Song of the Bright Moon Chapter 83

Shen Yujiao fell silent.

As expected, when it came to names, one could never count on Xie Wuling.

“I think ‘Missing You’ sounds nice—Xie Nianjiao, so smooth,” he mused aloud. “Though ‘Xie Aijiao’ isn’t bad either…”

“Xie Wuling…” Shen Yujiao sighed softly, stepping back. “Stop this.”

He froze. “Jiaojiao?”

Shen Yujiao lifted her face, her dark eyes reflecting the moonlight, utterly serious. “Xie Wuling, you know I am Pei Xia’s wife. Our marriage was arranged by our parents—everyone in Chang’an knows we are husband and wife. Besides, I have a child with him…”

“I don’t care.”

Xie Wuling took a step forward. “Jiaojiao, you know I never cared about such things. I told you before—your child is mine as well. I’ll treat them as my own.”

“This isn’t about what you care about,” Shen Yujiao said, forcing down the ache in her chest, her tone firm and cold. “Don’t you understand by now? There is no possibility between us. The day we parted in Jinling, it was already over. Even if the families allowed separation, on what grounds could I divorce him?”

“Since the day I married Pei Xia, to be fair, he has never wronged me—nor my parents or kin. That accident last year, I’ll admit, left a shadow in my heart. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have hidden his existence from you. Back then, I truly wanted to cut all ties—with him and with the Pei family. But perhaps fate between you and I was shallow, and mine with him not yet exhausted. After all the twists and turns, he still found me…”

“He knew what I’d suffered and was filled with guilt. After returning to Luoyang, he punished the cousin who harmed me with the full weight of family law. For my sake, he even defied the widowed mother who raised him—mother and son are still estranged. To make amends, he brought me to Chang’an, sought out my old servants, and used his military merits to win a pardon for my entire family. My parents and brothers are already on their way here. Before long, we’ll be reunited.”

“Xie Wuling,” Shen Yujiao said softly, “call me selfish if you wish, or faithless if you must—but you should understand, Pei Xia and I… he and I…”

Her voice caught, trembling. The fingers digging into her palm pressed harder. She drew in a deep breath, forcing herself to go on. “I cannot leave him. Gratitude won’t allow it, our child won’t allow it, my parents and family won’t allow it—nor will the eyes of the world. I can’t… I simply can’t.”

At this moment, Shen Yujiao had to admit her own cowardice and fear.

She was not like Xie Wuling—an orphan, unrestrained by family or duty. From the moment she was born, she had been “a daughter of the Shen family.” Later, she became “Madam Pei.”

She had enjoyed all the finery and privilege those titles brought, and in turn, she had to bear the responsibility and restraints that came with them.

To throw all that away—just to chase a fleeting moment of passion and freedom—the price would be too great.

It was a price she could neither imagine nor dare to face.

Between two evils, she chose the lesser one: to give up the only, the truest, and the most fervent love she might ever have in this life.

“Xie Wuling,” she whispered, eyes brimming, “it’s I who have wronged you… I’ve betrayed you.”

Her lashes trembled as her vision blurred. Her heart felt submerged in bitter water—swollen, aching, tearing apart. Even her gentle voice turned hoarse. “Forget me.”

Priceless treasures are easy to find; a man of true feeling is rare.

And this precious, sincere heart of his—it ought to belong to a worthier woman, not her.

“Xie Wuling, I’m not worth it.”

She lifted her tearful face and tried to smile at him through the blur. “You’re such a good man. You’ll surely find a virtuous wife—someone who’ll be devoted to you, who’ll embroider countless sachets for you, who’ll bear you many children. You’ll live happily together, and grow old side by side…”

“How would you know if I think it’s worth it or not?”

Xie Wuling’s smile faded. He gazed at her intently. “Jiaojiao, I’ve said before—there’s only one wife for me in this life, and that’s you.”

“I swore it at the Earth God’s shrine—that I’d be true to you, never betray you. If I break that vow, let thunder strike me down. Do you wish me dead?”

“Don’t talk nonsense!”

