Thunder rumbled. The rain that had pressed all day finally poured down by dusk.
Shen Yujiao sat by the window, wondering if in such heavy rain Pei Xia would still come.
Through the curtain of rain, a tall, elegant figure approached beneath an umbrella.
A few days ago, the sight would have made her heart leap with joy. Tonight, her feelings were mixed and unspeakable.
After supper, Pei Xia noticed her gloom. Taking the tea she offered, he asked: “Did you go to Mother’s courtyard today? What did she say to you?”
Shen Yujiao’s fingers paused. She lifted her gaze to meet his broad brows and eyes shaped like phoenixes, which, though calm, seemed to pierce through everything.
“Why does Langjun ask this?”
She lowered her eyes again, forcing a light smile. “It is the same each day. Mother gives her teachings; as the younger generation, we listen.”
Pei Xia looked at her deeply, but said nothing.
Just when she thought the matter had passed, he set down his cup and said: “After I leave, if you feel stifled or bored in the manor, you may go to Miaoan Hall on Nanyue Mountain for a stay until I return.”
Shen Yujiao looked at him in shock.
His expression was calm. “The weather grows hot. The mountain is cooler, and more peaceful.”
How could she not understand the meaning behind his words?
So he knew that after his departure, her situation in the household might become even more difficult, and so he suggested she go stay at Miaoan Hall for some peace and quiet.
Speaking of Miaoan Hall, that centuries-old nunnery, though open to both noble families and common folk, it would not be wrong to call it the ancestral temple of the Pei clan of Hedong.
After all, the nun Abbess Cian who founded Miaoan Hall back then had been a widowed grandaunt of the Pei clan.
It was said that this grandaunt had deep spiritual roots, was charitable by nature, and after being widowed adopted many abandoned baby girls, teaching them to read, understand principles, and find a place in life. On the eve of her passing, multicolored Buddhist light enveloped the hall, and the common people all said she had completed her merits and ascended into the ranks of the immortals.
Her ashes condensed into eighteen sarira, which are still enshrined in the rear hall of Miaoan. Somehow it spread that she was especially efficacious in granting children to supplicants, and over these decades the incense offerings in the temple have never ceased.
Since Miaoan Hall was originally built by the Pei clan, there was also a neatly built courtyard at the back of the hall, reserved for the Pei womenfolk to burn incense, worship, or stay temporarily.
Although Shen Yujiao had only gone once with her mother-in-law Madam Wang, she had a deep impression of that serene and elegant nunnery.
If she could live in the mountains, though the food and lodging could not compare to the refinement of the estate, to be spared the daily morning and evening rituals would be enough to move her heart. However—
“Langjun, you have only just left, and if I go to stay in the nunnery, I fear… Mother would not permit it.”
She looked toward Pei Xia: “Besides, as a daughter-in-law, I ought to remain in the household to serve Mother in your stead.”
Pei Xia finished the remaining half cup of tea and said indifferently, “Tomorrow I will speak to her. I will say I asked you to go to the temple to pray for me. She will allow it.”
Since he had said so, Shen Yujiao’s heart settled.
She knew that once Pei Xia had decided a matter, it would surely be done.
“Then as Langjun says.” Shen Yujiao restrained the joy in her heart, lowered her brows, and said softly, “When I arrive at Miaoan, I shall surely bow and pray every day, beseeching that all go smoothly for Langjun, and that you return in peace.”
Pei Xia caught the restrained curve of her lips that she tried to suppress, his brows moved slightly, but he said no more. He set down the cup and stood: “I’ll go bathe.”
“Alright.” Shen Yujiao stepped aside. “I’ll go over the packing list once more.”
When that tall figure disappeared behind the inner screen, Shen Yujiao lifted her eyes, her gaze landing on the empty porcelain cup on the rosewood table, and the heavy gloom in her heart seemed to disperse a little.
He was not unaware of her situation, he… too had made arrangements for her.
She called a maid to clear the cups, then slowly walked to the mirror. Looking at her own reflected figure, she suddenly recalled what the physician Zhou had told her about those postures and techniques.
At the time, she had blushed to hear them, but thinking it over carefully, they were not without reason.
If they truly could help her conceive, she was willing to try. Only, Pei Xia was always proper and rigid in the bedchamber. In their marital intimacies, it was always him above, her below, carried through from beginning to end.
Though in recent nights, with more frequent encounters, when she could not bear it, he would make some allowance for her, holding her sideways as they did the act…
Her thoughts drifted for a while. Realizing her head was full of such indecent matters, she could not help raising her hand to slap her cheeks.
After steadying her mood, she opened her cosmetic chest and picked out a bottle of jasmine scent from among the jars and vials.
Although Pei Xia had never said he liked it, Shen Yujiao noticed that whenever she used jasmine fragrance, he buried his head against her neck more often.
So, he must like it?
—-
That night, after the candles were put out, when Pei Xia lifted the curtain and entered the bed, he also caught the faint elegant fragrance of jasmine lingering in the cool, rain-washed night air.
