If I Can’t Get the Male Lead, I’ll Just Be a Salted Fish Chapter 8

Only after reaching the lab did Xie Lanzhi check his phone. Chu Cheng and Lu Rulu had already gone through a wave of frenzied discussion.

[Red Carp Green Carp Donkey: No way, for real?]

[Chu Overlord: I told you he’s trying to kill me and you didn’t believe!!!] 

[Red Carp Green Carp Donkey: Cheng, don’t panic. Do as I say: pretend you don’t know anything, or you’ll scare the snake and he’ll silence you directly.] 

[Chu Overlord: Then what do I do?]

[Red Carp Green Carp Donkey: Watch secretly, don’t eat anything he gives you, collect evidence—does the fish tank water still exist?]

[Chu Overlord: Still there.] 

[Red Carp Green Carp Donkey: That’s the evidence!]

…

A passing senior sister saw Xie Lanzhi’s peculiar expression and asked with concern, “What’s wrong, Lanzhi?”

“Nothing,” Xie Lanzhi said. “Just curious about the wiring in some people’s brains.”

“Huh?” She didn’t get it, but since he didn’t plan to explain, she couldn’t press further. “Um, I bought an extra breakfast, do you want it?”

Xie Lanzhi gave a polite smile. “I’ve already eaten, thank you.”

The senior sister looked disappointed. “Oh, okay then.”

Back at her desk, she complained in her girlfriends’ group: [Tried feeding the school grass again today, failed ┰ω┰]

Her friends comforted her: [Don’t worry sis, I’ve stanned Xie Lanzhi for three years, never seen anyone succeed at feeding him. The school flower from next class always tries to give him water when he plays basketball—when has he ever accepted it? In front of Xie Lanzhi, whether beauty queen or fat girl, all beings are equal—Amen.]

Meanwhile, in Xie Lanzhi’s dumb group chat, the two were already planning entrapment, luring Qin Shu to make a move so they could catch him red-handed. Xie Lanzhi joined the conversation.

[Shuimenjian: May I ask—how many fish did you raise in total?]

[Chu Overlord: Three.]

[Shuimenjian: How many died?]

[Chu Overlord: Two.]

[Shuimenjian: And you still think the water is poisoned? (smile.jpg)]

[Red Carp Green Carp Donkey: …]

[Chu Overlord: …Maybe the remaining one is just really resilient?]

[Shuimenjian: Qin Shu has no ill will toward you, don’t overthink.]

After sending that, Xie Lanzhi remembered Qin Shu’s paparazzi behavior and retracted the message.

[Shuimenjian: At the very least, he’s not trying to murder you.]

Chu Cheng read Xie Lanzhi’s words, felt it made sense, and lay back down to continue gaming.

Qin Shu, meanwhile, sighed at the lone surviving goldfish. “It’s all alone—looks so lonely. Chu Cheng, after class let’s go to the night market and buy a few more to keep it company.”

Chu Cheng was in the middle of a team fight, his hands flying over the keyboard. “If you want to go, go yourself. I don’t have that kind of leisure.”

Seeing how little Baby cared, Qin Shu suddenly felt drained. “Weren’t you the one who said you wanted to give Ning Ning the little goldfish?”

“I never said that.” Chu Cheng sneered. “Giving goldfish is too stupid. I’m planning on giving something else.”

“Oh?!” Qin Shu was utterly shocked. “What are you going to give?”

Chu Cheng’s face looked a little uneasy. “Why should I tell you?”

A vague sense of dread crept over Qin Shu. Knowing Chu Cheng, this gift was probably unusual—not something people normally gave when pursuing someone. If he gave the wrong thing, Xu Ning’s favorability might not increase, it might actually drop.

“What exactly is it, being all mysterious?” Qin Shu pressed. “I’m telling you, giving little turtles or little goldfish is the best choice for chasing someone.”

Chu Cheng refused to back down: “Mine’s better.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Don’t, then.”

Qin Shu, unable to get anything out of him, felt helpless. “So when do you plan on giving Ning Ning the gift?”

“What the h*ll does that have to do with you?”

“We could give gifts together,” Qin Shu suggested. “I’ll give the goldfish, you give yours. You think yours is better, right? We can let Ning Ning decide which is really better.”