Her throat felt as if a blade were lodged there, the taste of rust spreading across her tongue. Her voice came out uneven and pained. “That isn’t you breaking your oath—it’s me who wronged you. Debts belong to those who owe them. If Heaven must punish someone, let it come for me, not you.”

“Foolish words,” he muttered, frowning.

Seeing her eyes glistening with tears and her forced distance, he couldn’t help but lift his hand, brushing a fingertip against her long lashes.

The tear that clung there slipped down, landing on his fingertip—warm, wet, like rain falling into his heart.

“Don’t be sad,” he murmured.

He gently wiped the corner of her eyes, but the softness of her skin beneath his touch made him unwilling to pull away. So, with a decisive motion, he cupped her face in both hands.

Under her startled gaze, he stepped forward, his tall figure so close it almost enclosed her.

“Xie Wuling…” she breathed, trying to push him away.

“Jiaojiao, don’t push me yet. Hear me out first.”

His body stood firm as a mountain, unmoving. He bent his head slightly, looking down at her, his tone solemn.

“I know this world is harsher to women. You’re caught between me and Pei Shouzhen, torn apart—it’s agony. That’s why I’ve never forced you. I never demanded your whole heart, never asked you to quarrel with him for my sake. When he took you away, I didn’t blame you. The fault was mine—for being useless, for failing to protect my own wife.”

“Now, if you’ve chosen to stay with him, and wish to cut me off, I can understand. But to forget you—to marry another—that, I can never do.”

The first half of his words moved her deeply, filling her with guilt and sorrow—but the last sentence made her lift her eyes in dismay. “Why must you be so stubborn?”

“Stubborn?” He smiled faintly. “Perhaps.”

“Jiaojiao, I know—in your heart, I could never compare to Pei Shouzhen. He’s from a noble family, handsome, well-learned, and met you long before I did. And me? A street ruffian nobody wanted—no lineage, no background, little learning. The only thing I can match him with, aside from this face, is my heart toward you.”

“I know you might not believe me. You never really did before. But it’s true—Xie Wuling has only ever loved you in this life.”

It was hard to describe that feeling. From the moment he lifted the curtain of that dusty shrine and saw her there—those startled yet bright eyes of hers had looked straight into his heart.

When he carried her back from the Earth God’s temple, she’d been so light—like a feather—and yet she weighed heavier than the world.

He’d looked down at her dirt-smeared, unconscious face and thought, Heaven’s cheated me half my life, but now it’s finally given me something in return—a wife.

Even if she came with another’s child, raising one or two was all the same. More people meant more warmth. With a wife and children, that little courtyard could finally be called home.

“Jiaojiao,” he said softly, “you may give your heart to Pei Shouzhen—but you can’t decide for me, can’t make me forget you, or hand me off to someone else.”

“If you can… leave me a place in your heart—it doesn’t have to be much—just enough room for the name Xie Wuling.”

“Even if I can never stand beside you as your rightful husband, I’ll never regret meeting you.”

The moonlight was dim and hazy, yet the man’s beautiful eyes shone bright in the night.

Shen Yujiao felt as though that gaze could burn her heart.

Shame washed over her—she didn’t know how to respond—

He had lowered himself so much.

Just to beg her not to forget him.

A tide of emotions crashed through her chest, tearing at her like it wanted to rip her soul and heart in half. Confused and helpless, she finally rasped, “Xie Wuling, I—”

Before she could finish, her mouth was suddenly covered.

Xie Wuling slipped an arm around her waist and drew her into the rock grotto nearby. His thin lips brushed her ear as he whispered, “Someone’s coming.”

Her heart jumped violently. She stayed silent, though he was holding her far too tightly. Afraid to make a sound, she could only endure it.

The jagged rocks loomed around them. Xie Wuling shielded her in his arms; being taller, he could see outside through a small gap in the stones.

Pressed against his solid frame, Shen Yujiao’s nose was filled with the deep, burning scent of Penglai incense that clung to him—mixed with a faint sharpness of wine. The heat of his body poured toward her endlessly, and she felt as if she might suffocate in his breath.

