If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 71

Qin Shu was beside himself with excitement. “Are you serious?!”

Hehe laughed: “Of course! Why would I lie about something like this? They look about the same height, but Xu Ning really is taller than Chu Cheng.”

Xu Ning is taller than Chu Cheng, Xu Ning is taller than Chu Cheng, Xu Ning is taller than Chu Cheng!

@Baby, you’re not even as tall as him, and you still dare to be the top?! Please leave the group chat, thank you.

Qin Shu’s nose stung. In that moment, he was redeemed; his youth had returned.

He grabbed Hehe’s backpack and shook it hard. “Senior-sis, you’re my real sister!”

Hehe was flustered. “Ah? What did I even do?”

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, your lipstick money next semester is on me!”

Hehe exaggerated her bewildered look to the fullest. While Qin Shu wasn’t paying attention, she secretly winked at Xie Lanzhi.

Xie Lanzhi: “…” The junior he’d coaxed for ages with both words and actions, barely calming him down—cured instantly by just one sentence from someone else?

Xie Lanzhi sent Qin Shu off to the security checkpoint. Qin Shu was lighthearted, even the looming long-distance relationship couldn’t dampen his good mood. “Brother, I’m heading in.”

Xie Lanzhi nodded. “Text me when you land.”

“Okay!”

“That’s it?” Hehe’s eyes sparkled with expectation. “Come on—you two won’t see each other for a whole month. Aren’t you going to show something?”

Qin Shu muttered to himself: “Like I don’t want to…” But this was the airport, people everywhere. However shameless he was, he couldn’t bring himself to be overly intimate with his boyfriend in public. And with Hehe right there as a live audience? He suspected if he really kissed Xie Lanzhi goodbye, she’d circle around 360° to catch every angle, maybe even rush up to hold him steady if his knees went weak, turning it into the cringiest Qiong Yao-style kiss scene.

Xie Lanzhi probably thought the same—he didn’t move.

But he couldn’t just walk away either. After a moment’s hesitation, Qin Shu stepped forward himself, went on tiptoe, and gave Xie Lanzhi a straight-guy sort of hug. In a low voice, he said: “Miss me, Brother.”

Xie Lanzhi wrapped an arm around his waist. “Mn.”

Hehe: “!!!”

Qin Shu silently counted to ten before letting go. “Then see you after New Year.”

But Xie Lanzhi’s hand at his waist didn’t release. He tugged the junior back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Have fun.”

—

After sending Qin Shu off, Xie Lanzhi returned home with Snowball. Since starting college, he only stayed home for winter break. Mother Xie was thrilled, bought Snowball piles of little skirts, and with the housekeeper on holiday, their family of three lived cozily together. She cooked elaborate meals daily for husband and son, yet somehow, in a week, Xie Lanzhi had lost three pounds.

In the morning, before washing up, his first act was to text Qin Shu a “Morning.”

Downstairs, he overheard Mother Xie complaining: “Didn’t I say I’d make breakfast? Why’d you go out to buy?”

Father Xie calmly replied: “Got it while jogging.”

Xie Lanzhi exhaled in relief. Crisis averted.

At breakfast, his phone buzzed.

【LoveLetter: Morning Brother! Today’s another super-energetic day!】

【Xie: What are you planning to do?】

【LoveLetter: Originally my dad was taking me and my brother out to sea.】

【Xie: But?】

【LoveLetter: But he pulled something. Orz】

【Xie: Muscle strain?】

【LoveLetter: Nope. He ignored my mom and insisted on eating raw oysters. Spent the whole night on the toilet. Pulled his guts out.】

【Xie: …】

【Xie: Is it serious?】

【LoveLetter: Doctor said it’s fine, just needs a few days’ rest.】

【Xie: Good.】

【LoveLetter: My brother’s calling me for breakfast, talk later!】

Ten minutes later:

【LoveLetter: Back again! At a restaurant now, today I’m having yummy Yunnan rice noodles -v-】

Long-distance Qin Shu turned clingier than ever. Everything had to be shared with Xie Lanzhi—even a weird-shaped seashell from the beach. Except for showering and sleeping, Xie Lanzhi kept his phone on him constantly.

