Chapter 85: Comparing Misery
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Autumn geese flew diagonally across the sky, the scent of osmanthus blossoms wafted through the air, and the scorching heat of summer had finally faded, leaving behind the coolness of late autumn dew.
Early in the morning, He Yan got up, and Xiao Mai handed her a pear. “I picked it in the woods next to the training ground. It’s been washed. Try it.”
After washing up, He Yan took the pear and took a bite. It was so sour that she almost lost a tooth. Seeing her puckered eyes, Xiao Mai scratched his head sheepishly. “The wild ones in the woods aren’t fully ripe yet. They should be sweeter after a while. But in this season of autumn, there are plenty of wild fruits in the mountains. After our daily training, we can secretly pick a few. These sour pears can be preserved with sugar to make rock sugar snow pears. They’re delicious!”
This child always had eating on his mind. He Yan said, “There’s no sugar here.”
Xiao Mai paused for a moment, as if just realizing it, and disappointedly said, “I see.”
“Not necessarily,” Hong Shan, who had been eavesdropping on their conversation, chimed in, “Today is the rewards ceremony. He Yan, you and Shitou got first place in the flag competition. There might be some sweets in your rewards. There might even be other delicious things, like those rock sugar snow pears!”
Upon hearing this, Xiao Mai suddenly became excited. “That’s right, Brother Ah He, tonight is the rewards ceremony. Have you thought about what you want?”
“It’s not necessarily that I’ll get whatever I want,” He Yan chuckled. “The garrison here isn’t like the capital. We’re short on supplies.”
“Hmph, he just wants to join the Nine Banner Battalion,” Hong Shan also took a bite of a pear and mumbled, “With such a simple request, it will definitely be granted.”
He Yan smiled. These past few days, even though she had appeared calm, she was actually quite excited. Once she entered the Nine Banner Battalion, it would bring her closer to Xiao Jue, and she could more openly address matters concerning the He family. She believed her journey in the military had been quite smooth thus far.
After all, Flying Phoenix General should be sought after wherever he goes. He Yan felt a hint of satisfaction.
During the day, everything proceeded as usual, with training still taking place at the training ground. However, in the evening, everyone gathered outside the training ground to enjoy the moon. In Liangzhou, it wasn’t like the capital, where nobles would host banquets in their courtyards or on boats, inviting colleagues and friends to feast on a sumptuous spread. In Liangzhou, moon-watching was simpler: lighting a bonfire, sitting around it, enjoying rare treats, and maybe a bit of yellow alcohol. Companions chatted, boasting and sharing stories, while they ate and drank, enjoying the moonlight.
After the afternoon training session, He Yan went back to her room and changed into clean clothes. Liangzhou recruits had uniforms for all seasons: spring, summer, autumn, and winter. The spring and autumn uniforms could be worn interchangeably, with one set in red and the other in black, simple and durable. He Yan changed into the red one and went to find Cheng Lisu.
Cheng Lisu had already come to the training ground in the morning and told He Yan to visit his room in the evening. He Yan guessed that Cheng Lisu had something to give her to eat, and indeed, when she saw Cheng Lisu, the young man handed her a wooden basket.
The basket was exquisitely made, adorned with a carving of Chang’e flying to the moon. When she opened it, she found neatly arranged mooncakes inside. The aroma was enticing, and they looked as good as they probably tasted.
“Brother He, this is for you,” Cheng Lisu whispered, “The mooncakes the garrison provides are too rough. I’m giving you the one someone else gave me.”
“Thank you.” In truth, He Yan wasn’t particularly interested in pastries, but if she gave this basket of mooncakes to Xiao Mai, the boy would probably jump with joy.
“You’ve never had this kind before, right?” A touch of sympathy crossed Cheng Lisu’s eyes, followed by a hint of pride. “This isn’t the best. The mooncakes from Drunken Jade Pavilion in Shuo Jing is truly unparalleled. When we return to the capital, I’ll treat you to a meal there. Just between us, my uncle also loves the food at Drunken Jade Pavilion.”
He Yan thought that Cheng Lisu, like He Yunsheng, had an unconditional and adoring reverence for Xiao Jue. It seemed that as long as they gained Xiao Jue’s approval, things were bound to go well.
Well, to be honest, Xiao Jue was indeed impressive.