In the dim light of the tent, his wife lay quietly on the inside, a graceful shadow faintly visible, her breathing deliberately light.
Thinking of her exhaustion these past days, Pei Xia laid down without further movement.
The tent fell silent, only the sound of heavy rain striking the windows outside.
Shen Yujiao lay still, waiting and waiting, yet the man beside her made no move. She grew doubtful.
Was he preparing to just rest?
But tomorrow he would depart for Chang’an, joining the army’s expedition. This was their last night sharing a bed, how could he simply go to sleep?
She furrowed her brows in puzzlement, when suddenly the man’s calm voice sounded in the tent: “Not sleepy?”
Shen Yujiao’s eyelids flickered, and she softly replied, “I suppose I dozed a bit this afternoon, so I’m not very drowsy now.”
Pei Xia: “Mn.”
Shen Yujiao: “…”
After a pause, she turned her face slightly. “Langjun, are you sleepy?”
The man beside her was silent for a moment, then also turned his head. “Not particularly.”
Though it was pitch-dark, neither could see the other’s expression, yet Shen Yujiao still felt the weight of his gaze falling on her, so real it made her heart tighten nervously.
This was the first time they had lain together without doing that matter, simply lying side by side.
She felt strangely ill at ease, and was just debating whether to hint at something, when the man beside her spoke calmly: “I have already instructed Courier Yang. From now on, when letters come from Lingnan, they will be sent directly to Miaoan Hall. If you wish to send letters, have them ready in advance, and when he delivers the mail, you can send them along.”
Since last year, when her whole family was sent to Lingnan, every month Shen Yujiao had received family letters brought back by Pei Xia.
Every time she saw at the end of the letter, “All well, do not worry, take utmost care,” her heart settled.
Toward Pei Xia, she undoubtedly felt gratitude. If not for him, her father and brothers might have died long ago in the prison cart, her sister-in-law Madam Xu might not have safely delivered her nephew, and as for her mother Madam Li and little niece Ah Yu, an elder and a child surviving the journey to Lingnan without illness or misfortune had all been thanks to Pei Xia’s arrangements.
Now tomorrow he was about to march off to quell rebellion, yet he still remembered her monthly letters from home.
Warmth welled in Shen Yujiao’s heart, and her tone softened: “Thank you, Langjun.”
Pei Xia said, “We are husband and wife, there’s no need for thanks.”
Shen Yujiao gave a gentle hum, then suddenly asked: “When you are away, if I want to send you letters, should I also go through Courier Yang?”
“I will be marching south with the army, the daily routes uncertain. Once I am settled, I will naturally send letters back to the estate.”
After a pause, he added: “If you have words to entrust, give them to someone to bring to the household steward. He will send them along with the family’s letters to the army.”
Shen Yujiao thought about it and found it reasonable, replying, “I understand.”
When her words fell, the tent grew quiet again.
After a long while, it was Yujiao who spoke: “Today when I went to Mother’s quarters, she had invited female physician Zhou, from Chang’an.”
At her side came the faint sound of cloth rustling, and the man asked in a low voice: “Is Mother ill?”
“Mother is well. The physician was summoned for me.”
“Where are you unwell?”
“…”
Shen Yujiao pressed her lips together. Perhaps because she was thinking of their imminent parting, a wave of melancholy and reluctance surged up. Beneath the quilt, her delicate body edged closer to him: “Female Physician Zhou is most skilled in regulating women’s bodies, helping them to conceive.”
As she drew near, the sweet jasmine fragrance in her hair and by her cheek grew richer, curling straight into his nose, as though fine threads tugged faintly at his heart.
“Would Langjun like to know what Female Physician Zhou said?” Shen Yujiao asked softly.
That faintly clinging warmth at his side made Pei Xia’s throat move; his voice sank: “What did she say?”
Seeing him answer, Yujiao leaned in closer, her arm brushing against his shoulder: “She said that heaven and earth open and close, yin and yang wax and wane, human ways follow yin and yang in accordance with the four seasons…”
Before she could finish repeating Female Physician Zhou’s flowery theories, a large palm landed at her waist.
The sudden touch made Shen Yujiao’s voice tremble: “L–Langjun?”
That palm only tightened, the man lowering his head, warm breath brushing her forehead: “Still tired?”
Shen Yujiao blinked in confusion: “Hm?”
“Last night, were you not so weary you didn’t even want to bathe…”
At the mention of last night, Shen Yujiao’s cheeks burned. She muttered in shy reproach: “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to bathe… only that I wished to rest a while first.”
Who knew he would simply lift her up and put her directly into the bath barrel.
Though she knew he feared she might catch cold, the bright candlelight and his arms around her had still left her mortified.
“And today, are you better?”
Though he asked, Yujiao clearly felt the heat in his palm, burning hot.
