If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 68

Xie Lanzhi already knew what “shipping CP” meant, and he also knew the CP Qin Shu shipped was Chu Cheng × Xu Ning. But this word “reversed”—for a moment, he couldn’t understand.

On the way back, he had looked at the accident photo Chu Cheng sent. Just a very light fender-bender, at most some scraped paint. Last time, when Qin Shu cut in on the road and got hit, that had definitely been worse than today. Back then Qin Shu had been startled but quickly calmed down, learned to handle the aftermath, and didn’t even leave behind a shadow. But now…

Lowering his head at Qin Shu, who was clutching his waist and wailing, then glancing up at the oxygen tank by the bed—clearly, “reverse CP” was an extremely serious matter, one that had left the junior with a massive psychological scar, not the kind that could be soothed quickly.

Xie Lanzhi rubbed his hair and said: “Don’t cry, I’m here.”

Qin Shu shook his head, wronged beyond words: “Even my boyfriend can’t save me—aooo!”

Xie Lanzhi: “…”

Although Qin Shu was howling loudly, he wasn’t actually shedding tears. But if he didn’t howl, the suffocation in his chest just wouldn’t go away. “I worked so diligently, so tirelessly, shipping them for so long… I watched their favorability grow little by little, finally maxing out—home run! And then, then they actually! Aooo—no, no, I can’t accept this kind of injustice! Wuwuwuwu… I’m ruined, my whole life is ruined! Brother, what should I do…”

Qin Shu knew he was overreacting. People who didn’t genuinely ship CP probably couldn’t understand. If Chu Cheng and Xu Ning were just fictional characters, maybe he’d be sad for a few days and get over it. But they were real people, and not just any people—people right beside him. This wasn’t just like watching a house collapse—this was the house and the ancestral grave collapsing together.

The feeling was like: a child you raised with handfuls of poop and pee, you thought he was a son, had already prepared the betrothal gift for his wedding, only to suddenly discover one day he was actually a daughter. Honestly, the fact he didn’t faint on the spot showed his mental endurance was decent.

Xie Lanzhi looked at Chu Cheng and asked: “Do you understand what he’s doing right now?”

Chu Cheng shook his head like a rattle-drum, pointing at his own temple. “I suspect there’s a problem here.”

The bawling Qin Shu raised his head at that, sniffled, and clarified to Xie Lanzhi: “Brother, my brain’s fine… hic.”

Xie Lanzhi hugged him tighter and shot a glance at Chu Cheng: “I think you have quite a problem.” He hadn’t figured out the true cause of his junior’s breakdown yet, but since it was related to the CP he shipped, Chu Cheng definitely couldn’t escape blame.

Chu Cheng looked utterly innocent, throwing up both hands: “But I didn’t even do anything! Brother Lan, get a grip—don’t wrong a good man, don’t let love blind your eyes!”

Xie Lanzhi couldn’t be bothered with him. The urgent thing was to stabilize Qin Shu’s emotions. Pressing down on Qin Shu’s head, he gently pushed him away a little and said: “Want to come over to my place? I brought back a lot of food.”

Qin Shu turned his head to glance at Chu Cheng, heart sinking further. Yeah… better not see Baby until he’d recovered from the trauma of “reverse CP.” Better not see this unfilial son at all. He asked Xie Lanzhi: “Can I stay over at your place?”

“You can.”

“Can I stay for a few nights?”

Xie Lanzhi smiled. “You can.”

Chu Cheng was dumbfounded—this was acting spoiled!

Qin Shu’s health bar barely recovered a sliver, just enough to support him as he dug out his small backpack, then lowered his head and stuffed it with clean clothes from the wardrobe.

Just then, someone knocked on the door of 419. Chu Cheng asked: “Who is it?”

Xu Ning’s voice came: “It’s me.”

Qin Shu, already on his last breath, took another critical hit. His HP dropped to zero, body instantly petrified, still clutching a turtleneck sweater in his hands.

Chu Cheng opened the door for Xu Ning. “At least say something before you come.”

At first listen, Chu Cheng’s tone sounded no different than usual. But once two boys had that kind of entanglement, the atmosphere when they were together changed unmistakably. Chu Cheng avoided Xu Ning’s gaze, intentionally or not—which could be read as shyness. Xu Ning, meanwhile, smiled lightly, his foxlike eyes tilted upward, carrying an extra allure.