After thanking Cheng Lisu for his autumn gift, it grew dark, and He Yan left with the basket of pastries. In the open field at the foot of the mountain, bonfires were already burning. The bonfires illuminated the area, and many recruits had already gathered, sitting around the fire. It was said that each recruit would receive meat patties and oranges. There were also wooden skewers hanging over the bonfires, with rabbits and fish skewered on them. They seemed to have been hunted in the White Moon Mountains.
It seemed that there would be meat to eat tonight.
He Yan was in an excellent mood, even swinging the basket ahead and behind her. The scent of roasted game meat lingered nearby, making her stomach growl with hunger. She also noticed a large jar of alcohol placed beside each bonfire. The alcohol probably wasn’t of good quality; it had a somewhat pungent smell. However, at times like this, only strong liquor down the throat would provide comfort.
Arriving a bit late, she first sought out Xiao Mai and the others. As she passed by other recruits, she noticed them all looking at her with strange expressions.
Perhaps they were speculating about what good things she might receive today.
He Yan walked forward happily. When she approached an area closer to the mountain’s foot, she spotted Xiao Mai and the others. They were gathered around a bonfire. She waved from a distance and called out, “Xiao Mai!”
Upon hearing her voice, Xiao Mai turned his head to look at her, but his response wasn’t as enthusiastic as usual. He seemed hesitant. As He Yan approached, she noticed that besides Hong Shan and Shitou, Jiang Jiao, Wang Ba, and Huang Xiong were also present. The three of them were huddled together. He Yan placed the basket of pastries down and sat cross-legged. She opened the basket’s lid and smiled, saying, “Let’s see what good things I’ve brought for you. No need to thank me too much.”
She picked up a delicate mooncake and handed it to Xiao Mai, who had a voracious appetite. She said, “Here!”
Xiao Mai hesitated for a moment, slowly reached out, and took it. He pursed his lips, wanting to say something but not saying it. He Yan turned to the others and said, “Help yourselves if you want some.”
No one responded to her words.
He Yan raised her head, and everyone stared at her intently. Their gazes were filled with an odd expression. Even the typically carefree Hong Shan was unusually silent. He Yan was puzzled. “What’s going on? Why do you all have such strange expressions as if you’ve seen a ghost? Did something happen?”
Hong Shan turned away, and Jiang Jiao’s eyes held a tinge of sympathy. He said, “He Yan, don’t be sad.”
“Why would I be sad?” He Yan was utterly confused.
The suffocating silence returned. He Yan looked at Huang Xiong, who averted his gaze and fiddled with the Buddhist beads on his chest, an expression that seemed to say, “This has nothing to do with me.” Only Wang Ba couldn’t help himself and said, “… um, even if you didn’t make it into the Vanguard Camp, don’t be too upset. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
He Yan heaved a sigh of relief. “I thought something was wrong. How could I not have made it into the Vanguard Camp? I…” Her words trailed off abruptly. She looked at everyone, their faces filled with reluctance. She moved her lips and heard her own voice, which seemed to float in the air. “I really didn’t make it?”
“When you weren’t here, Instructor Shen went over there,” Xiao Mai carefully chose his words, “and Lei Hou got into the Vanguard Camp. He… didn’t mention you.”
“Did they forget?” He Yan still held onto a glimmer of hope. “Maybe it’s because I arrived late.”
“I asked Instructor Shen for you,” Shitou said softly, “None of us made it into the Vanguard Camp this time. Except for Lei Hou, the others weren’t successful either.”
He Yan fell silent.
Everyone watched her nervously. It was clear how much she wanted to get into the Vanguard Camp. When she first arrived in Liangzhou, she could barely keep up with the weighted runs. Back then, this young man persevered just to join the Vanguard Camp. His skills were outstanding; he even got first place in the flag competition. Even if he didn’t understand it himself, others couldn’t comprehend it either, looking at him from their perspectives.
“It’s alright, we’re not upset,” Hong Shan comforted her. “It’s just the Vanguard Camp. We don’t care. We can go to other battalions, like the Infantry or Cavalry Battalion. As long as we’re skilled, who cares if no one appreciates us? Someone as talented as Ah He deserves someone like Bo Le to appreciate them. If they don’t want you, it’s their loss!”
“That’s right.” Jiang Jiao also felt sorry for her. He Yan, as an opponent, was much more commendable than Lei Hou. “You’re so talented. In the face of adversity, a person’s true worth shines. People will come to recognize you in the future.”
Everyone chimed in to console her, but seeing the young man, who usually had a carefree expression, lower his head and remain silent for the first time, exuding an air of dejection and despair, gradually silenced them.