“B–better.” Closing her eyes, she leaned further into his chest, catching the scent of rich sandalwood clinging to his inner robes. Her voice softened still more: “Langjun departs tomorrow. Who knows when I will see you again.”
At those words, the hand at her waist tightened, and the next instant the man’s tall, heavy frame came over her.
As though falling into a dream steeped in sandalwood, his thin lips pressed silently to her brow, an intimacy tinged with solemnity.
Yujiao was still dazed when those warm lips traced down from her brow, bit by bit falling on her cheek, the corner of her lips, her chin…
Her pale fingers clenched the embroidered pillowcase. Eyes closed, she felt his steady caresses and closeness.
Outside, wind and rain lashed. Inside the tent, silence reigned save for their mingled breaths and heartbeats.
The jasmine fragrance, mingled with heat and sweat, thickened and grew heady.
After a long while, a faint voice sounded in the tent: “Langjun… stop a moment…”
“Hm?” The man’s voice was hoarse beyond measure.
“Female Physician Zhou said… it should be like this.”
On the pale green gauze curtain, two shadows shifted, somewhat awkwardly reversing positions. Then came the woman’s timid voice: “Langjun… forgive my presumption.”
The man was silent twice over, then raised his hands to grasp that slender waist upon him. “Now is it right?”
“It is…”
“Mn.”
Night rain drummed, lamplight flickered, the whole tent suffused with jasmine scent.
The next morning, as dawn just broke, faint movements sounded behind the bed curtains.
Perhaps because she knew he was leaving today, even though they had not slept until deep in the night, Shen Yujiao was still partly awake.
Was he leaving already?
Before she could speak, the man beside her shifted closer. Beneath the quilt, his hand rested on her waist.
To be precise, on her belly.
He had a pair of exceptionally fine hands, the bones broad, the fingers long. Whether holding a brush or drawing a bow, they always carried a certain elegance beyond words.
Now those fine hands pressed steadily against her abdomen. Through the thin undergarment, she could clearly feel the warmth of his palm.
It was warm, like a cup of hot tea in midwinter, making her feel as though she were melting into his hand.
She did not know how long he lingered before that hand withdrew.
Shen Yujiao, eyes closed, felt as though he were looking at her,
Her lashes quivered, and she herself did not know why she chose to feign sleep. But that was what she did.
Only when that gaze lifted away, and the curtain rose and fell, did she slowly open her eyes.
Perhaps she should rise, dress him, bind his crown, and see him off?
Forget it. Better not.
Turning over, her slim hand unconsciously covered her flat abdomen. For some reason, her nose stung with sudden sourness.
When daylight fully brightened, the maid Bai Ping came to report: “Langjun has already gone to pay respects to Madam, and now prepares to proceed to the ancestral hall to offer sacrifice to the ancestors.”
Shen Yujiao sat before the mirror in a daze for two breaths before suddenly coming back to herself. From the box she took out an item, clenched it tight in her palm, and hurried out.
“Ah, my lady, it’s still raining outside. Please put on another coat, ”
“My lady, my lady…”
Her maids’ voices called after her, but Shen Yujiao paid them no heed. Holding up an umbrella, she rushed toward the front courtyard.
The endless rain veiled the pavilions and towers in sorrowful mist.
Through the curtain of rain, a graceful figure could be seen hurrying forward. At the main gate, a trace of surprise flickered in Pei Xia’s eyes.
When she came closer, her fair cheeks were flushed from hurrying. His thick brows drew lightly together: “What matter makes you so anxious?”
Only at his question did Shen Yujiao realize she had lost her young-lady composure. Her expression turned awkward, and even the farewell words at her lips were swallowed back down.
Catching her breath, she said, “There is just one thing I forgot to give Langjun.”
Pei Xia lowered his eyes. “What thing?”
Seeing the attendants and maids nearby casting discreet glances their way, Shen Yujiao belatedly felt embarrassed. Biting her lip, she used her sleeve as cover and swiftly slipped the item in her palm into the man’s hand.
Without waiting for him to look, she stepped back and hastily saluted: “Langjun, please go on. Do not miss the time. I will be at home waiting for your return.”
With that, she raised her umbrella, turned, and walked quickly away.
This hurried coming and going was really unlike her usual refined and dignified manner.
Pei Xia fixed his gaze on that retreating figure until it vanished at the end of the corridor. Only then did he lower his head and look into his palm.
In the dim light of morning lay a piece of fine, smooth jade, flawless white, tied with a red cord into the shape of a peace knot.
Most likely she had clenched it in her hand all along the way, for the jade still carried a trace of warmth.
This piece of jade was not from the Pei household, but the sole precious possession belonging to her herself.
His slightly cool fingertips carefully rubbed the peace knot again and again.
The attendant at his side, hearing no sound for some time, secretly lifted his eyes and was startled to find a faint smile seeming to dwell on his master’s face, ordinarily so calm and unreadable.
Thinking he must be mistaken, he looked again, only to see his lord sweep his long sleeve and stride out: “Bring the horse.”
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