Chu Cheng looked at him with utter disdain. “Competing over that kind of thing—how childish. What are you, in elementary school?”

“…Who’s really more elementary school, you have no self-awareness at all, do you?”

“I’m not giving it with you.” Chu Cheng slaughtered people in the game, his handsome face twisted with ferocity. “I’m going to give it right in front of Squid King, to intimidate him, to warn him off!”

Qin Shu felt a chill in his heart. Just what kind of bizarre gift could intimidate Wang Youyu? Surely not a pair of nunchucks, or a Shadow Battleaxe or something?

Oh sh*t—he actually felt that was very possible.

Qin Shu began to regret goading Baby into gift-giving. “Chu Cheng, don’t give something weird, seriously. Even if you give a gift, it has to be something normal. If you don’t like goldfish, you could give flowers, or chocolate…”

“Why would I give him that stuff?” Chu Cheng scored a triple kill, body and soul refreshed, and said lazily, “It’s not like I want to pursue him.”

D*mn, still mouthing off.

Qin Shu worried himself sick that night, tossing and turning, afraid that one wild move from Baby would tank his already-zero favorability straight into the negatives.

The next day he had an elective course, one of the few he could actually understand. Listening to the professor’s pleasant, human words, looking at the clear PPT slides and textbook, Qin Shu’s eyes grew a little damp.

He was intoxicated in the ocean of knowledge, and even when class ended he still felt a bit reluctant to leave. Walking slowly toward the cafeteria, he suddenly heard someone call out: “Qin Shu?”

He turned his head—and it was Wang Youyu.

Wang Youyu still had that mild, refined look. Just from his face, it was really hard to connect him with the words “yandere.”

“Oh, it’s you.” Since Baby’s biggest threat wasn’t Wang Youyu, Qin Shu didn’t feel any particular hostility toward him. “What is it?”

Wang Youyu pushed up his glasses and smiled. “I’d like to chat. Do you have time?”

Qin Shu grew wary. “Chat about what?”

“The only thing we could chat about between us is probably Ah Ning.”

…Bro, you want a one-on-one love duel, why come to me, the bottom of the rankings? Go find that guy named Xie if you’ve got the guts.

“I’m going to eat.”

“I won’t take up much of your time,” Wang Youyu said.

“But I’m hungry. I want to eat right now.”

Wang Youyu hesitated a moment. “Then let’s eat together.”

He didn’t sound particularly willing, but Qin Shu didn’t care if he was or not—eating came first. The two went to the cafeteria, lined up, got their food, and found an empty seat.

Wang Youyu barely touched his food. Watching Qin Shu eat so happily, he smiled. “I’ve heard about you before.”

Qin Shu swallowed what was in his mouth. “Oh?”

“That red sports car in the C Zone teaching building parking lot is yours, right?”

Qin Shu froze—turns out he even had a sports car?

“You used to only date girls. Why are you suddenly pursuing Ah Ning?” Wang Youyu’s tone was calm, but his eyes behind the lenses held a shadow. “Because it’s new? Fun?”

Qin Shu borrowed a line Baby often said: “What the h*ll does it matter to you?”

Wang Youyu didn’t get angry, still looking good-tempered. “Ah Ning and I were high school classmates. I promised his mother I’d look after him in college.”

Even Xu Ning’s mom was being invoked—this guy’s combat strength was real. If only his target could be shifted to that Xie guy, they could go from enemies to allies—that would be called tactics.

“I’m serious about pursuing Ning Ning,” Qin Shu began to perform. “He’s so beautiful— even if I were reinforced concrete straight, seeing him I’d bend like a mosquito coil. And I’m definitely not the only one who thinks that.”

Wang Youyu nodded. “He does have a lot of people chasing him.”

“Then why are you only coming after me, not the others?”

“I didn’t seek you out deliberately,” Wang Youyu said calmly. “We ran into each other at the teaching building, don’t you remember?”

“Fine,” Qin Shu shrugged. “Looking at you, you want to chase him too?”

Wang Youyu gave a faint smile, neither admitting nor denying.