Hong Shan nudged Xiao Mai’s arm, motioning for him to speak up. Xiao Mai racked his brains, trying to find words to say, when suddenly He Yan stood up. Without saying a word, she moved to leave.
“Hey, where are you going?” Huang Xiong grabbed her.
The young man said bitterly, “I’m going to find Xiao Jue and ask him clearly. Why did he choose Lei Hou over me? What exactly about me is inferior to Lei Hou? My name isn’t even on the list for the Vanguard Camp!”
Hong Shan was startled. He hadn’t expected He Yan to angrily call out Xiao Jue’s name. He quickly stopped her actions. “You can’t act so impulsively! Going to find Commander Xiao now will only make him unhappy. It will be even more unlikely for you to join the Vanguard Camp in the future.”
“Exactly, exactly,” Xiao Mai awkwardly tried to console her. “Brother Ah He, Commander Xiao probably deliberately kept you from the Vanguard Camp to let you do something else, like joining another unit. You’re so talented; there’s no reason they wouldn’t choose you!”
“I’m already talented,” He Yan’s face turned purple with anger. “If Xiao Jue stood in front of me, and we fought, I bet he wouldn’t necessarily win!”
Jiang Jiao quickly covered He Yan’s mouth; saying such things out loud showed how furious she was.
Everyone was afraid that she would impulsively confront Xiao Jue, causing trouble. They all scrambled to pull her back to her seat. Huang Xiong said, “Young man, don’t be so impatient. A green hill left, will not fear that there’s no firewood. He is the commander now, and you’re a new recruit. You can’t talk to him on equal terms. Wait until you’re promoted, become a general, and then see him!”
“But that might take ten or twenty years,” Wang Ba muttered, “and it’s still uncertain if you’ll achieve it.”
Jiang Jiao added, “Commander Xiao is really something. We clearly got first place, and Lei Hou is still inferior to He Yan. How could he abandon He Yan and choose Lei Hou?”
“I heard that,” Wang Ba contemplated, “Lei Hou seems to have some connection with one of the instructors here. They might be related, maybe it’s through nepotism. These influential people with power and status often don’t care about those beneath them.”
Xiao Mai couldn’t help but speak up, “Commander Xiao isn’t that kind of person! There must be a misunderstanding!”
Wang Ba gave him a skeptical look. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”
Xiao Mai nodded, staying quiet.
“Everyone,” He Yan forced herself to speak calmly, “I have a terrible headache. Can you be quiet for a while?”
Everyone immediately fell silent.
The bonfire danced before them, its flames painting the night in shades of red. He Yan couldn’t understand why Xiao Jue had chosen Lei Hou for the Vanguard Camp.
She admitted that she had been blind for quite a while, but compared to Xiao Jue, her blindness seemed trivial. Was her performance not good during her time in Liangzhou Garrison? Wasn’t she exceptional in the flag competition? She didn’t even leave a chance for others to compete against her. She even broke the formation that the regular recruits couldn’t solve. Given her talent, why wasn’t Xiao Jue moved?
She wanted to take back her previous words about Xiao Jue being not bad!
He Yan felt like her liver was hurting from anger. She hadn’t expected that this frustration wouldn’t be the last. After a while, Instructor Shen came over.
Under everyone’s gaze, he had someone bring a small box over. He said only to them, “You’re all here. This time you got first place in the flag competition, and tonight is also Mid-Autumn Festival. This is your reward.”
Xiao Mai went over to open the box. Inside, he found a small jar of alcohol and several pieces of silver.
“This is Eighteen Immortal, worth a hundred taels,” Instructor Shen said contentedly. “You can drink it tonight, but don’t get carried away.”
“Eighteen Immortal,” Wang Ba smacked his lips. “I never thought we could drink Eighteen Immortal here. My life is complete!”
He forgot in an instant that he had just been criticizing the “influential and powerful people.”
Huang Xiong swallowed his saliva too. These heroes all loved drinking, and precious alcohol was especially tempting. Even Xiao Mai, who wasn’t fond of alcohol due to his young age, took a silver piece and bit it.
Although the reward wasn’t massive, it wasn’t small either. Amid the general excitement, He Yan stood out oddly.
She glanced at the box on the ground, then burst into a mocking laugh. “It seems our commander isn’t doing too well either.”
Shen Han was left puzzled.
“Poor to death,” the young man said without sparing him a glance, then went to fiddle with the firewood in the bonfire, speaking to himself with a strange tone that everyone could hear.