The two standing together was like a painting. Similar height, similar build, but with Xu Ning’s beautiful face, visually he still looked more slender than Chu Cheng. One handsome, one beautiful—apart from LanShu, no CP could be more compatible. On the condition that Chu Cheng was the top! Ning Ning smiled so gently, so tenderly, with those bewitching eyes—how could he… how could he possibly press Chu Cheng down beneath him?!

Qin Shu shut his eyes in agony. Xie Lanzhi quietly took the sweater from his hands and stuffed it into his bag.

Xu Ning carried a plastic bag. “I sent you a WeChat, you didn’t reply—ah, Xie Lanzhi is here too.”

Xie Lanzhi nodded in greeting. He picked up the down jacket draped over the chair’s armrest. “Hands out.”

Qin Shu obediently stretched out his arms, letting Xie Lanzhi help him put on the jacket.

Chu Cheng said, “Oh, maybe my phone’s acting up. I didn’t hear your voice messages.”

Qin Shu: “…” No, your phone is fine. Fully functional. Especially that Bluetooth function—a d*mn sword that stabbed my heart into a QR code.

Seeing the bag in Xu Ning’s hand, Chu Cheng asked: “What’s that?”

“I was worried you’re still in pain, so I bought some medicine.”

Xu Ning lowered his voice deliberately, but Qin Shu still heard it. He let out a wail and dragged Xie Lanzhi toward the door: “Let’s go, let’s go. There’s no place for me here anymore.”

Behind him came Chu Cheng’s exasperated roar: “I don’t need it, I’m not in pain!”

Xu Ning patiently said: “Don’t fuss. It’s swollen already. If you use medicine, it’ll heal faster.”

“You use it yourself, I’m not using it!”

“Fine, I’ll put it on for you…”

Qin Shu thought if he heard one more word, his life would be in danger. He slammed the door shut hard, cutting off the voices of those “adulterers.”

Xie Lanzhi touched his forehead. “You okay?”

“No.” Qin Shu pointed to his chest. “It hurts here.”

Xie Lanzhi caught his hand. “This spot hasn’t hurt for your boyfriend yet, but it’s hurt several times for them.”

Qin Shu looked horrified. “You won’t make me hurt here too, will you?”

Xie Lanzhi smiled. “I won’t.”

Leaving the heated dorm building, the cold wind hit. Qin Shu shivered. “So cold.”

Xie Lanzhi turned, zipped his jacket all the way up, and pulled the hood over his head.

Looking at him with lowered eyes, Qin Shu’s dead heart gave a faint warmth again.

Thank goodness—at such a devastating time of “reverse CP,” he had Xie Lanzhi by his side.

Bundling Qin Shu like a dumpling, Xie Lanzhi asked: “Want to hold hands?”

“Eh?” Qin Shu instinctively glanced at the dorm matron, who happened to be watching them with a blank face, already numb. “Hold hands at school?”

“Up to you.”

“Then I want to.” Anyway, the whole school already knew about him and Xie Lanzhi. What’s a little hand-holding? Besides, he was practically dying—only his boyfriend’s hugs and kisses could save him.

Xie Lanzhi drove him home, checking his car in the garage on the way. As expected, just some scratched paint, nothing costly.

Qin Shu said guiltily: “Sorry, Brother, I dinged your car.”

Xie Lanzhi said: “Pretty serious crash.”

“Eh?” Qin Shu was startled. “Really? I was backing up so slow, I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“If it wasn’t serious, how’d it knock you stupid?”

Qin Shu muttered softly: “I’m not stupid…”

In the elevator, Qin Shu still looked absent-minded, clutching his little backpack of clothes, lost in thought. Even when they reached the floor, he didn’t react. Xie Lanzhi simply scooped him up.

Qin Shu startled. “Brother?”

Xie Lanzhi opened the door to his apartment and set Qin Shu down on the sofa. “Want something to eat?”

Seeing Xie Lanzhi’s face, Qin Shu finally found a bit of appetite. “Anything’s fine. Just not Little Sheep.”

The driver had dropped things off earlier—stuff Xie Lanzhi’s grandma had stuffed into the car before he left. He picked out a heat-and-eat Buddha Jumps Over the Wall and some braised duck, studying the instructions, when Qin Shu’s head poked out from the doorway. “Brother, need help?”

“No,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Go sit on the sofa.”

“Oh.” Qin Shu withdrew his head.

While heating the food, Xie Lanzhi idly looked up the meaning of “reverse CP.” After reading, he was baffled.

That’s it? That’s what made junior fall apart??

He carried out the steaming Buddha Jumps Over the Wall and saw Qin Shu sitting obediently on the sofa, hugging his knees, face blank. Even though Snowball was right there licking his paw, Qin Shu didn’t reach over to pet him.

