The Daily Life of a Depressed Salted Fish Chapter 16

Of course, Jiang Wu wasn’t about to open his eyes.

If not for this body that others could touch, he would’ve slept forever, until the end of time.

Unfortunately, he was still human.

Yao Ji tried to keep her eyes wide open, tears from exhaustion welling up. She rubbed her eyes and asked, “Why hasn’t Wu Er woken up yet?”

Qi Hanmiao sighed and said, “Lately, His Majesty has been waking up around noon.”

Yao Ji laughed bitterly, as if she had just heard the most absurd thing: “His Majesty has been diligent since childhood. At three years old, he developed the habit of waking at dawn to study. By the age of seven, he was training in martial arts, never once staying in bed past the Yin Hour. Later, even the late Emperor felt sorry for him and issued an edict forcing him to rest for an hour at noon. This is still talked about among the people today!”

She continued, “And now you’re telling me he sleeps until noon every day?!”

“… It’s a habit he developed recently.”

“Impossible.” Yao Ji stepped forward. “When he first ascended the throne, he still came to greet me often. But recently… recently…”

Her eyes flickered, suddenly afraid to think further. She rushed to the dragon bed, her voice soft and tender, “Wu Er, Wu Er, wake up. It’s time to get up, Wu Er…”

She gently shook Jiang Wu’s body. “Wu Er, Wu Er…”

The nightmarish sound of her voice pierced his consciousness.

…She’s here again. Here again. Here again.

What does this woman want?

Not listening. Not waking up. Annoying, annoying, annoying.

Sealed, hidden, five senses blocked.

Pain.

He got pinched again.

The pessimist felt despair.

He’d never hated anything before, but from now on, he decided to hate this woman.

“Empress Dowager,” Yin Wuzhi’s gaze fell on the pinch marks on Jiang Wu’s arm as he restrained his voice. “Is this how you usually wake His Majesty?”

Yao Ji lowered her head, slowly withdrawing her hand. “Why won’t he wake up?”

It wasn’t like this before. If he wouldn’t wake, she just had to pinch him a couple of times, and he’d reflexively wake up, obediently read his books, practice martial arts, and listen to her.

Gu Yan came forward, summoning his energy, and said, “Your Majesty, allow me to examine the Emperor.”

Yao Ji, feeling dejected, stepped aside.

For a moment, it felt like something she had been holding onto tightly had slipped away, like trying to grasp a handful of sand only to lose it faster by squeezing harder.

Now, not a single grain remained.

Gu Yan sat at the bedside, first checking Jiang Wu’s pulse and eyes, then sighed as he gently massaged the marks on his arm. “The Emperor has slept through the night. It’s time to wake up.”

“Your Majesty, you scared everyone terribly yesterday. If you’re awake, please open your eyes and take a look at this humble servant. Would that be alright?”

Jiang Wu ignored him.

No one could wake a sealed, sense-blocked Pessimist.

“The Shizi has also been kneeling all night.”

Jiang Wu didn’t respond, but Yin Wuzhi’s eyelashes fluttered ever so slightly.

“If you don’t wake up, Your Highness, the Shizi might be sent back to his manor by the Empress Dowager.”

The Pessimist hesitated.

He was indeed tired, but his instincts told him that the Empress Dowager would indeed carry out such an action. If Yin Wuzhi were sent away, history might collapse, and he’d have to figure out another way to bring Yin Wuzhi back.

…In the past, the Pessimist never cared about history. After all, he was just a wandering spirit, and the course of events didn’t concern him. But now, he was part of history. Whether he liked it or not, he had to care.

But still… he didn’t want to wake up. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He was exhausted.

“Your Majesty, if you just open your eyes, everyone will be relieved. Once the Empress Dowager knows you’re awake, she won’t dare to send the Shizi away.”

A miracle happened.

Yin Wuzhi held his breath.

Gu Yan took a deep breath.

The Pessimist slowly… opened one eye.

His clear, motionless eye met Gu Yan’s gaze for two full breaths, then closed heavily.

Yin Wuzhi couldn’t help but smile slightly.