Hong Shan quickly covered her mouth and apologized to Shen Han with a smile, “This brother is just drunk, he’s drunk… talking nonsense. Chief Instructor, please don’t mind him.”
Shen Han left, utterly bewildered.
After Shen Han left, He Yan stared at the box on the ground, unable to suppress a bitter laugh. “This trivial thing is meant to pacify beggars.”
“Young brother, this isn’t bad,” Huang Xiong patiently said. “You’re venting your anger.”
He Yan was holding back her anger and didn’t want to talk.
Huang Xiong sat down beside her, put his arm around her shoulder, gazed at the dancing flames in front of them, and said in a deep voice, “Young people, don’t lose heart. It’s just a hurdle. Look at me.” He pointed to himself. “Right now, you’ve just missed a chance to join the Vanguard Camp. When I was your age, I lost everything.”
He didn’t want to touch that jar of Eighteen Immortal. Instead, he grabbed the nearby jar of yellow alcohol and poured two large bowls—one for He Yan and one for himself. He took a sip and exclaimed, “This alcohol is so strong!”
Seeing He Yan’s silence, he pointed to the Buddhist beads around his neck and said, “This is my mother’s.”
The Buddhist beads were dark and emitted a warm light. They were quite incongruous with his sturdy build but had never been taken off by Huang Xiong. He then pointed to the blade beside him and said, “This blade has killed nineteen people.”
The statement was chilling, causing even Wang Ba and the others to look at him. He Yan’s eyes flickered, her gaze fixed on him.
Seeing that she finally had a reaction, Huang Xiong said in a low, deep voice, “Back when I was your age, I faced a situation like yours. Our family had an ancestral blade manual, and someone learned about it and came to buy it. My father refused to sell it.”
“While my companions and I were away seeking respite from the summer heat, we returned to find our entire family wiped out, and everything in the house was there, except for that blade manual.”
Xiao Mai gasped, “This is…”
“Somebody wiped out my entire family for that blade manual,” Huang Xiong continued. His expression remained quite calm as he spoke, whether because too much time had passed or due to other reasons. He said, “I reported the incident to the authorities, but the local officials couldn’t do anything about it. So, I investigated personally, exhausted my family’s wealth, and traveled alone with the blade to search for the thieves. It took me a full three years to locate their whereabouts.”
“I was afraid that seeking vengeance might end up costing me my life. I’m not afraid of dying; I just don’t want to die in vain. I’m the last remaining member of the Huang family. If I die, no one will be left to seek justice for them.”
“So, I pretended to be a laborer, a long-term worker, and infiltrated their household. I observed the terrain during the day and their daily habits, and at night, I practiced my blade skills in secret. After a year and a half, I found an opportunity and avenged our Huang family in one night.”
This harrowing story was narrated with an air of detachment. The danger and risk involved were unimaginable. Seeing the calmness in the big, bald man’s eyes, he looked at He Yan and said, “A gentleman avenges a grudge even after ten years. If I had confronted them for justice back then, even if I risked my life, it would have likely ended in vain. But look at the present—my enemies are dead, and I’m still alive. I can drink and eat with you here. Tell me, who won?”
He was using his own story to remind He Yan not to act on a momentary impulse.
He Yan smiled, about to speak, when she saw Jiang Jiao handing her a bowl of yellow alcohol too. She raised her head, took a big gulp, but her capacity for alcohol wasn’t as good as Huang Xiong’s. Her face turned red from the spiciness, and she wiped away the alcohol stain from her lips, blurting out, “Exactly, who hasn’t faced tough times? What’s yours? Look at me, the young master of the martial arts academy, it sounds good, doesn’t it? I even had a fiancée. This year was supposed to be when we got married, but she died.”
Xiao Mai’s eyes widened, and he was about to ask when Shitou nudged him, silencing him.
“Do you know how she died?” Jiang Jiao’s eyes reddened, and he muttered, “She died for love. She loved someone else and didn’t want to marry me. She chose to die for love with that scholar! Tell me, compared to me, am I not more miserable?”
No wonder Jiang Jiao had such a demeanor and skills but had enlisted in the military. It was probably due to this incident—his spirit crushed, he chose to leave his hometown, out of sight, out of mind.
Everyone looked at Wang Ba, who was baffled. Soon, embarrassment turned into anger, and he exclaimed, “Why are you all looking at me? What’s wrong with you? What’s the point of telling these depressing stories? Are you competing to see who’s more miserable?”
—Side Note—
Wang Ba: I’m a male classmate without any stories.
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