Shoutout to Alinaza for the commission!
When their positions reversed, Jiang Se’s palm brushed against the television remote, and the movie continued playing.
The man’s back-lit face quietly watched her through the shifting light, waiting for her to take off his glasses.
Jiang Se softened her body, lazily rested against the cushions behind her, pinched the arm of his glasses, and slowly took them off.
Lu Huaiyan leaned down to kiss her, kissing as he asked, “Do you remember the scene when you first took off my glasses?”
“I remember.” Jiang Se was kissed until she almost couldn’t breathe, her tongue tip sucked by him, her voice trembling a little, “At Hanshan Temple.”
Lu Huaiyan let out a low, deep laugh: “You were pretty rough then.”
Jiang Se snapped back: “You deserved it.”
As soon as she said that, she sucked in a sharp breath and squeezed her eyes shut.
The strap of her sleepwear had already slipped to her elbow, and her hem was lifted to her waist. His hair at his temples scratched her collarbone; Jiang Se bit her lip and drew in breath.
Before, he was always patient with such things, but perhaps because they had been apart so much these past months, the moment they reunited it was thunder meeting fire, without any prelude.
But yesterday she had returned to Beicheng, and he had already tangled with her half the night. They should have been satisfied.
He shouldn’t be this eager now, and his force had no moderation.
Jiang Se wanted to kick him, but her knees were pushed apart into a straight line, his palm holding her knee down, not letting her move.
She had practiced dance since childhood; her body was as soft as cotton, and doing a split was naturally not difficult, nor uncomfortable.
But like this, face-to-face…
She found it unbearable.
As if sensing her displeasure, Lu Huaiyan suddenly softened, lowered his head to kiss her eyes, and with a hoarse voice said to her, “Open your eyes and look at me.”
Jiang Se’s lashes were damp. When she lifted her eyelids, her long and curled lashes were clumped with moisture.
She looked at him.
Lu Huaiyan kissed her lips, his hot and moist breath searing.
“On my eighteenth birthday, Linda asked me what I wished for. I said my wish was to have nothing to do with my father. She laughed and asked why I didn’t make a more romantic wish, like meeting a girl I’d fall in love with or having a passionate and unforgettable romance. Do you know what I said back then?”
Sweat slid from the corner of his forehead down to his jaw, then dripped from his jaw onto Jiang Se’s collarbone.
When he was eager, she found it unbearable, but now that he had slowed down, she found it even more unbearable.
Jiang Se truly didn’t know where he got the energy to casually chat at this moment.
She gasped painfully: “What did you say?”
“I said I probably would never meet someone I wanted to spend my life with,” Lu Huaiyan’s hand veins stood out, his hoarse voice full of suppressed desire, but every word was pronounced clearly, “until ten years later, when I met you.”
Lu Huaiyan lowered his gaze, staring at Jiang Se.
Jiang Se felt even more restless. Time seemed stretched, and she didn’t know how long had passed, until suddenly she furrowed her brows and hugged Lu Huaiyan’s neck tightly.
The movie on the screen was approaching its climax. The male lead invited the female lead to leave with him.
At that fork in the road, the female lead looked at the pickup truck ahead, wanting several times to open the door and chase her love, yet worldly responsibilities and moral constraints held her back.
Both her body and soul were imprisoned.
The photographer’s words echoed again in her ears: “This kind of certainty comes once in a lifetime.”
In the end, she let go.
Lu Huaiyan’s husky voice pierced her eardrums through the movie’s rain and siren sounds: “Sese, I found you.”
Jiang Se reached the climax along with the movie’s plot.
The woman in the movie cried in the car.
For the person she had missed, and for the love she had missed.
Not everyone meets the person who makes their heart race, and even if they do, it may not be at the right time; there is always regret for being too early or too late.
And such regret often lasts a lifetime.
How fortunate they were, they met each other, neither too early nor too late.
Jiang Se’s gaze gradually blurred, and she couldn’t help but call his name, first “Lu Huaiyan,” then “Older Brother Huaiyan,” and finally back to “Lu Huaiyan.”