Mother Xie eyed him. “Lanzhi, your porridge’s getting cold.”

He gave a distracted “Mm,” still typing.

Mother Xie leaned toward Father Xie, whispering: “Bet you a handbag—our son’s definitely in love.”

Father Xie: “Which bag do you want?”

“That’s not the point!” she said excitedly. “I’m dying to know—who’s so amazing they’ve bewitched our Lan Zhi like this?”

—

Besides pestering Xie Lanzhi, Qin Shu often chatted in the dorm group. Xu Ning joined as Chu Cheng’s partner, while poor Lu Rulu, sandwiched between two boy–boy couples, always signed off with: “Another day, still not bent. :)” Until Chu Cheng got so annoyed he renamed the group “Is Brother Yun Bent Today.”

On New Year’s Eve, the group was lively—red envelopes flying, family feasts flaunted, live commentary on the Gala. Close to midnight, Xie Lanzhi slipped away to call Qin Shu, but before he could dial, a video request popped up.

Qin Shu’s face filled the screen. “Happy New Year!”

After a week apart, he was a little tanned, but still fairer than Chu Cheng. Wearing a Pokémon T-shirt, his eyes sparkled.

Something in Xie Lanzhi’s heart clicked. Only then did he realize just how much he missed him.

“Happy New Year,” Xie Lanzhi said. “One year older.”

“Not yet.” Qin Shu grinned. “I’m only really twenty once my birthday passes.”

He chattered away, even turning the camera to show the ocean and fireworks outside. At last, he leaned close to the lens, whispering: “Brother, I miss you so much.”

A tremor went through Xie Lanzhi’s chest. “Sleep early.”

—

From New Year’s Day through the third, he had to visit grandparents. Afterward, with relatives coming to their house, attendance was optional. Returning from his grandmother’s, he told his parents: “I need to head out.”

Mother Xie assumed it was friends. “Back for dinner?”

“No. I’m going to Sanya.”

“Sanya?” Both parents stared. “In the middle of New Year, why so far?”

He smiled. “Because my junior brother misses me.”

Mother Xie: “—Huh?!”

Four-plus hours later, the plane landed. On his phone, a flood of unread messages from Qin Shu: a baby seal photo (“looks like a rice ball”), then an hour later, 【Are you busy? (peeks) Please reply when you can! (kneels.jpg)】

At the hotel, Qin Shu sprawled on the bed like dead fish. Five whole hours without a reply—unprecedented. He wanted to call, but what if Xie Lanzhi was genuinely busy?

When the notification finally chimed, he shot upright.

【Boyfriend: Just tied up. Hungry?】

【Xie LoveLetter: I’ve been waiting for you QAQ】

【Boyfriend: Sorry.】

【Boyfriend: Ordered you delivery. Can’t send it up—go grab it downstairs.】

Qin Shu didn’t think twice; last time they gamed late, Xie Lanzhi had ordered him food too.

【LoveLetter: Thanks Brother, going now!】

He texted on the way: 【Delivery guy’s in the lobby?】

【Boyfriend: Yeah.】

At the lobby, he saw no delivery man. Only a tall guy in a loose T-shirt and backpack. Too good-looking, drawing stares from everyone—yet his eyes were fixed only on Qin Shu.

Qin Shu froze. A blaze shot up in his chest, crackling uncontrollably.

Before his brain caught up, his body acted—faster than during the physical fitness test—he sprinted straight into Xie Lanzhi’s arms.

“Brother!”

The impact made Xie Lanzhi stagger back half a step. Breathing in the clean scent of Qin Shu’s hair, he murmured: “I missed you too.”

Qin Shu felt like ascending to heaven. Dating Xie Lanzhi—how could it be this sweet? His teeth were going to rot from it!

Looking up at him, all emotions spilled onto his face.

Xie Lanzhi asked, “Had enough hugging?”

