If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 66

It was already late at night, but Qin Shu didn’t feel the slightest bit tired—if anything, he was extremely hyped up. If someone made him do a fitness test right now, he felt like he could get a perfect score on the 1200-meter run.

After showering, Qin Shu lay in bed and sent Xie Lanzhi a WeChat message, telling him he was home. The moment he hit send, Xie Lanzhi’s call came in.

Qin Shu was both surprised and delighted: “Brother, you’re still awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Xie Lanzhi said. “What’s got you laughing so happily?”

Qin Shu shared his joy with his boyfriend: “My son and daughter-in-law went out for New Year’s Eve and still haven’t come back. Brother, do you think they’re… consummating? If they started before midnight and finished after midnight, Chu Cheng could brag that his stamina is measured in ‘years.’”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “Isn’t it a bit inappropriate to be worrying about that?”

“I’m just amusing myself with the thought. It’s not like I’d actually pry.” He did have a sense of boundaries—shipping CP was one thing, but he still respected their privacy.

Xie Lanzhi said, “Thinking about it doesn’t help. You have to experience it yourself.”

Qin Shu’s ear pressed against the phone grew hot. Lying in bed in the middle of the night, talking to his boyfriend about that kind of thing—this was just… way too exciting!

He clutched at the bedsheet and whispered, “Then when are you coming back?”

“My parents plan to stay two days at Grandma’s retirement villa.”

Qin Shu gasped. “Two days?!” In two days, the New Year’s holiday would be over, the flood of exams would hit again, and once the last one was done, winter break would begin.

“I’ll try to come back earlier,” Xie Lanzhi said.

“It’s… it’s not urgent,” Qin Shu said, his mouth denying his heart. “It’s rare for the whole family to be together.”

Xie Lanzhi didn’t press the point. “Don’t stay up too late. Go to sleep.”

Qin Shu couldn’t bear to hang up. “But I can’t fall asleep.”

“Want to do something?”

Qin Shu: “!!!”

Xie Lanzhi let out a low laugh. “Too bad your boyfriend isn’t there. What are you going to do?”

His voice dropped low, laced with teasing intimacy, and instantly Qin Shu’s body burned up. He stuck his feet out of the blanket and protested, “I’m not…”

“Not? You’re thinking of others, but not of yourself?”

“…” Aaaaaah! Since when did Xie Lanzhi get this bad?! Qin Shu flung off the blanket completely, staring at the little tent that had popped up, and was forced to admit, “O-okay, I was thinking about it.”

On the other end, silence. Qin Shu waited thirty seconds, still no response. “Brother?”

“Mm.”

“Why did you suddenly stop talking? I thought the signal dropped.”

“I’m going to shower,” Xie Lanzhi said. “You sleep first.”

So late and he still hadn’t showered? “No,” Qin Shu said, “I’ll wait till you’re back from showering, then we’ll sleep together. If we can’t sync space, at least let’s sync time.”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “Then you’ll be waiting a long while.”

“I don’t mind!”

But Qin Shu didn’t last—he fell asleep before Xie Lanzhi returned. The next morning, remembering their call, he scrambled for his phone. Surely Xie Lanzhi hadn’t hung up? He could wake him up and say good morning!

Looking at the screen—call duration: one hour.

…Sorry, he’d overthought it. Sleeping an entire night with the line open, just listening to each other’s breathing—that wasn’t really something two guys would do.

But why one hour? Last night they only talked a few minutes. The rest of the time, was Xie Lanzhi… showering? What kind of shower lasted that long?

Because of all the hints and imaginings before bed, Qin Shu also realized he’d dirtied the sheets. Luckily Chu Cheng hadn’t come back, or he’d be ridiculed to death. As long as he washed and dried the sheet before Chu Cheng returned, he’d still be the pure, wholesome successor to socialism.

Staring at the “map” he’d drawn on the sheet, Qin Shu’s thoughts circled back to Xie Lanzhi showering for an hour. Suddenly, realization struck.

No way… no way, right?! Could it be what he was thinking?! One whole hour?! Last time they helped each other it definitely hadn’t taken that long!

As a perfectly healthy young man, Qin Shu sometimes piloted his own plane. If his flight was Beijing to Shanghai, then Xie Lanzhi’s was Beijing to New York.

Impossible. Totally impossible! Something that was just self-release—who took that long?!

Worry stirred in Qin Shu’s heart. Anxious to confirm, he dropped the sheet and messaged Xie Lanzhi.

【Xie Love Letter: (woke up handsome.jpg)】

【Xie Love Letter: Morning! Brother, are you up?】

【Boyfriend: Having dim sum.】

Xie Lanzhi sent a picture—Cantonese dim sum, delicate and varied. His hand also appeared in the shot.

【Xie Love Letter: Eat more.】

【Xie Love Letter: By the way, Brother, did you hang up after showering last night?】

【Boyfriend: Waited until you fell asleep before hanging up.】

【Boyfriend: Why?】

Qin Shu went quiet for three seconds, then gave Xie Lanzhi’s avatar a solemn thumbs-up.

【Xie Love Letter: You showered for so long. (cry.jpg) What am I going to do in the future?】

【Boyfriend: ?】

【Boyfriend: It wasn’t long. Just ten minutes.】

【Xie Love Letter: ?????】

What the—ten minutes?! What could you even do in ten minutes?! He’d thought Xie Lanzhi looked so dominant, but in reality… sh*t. He grew even more worried about his future.