Gu Yan laughed aloud. “Good. Since His Majesty is awake, we won’t disturb him further.”

Yao Ji hadn’t seen what happened just now and asked, “His Majesty…”

“His Majesty woke up but hasn’t slept enough yet,” Gu Yan said. “Empress Dowager, you should go and rest.”

“If that’s the case, why didn’t he acknowledge me earlier?”

Gu Yan looked at her and smiled. “How would this humble minister know?”

Yao Ji stepped back, her eyes instantly reddening.

So, Jiang Wu was doing it on purpose?

He could hear her and feel her presence, but he simply refused to respond.

In the end, did he really hate her, resent her, despise her? Had he discarded the last shred of affection between them?

The Empress Dowager was escorted out of the Taiji Hall, and Qi Hanmiao immediately sent word to the Great Empress Dowager that the Emperor had woken and there was no need to worry.

Gu Yan packed up his medicine kit, turned to Yin Wuzhi, and called, “Your Highness.”

Something was tossed over, and Gu Yan caught it. “Ointment, for your arms and knees.”

He realized that it was Jiang Wu’s arm and undoubtedly Yin Wuzhi’s knees.

Yin Wuzhi said, “Thank you.”

“The Emperor cares so much for Your Highness. It seems we’ll be seeing each other often in the future.” Gu Yan, carrying his medical box, nodded and said, “I’ll take my leave.”

“Thank you.”

Once everyone had left, Qi Hanmiao immediately helped Yin Wuzhi stand up. The latter stretched his legs slightly and said, “You should go rest. I’ll stay here and keep watch.”

“That won’t do, Your Highness. You’ve knelt all night; you need rest the most.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to it. Back in the army, my father would often punish me by making me kneel.”

Qi Hanmiao wanted to say more, but Yin Wuzhi firmly ordered, “Go.”

Soon, only the two of them were left in the room.

Yin Wuzhi raised his sleeve to rub his tired eyes, then had someone bring in some clean water. First, he cleaned Jiang Wu’s philtrum and Hukou, applied fresh medicine, and poured some ointment into his palm.

Imitating the movements Gu Taiyi had used earlier to massage Jiang Wu, he gently massaged the bruises.

The other day, when he had grabbed Jiang Wu’s wrist, it had made him break out in cold sweat from the pain. Today, Yao Ji had been even rougher, yet Jiang Wu hadn’t uttered a sound.

What sense does that make?

Perhaps because he had gone to bed early the previous day, after being called awake just now, Jiang Wu wasn’t particularly sleepy. The comfortable application of medicine had also cleared away much of his remaining drowsiness.

He opened one eye again.

Yin Wuzhi glanced at him and said, “Open the other one, too.”

Jiang Wu stayed silent, only watching him with one eye open.

One eye open, the other closed, the opened eye’s lashes were curled, the pupil clear. The closed eye’s lashes were long, elegantly curved like a crescent moon.

Yin Wuzhi’s heart thudded twice, uncontrollably.

He tried to break the odd atmosphere by finding something to say. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Tell me the truth, yesterday—were you pretending?”

“It was the Five Senses Seal.”

“Which means pretending to be dead.”

“No.”

“How did you pretend so convincingly? Didn’t it hurt?”

“It hurt.”

“If it hurt, why didn’t you cry out?”

Crying out would mean listening to her nag. Jiang Wu had already been drowsy after his bath, and nothing was more important than sleep. For the sake of a good night’s rest, he could endure anything.

But he didn’t bother explaining all this to Yin Wuzhi.

“If it hadn’t been me yesterday,” Yin Wuzhi continued, unable to resist, “and if the Empress Dowager had kept pinching you, would you really have endured it?”

In this, Jiang Wu indeed owed Yin Wuzhi a debt of gratitude.

In his heart, he said, Thank you.

But he wouldn’t say it aloud. Yin Wuzhi had to understand that Jiang Wu was a petty man, a despicable person incapable of doing anything as noble as repaying favors.

