Shoutout to Alinaza for the commission!
There was a period of time when Jiang Se especially hated being touched by others.
Even when Cen Li patted her head, she couldn’t stand it.
No one noticed anything strange about her; she was always able to hide her emotions well.
During those days, her mood was actually extremely bad.
Until that day, Cen Li’s birthday, when she went downstairs and took a photo with Lu Huaiyan.
It was a sunny day, the sky very blue, the breeze very gentle, carrying the unique warmth of late spring and sending the faint agarwood scent from him into her breath.
Standing at his side, the skin of her arm brushed lightly against the back of his hand.
In that moment, she didn’t feel the least bit disgusted.
She even felt safe, felt reluctant to move away.
Because she remembered that rainy night, the feeling of his wet palm tightly gripping her arm and knee.
Warm, and full of strength.
She seemed to have found a method to treat that feeling of nausea, she thought.
The moment she turned her face to look at him, the dimness in her eyes was lit by the light. The camera clicked, fixing the two of them at that moment onto a thin photograph.
Now, at this moment, the light above was like the sunlight of that afternoon.
And the back of the hand her arm had brushed felt like a white jade fan, the veins winding like green embellishments, the temperature of his palm even hotter than that rainy night.
Jiang Se supported herself on the coat beneath her with both hands, her eyes lowered, staring at his hand, her eyelashes like the wings of a dying butterfly.
She seemed to be back on the roller coaster at seventeen, the blazing light, the Manhattan skyline drifting past.
Her body tensed in an instant like a bow pulled to its limit.
But every part of his body was like a blade, and in the moment her soul was pulled to the heights and falling down, a soft blade cut the bowstring.
Lu Huaiyan lifted himself up, his well-defined hand gripping the back of her head tightly.
Jiang Se knew what he wanted to do.
Unlike the last time in the cloakroom, she didn’t avoid it. She opened her lips willingly, letting the tip of his tongue come in.
He, unlike last time as well, had lost that effortless composure. When he entangled with her, Jiang Se seemed to hear the urgency flowing in his blood.
The suffocating kiss paused just a breath. He pressed against her lips, eyes staring at her, and asked hoarsely: “Continue?”
Jiang Se swallowed once: “Continue.”
He picked her up and walked toward the bedroom. When they entered, the heel of his palm pressed forcefully against the wall, and the dim room lit up in an instant.
The blackout curtains in the bedroom were wide open, and outside the glass window, the night was growing heavier, falling snow scattering everywhere.
Lu Huaiyan opened the bedside table to get something.
He stared at her eyes, his low, hoarse voice like cold, hard iron: “Look at me.”
Jiang Se’s beautiful almond eyes slowly filled with a thin sheen of shimmering mist, and within the hazy mist was clearly a pain she could barely suppress.
But she wouldn’t allow him to stop.
Lu Huaiyan quietly watched her.
He wondered how this girl could be so stubborn? Already like this, and still not allowing him to pull back even a little.
Insisting on forcing herself to the edge.
He didn’t continue. Bracing one elbow beside her face, he used his other hand to lightly caress her soft cheek, the pad of his finger pressing her teeth apart as he lowered his head to kiss her.
Dense, wet kissing sounds echoed, clicking softly, like gentle waves in the night, coming and going, rising and falling, sometimes surging, sometimes lingering.
More mist spread in Jiang Se’s eyes. The air grew thinner and thinner, her mind gradually blanking out.
It was in this moment that he said heavily: “Endure it.”
Everything afterward became exceptionally long.
His gaze remained fixed in her eyes, his handsome, sharp brows and features almost domineeringly expanding into her pupils.
She trembled in her eyelashes and looked back at him.
At a certain moment, she wanted to close her eyes, but he used his damp tongue tip to lick her lashes open.
“I want to watch.” He stared into her pitch black pupils, “Sese, I want to watch.”
—
The clouds parted and the rain ceased.
Jiang Se was so tired she didn’t want to say anything, only wanted to close her eyes and sleep.
Lu Huaiyan glanced at the bedsheet, then scooped her out from within the blanket.
Jiang Se: “…………”
She opened a slit in her eyes, looking at the man who was still completely energetic, parted her lips: “Lu Huaiyan——”
The man seemed to know what she was about to say. Lowering his eyes to her, he said: “With the bedsheet soaked like that, you’re sure you can sleep on it? I’ll take you to the bathroom to clean up a bit, then we’ll sleep in another room. You just close your eyes and rest.”
If he hadn’t said it, she would’ve been fine, but at his words, Jiang Se’s bit of cleanliness issues surfaced again, so she had no choice but to let him do as he wished.
Entering the bathroom, he set her on his lap, one arm holding her as she sat to the side while he turned on the bathtub faucet to draw water.
Once the water filled more than half the tub, Lu Huaiyan carried her into the bath.
The water in the tub surged upward instantly.
Though it was his first time serving someone, he wasn’t the least bit clumsy. As the warm water rose, Jiang Se rested on his shoulder, feeling as relaxed as an unfurled leaf.
She lifted her eyelids halfway. In her field of vision, the man’s long fingers were submerged in the water, the white towel soaked full, slowly wiping along the curves of her body, every stroke gentle.
Her thoughts drifted for no reason.
She remembered the moment seven years ago when his hands, wet with rain, held her. When he carried her into the car, he’d originally meant to place her alone in the backseat, but she refused, her fingers fiercely clutching his shirt, refusing to come down from him.
She hadn’t eaten for several days then, and the tendon in her left pinky had snapped, the pain making her tremble all over. No one knew where she found the strength to clutch his collar so tightly she nearly tore off his buttons.
