Chapter 106 False God
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Killing Zhuang Lao was impossible, so Lin Zhaohe decided to find another way.
Though Lin Yan hadn’t given up on the idea of harming Lin Zhaohe, he suddenly realized that Lin Zhaohe in this world wasn’t a god. If he killed him, it wouldn’t save the world, and he might have to face an insane Zhuang Lao.
The anger and desire to kill that had arisen before reluctantly faded away. Lin Yan took a strong drag from the cigarette in his hand.
“We need to think of a solution…” Lin Zhaohe furrowed his brow, but his phone rang. It was a call from Zhuang Lao.
Lin Zhaohe glanced at Lin Yan and picked up the phone.
“Where is Xiao He? Why isn’t he at home?” Zhuang Lao asked.
Lin Zhaohe said he felt bored and wanted to go out for a walk. He asked Zhuang Lao if he had returned home. Zhuang Lao said he had just arrived and wanted to talk about something, so Lin Zhaohe should come back after finishing his walk.
After hanging up the phone, Lin Zhaohe told Lin Yan, “I’ll go first.”
Lin Yan sat with a frown on his face, thinking about how to get rid of Zhuang Lao. It wasn’t an easy task. With Zhuang Lao’s popularity, it seemed like he could destroy the Earth with just a snap of his fingers. After all, at least half of the people on Earth were his crazy fans.
When Lin Zhaohe returned home, he saw Zhuang Lao sitting on the couch watching the news on TV. Lin Zhaohe glanced at it, noticing a bold headline: “We’ve Found the Divinity.”
Lin Zhaohe didn’t expect to come home and see such shocking news. His eyes almost popped out, and he instantly broke into a cold sweat. “Zhuang Lao, have they found you?”
“Hmm,” Zhuang Lao replied. “It was bound to happen.”
Lin Zhaohe: “What should we do? Should we move? Will your crazy fans come to our door?”
Zhuang Lao: “No hurry. They don’t know what I look like.”
Indeed, the face shown in the news was unfamiliar. It was different from Zhuang Lao’s cold and beautiful appearance. It looked ordinary and even a bit ugly, if we’re being strict.
“I used a different face to meet them,” Zhuang Lao yawned, propping his chin with his hand. “Xiao He, I need to discuss something with you.”
Lin Zhaohe asked, “What is it?”
Zhuang Lao leaned close to Lin Zhaohe’s ear and whispered something. The more Lin Zhaohe listened, the wider his eyes grew. He asked, “Is that feasible?”
Zhuang Lao replied, “Feasible or not, we won’t know until we try.”
That was a valid point. Lin Zhaohe hesitated and said, “Zhuang Lao, Lin Yan… contacted me.”
“You already know?”
Lin Zhaohe nodded, his expression filled with guilt and worry. According to Lin Yan, the dity bore the burden of almost all human desires, and this unbearable pain drove them to madness. And now, Zhuang Lao was about to become the next victim. Lin Zhaohe couldn’t even imagine how Zhuang Lao would look when he went insane. He feared that he might lose his sanity too.
Zhuang Lao looked at Lin Zhaohe’s expression but laughed heartily without a care. “Xiao He, don’t worry so much. What if this is actually a cycle? You take a turn, then I take a turn, and so on…”
Lin Zhaohe: “It’s not that funny, really.”
Zhuang Lao burst into laughter.
“But before we implement the plan, I need to make some preparations,” Zhuang Lao winked and gave Lin Zhaohe a mischievous smile. “After all, letting a capitalist become a deity would probably be the biggest disaster in history.”
Lin Zhaohe had no words to respond. He initially thought Zhuang Lao was joking, but within a few days, he realized that Zhuang Lao was serious.
This Zhuang Lao guy was seriously playing the role of a capitalist.
He appeared frequently on television programs with that plain and unremarkable face of his. Compared to his handsome appearance, that face had no distinguishing features at all. He was short and stocky, like a corn cob.
