Chapter 228: Look at Me
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Amidst the lanterns’ glow, the vibrant lights adorned the peaceful night from afar.
Beneath the railing, the river flowed gently, and the silent snow fell upon the figures.
The cloak shielded them from all wind and snow. The man’s lips carried a faint warmth, landing softly on hers. Like the sesame-filled sweet dumplings she had just eaten, the moment was filled with a tender sweetness between their lips.
Hearing her own heartbeat in this snowy landscape, lively and forceful, she felt his robe still held the chill of the snow and wind, yet his demeanor was as gentle as if cradling life’s most precious treasure.
It seemed as if this moment would last forever.
No one can remain unaffected by the person in front of them.
When his lips left hers, a hint of reluctance filled her. She looked up at him, and he lowered his gaze, tidying her hair that the wind had tousled.
Already blushing like ripe shrimp, she whispered, “….Xiao Jue, you’re not angry anymore, right?”
Xiao Jue sighed silently.
“Xu Zhiheng… It’s a thing of the past.” After some contemplation, He Yan earnestly spoke to him, “If the past upsets you, I apologize. I don’t know how other girls behave with the one they like. I spent more time as a man than a woman. Xiao Jue, I will treat you well. Whatever you like, I will try to get it for you. Whatever you dislike, I will help you get rid of it. If someone bullies you, I will stand up for you. I won’t deceive you or hurt you… Is that okay?”
In retrospect, even if she had been with Xu Zhiheng before, she hadn’t treated him like other girls treated their beloved. Certainly, this was because Xu Zhiheng wasn’t a good person, but she also didn’t understand how to treat someone she liked.
Growing up in the He family, she rarely received guidance on the principles of “love.” Seeking the pity of her biological parents, she deliberately sought their favor. Even though this subservience was well hidden after entering the military, the traces remained deeply ingrained, like bones buried under sand, visible when the wind blows.
As a general, she learned to command and act decisively. She could take care of people but struggled with more intimate relationships. Those vague feelings left her uncertain about whether her actions were right or wrong.
Xiao Jue’s gaze was fixed on her. The girl still held the bright red candied haw in her hands. She looked up at him with sincere eyes, filled with genuine emotions and a hint of uncertainty, as if being cautious.
He initially thought she might be a smooth-talking liar, but now it seemed there were no such deceivers in the world. When facing people, she laid bare her heart, allowing others to see it plainly. In a world where many, be they men or women, concealed their true feelings in matters of the heart, testing the waters cautiously and refusing to reveal their hearts for fear of losing, she was a stark contrast. This person before him was straightforward, without any artifice or need for cunning, boldly stating her feelings like a flurry of punches, making him unexpectedly moved.
He only had feelings for her.
Yet, even with such a person who openly offered her true feelings, how could Xu Zhiheng bring himself to harm her after accepting her genuine affections?
His anger wasn’t due to distaste for He Yan’s past but rather a deep regret for his own missed opportunities and resentment toward Xu Zhiheng. It was akin to the deer he released in the mountains during his youth, its wet eyes filled with trust and delight, while Xu Zhiheng callously abandoned that trust as if it were worthless, severing it with a single blow.
The better He Yan was, the more intense the anger toward Xu Zhiheng burned in Xiao Jue’s heart.
Seeing Xiao Jue remain silent for a long time, He Yan thought he was still angry. After contemplating for a moment, she sighed in frustration, “Or perhaps you have a better idea. I can’t play the qin, chess, calligraphy, or painting. Please don’t make me learn. I can help you move rocks and chop wood…”
Before she could finish her sentence, Xiao Jue embraced her.
“You’re you; you don’t need to do anything for me.”
He Yan’s head rested against his chin, unable to lift it to see his expression.
“But…”
“I don’t like courtesans, nor do I need attendants. No one dares to bully me. I won’t touch things I dislike, and I’ll buy what I like myself.” Xiao Jue chuckled, lowering his head.
“But… then won’t I become just an ornament?”
“It’s not because I want an extra person to boss around,” his voice came down as if from a distance yet also seemed very close, “you can do whatever you want. You don’t have to do it for me.”
“Do you really… have no requests of me?” He Yan asked.
There had to be something, like abiding by the law, respecting elders, and loving the young. Otherwise, she could do anything, including having an affair?