He glanced at her indifferently, and ultimately didn’t push her away, letting her curl up in his arms. But he stopped holding her, his hands loosening and resting lazily on the seat.
The rain lashed densely against the roof, the car bumping along, the space dim and cramped, neon lights sweeping through the interior again and again.
At her ear was the sound of his steady heartbeat, the sound replacing the rain, filling all her hearing.
Once, when she had lifted her eyes, borrowing the faint light passing by, Jiang Se clearly saw the slightly pressed, straight line of his lips, carrying the hint of restraint.
The bathwater surged for a moment. Jiang Se returned to herself, and when she raised her eyes, she met his gaze, which had fallen without her noticing.
“Weren’t you tired? What are you thinking about?”
The white mist drifting above the bath must have entered her head through her breath. Jiang Se actually obediently said aloud the thought circling through her mind at that moment.
“You were really indifferent then.” she said lightly, “If I hadn’t grabbed your shirt at that time——”
At that, as if realizing what she was saying, her lips closed, her voice stopping abruptly.
But Lu Huaiyan understood, and in that instant he realized she was speaking of seven years ago.
Indifferent? Perhaps.
He had worked two days and nights without sleep rushing a project, and a call from his grandfather had pulled him back to the old house, ordering him to follow Mo Xian to find her. During the more than twenty hours Jiang Se was missing, he and Mo Xian didn’t dare waste a minute.
After running nonstop for three days, once they found her, he only wanted to return and report to the old man and then get some sleep.
Once she was sent to the hospital, and the Cen family arrived, he left immediately and didn’t look into her condition afterward.
Now thinking back, if he had known——
The moment the thought surfaced, Lu Huaiyan let out a faint, self-mocking laugh.
Things that had already happened, he never looked back on, never regretted, and would never make a meaningless “if he had known” assumption.
The man wrung out the towel in his hands, then gripped her waist with both hands and turned her around, settling her to sit facing him on his lap. As he wiped the water droplets from her face, he slowly said: “I was pretty indifferent. Do you want to vent a bit on me?”
He dropped the towel from his hand, lowered his head to look into her eyes, and said: “Just like last time, bite my tongue again? Or take that razor and stab a hole in some spot you don’t like? I can take it. I’ll take all of it, how about it?”
He wasn’t joking with her. This girl held grudges; he needed to let her get it out.
Jiang Se: “…………”
She ignored his insane suggestion, lifted her eyes, and lightly pushed at his shoulders with both hands, “You’re in my way.”
Lu Huaiyan chuckled: “What are you afraid of, I won’t mess around in here.”
He had been holding himself back for her, and now, with them sitting face-to-face in the bathtub, it was hard not to be tempted.
Jiang Se had originally lowered her eyes, but at his words, she lifted them again and looked at him, saying: “I’m not afraid.”
Lu Huaiyan was still smiling.
This girl really couldn’t be provoked. If he pushed her one more sentence, she might just cling to him and do it again right here.
But his self-control right now was like paper, unable to withstand even the slightest bit of her entanglement, so naturally he couldn’t stay here any longer.
The man held her waist, his body turning lightly, and the two of them switched positions, Jiang Se’s back pressed against the edge of the bath.
“Know you’re not afraid, but I am, alright?” He stood up, water streaming down along the smooth lines of his muscles with a crash, “Wait here, I’ll go find you clothes.”
“……”
He pulled over a bathrobe from the side, slipped it on casually, and went out to get her nightdress.
Jiang Se rested for a while, and now she had a bit of strength again. She simply got out of the bathtub, grabbed a bath towel hanging on the wall and draped it over herself, then lifted her foot to step out.
The moment her foot touched the floor, her legs suddenly went weak. Just as she was about to fall back into the tub, an arm wrapped around her waist in time.
Lu Huaiyan picked her up by the waist and let out a low laugh: “Didn’t I tell you to wait? Forgot how your legs were shaking on the bed just now?”
Jiang Se shot him a sideways glance, too lazy to speak, struggling to get down: “I can walk myself.”
The man didn’t loosen his hold. In just a few steps he carried her back to the room she slept in last night. When he put her down he asked: “Need some medicine?”
Understanding what he was asking, Jiang Se lowered her eyes, took the nightdress from his hand, and slowly put it on while saying: “I’m not that delicate.”
Lu Huaiyan sat at the edge of the bed, his fingertip brushing over a hickey on her collarbone: “Did Aunt Zhang ever tell you your skin’s too delicate for its own good?”
Her skin really was delicate, but didn’t he know exactly how much strength he’d used just now??
Jiang Se burrowed under the blanket, fixed her eyes on him, and said: “But no one has ever grabbed me and sucked wherever they pleased the way you do.”
Lu Huaiyan lowered his gaze to meet hers, then suddenly smiled: “Fu Yun never kissed you?”
Jiang Se froze: “Why are you bringing him up?”
Why bring him up?
Lu Huaiyan recalled that New Year’s Eve night, when she looked toward the spiral staircase and Fu Yun turned his head to glance at her.
That glance was not innocent.
They were both men, no matter how well you hide it, some things in your bones can’t be concealed all the time.
They had been engaged, two years as fiancés.
Lu Huaiyan had even assumed they’d already done it.
He didn’t care about someone being a virgin or not, but he didn’t like anyone coveting her. Back at that club on Finance Street, the way Cao Liang looked at her had already displeased him, let alone Fu Yun’s glance.
He had only mentioned it casually, but seeing her stunned expression, he suddenly didn’t want another man taking up even a sliver of her thoughts at this moment.
He curved his lips in a smile, pushed aside the hair stuck to her cheek, and lowered his head to land a kiss on her lips.
“Pretend I never asked. Sleep, Miss.”