It must be said that humans are shallow creatures. Even deities prefer beauty. When Zhuang Lao showed up on the television station with that unattractive face and crude demeanor, his followers surprisingly remained calm for a moment.
“Why does he look so ordinary, like someone who came to fix my plumbing?”
“What’s wrong with someone who fixes plumbing? There are plumbers who are 6 feet tall, but he seems to be only 5’3″…”
“Is it appropriate for you all to make wishes while mocking the object of your wishes?”
“But seriously, he doesn’t seem reliable at all. Is he really a deity?”
“Of course he is, and he’s even a deity whose Mandarin isn’t quite standard. He sat in the interview room, and the atmosphere during the interview didn’t seem like a serious event but more like a comedy show on some variety channel…”
Although Lin Zhaohe knew what Zhuang Lao was up to, witnessing this scene made him cough involuntarily.
The neighbor, A’Yao, came over for a visit, munching on melon seeds, and joined Lin Zhaohe in discussing this legendary deity. He spat out a melon seed shell and said, “Is this person really a deity? He doesn’t seem quite trustworthy.”
Lin Zhaohe was still amazed by Zhuang Lao’s wit and nodded. “I think he’s alright.”
“He’s smoking,” A’Yao said. “Look at the disgust on the female host’s face…”
Zhuang Lao casually lit a cigarette. When he made this move on television, the previously enthusiastic audience seemed to have been doused with cold water and took a while to snap out of it.
A’Yao exclaimed, “He even spits everywhere!”
Lin Zhaohe covered his face.
Zhuang Lao was deliberately destroying his own image. Not only did he have an ordinary appearance and an oily expression, but he also had low manners. Every action of his revealed vulgarity, causing great concern about the unreliable hands into which the future of the Earth had fallen.
“Is he really a deity?” A’Yao was shocked. “Why is he like this?”
Lin Zhaohe calmly said, “Don’t have a bias based on appearance.”
A’Yao said, “Is this about appearance bias? Damn it, he flicked his cigarette butt into the female host’s water cup!!!”
He was the epitome of vulgarity and barbarism. A’Yao’s reaction represented everyone watching in front of their televisions. Lin Zhaohe checked the TV ratings and found that there was a huge drop in viewership when Zhuang Lao spit everywhere. Clearly, his series of actions severely shook everyone’s confidence.
No one wants to see their savior, who is supposed to be noble in their hearts, as a middle-aged man with low manners.
However, Lin Zhaohe couldn’t help but smile. Zhuang Lao was indeed clever. If he had appeared on television with his original handsome face, his fan base would have skyrocketed, and people would have cherished him as a treasure. But now, everyone just wanted to forget about his unlucky face as soon as possible.
However, it was clear that Zhuang Lao had more in mind. When the host cautiously asked him how he wanted to bring hope to humanity, this guy reached up and picked his nose twice. “What hope? It’s already quite difficult for me to fulfill everyone’s wishes. It’s better for you not to have any unrealistic fantasies about me. Why do you hate the 2D world? Aren’t I just from the 2D world?”
Lin Zhaohe clearly saw the female host’s expression twist for a moment. She couldn’t help but take a deep breath and said in a diplomatic tone, “Do you have anything else you’d like to say to everyone?”
Then, Zhuang Lao uttered a long-standing classic statement.
He puffed out his belly, crossed his legs, and picked his nose. “You encounter these things because you’re not working hard enough. If you were diligent enough, you wouldn’t face such situations.”
The crowd exploded.
A’Yao, in front of the television, was also dumbfounded. The cigarette in his hand fell and burned a hole in his pants. He jumped up screaming, slapped off the ash on his pants, and said, “Is this person a god or just mentally ill?”
If this person hadn’t confirmed their divine identity, they would have likely been beaten to death if they went outside.
Zhuang Lao attributed all the tragic incidents that people had encountered to their lack of effort.