Too close—far too close.

How could his body be so hot, so hard? Her hands, braced feebly between them, felt useless.

“Xie Wuling.” She nudged him softly, whispering, “Move a bit—I want to see too.”

He looked down. The woman in his arms was small and delicate, like a frightened chick—tiny, fragile, pitiful.

At this distance, with the dark all around, if he only lowered his head, he could kiss her.

Or perhaps, beyond kissing… he could do all the other things he’d done countless times in those tormenting dreams—shameless, wild, and cruel.

“Xie Wuling.” A light thump landed on his chest.

He came back to himself, throat moving slightly. In a low voice, he muttered, “You’re too short. You can’t see.”

“…”

It was the first time in her life Shen Yujiao had ever been looked down upon for her height.

The next moment, her body was turned, and before she could react, his big hands gripped her waist and lifted her up.

Startled, she grabbed at the rock wall in a flurry.

Behind her came a lazy chuckle, his lips brushing her ear: “Now you’re tall enough. You can see.”

She felt the heat of his body searing against her back, his arm locked tight around her waist, as if he wanted to mold her into himself.

He was doing it on purpose—he must be.

Her cheeks flamed, ready to scold him, but her attention was caught by what she saw outside—

The palace maid who had guided her earlier was hurrying along, leading two people toward the side hall.

As they drew near and the light fell on the richly dressed woman’s face, Shen Yujiao’s expression changed at once.

“It really is her.”

A low, gritted voice sounded by her ear: “I knew it. That scheming snake—until she suffers, she’ll never learn her lesson.”

Shen Yujiao bit her lip hard, anger rising in her chest.

Shouan.

She’d tried to harm her once and failed, and now she wanted to do it again—at a palace banquet, no less!

Was she so blinded by jealousy, or simply so arrogant that she thought she could get away with it again without consequence?

“Jiaojiao, let me kill her for you.”

Her heart jolted violently; she turned her face at once. “Don’t be reckless.”

They were already too close—when she turned, their faces nearly touched, their noses almost brushing.

Her heartbeat thundered. Just as she tried to lean back, Xie Wuling lowered his head, dark eyes locking onto hers.

“Since you don’t want me anymore,” he murmured, “I’ve no reason to keep living. Might as well do one good thing for you—get rid of that venomous woman. Then you can live peacefully with Pei Shouzhen.”

“What nonsense are you saying?” she frowned.

“I’m serious,” he said. “I’ll go out now and twist her neck. I’ll take all the blame.”

“Xie Wuling!” Shen Yujiao was genuinely angry now. She slapped a hand over his mouth and hissed through her teeth, “Can’t you live without making me mad?”

All he could feel was that her hand smelled faintly sweet and was wonderfully soft.

And her glare—furious, flustered, adorable—made his heart ache with fondness.

He made a muffled sound, eyes blinking playfully.

Realizing he was teasing her again, she snatched her hand back, glaring at him.

“Jiaojiao, see?” he said, eyes bright with laughter. “You still care about me after all.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

“All right, all right. You’re right—my wife’s always right.”

“…”

She was speechless.

Truly—never try to out-bicker a rogue.

Muttering “Don’t you dare do anything reckless,” she turned away, bracing herself against the rocks again to peer outside.

By then, the three figures had emerged.

“Where is she? There’s no one inside!” Princess Shouan’s furious voice demanded of the palace maid.

The palace maid looked flustered. “Th–this servant… this servant doesn’t know. By all reason, she should be inside.”

“Useless thing! Can’t even handle such a simple matter—what good are you!”

“Your Highness, forgive me!”

The maid dropped to her knees with a thud, but Shouan kicked her hard in the chest. “Then hurry up and find Little Anzi!”

“Y–yes, yes…” The maid clutched her chest, scrambling to her feet and stumbling away.

Shouan muttered a few words to her own attendant, then stomped her foot in irritation and turned to leave as well.

Shen Yujiao stood frowning in thought, trying to guess what scheme Shouan had been planning.