Xiao Jue released her hand, glanced at the distant crowd, smiled, and then looked down at her. “Not entirely.”
“What is it?”
“If I keep watching you,” he reached out, grasping He Yan’s hand. The girl’s hand was only half the size of his, fitting into his palm like a delicate treasure, “He Yan, you should just keep watching me.”
He Yan stared at him in a daze.
“Do you not understand Miss He?” He slightly raised his eyebrows, a warm curve appearing at the corner of his lips. The festive lanterns reflected in his long eyes, displaying various postures and myriad colors, yet it was clear that his eyes were the brightest of them all.
Time seemed to freeze at this moment. In the distance, someone set off fireworks, sparkling and falling into the night sky. It was a perfect lantern night.
He Yan lowered her head, concealing the fleeting emotions in her eyes. She reached out, clasping his hand and smiling up at him, “Today is your birthday, and I agree with everything you say.”
“Xiao Jue, happy birthday,” she said.
I will keep watching you, she silently replied in her heart.
…
On their way back, He Yunsheng and He Sui had already arrived home.
Qingmei had told the truth, stating that today was Xiao Jue’s birthday, and He Yan accompanied him to the lantern fair. He Sui didn’t say much, but He Yunsheng was visibly unhappy. In the time it took for an incense stick to burn, he had paced back and forth in the house several times.
When He Yan and Xiao Jue returned, looking at their intertwined hands, his expression became even more unsightly.
He Sui asked, “I heard today is Huaijin’s birthday. Have you eaten yet? How about having a bowl of longevity noodles here before leaving?”
“We’ve already eaten,” He Yan said. “Just now, at the lantern fair.”
“You’re empty-handed…” He Sui noticed that Xiao Jue didn’t have anything with him, and she looked at He Yan with suspicion. “Yan Yan, did you forget to prepare a birthday gift for Huaijin? This child,” He Sui smiled, “has been spoiled by me and doesn’t understand these social niceties. Huaijin, don’t take it to heart. I’ll have her make it up to you another day.”
“No, Yan Yan has already given me a gift,” Xiao Jue said.
He Yan recalled the scene at the night market a while ago and blushed slightly, not saying anything for a moment. He Sui couldn’t discern any hidden meaning and, though puzzled, didn’t press for details. He Yunsheng, however, looked around suspiciously between He Yan and Xiao Jue.
“It’s getting late; you should go back first,” He Yan said. “If there’s anything, I’ll have Chiwu come to find you.”
Xiao Jue nodded, bid farewell to He Sui and He Yunsheng, and then left the He family’s residence.
After Xiao Jue left, He Yunsheng dragged He Yan into the inner room, closing the door. Without beating around the bush, he asked, “Hey, He Yan, when you went out with him, did he take advantage of you?”
“Take advantage of what?” He Yan knocked on his head, “You’re still young and thinking too much. Where did you learn all these ideas? Besides, when Xiao Jue and I are together, who exactly is taking advantage of whom?”
He Yunsheng glanced at her, “Do you think I’m idle enough to care about you?”
He Yan looked at him and said, “Just for this, you’re wearing such a worried expression?”
“No,” He Yunsheng sighed. “Today, I heard from some friends at the academy that it seems the Wutuo people are about to enter the capital.”
He Yan paused in her tea-drinking motion. “Who did you hear this from?”
“It’s spreading everywhere. The emperor doesn’t want war, and the court doesn’t want war either. It’s said that if the Wutuo people enter the capital, it’s for peace negotiations. This war probably won’t happen.”
He Yan looked at him. “Do you hope for war, then?”
“Of course not!” He Yunsheng replied without hesitation. “But if the Wutuo people are really willing to negotiate for peace, they wouldn’t have caused so much trouble in Jiyang and Rundu Huayuan before. We’re currently in a favorable position. Making way for the Wutuo people, what kind of reasoning is that?” He, being young and impulsive, frowned. “If it were me, I’d seize this opportunity to drive the Wutuo people back to their hometown and make sure they never dare to set foot in Great Wei again!”
Although children often act impulsively, they still possess some temperament.
“What are you looking at me for?” He Yunsheng asked. “You’re an official now. You should be aware of the situation outside, right?”