The movie paused on the last frame.
The sofa in the living room had long since been shifted from its original position, the carpet torn with deep scratches.
Lu Huaiyan carried her into the bedroom. He had completely lost the gentleness from before. Jiang Se had been tossed around until she lost her voice. The last time she fell softly into his arms, the man gently kissed her brow and eyes, saying: “Let’s get married, Sese.”
Jiang Se took a long while to gradually regain consciousness.
Realizing what he had said, she asked dazedly: “What did you say?”
Lu Huaiyan lifted her sweat-soaked face, looked into her eyes, and repeated: “I want to marry you, Jiang Se.”
He was clearly cheating.
On such a night, after watching a movie full of regret and sorrow, overwhelmed by pleasure to the point of losing all rationality, she was far too easy to agree.
There was no light in the bedroom; snow floated outside the window.
A burning tide of emotion surged in her chest.
Jiang Se looked at him: “Lu Huaiyan, you did it on purpose.”
Lu Huaiyan didn’t deny it: “Just marry me. I’ll be Jiang Se’s husband, and you’ll be Lu Huaiyan’s wife. No other identities, and nothing will ever bind you. You won’t have to stop part of your life because of an added identity, and you won’t have to live a life you don’t want.”
In the movie, the female lead, Francesca, said that when a woman made her choice to marry and have children, her life began in one sense, but ended in another.
When Lu Huaiyan heard this line at eighteen, he thought of Han Yin.
Han Yin studied geological engineering in university and loved following the school’s geology team to survey soil and mines. It was a cold and tough major, and her father, thinking she would marry after graduation, let her choose it.
Lu Huaiyan had thought more than once that if his mother hadn’t married and had him, she might have become an excellent geological engineer.
Now Han Yin liked living in the mountains, studying the soil and water there; it was partly a way to remember something she had once deeply loved.
“I won’t let you become a second mother. Marriage is just our matter. We don’t even need to tell anyone else.” Lu Huaiyan nipped her lips: “The wedding is up to you, whether we have children is up to you. I’m just selfishly wanting to completely own you in the eyes of the law.”
He said these words while still entwined with her.
They stared at each other in the dark, feeling each other’s pulse.
Jiang Se’s heart beat wildly, like drums.
“Grandpa Lu hopes you’ll have an heir. What if I don’t want children? How will you explain to him?”
“There are so many good candidates in the Lu family; I’ll always be able to pick a suitable heir.” Lu Huaiyan released her lips, speaking seriously, “Leave it all to me. I won’t let anyone force you.”
He would pave the way for her, so she would no longer suffer any grievances.
Marrying him should make her life happier, not trap her in dilemmas.
Jiang Se fell silent.
That day, when he barged into the basement thinking she had killed Fu Yun, he had said the same thing—
“Leave it all to me.”
This man always protected those he wanted to protect with every ounce of his strength.
He handled everything meticulously.
In the past, with Han Yin; now, with her, it was always the same.
He always kept his word and saw through her concerns.
Jiang Se had thought about marriage, and about having a child with him, about forming a conventional family.
Since taking him to “Half Day Leisure” to buy milk tea, all the neighbors on Fuchun Street knew she had a very handsome boyfriend. Over the past half year in Tongcheng, every uncle and aunt she met asked when they would go register the marriage.
At that time she hardly hesitated before replying: “Not that soon yet.”
Not that soon yet, but not that they wouldn’t get married.
She also wanted to marry Lu Huaiyan, and they would get married sooner or later.
It was just that she knew very well that once they got married, she would inevitably be urged to have a child.
Grandpa Lu had long wanted to hold a great-grandson.
But she didn’t know whether she could be a good mother.
When she wasn’t sure whether she could be a good mother, she didn’t want a child.
Now that he would resolve the issue of the child, then there was nothing left to hesitate about.
“Okay.” Jiang Se responded.
Lu Huaiyan’s Adam’s apple rolled, his eyes lowering to look at her: “Thought it through?”
Jiang Se gave another “mm.”
Lu Huaiyan suddenly lifted her up and pressed her against the headboard, taking her lips: “You agreed, so you can’t go back on it.”