Beside her, Xie Wuling rested his face against her shoulder, his voice low and sullen. “And we’re just letting her walk away?”

A knot of frustration coiled in Shen Yujiao’s chest, but she sighed helplessly. “She’s a princess.”

“So what if she’s a princess? She hurts others—she should pay the price.”

“It’s not that easy.” Shen Yujiao exhaled softly, then, seeing that they were now alone, said, “Let me down.”

Xie Wuling was reluctant, but she gave him a sharp glare.

Fierce.

The corner of his mouth twitched—she was never this fierce with Pei Shouzhen.

So biased.

As he reluctantly set her down, he murmured, “Those two courtesans from last time—I never touched them. But they refused to leave, so I thought I’d have Ping An take them in to help around.”

“Oh.”

“You’re angry?”

“No.”

“Jiaojiao, I really didn’t touch them. I may have chosen them myself, but I chose them for Pei Shouzhen.”

Xie Wuling continued, “I keep myself clean, never fool around outside. Not like that Pei Shouzhen—you don’t know. Back in May, when I went out of the city on duty, I saw him riding his horse beside someone’s bridal sedan—showing off as usual! That man is always dressed up so finely, preening for butterflies. I don’t even want to start on him…”

He kept rambling on, and Shen Yujiao’s temple began to throb. For a moment she thought he sounded just like a jealous consort whispering in a foolish emperor’s ear.

“Xie Wuling, whether you touched them or not—it’s none of my concern.”

Her feet were back on solid ground now. Seeing him still standing right in front of her, she pushed him away. “Everything I told you earlier, I meant it. Instead of wasting time on me, find someone else—live a steady life.”

“What I told you, I meant too.”

He caught her hand suddenly. There was no one around, and the alcohol in his system was starting to take hold. Lowering his head, he said, “I don’t care. You kissed me—so now you’re responsible for me for life. In life I’m Shen Yujiao’s man; in death, Shen Yujiao’s ghost.”

He mentioned that kiss so abruptly that Shen Yujiao flushed crimson.

“T-that… doesn’t count.”

“Why doesn’t it count? Didn’t your Momo ever teach you that if you kiss a man, you have to take responsibility for him?”

“I…” She was at a loss for words.

Had she known he would remember that impulsive kiss until today, she never would have done it.

Facing his wounded, accusing tone—like someone abandoned after seduction—she gritted her teeth and hardened her heart. “Then just think of me as a heartless woman.”

“…”

After a brief silence, he said, “Unless you give me some compensation.”

“…What?”

Before she could react, he leaned forward.

His handsome face suddenly filled her vision; she froze, breath caught, eyes widening.

He stared straight at her lips—but instead, his kiss landed gently on her forehead.

Light, fleeting.

Careful, reverent—like a treasure he dared not mar.

“You kissed me, I kissed you. From now on, you don’t need to be responsible for me. I’ll be responsible for you instead.”

Then, wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her into a tight embrace. “Jiaojiao, don’t forget me.”

His low, husky voice brushed against her ear, his warm breath scattering her thoughts into blankness.

“I’ll go first. You follow later.”

Leaving those words behind, Xie Wuling turned and left.

Shen Yujiao stood in the dark grotto for a long time before she came to her senses, biting her lip in embarrassment and fury.

That scoundrel!

Not only did he take advantage of her—he ran off first!

Luckily, Shen Yujiao had a good memory. After several twists and turns, she finally found her way back to the main hall.

Still fuming, she cursed Xie Wuling a dozen times over. Surely, he must have been her nemesis from a past life—come to torment her now, just to get under her skin.

She had spoken to him with such sincerity, poured her heart out—and what did he do? Ignored every word, took liberties, and then left her there!

Did it never occur to him—what if she hadn’t known the way back?

Bastard.

Xie Wuling was an absolute b*stard.

Holding in her irritation, she was just about to enter the main hall through the side door when she saw a tall, elegant figure approaching along the covered corridor.

When she recognized the man, her girlish fluster vanished at once, replaced by a wave of anxiety and guilt.