“If you don’t say anything, I’ll take it as a yes,” Qin Shu said. “To be frank, your biggest obstacle in chasing him isn’t me. Don’t waste your time on me.”

“Then who is it?” Wang Youyu asked. “Chu Cheng?”

“No, no, no—” Qin Shu wagged his finger mysteriously. “Do you know Xie Lanzhi?”

Wang Youyu looked surprised. “I know of him. You mean, Xie Lanzhi and Ah Ning…?”

Qin Shu shot him a “you know what I mean” look. “One’s the school grass, one’s the school flower—isn’t that a perfect match?”

Wang Youyu was silent for a while. “They do know each other. But only as acquaintances.”

“You idiot, every relationship starts with being acquaintances.”

“Xie Lanzhi is straight.” Although Wang Youyu wasn’t close with Xie Lanzhi, one of his good underclassmen had once confessed to Xie Lanzhi, only to be flatly rejected with the words “I don’t like boys.”

Qin Shu insisted: “He’s just deeply closeted.”

Wang Youyu laughed. “And you know that? Are you close with Xie Lanzhi?”

Not close. He hadn’t even seen Xie Lanzhi’s face. But that didn’t stop him from grasping the plot. “Anyway, everything I’m saying is the truth. Believe it or not.” Qin Shu said, “Let’s add each other on WeChat. Just in case one day we have to join forces against an enemy.”

Wang Youyu smiled. “Sure.” In his eyes, Qin Shu had just spouted a bunch of nonsense, but one thing he said was right: he really shouldn’t waste time on Qin Shu. His Ah Ning would never be interested in such an idiot.

After eating, Qin Shu headed back to the dorm. On the stairs, he ran into Lu Rulu, who was carrying a lunchbox. Qin Shu greeted him: “Brother Lu, bringing food for your roommate?”

Lu Rulu’s expression was a bit odd. “It’s for your roommate.”

“My roommate—Chu Cheng? Why didn’t he have me bring it, and instead trouble you?”

Lu Rulu gave a dry laugh. “Maybe he was afraid you’d poison it.”

“Me, poison it? Hahahaha—hic—” Qin Shu laughed so hard he hiccupped, leaving Lu Rulu at a loss for words.

“By the way, Brother Lu,” Qin Shu said once he’d laughed enough, “I want to ask you about someone.”

“Go ahead.”

“Xie Lanzhi is also a year three in Computer Science, right? You must know him?”

Lu Rulu nearly missed a step. “Huh?”

“You don’t know him?” Qin Shu asked in surprise. “Isn’t he the recognized school grass?”

Lu Rulu looked at Qin Shu like he’d seen a ghost. “K-know him.”

“Is he handsome?”

Lu Rulu’s voice trembled into auto-tune: “…Handsome.”

Qin Shu sighed. “I knew it. The enemy’s too powerful. The road ahead won’t be easy.”

Lu Rulu hesitated. “Um, Qin Shu…”

“What’s up?”

Lu Rulu tapped his own temple. “Don’t you think maybe… here, you’ve got—” He swallowed the words “a problem.” This guy’s background was unclear; better not say anything rash. Otherwise, the next thing to die might not just be a little goldfish.

At the door of 419, Qin Shu opened up, with Lu Rulu following him in. “Chu Cheng, your food’s here.”

Chu Cheng flipped off his bed. “Thanks, Brother Lu.”

Lu Rulu handed over the lunch, patted Chu Cheng’s shoulder, and said with deep meaning: “Bro, live well.” Then he left in a hurry, as if staying one more second would make him lose sanity points.

Qin Shu blurted out, “What are you giving Ning Ning as a gift?” He wanted to catch him off guard, but Chu Cheng didn’t fall for it.

“Ask again and I’ll scatter your ashes,” Chu Cheng said.

As soon as Lu Rulu left 419, he rushed to send a sixty-second voice message to his roommate, dumping the entire bizarre conversation with Qin Shu onto Xie Lanzhi.

It took Xie Lanzhi half an hour to reply.

【Shuimenjian: ?】

【Shuimenjian: Too long, didn’t listen.】

【RedCarp&GreenCarp&Donkey: !!!!!!】

Lu Rulu resigned himself to typing out a long wall of text.