“It’s not much different from what you know,” He Yan didn’t intend to hide anything from him.
“Hmph,” He Yunsheng waved his hand. “I really don’t understand how officials in the court think.”
He Yan also felt heavy-hearted. Leaving aside the grudges between her, the He family, and Xu Zhiheng, as well as the conflicts between Xiao Jue and Xu Jingfu, the current disputes within the court regarding political factions were not easy to resolve. With Xu Jingfu’s increasing power, the contradictions between the Fourth Prince and the Crown Prince would become sharper. If the Crown Prince were to ascend to the throne in the future, it would likely lead to disaster for the people of Great Wei. But if the Fourth Prince were to take over… in that case, the future of Shuojing City would undoubtedly witness a storm of blood.
…
In the Chu residence tonight, it was also filled with joy.
Chu Linfeng was entertaining guests at home. These days, the entire Chu family had been preparing for Chu Zhao’s marriage. Since she was the daughter of Xu Jingfu, everything from what they used to what they arranged was top-notch. The marriage was managed by Madam Chu, but Xu Pingting sent her personal maid, Motai, to inquire about the preparations for the marriage. Although Madam Chu wanted to make some moves, she was being closely watched, so she had to give up.
A marriage would consume most of the Chu family’s treasury. Xu Pingting demanded to be the most splendid daughter to marry in Shuojing City in the past decade. Since Chu Linfeng’s control was apparent, everyone could only comply.
In this marriage, Madam Chu certainly hated it, and her three sons were envious. The only one who genuinely felt happy was Shi Jinbo.
Amidst the joyous atmosphere, Chu Linfeng patted Chu Zhao’s shoulder and laughed, “In a month, Miss Xu will enter our Chu family’s gates. I never thought I would form a marriage alliance with the Xu family. Truly, my Chu Linfeng’s son is remarkable!”
To win a woman’s favor, in Chu Linfeng’s eyes, was something to be proud of. Little did he know that this sense of pride appeared especially irritating in Madam Chu’s eyes.
Regarding Chu Linfeng, who was once married to her but later abandoned her and her three sons, Madam Chu had a deep resentment. This resentment had been worn away over time. When Chu Linfeng transferred one concubine after another into the mansion, the last bit of sentiment disappeared. Madam Chu realized that with her ordinary appearance, she couldn’t capture Chu Linfeng’s heart, so she didn’t hope for anything more and only wanted to secure her position as the mistress of the family.
“That’s Miss Xu, the Prime Minister’s daughter,” Chu Linfeng, slightly intoxicated, warned him, “Absolutely don’t be negligent. She finally took notice of you… you must seize this opportunity!”
Madam Chu, witnessing this scene, sneered inwardly. Just listen to these words; it’s as if they were instructions given by a brothel madam teaching her daughter to seize a generous client. Chu Linfeng made a name for himself with women throughout his life. Now, he was teaching his son to do the same. If this were to spread, it would surely become the talk of the entire Shuojing city.
“I think your dad is drunk,” Madam Chu, not wanting to watch any longer, got up and said, “Zilan, help your dad back to rest. I have a headache and need to sit in the room for a while.” With that, without caring about Chu Linfeng’s expression, she got up and left. The die was cast; she couldn’t do anything now. Out of sight, out of mind.
Seeing the situation, the other three sons of the Chu family also got up. They didn’t want to witness Chu Zhao and Chu Linfeng acting out a scene of fatherly affection and filial piety. One after another, they left. In a moment, the lively banquet turned into a mess, with people leaving and the cold tea left behind.
“Hey, why is everyone leaving?” Chu Linfeng, with a tongue thick from alcohol, said, “Come back!”
No one paid attention to him.
Chu Zhao helped Chu Linfeng stand up, called over a servant, and had the remnants of the banquet cleaned up. He personally assisted Chu Linfeng back to his room.
Over the years, Chu Linfeng had long since not been sleeping in Madam Chu’s room. He rotated between the courtyards of his nineteen concubines. Today, Chu Zhao didn’t help him to his usual concubine’s room but guided him to the study.