Jiang Se’s brow between her eyes knit; that sudden movement was too abrupt, she even felt pain.
She bit his tongue tip: “Lu Huaiyan, you hurt me.”
Hearing that, Lu Huaiyan laughed, letting her bite: “I’ll be gentler.”
He said he would be gentler, yet he didn’t slow down at all.
The strength Jiang Se had finally regained was all used to leave teeth marks on his collarbone.
The next morning, those teeth marks had become a circle of purple bruises.
While brushing her teeth, Jiang Se’s eyes glanced at his collarbone.
Lu Huaiyan was wearing a robe, the sash tied loosely, and when he bent to rinse his mouth the collar opened to reveal a large area of cold-white skin.
Sensing her gaze, the man looked at her sideways: “Only now you feel sorry?”
Jiang Se’s mouth was full of foam, too busy to deal with him.
Only after brushing her teeth did she faintly reply: “You asked for it.”
Lu Huaiyan let out a low laugh, taking the toothbrush from her hand and putting it away properly.
Jiang Se wanted to take a shower; she was truly exhausted last night and had fallen asleep before asking Lu Huaiyan to carry her to bathe.
Now after a whole night, she couldn’t stand the sticky feeling on her body anymore. She was about to take off her nightdress, but her fingers hadn’t even touched the fabric before Lu Huaiyan pulled her back.
“The thing you agreed to last night, did you forget?”
Jiang Se’s hands were held by him, and her morning temper burst at once: “What if I did?”
Lu Huaiyan: “Then I can only propose again.”
Jiang Se looked at him: “Lu Huaiyan, if you don’t let me shower, even if you propose ten times I still won’t remember.”
Lu Huaiyan laughed as he pulled her into his arms, lowering his head to kiss her.
He kissed her gently, his calloused hand rubbing the back of her neck, like soothing a bristling cat.
Jiang Se very quickly smoothed down, and by the time their stuck-together lips separated, the bit of morning temper she had was finally gone.
“Go shower, I’ll go downstairs to buy you breakfast. After eating, you can sleep a while, and then we’ll head out to Windsor County.”
After the man finished speaking he was about to change clothes. Just as he turned, the sleeve of his robe was gently tugged by someone.
“After we go back we’ll get the certificate in Tongcheng. You can tell Auntie Han and Grandpa Lu, I’ll tell my parents, and we can’t hide it from Qianqian either, otherwise she’ll definitely come kill me. We won’t do the wedding yet, wait until after the distillery gets on tra—”
Her words cut off abruptly.
Lu Huaiyan didn’t let her finish, directly lifting her onto the washstand to kiss her.
Only after kissing for quite a while did he pull back to take her earlobe into his mouth, saying: “Continue.”
Jiang Se tilted her face up, steadying her breath as she went on: “The distillery will need at least two years to get on track. For the next two years I’ll be in Tongcheng. Two years later, I’ll go to Beicheng to find you, and then we’ll hold the wedding.”
She would plan out every step.
When he walked toward her, she would also walk toward him.
Lu Huaiyan knew he couldn’t keep kissing her.
He lifted himself slightly, brushing her nose tip with his: “Then we’ll get engaged here in England, just the two of us.”
Jiang Se blinked: “We’re already going to get the certificate, why get engaged?”
She wasn’t marrying Lu Huaiyan for an alliance, so there was naturally no need for an engagement banquet to signal cooperation between their families.
Much less one with only the two of them.
Lu Huaiyan said: “To make up for my regret.”
Jiang Se’s lashes paused: “Regret?”
“Mm.” Lu Huaiyan kissed her forehead, “Regret not dancing the first dance with you at your eighteenth birthday, and not standing by your side as your fiancé at your twenty-first engagement banquet.”
The first social dance at her coming-of-age ceremony, Jiang Se had danced with Fu Jun. At her twenty-first engagement banquet, the one standing beside her was Fu Yun.
He had attended both banquets.
He hadn’t even stayed to watch her finish the first dance before leaving; he’d also only attended half of her engagement banquet with Fu Yun.