Receiving no feedback, Yin Wuzhi grew a little frustrated, and without thinking, applied more pressure—

“Ouch.” Jiang Wu cried out, “Be gentle.”

“Now it hurts?” Yin Wuzhi teased. “Spoiled, aren’t you?”

Jiang Wu blinked, and his lashes grew damp.

“….Why are you crying?” Yin Wuzhi asked, softening his tone. “Alright, alright, I’ll be gentler. Really, why didn’t you cry when the Empress Dowager was pinching you?”

It wasn’t that Jiang Wu wanted to cry—it was that his body wanted to cry. Ever since the pinching yesterday, it had been holding back, suppressed only by the powerful will of a deadbeat.

Jiang Wu opened his other eye and began to weep silently.

Yin Wuzhi: “…”

He was frozen in place.

Tears soon gathered on Jiang Wu’s nose and temples, dampening the pillow beneath him.

Yin Wuzhi: “…”

He didn’t know how to react at all.

“Wipe it.”

“…?”

Jiang Wu, having finished crying, said, “Wipe it.”

Yin Wuzhi finally snapped out of it, looked around, and, finding no cloth nearby, tugged at his own sleeve. As he leaned forward to wipe Jiang Wu’s tears, he realized that his outer sleeve had embroidery on it, which might scratch the skin. So, he rolled it up, exposing the softer inner lining, and carefully dabbed around Jiang Wu’s eyes.

Jiang Wu closed his eyes and relaxed, letting himself be attended to.

Whatever Jiang Wu might have thought, at this moment, occupying a human body, his face was flushed pink after crying—around his eyes, nose, and cheeks—making him look terribly pitiful.

Strangely alluring.

Yin Wuzhi quietly withdrew his sleeve. Jiang Wu sniffed and said in a muffled voice, “Stuffy.”

Yin Wuzhi sighed, tore a strip of fabric from the hem of his robe, and, with great care, helped him blow his nose.

Once everything was cleaned up, Jiang Wu’s nose looked even redder—more pitiful, and somehow, more moving.

Yin Wuzhi turned away, saying, “Are you going back to sleep or not? If not, get up and eat something.”

“Is it daylight?”

“Yes,” Yin Wuzhi lied.

“What time is it?”

“Noon,” Yin Wuzhi lied again.

Jiang Wu couldn’t tell time, and thought to himself, No wonder I’m not sleepy anymore.

He lazily stretched out, saying, “Then help me get up.”

After having a maid bring over a cloth to clean him up, Yin Wuzhi suggested, “How about you eat in bed?”

That suggestion aligned perfectly with Jiang Wu’s preferences. Without hesitation, he nodded. “Alright.”

Breakfast wasn’t anything too greasy or fancy. Jiang Wu was fed red bean porridge and felt utterly content, as Yin Wuzhi avoided bringing up stressful topics like reviewing memorials or visiting the imperial study—just hearing such things made him want to collapse.

It was a rare, pleasant meal for Jiang Wu.

Afterward, Yin Wuzhi wiped his mouth, helped him rinse it out, and then asked for his opinion: “How about I carry you outside for a bit?”

“Sure.”

There was no reason to refuse. As long as he didn’t have to work, everything was fine.

Jiang Wu nodded and opened his arms on his own.

Waiting to be picked up.

Yin Wuzhi said, “The wind is strong today, Your Majesty should wear a hat.”

The hat was placed on Jiang Wu’s head, its fluffy brim obscuring his vision.

“?” His instincts told him something was wrong.

But his body was already lifted into the air, and Yin Wuzhi moved quickly. By the time he was set down again, the air was filled with the scent of ink.

The hat was taken off, and in front of him were rows of memorials waiting to be reviewed. Yin Wuzhi, in an almost gentle tone, said, “Your Majesty, sit here. I’ll turn the pages for you.”

Jiang Wu: “…”

Expressionless—

He closed his eyes.

Lowered his head.

Dropped his shoulders.

Then…

He collapsed backward like a machine shutting down.

One arm wrapped around his waist, holding him securely in place, while a low voice, tinged with amusement, said:

“Time to work.”