【Boyfriend: …What are you thinking.】

【Xie Love Letter: Eh?】

【Boyfriend: I just showered. Then I waited half an hour. When you didn’t wake up, I hung up.】

【Xie Love Letter: 0.0】

【Xie Love Letter: Sorry for disturbing.】

He still didn’t know the true duration of Xie Lanzhi’s “flight.”

Chu Cheng didn’t come back until evening.

Hearing the sound of the door, Qin Shu didn’t even finish brushing his teeth—he spat out the foam, grabbed his toothbrush, and rushed back into the dorm room.

Chu Cheng was startled. “What the h*ll are you doing!”

Qin Shu gave him a look that said I know exactly what shameful thing you did last night, no need to hide it, lips curling in a sly, dirty smile. “You! Dirty boy!”

“Like you’re the only one who knows English.” Chu Cheng acted calm, but Qin Shu swore he saw him blush.

Qin Shu’s gaze swept up and down, carefully inspecting his little baby who had finally grown up. He looked a bit tired—which made sense. After all, they say that once a boy’s had his first taste of meat, he might even try the h*ll-difficulty challenge of “seven times in one night.” With Chu Cheng’s stamina, maybe not seven, but at least three to five for sure. A whole night of high-intensity physical activity would wear anyone out.

Qin Shu offered him a cup of hot tea with a beaming smile. “You’ve worked hard, sir.”

Chu Cheng gave him a strange look, took the cup, and was just about to sit down when he suddenly yelped—“Sh*t!”—and sprang back up, hissing through his teeth.

Alarmed, Qin Shu asked, “Baby, are you OK?”

Chu Cheng’s brows furrowed, his voice guilty. “It’s nothing, just… just a sore waist.”

A sore waist? That was the classic sign of being emptied out! Heaven help him, last night Chu Cheng and Xu Ning’s “exploration of human anatomy” must’ve been fierce enough to overdraw his kidneys! Who knows what state Xu Ning was in now—probably couldn’t even get out of bed. Qin Shu felt a bit sorry for him, sure, but more than anything he was thrilled—Cheng and Ning had done it! New Year came early! He should go set off fireworks in celebration!

Chu Cheng rubbed his waist, muttering through clenched teeth, “Xu Ning, f*** your grandpa, I never would’ve guessed…”

But Qin Shu, caught up in his joy, didn’t really hear him. He clapped Chu Cheng on the shoulder. “Don’t panic, don’t panic. Tomorrow I’ll take you out for a good meal—unless… you want to stay with Xu Ning while he recovers?”

“Me? Stay with him while he recovers? Recover…?” Chu Cheng seemed genuinely pissed, let out a cold laugh. “He’s fine. Doesn’t need to recover.”

Qin Shu’s eyes widened. “He doesn’t? But… in danmei novels, after doi, the bottom’s always stuck in bed for at least a day, right? Don’t tell me I’ve been misled by paper people—that it doesn’t actually hurt that much, and the novels are all just deceiving readers?”

He nodded to himself, thoughtful. “Almost got misled by BL authors.”

Chu Cheng slept straight through to noon, and when he woke, the pain had eased. He rubbed his stomach and said to Qin Shu, who was playing on his phone: “Weren’t you going to treat me to something good?”

“Let’s go,” Qin Shu said readily. “Wait, let me check first.” He quickly searched “foods that boost male stamina,” and finally decided to take his baby to eat Little Sheep hotpot. Mutton in winter—great for nourishment!

They planned to invite Lu Rulu as well, and just as they left the dorm, they bumped into him.

“Brother Yun, let’s go,” Qin Shu said. “My treat, hotpot till we’re stuffed!”

Lu Rulu shook his head. “Nah, I’ve got plans.”

Qin Shu and Chu Cheng exchanged a look, shock mirrored in both their eyes. “You? Plans?!”

“Oh, my ex asked me out.”

“…”

Qin Shu’s expression was complicated. “Brother Yun, a good horse doesn’t graze old grass. I won’t allow you to be a simp.”

“Who the h*ll’s a simp? If she didn’t owe me 8,000 yuan I’d have blocked her ages ago.” Lu Rulu sneered. “She asked me out to return the money. You think I’d say no to 8,000 yuan?”

Chu Cheng said, “Of course not! That’s a couple pairs of sneakers right there! Don’t you dare go soft on her just ‘cause she’s a girl.”

The Little Sheep hotpot place was a bit far, so Qin Shu decided to drive. Chu Cheng, sitting in the passenger seat, asked, “Didn’t you get your own car fixed? Why are you still driving Brother Lan’s?”

“Couples swapping cars is totally normal.”

Chu Cheng snorted. “Already calling yourselves a couple? D*mn, that was fast—speedrun marriage.”

Qin Shu gave him a meaningful look. “Not as fast as you two.”

The Bluetooth was connected to Qin Shu’s phone, and he played a few anime theme songs. Chu Cheng couldn’t take it. “Can’t you listen to something normal?”

“I’m driving, I can’t mess with it. Connect your phone, play your stuff.”

Chu Cheng’s playlist was full of mainstream pop hits from the charts, and he even hummed along to a couple.

At the hotpot restaurant, Qin Shu found a narrow parking spot. Nervous about scraping someone else’s car, he had Chu Cheng get out and guide him.

“Back, back, keep going back,” Chu Cheng directed. “Still plenty of room… hold up, got a WeChat.”

He tapped open the voice message Xu Ning had sent. Listened for a long while—heard nothing. Slowly typed back a question mark.

Meanwhile, the car speakers cut off right at the chorus of Mojito. In its place came Xu Ning’s gentle voice:

“How’s your body? Still sore in the back?”

Author’s Note: @Brother Lan, your wife’s about to faint! Get over here quick!