Thinking back on it now, how could it not feel like a regret?
Jiang Se quietly looked at Lu Huaiyan. A few seconds later, she raised her brows and smiled: “Not being engaged to me is a regret, not dancing the first social dance with me is a regret. Then after we get engaged, will you dance with me?”
Lu Huaiyan saw through her thoughts in an instant: “You want to see me dance?”
“Mm.” Jiang Se said, “You really haven’t danced even once before? Older Brother said among the few of you, you were the only one who never danced even once.”
Lu Huaiyan thought for a few seconds: “In high school I danced swing once or twice.”
“Swing dance?” The corner of Jiang Se’s lips dimpling, “Was it recorded?”
“I don’t know, Guan Shaoting might have it, he danced too back then. I’ll have him look.” Lu Huaiyan couldn’t resist pinching her chin, his voice carrying a smile, “Go shower, there’s no rush for you to watch me make a fool of myself.”
Jiang Se obediently went to shower. When she came out, Lu Huaiyan had already set up breakfast.
A very traditional English breakfast: grilled bacon, sunny-side-up eggs, hash browns, baked beans, toast, grilled mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, and the cleansing force of the dark cuisine world, black pudding.
Jiang Se only picked the items she was used to eating, not touching the rest at all.
Lu Huaiyan cut a slice of black pudding and asked her: “Really not trying? I used to think it tasted bad too, but once I actually tried it I realized it’s pretty good.”
Jiang Se didn’t like eating blood products, shook her head and said she wouldn’t eat it.
After Lu Huaiyan ate a bite, she deliberately said: “Today you can’t kiss me.”
The knife and fork in Lu Huaiyan’s hand paused. He lifted his eyes and said: “Every time you bite my tongue, why don’t you dislike it then?”
Jiang Se said: “That’s different.”
Lu Huaiyan: “Where is it different?”
Jiang Se stopped talking, held the teacup of black tea and quietly took a sip.
She hadn’t liked the smell of blood since she was a child.
But when they kissed, she had bitten his tongue more than once. When doing that kind of thing, she often bit his shoulder and collarbone. At those times, she didn’t dislike the metallic taste at all; instead she’d feel even more excited because of that metallic taste.
Lu Huaiyan no longer touched the black pudding in the plate, held her wrist, drank a sip of her black tea, and slowly called: “Little vampire.”
Jiang Se: “……”
—
Last night they fooled around late, so they woke up late.
After finishing breakfast it was already past ten. Jiang Se didn’t nap again; after packing the luggage they set off for Windsor.
They only had five days for this trip to the UK, two days in London, one day in Windsor, one day in Oxfordshire, and nowhere else.
Windsor was around London; from Lu Huaiyan’s apartment it was less than an hour’s drive.
Today the snow was heavy, and the sky was gloomy.
But neither of their moods was affected at all by this damned weather.
Warm air was gently blowing in the car, the speakers looping lively and cheerful Christmas songs. One moment Jiang Se was staring at the snow outside the window, the next she had already fallen into deep sleep.
When she woke up, the car was parked with hazard lights flashing in the parking lot of a café.
Lu Huaiyan was standing under a tree by the road on the passenger side, making a phone call.
Jiang Se glanced at her watch, twelve-thirty. She had slept a full two hours.
She had Lu Huaiyan’s coat draped over her. That man was just wearing a turtleneck sweater and casual trousers, standing there in the snow.
Jiang Se was still carrying a touch of post-sleep laziness, not in a hurry to get out of the car, resting against the seat and quietly looking out the window.
The man outside must have sensed her movement; his gaze suddenly shifted over.
He ended the call in a few quick words, walked over, and knocked on her car window.
Jiang Se lowered the window.
“I’ll go buy you a cup of black tea, wait here.”
The cup of black tea she had brought when going out had long gone cold, and she indeed felt thirsty, so she lazily hummed in response.
Her complexion was warmed with a faint blush from the heater, her long hair messy against the seat, her voice husky.