Chu Linfeng wasn’t a book-loving gentleman. The study was just a decoration for him. Inside, there was even a soft couch. According to the servants, it was convenient for Chu Linfeng to engage in daytime debauchery with maids and concubines. Chu Zhao always turned a blind eye to his father’s absurd actions. The servant stayed outside, and Chu Zhao helped Chu Linfeng lie down on the soft couch.
Chu Linfeng seemed happy today, with a flush on his face. He was already drunk but still carried a strong smell of alcohol. He wanted to share his joy with Chu Zhao, “Zilan, you really make your father proud! I have four sons, but the other three… are not good. Your father likes you the most. Since you were a child, I took you to meet friends and attend social events, knowing that one day you would become your father’s pride. Now that you are going to get married, I am… extremely happy.”
Chu Zhao sat by the edge of the soft couch, silently watching him.
“Among the younger generation of the Chu family, you’re the luckiest… With the care of the Prime Minister in the future, you’ll only get better… Good luck isn’t something everyone can encounter.”
The young man sneered sarcastically. Good luck? Was he lucky? If not knowing who his biological father was, having his mother sold to a brothel, living a life of constant fear, is considered good luck, if witnessing his mother strangled to death by a servant sent by his own family, if living under the same roof as the enemy who killed his mother, not knowing if he would survive to see tomorrow was good luck, if having no control over his own life, merely a puppet living under the protection of a powerful figure, unable even to possess the woman he loved, was called good luck…
In this world, only Chu Zilan had this kind of luck.
“Father,” he heard his own voice, “do you still remember my mother?”
Chu Linfeng belched after drinking and, in a drunken state, said, “Your mother… Who is your mother?” After that, he turned over, facing the wall, and fell into a deep sleep.
Chu Zhao looked at his father’s face. After a while, he smiled with self-mockery, stood up, and walked out of the study.
The servant asked if he wanted hot tea and was declined with a shake of his head.
He walked slowly. When he was young, he felt that the Chu family was immense, with danger lurking in every corner. Now that he was grown, walking around again, he felt that it wasn’t as imposing as he thought.
The winter days in Shuojing City were as cold as ever. Just like the first time he came to the Chu family, he saw that handsome man, and a tiny bit of hope was born in his heart, only to be extinguished by the subsequent neglect and indifference.
It seemed as cold as it is now, but he wouldn’t tremble as he did in his childhood, not because the winter had become warmer, but because he had grown accustomed to the cold.
Everyone gets used to it.
Chu Zhao returned to his own room, closed the door, and inside, a maid unfamiliar to his eyes approached and smiled, “The wedding invitations have all been sent out, Fourth Young Master.”
He waved his hand, responding gently, “You’ve worked hard.”
A joyful smile appeared on the maid’s face, and she retreated. The room was now quiet, with only him.
The Xu family wanted to finalize the marriage before the new year. It seemed rushed, but everyone knew that Chu Zhao would marry Xu Pingting sooner or later, and everything about the wedding had long been arranged. Just like when he worshipped under Xu Jingfu’s door as a child, from that moment on, his destiny was destined not to belong to himself.
The warm stove in the room emitted a red glow, giving off a kind of illusory warmth. Suddenly, he remembered a spring day when someone spent eight copper coins to give him a red sugar flower basket with his name on it.
He suddenly missed that flower basket.
A servant came in, interrupting his thoughts, and whispered, “Fourth Young Master, the person Xu Xiang is looking for, who participated in the Ming Shui battle back then, still hasn’t been found. Lately, he has started to become anxious.”
Chu Zhao’s gaze, diverted from the burning stove, spoke calmly, “No need to overthink it; those two individuals must have already fallen into Xiao Huaijin’s hands.”
“Miss Ying Xiang has already sent a message as well. His Highness, the Crown Prince, now dotes on her, and he is quite dissatisfied with Minister Xu.”
“People who think they have the upper hand naturally harbor many grievances against those who meddle in their affairs,” Chu Zhao smiled. “Xiao Huaijin has returned to the capital. The Crown Prince and the Wutuo people have long formed a secret alliance, and the Xu family is nearing its end.”
“Congratulations, Fourth Young Master,” the servant said cheerfully. “Fourth Young Master is about to achieve his heart’s desire. After this, whatever you wish for, naturally, you will obtain it.”
“What do I want?” He paused for a moment before saying, “What I wanted is already in someone else’s hands.”
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