Were victims dying because they weren’t trying hard enough?
People looked at his high and ugly appearance and felt countless grievances in their hearts. Those earnest hopes seemed to shatter in an instant, replaced by even more extreme anger and hatred.
“Is this person truly a divine being? Can such a divine being save us?”
“If he’s a fake, a real divine being would surely come out and refute it.”
“I can’t take it anymore. Can’t someone come out and expose him? How did I believe in someone like this?”
“Can he just disappear? I’d rather not have him appear in front of me.”
Clearly, people couldn’t fully accept the fact that the object of their hopes was a vulgar and disgusting person. Lin Zhaohe scrolled through the forums and found that many people were on the verge of a breakdown.
The television program finally ended. In just a short half-hour, the female host felt a sense of going in circles. She wiped the sweat off her forehead, forced a smile, delivered the closing remarks, and glanced at the divinity sitting on the sofa next to her, completely engrossed in eating fruits.
It seemed that the divine being really liked the oranges in front of him. It would be even better if he didn’t spit orange seeds everywhere, the female host thought in agony.
What was supposed to be an activity to gain fans ended up attracting a lot of critics. The spirits that people had mustered up were deflated. Everyone felt that entrusting the fate of humanity to such a person was an unwise move.
Of course, there were still people who refused to give up. They said, “You shallow-minded people, as long as he can grant wishes, it doesn’t matter how he looks.” Immediately, someone came forward to debunk them, saying that this divinity was highly unreliable, only fulfilling wishes halfway.
Someone wished for their deceased parents to come back, and that same night, they saw the skeletal remains of their parents, who had already been buried, on their bedroom bed. They nearly had a heart attack. Well, the wish was indeed fulfilled, but the manner in which it was fulfilled was unusual, with the potential for unexpected situations. There was also someone who wished to have twenty wives, and the next day, they did have twenty wives, but none of them were human. They were strange and grotesque creatures.
At this moment, the stark difference between the two deities became apparent. Lin Zhaohe, a newcomer to society, was completely unaware of the dangers of humanity, fulfilling every wish without knowing how to refuse. His beautiful and amiable appearance made him an easy target, ultimately leading to such a miserable outcome.
Zhuang Lao, having experienced the ups and downs of human society for many years and overseeing numerous employees, had seen the darkest side of human nature. He didn’t care about much, granting wishes without considering the means by which they were fulfilled.
Almost overnight, the internet was filled with voices of condemnation. Devout believers felt betrayed by their faith, and the opposition party’s voices grew louder.
Meanwhile, the culprit himself sat at home, leaning on his partner’s leg, wanting to receive some affection. He remarked how tired he was today.
Lin Zhaohe leaned in and kissed his forehead, expressing concern. “Should we advance the plan?”
“No need to rush,” Zhuang Lao said. “Let’s tidy up the remaining fusion zones first before moving on to the next step.”
“Seems like the reaction is quite intense,” Lin Zhaohe handed him the phone, letting him see the posts on the forum. The once fervent supporters had turned into harsh critics, all directed at Zhuang Lao.
Zhuang Lao glanced at the phone and burst into laughter. “Are they really that annoying?”
Lin Zhaohe honestly replied, “Yes, they are quite annoying.”
Zhuang Lao blinked and wrapped his arms around Lin Zhaohe’s neck, pulling his face closer and taking a bite of his earlobe. As Lin Zhaohe blushed, the redness spreading from his ear to his face, Zhuang Lao pretended innocence and said, “Xiao He hates me.”
Lin Zhaohe: “No, I don’t.”
Zhuang Lao: “Then, would Xiao He be willing to fulfill a wish for me?”
Lin Zhaohe: “Of course.” But as soon as he finished speaking, he noticed a mischievous smile forming on Zhuang Lao’s face and realized he had fallen into a trap. “Zhuang Lao, you’re getting naughtier and naughtier…”
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