“Nope. Let’s go back to the room and keep hugging!”

Xie Lanzhi chuckled. “Oh, right—this is for you.”

Only then did Qin Shu notice the plush toy in his hand: a fluffy white baby seal, identical to the one he’d compared to a rice ball. He grabbed it, inhaled hard. “Brother, you’re too smooth!”

Back in the hotel room, the ocean stretched outside the balcony, where an open-air tub sat.

“Ever used a tub like that?” Xie Lanzhi asked.

“Of course not. You’d need swim trunks for that.”

“Try it next time.”

“Sure! Brother, don’t book another hotel—just stay here with me.”

Sitting at the bed’s edge, Xie Lanzhi asked: “Where are your parents?”

“Next door. Went to visit some partner for New Year.” Qin Shu babbled on: “Brother, are you tired? Want a shower first? Or eat something? The hotel food’s mid, but a few takeout places are great—”

Xie Lanzhi patted his thigh. “Come here.”

Obediently, Qin Shu straddled him, cheeks pink.

“You busy tomorrow?”

“Mm… shouldn’t be.”

“No tests, no flights, nothing scheduled.” Fingers undid his shirt buttons slowly. “So this time—you can’t run.”

Qin Shu flushed scarlet. “I wasn’t planning to run…”

Xie Lanzhi kissed him once. “I’ll go shower first.”

Although Qin Shu had always been shouting about wanting to shake off his virgin status, when the day truly came, he couldn’t help feeling nervous. Both he and Xie Lanzhi were first-timers, and with the physical limits between two men—if things went wrong… No way, right? H*ll, even that blockhead Chu Cheng didn’t mess it up. Would he really?

Qin Shu glanced toward the head of the bed. The props were all there. If he’d known Xie Lanzhi was coming, he would’ve studied them ahead of time.

When Xie Lanzhi came out of the shower, he was in clean clothes, his hair blown half-dry. Catching sight of his junior sitting cross-legged on the bed all tense and nervous, his body heated up instantly.

Xie Lanzhi sat down beside Qin Shu and said, “Come teach me.”

Qin Shu froze. “Teach you?”

Smiling, Xie Lanzhi said, “Didn’t you say you had plenty of theoretical knowledge?”

Qin Shu wished he could slap himself. How could he have known that when the moment really came, he’d be so nervous that all he wanted was to hand everything over to Xie Lanzhi—he’d just lie down and let him take over.

“Say it, junior brother.” Xie Lanzhi leaned close. “What should I do?”

Qin Shu didn’t dare look into Xie Lanzhi’s eyes. “F-first, like before… kiss me, take off clothes…”

His lips were quickly captured. Heat spread from his lips, slowly flooding his whole body. In the dense kisses, their clothes slipped off, and the touch of bare skin against each other was sharper, more vivid than ever before.

He didn’t know how long they kissed. With his mind blank, Qin Shu suddenly heard Xie Lanzhi ask: “And then? What comes next?”

Qin Shu opened his eyes, met those deep dark eyes of Xie Lanzhi’s, and endured his shame as he said, “There’s something at the headboard. Brother, help me, um… soften it up a little.”

Xie Lanzhi nearly lost control. He could see Qin Shu was nervous—wasn’t he nervous himself, too? He just had to put on a composed front, to lead Qin Shu into relaxing. But if his junior brother kept on teasing like this, he had no idea how much longer he could stay calm.

Xie Lanzhi leaned over to grab the prop. “Scared?”

Qin Shu nodded, then shook his head.

“If it hurts, you can bite me.”

“No, I can’t. I can’t bear to.” Qin Shu looked around, then pointed to the side. “Brother, can I hold that instead?”

Xie Lanzhi blinked, then handed him the little seal plushie.

Qin Shu hugged the sticky-rice-ball seal Xie Lanzhi had given him, eyes rimmed red, staring at him nervously yet full of anticipation. “Brother, I-I’m ready. You can… you can come now.”

Xie Lanzhi lost control completely.

Author’s note: Front row! I am the little seal in Qin Shu’s arms!