“Eat.”

Qin Shu slowly unfolded his legs. “Thanks, Brother.” He didn’t even ask what it was—just mechanically blew on it, then spooned it into his mouth, managing to make a five-figure delicacy taste like cafeteria soup.

Watching him, Xie Lanzhi couldn’t help but ask, “Does it really matter that much to you who tops and who bottoms between Xu Ning and Chu Cheng?”

Qin Shu hurried to respond, swallowing a mouthful of hot broth so fast he scalded himself like a llama eating grass, eyes tearing up. “Of course! In my vision, it was always Chu Cheng on top! Xu Ning is so delicate, how could he be the 1?”

Xie Lanzhi raised a brow. “Xu Ning, delicate?”

Qin Shu faltered. “Well… he used to be delicate… Also, another reason—I’m a lifelong younger-top stan! The 0 has to be older than the 1!”

Xie Lanzhi reminded him, “I’m older than you.”

“That’s… different! We’re different, not the same!”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “And what’s different?”

Qin Shu couldn’t explain. He flopped onto the sofa, burying his face in a cushion, and protested, “I’m already this heartbroken. If you don’t understand me, fine, but why diss me too?!”

“I didn’t.”

“Then that’s the difference! We can do older-top, but they can’t!” Tears spilled from Qin Shu’s eyes—half from heartbreak, half from the scalding soup.

“Fine, they can’t,” Xie Lanzhi humored him. “Now sit up and eat.”

Qin Shu wailed, “No, let me cry a little longer—for my youth that just ended…”

“…Fine.”

Qin Shu squeezed out the rest of his tears, then climbed back up himself, leaving two eye-marks and a nose-print on the cushion.

Xie Lanzhi: “…” The junior was truly pitiful—yet somehow he wanted to laugh.

After eating, Qin Shu still looked listless. Xie Lanzhi carried him off to brush his teeth, then tucked him into bed. “Take a nap. Maybe when you wake up, you’ll see things differently.”

Qin Shu thought, No way. This’ll take at least a year or two. He grabbed Xie Lanzhi’s hand. “Sleep with me.”

“Alright.”

Xie Lanzhi wasn’t sleepy, so he propped up a tablet to watch videos. Qin Shu closed his eyes for a while, but the stuffiness in his chest didn’t fade. Slowly, he shifted closer, draping his leg across Xie Lanzhi’s.

Xie Lanzhi didn’t react, only his lashes trembled faintly.

Qin Shu leaned against him quietly for a minute, then grew restless again. He climbed all the way onto Xie Lanzhi, poked his head out from under the blanket, and rested his chin on Xie Lanzhi’s chest, gazing up at him with pitiful eyes.

Xie Lanzhi took off his earbuds, set the tablet aside, and smiled faintly. “What is it now, little junior?”

“Brother, I feel awful.”

“I know.” Xie Lanzhi wrapped one arm around his waist to keep him from slipping. “How about I give Chu Cheng five million to swap positions with Xu Ning?”

Qin Shu wanted to laugh and cry all at once. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you, senior.”

“Half-joking,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Didn’t you say you’d be happy as long as Chu Cheng was on top?”

Qin Shu shook his head. “Forget it. They’ve already… I don’t do verses.”

“‘Verses’?”

“It means today Chu Cheng’s on top, tomorrow Xu Ning’s on top—they switch back and forth.”

Xie Lanzhi nodded. “Another pointless term to add to my knowledge bank. If that doesn’t work, there’s one more way—to ease your pain, at least temporarily.”

“What way?”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled softly. With a smooth motion, he flipped their positions, pressing Qin Shu beneath him.

The move worked. Qin Shu’s thoughts shifted from “NingCheng” to Xie Lanzhi. He swallowed. “Brother…. are we gonna… do things?”

“Mm… or maybe try something else first?”

Qin Shu’s eyes widened. “What—now? I—I’m not ready yet.” He’d just suffered a great heartbreak; what if halfway through he suddenly remembered the cursed reverse-CP? That’d be a disaster. But… if Xie Lanzhi insisted, it wasn’t impossible. He’d just have to keep looking at Xie Lanzhi’s face so he didn’t drift off.

“Wait, I’m ready now,” Qin Shu stammered. “But… could you do it face-to-face…”

Xie Lanzhi lowered his head and kissed him. “I’ll only do what makes you comfortable. Relax.”

Author’s Note: It’s coming, it’s coming!! Just wait until Qin Shu’s in a better state! (doge face)