She froze in place, heart sinking. If Pei Xia were to find out what had just happened…

All Xie Wuling’s fault—why couldn’t he ever listen?

“Yuniang.”

Pei Xia walked toward her, brows faintly furrowed. “Why were you gone so long?”

He saw that his wife had been gone a long while and hadn’t returned, and noticing that Xie Wuling and Princess Shouan were also nowhere to be found, he could no longer sit still and came out to look for her.

“I…” Shen Yujiao’s lashes trembled lightly; she forced herself to stay calm. “Perhaps I ate too much crab—I’m feeling a little unwell.”

Pei Xia stopped before her, his gaze landing on her flushed cheeks. “Do you feel better now?”

Shen Yujiao avoided his eyes. “Better. You needn’t worry, Langjun.”

Afraid he might keep asking, she quickly reached for his sleeve. “Let’s return to the hall. If both of us are absent too long, it’ll draw attention.”

Pei Xia glanced at her hand and hummed in response, but suddenly frowned. “Your sachet?”

Shen Yujiao froze, then looked down—and only then realized that the osmanthus sachet once tied at her waist was gone.

A wave of panic rose in her chest as she tried to recall.

It had still been there when she changed clothes—could it have fallen when Xie Wuling pulled her toward the rockery?

“Yuniang?”

Her fingers were lightly squeezed; Shen Yujiao snapped out of it and feigned surprise. “I didn’t even notice until you mentioned it. I must’ve dropped it when I changed. It’s only a sachet—not a precious thing. If it’s lost, then so be it.”

She smiled faintly at him. “Langjun, let’s go in.”

Pei Xia’s dark eyes narrowed slightly. After two seconds of silence, he said nothing more, simply took her hand. “Mm.”

The two of them returned to the hall together.

Madam Sun saw Shen Yujiao sit back down and teased with a smile, “In all of Chang’an, I doubt one could find another couple as affectionate as you two. You were gone but a short while, and Shouzhen’s heart chased right after you.”

Shen Yujiao lowered her gaze shyly. “Please don’t tease me, Aunt.”

Madam Sun was about to continue when the chief eunuch came rushing to Emperor Zhaoning’s side and whispered something urgently. The emperor’s face darkened at once, and he turned toward Consort Xian.

Consort Xian’s expression changed as well; she hurriedly rose and left with her attendants.

The movement caused a stir throughout the hall. Everyone began whispering—what had happened?

Shen Yujiao couldn’t help feeling uneasy—especially when she saw that Xie Wuling and Princess Shouan’s seats were still empty.

Xie Wuling had left before her; logically, he should have returned long ago…

“Jiaojiao, I’ll kill her for you.”

That voice in the rockery echoed suddenly in her ears. Shen Yujiao’s breath caught—surely he hadn’t done something foolish, had he?

“Are you feeling unwell?”

Pei Xia squeezed her slightly cool fingers, frowning. “You look pale.”

“N-no, I’m fine,” Shen Yujiao replied awkwardly. “It must’ve been the crab.”

“Then from now on, no more than three,” Pei Xia said mildly. “Greed harms the body.”

Shen Yujiao’s thoughts were in chaos, all circling around whether Xie Wuling might have gone to kill Princess Shouan. She nodded absentmindedly. “Langjun is right.”

Fortunately, not long after, Xie Wuling returned safely to his seat.

The moment she saw that tall, upright figure, the tension in Shen Yujiao’s chest finally eased.

So he’d only gotten lost.

She let out a silent breath of relief—but as fate would have it, Xie Wuling happened to glance her way.

Their gazes met. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly, as if in smug amusement.

Seeing that expression, Shen Yujiao’s temper flared.

He still had the nerve to smile!

Not only had he taken liberties with her and frightened her half to death, he’d even left her behind!

All those misdeeds—how could she still feel guilty toward him now?

Unable to help herself, she shot him a fierce glare before lowering her head and stuffing a piece of melon into her mouth, sulking.

She failed to notice the man beside her whose gaze was growing darker and darker.