Lu Huaiyan looked at her for a few seconds, then suddenly opened the car door, ignored her “no kissing” order from the morning, and touched a kiss to her soft lips, saying: “You slept pretty soundly.”
After kissing her, he pulled the coat up over her body, covering her bare neck, then closed the door and turned to walk toward the café.
Lu Huaiyan brought her black tea and a sweet cream puff.
Jiang Se didn’t feel hungry, but on such a cold, damp day, she couldn’t resist the temptation of English black tea and cream puffs.
Lu Huaiyan didn’t get into the car. He stood beside it, watching her eat the cream puff while continuing his phone call.
He had bought her four cream puffs; Jiang Se ate three in one go. The last one she slowly pushed to the mouth of the paper bag, then glanced at Lu Huaiyan.
Meeting her eyes for a second, Lu Huaiyan bent down toward the car window. Jiang Se fed the last cream puff into his mouth. After feeding him, she folded the paper bag, put on her coat, opened the car door, and tossed it into the nearby trash bin.
After sitting in the car for more than two hours, her waist, back, and limbs were stiff and sore again, so she simply stood under the tree and played with snow using her toes.
Lu Huaiyan’s gaze followed her. Seeing her play with the snow, a hint of laughter flashed in his eyes.
This girl had a worse morning temper than anyone, yet was easy to coax. Feed her something sweet and that temper melted right away.
After finishing his call, Lu Huaiyan walked over and took her hand.
“Rested enough? If so, I’ll park the car properly and take you inside Eton to look around.”
Jiang Se nodded, leaned into the car window to take her black tea, and once Lu Huaiyan parked, walked across the street with him.
It was Christmas break, so there weren’t many students on campus.
There were few pedestrians on the street. Lu Huaiyan, like a dedicated tour guide, took her to see the dorm he had lived in and the classroom buildings he often went to.
Under the gloomy sky, the ancient red-brick, white-windowed buildings, in the heavy snow and biting winter wind, held a solemn, dignified sense of history.
Lu Huaiyan had brought a DSLR when getting out of the car. Every time they passed a place, he would take a picture of Jiang Se.
She left her footprints in the places he had lived more than ten years ago.
Their only photo together was in front of the statue of Henry VI. Amid the swirling snowflakes, her hand was caught and tucked into his coat pocket, his snow-dusted shoulder touching her wind-blown hair.
They were both smiling.
Jiang Se had fully recharged in the car, and after walking for three hours straight, she still didn’t feel tired.
As the sky gradually darkened, they got two orders of Fish & Chips from a small old restaurant that Lu Huaiyan used to frequent and ate them standing under a street lamp.
“Your first dinner in the UK was this?”
“Mm,” Lu Huaiyan forked a piece of fried fish, dipped it in sauce, and fed her, “when I passed by back then, I saw this place had an especially long line, so I had the butler buy me a portion.”
The fish was crispy outside and tender inside, paired with tartar sauce full of chopped pickles, indeed delicious, better than any fried fish Jiang Se had eaten before.
“The phone call just now was to the shop’s owner?”
“To the previous owner. She already handed the shop to her daughter to run.” Lu Huaiyan put the remaining half piece of undipped fish into his own mouth, saying: “When she was young, she had been to Beicheng and missed it a lot. When I graduated and left, she told me that if I ever came back, I should let her know so she could fry fish for me again.”
Jiang Se took a sip of black tea, looking at the man standing under the street lamp.
He had been tall since he was young, and even standing among a group of tall Europeans he didn’t lose out in the slightest. Relying on that handsome Eastern face and aristocratic temperament, he really was very likable.
“Did a lot of people like you when you were in university?”
Lu Huaiyan’s feeding motion paused. He lifted his eyes and asked her: “Who told you that? Guan Shaoting?”
Jiang Se said honestly: “Linda said it. She said a duke’s granddaughter chased you for three years. In your sophomore year there was also a handsome guy from Italy who confessed to you. After you rejected him he dragged Guan Shaoting to a bar and drank all night.”
Lu Huaiyan lowered his eyes and laughed a few times: “Jiang Se, are you jealous or are you investigating my romantic history?”
