful, with a touch of beast-like hunger, kissing him until tingles spread across Qin Shu’s chest. The movie kept playing, but the protagonist’s dialogue was automatically muted out by Qin Shu’s brain. The only thing he could hear was that ambiguous sound.

Both their mouths tasted the same—the sweetness of popcorn.

Qin Shu was nearly breathless. He reached out, like a drowning man, and wrapped his arms around Xie Lanzhi’s neck.

Xie Lanzhi’s breath hitched, and he pressed Qin Shu down completely beneath him.

Author’s note: Here it is!