【RedCarp&GreenCarp&Donkey: Tell me this isn’t weird? Qin Shu’s brain is broken, isn’t it?!】

Xie Lanzhi thought about it, realizing he had never told Qin Shu his name, and couldn’t help but chuckle.

Qin Shu was always calling him “senior, senior,” and ended up forgetting him too.

【Shuimenjian: His brain isn’t broken.】

【RedCarp&GreenCarp&Donkey: ???】

【Shuimenjian: I think you’re the one with a problem. Want me to book you a psych consult?】

【RedCarp&GreenCarp&Donkey: (blank stare.jpg)】

***

Friday afternoon, first period, Qin Shu and Chu Cheng sat together. Chu Cheng was nodding off, head bobbing like a fishing float; Qin Shu sat upright, looking like he was listening intently, but his eyes were already glazed. As soon as the bell rang and the professor dismissed them, Chu Cheng revived at full HP, shoved his books into Qin Shu’s arms, and said, “Take these back to the dorm for me.”

“Where are you going?” Qin Shu tensed up. “To give Ning Ning his gift?”

“Your ashes are gone.” Chu Cheng bent to tie his laces. “I’ve got a basketball game with the guys across the hall.”

“Oh, will senior be there too?”

“Which senior do you mean? Both of them across the hall are your seniors.”

Qin Shu smiled. “The handsome one.”

“Yeah, he’ll be there. He’s pretty good at basketball.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

Chu Cheng gave him a weighing look. “When we invited you to play ball right after freshman year started, what did you say?” He deliberately imitated in a shrill voice: “‘Sorry, the only sports I play are golf and fencing.’”

Qin Shu: “…”

“Since then, your nickname in class has been ‘Pretentious King.’”

Although Qin Shu hadn’t actually said those words, hearing it still made him want to bury his face. “I’m actually not very good at basketball…”

“Then why go? To be a cheerleader?”

Qin Shu explained, “Last time, senior helped me out. I owe him a milk tea, so I’m taking the chance to bring it to him today.”

Chu Cheng said, “Who drinks milk tea while playing ball? Wouldn’t an energy drink be better?”

Qin Shu answered with sincerity, “I still think milk tea tastes better.”

He deliberately picked a popular milk tea shop with great reviews, bought their latest special, and strolled to the basketball courts.

At this hour, the place was packed—more than twenty courts, all full. Qin Shu looked for the one with the most girls watching, and sure enough, he spotted Chu Cheng and senior there.

Chu Cheng was on defense, crouched low, arms spread wide, calves taut. Just as his opponent hesitated between driving in or passing, he seized the moment, stole the ball, and shouted: “Brother Lan!”

Xie Lanzhi caught Chu Cheng’s pass, leapt up, and nailed a clean three-pointer.

The girls watching got restless. Even in the middle of intense movement, the cool aura around Xie Lanzhi hadn’t lessened at all. Among a group of guys, his skin was considered fair; his bangs were occasionally lifted by the breeze, revealing his smooth forehead. His legs were long and straight; unlike Chu Cheng’s full-on energy, his body carried a different kind of strength, a restraint laced with a hard-to-describe sexiness.

After the ball swished into the hoop, it was halftime. Xie Lanzhi and Chu Cheng clapped hands, and Chu Cheng caught sight of Qin Shu, scoffing: “He really did bring milk tea.”

Xie Lanzhi looked toward the sidelines. Qin Shu was also looking at him, openly waving with a smile bright as a flower.

“He said he owed you a milk tea,” Chu Cheng said, “so he went and bought one.”

Xie Lanzhi gave a small “mm” and walked toward the sideline.

Qin Shu grinned as he watched the senior come closer and closer, but before he arrived, a girl holding a sports drink suddenly appeared.

“Xie Lanzhi!”

Qin Shu’s eyes widened—what’s going on, the surname Xie is here too?

Under his horrified gaze, the girl jogged up to the senior, shyly holding out the drink. “This is for you.”

Qin Shu looked down at the milk tea in his hands, stood silent for three seconds, then covered his face with a smack.

Author’s note: From now on, no more brilliant smiles with little love notes. Let’s sympathize with senior for one second (lighting a candle).