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The Daily Life of a Depressed Salted Fish Chapter 45

The next morning, Chen Ziyan woke up and found Yin Wuzhi sitting outside, leaning against the wall.

He glanced at the boy’s slightly red eyes, closed the door calmly, and asked, “What are you doing sitting there so early?”

Hearing the voice, Yin Wuzhi stood up and replied calmly, “Good morning, Brother Chen.”

“Good morning.”

“I’m leaving.”

Chen Ziyan: “?”

“I explained everything to the Great Empress Dowager last night and am preparing to set out for King Qi’s territory to investigate the bandits. Here’s a document I’ve written over the past few days—some advice on how to deal with the Emperor. You’ll be alone in the palace from now on, so be careful.”

Chen Ziyan took the document and skimmed through it. It was an analysis of the Emperor’s behavior, along with notes on his common quirks and preferences.

He looked up at Yin Wuzhi, who had already bent down to pick up the sword he had placed on the ground. When he entered the palace, his sword had been confiscated upon meeting the Emperor, but now that he was leaving, it was naturally returned.

“Are you really leaving?”

“Yes.” Yin Wuzhi, thinking Chen Ziyan was afraid, turned to comfort him: “Actually, the Emperor isn’t that difficult to deal with. As long as you go along with him and humor him, he’s fairly easygoing… If he doesn’t want to review memorials, he’ll strike a bargain with you. Just agree to his terms.”

Jiang Wu woke up.

A face, old and wrinkled at the corners of the mouth and eyes, peered at him.

“You’re awake.” The Great Empress Dowager’s voice was full of irritation. “If you’re awake, get up. Don’t just lie there.”

She moved aside with the help of an attendant, and the palace servants immediately began to dress Jiang Wu and wash his face.

Jiang Wu glanced at her, then at Empress Dowager Wen, and continued to roll his eyes around.

The Great Empress Dowager said, “Stop looking around. Yin Wuzhi is gone.”

Jiang Wu fixed his gaze on her.

The Great Empress Dowager said, “What exactly did you do to him? He went to complain to your royal mother in the middle of the night, and it even ended up being brought before me in the Wan Jing Palace.”

Jiang Wu’s gaze shifted to her.

Empress Dowager Wen said, “He didn’t say much, just showed up with eyes red like a rabbit’s. After all, he’s the only son of my little sister. Wu Er, this time you really went too far.”

The Great Empress Dowager added, “Just tell us what happened. If this gets back to the Dingnan Wangfei, she certainly won’t let it go.”

“King Dingnan and Dingnan Wangfei are deeply in love. When King Dingnan went to war in the southern frontier, he even took her with him. After all these years of marriage, Yin Wuzhi is their only child.”

The Great Empress Dowager continued, “Tell us the truth. If there’s anything inappropriate, your royal mother will need to go to King Dingnan’s residence and offer an apology.”

Empress Dowager Wen said, “I was the one who insisted on keeping him in the palace. If you really wronged him, I won’t be able to escape responsibility either.”

“For the sake of your royal mother’s friendship with Dingnan Wangfei, you should reflect on your actions,” the Great Empress Dowager said. “Why are you staring at us like that?”

Jiang Wu’s eyes moved from one speaker to the next, his gaze as unblinking as a cat’s.

After a pause, he said, “What did Yin Wuzhi say about me?”

The Great Empress Dowager replied, “He didn’t say anything bad about you. He only said he was going to help King Qi investigate the bandit situation. Since it’s a serious matter, I told him to seek approval from the Prime Minister and the Grand Preceptor.”

“Bandits?”

“Yes, King Qi submitted a memorial on the matter. If it’s true that Zhao Kingdom is harassing our borders, it’s no small issue and mustn’t be taken lightly.”

Empress Dowager Wen frowned. “It’s strange, though. Didn’t we sign a peace treaty just a couple of years ago?”

She exchanged a glance with the Great Empress Dowager, whose sharp eyes focused back on Jiang Wu. “Grandson, how long do you plan to stay like this, wallowing in your downfall?”

Jiang Wu replied in an eerily calm tone, “Until I die.”

“You…” The Great Empress Dowager stood up in anger, and Empress Dowager Wen hurried to stop her. The former looked at Jiang Wu, visibly furious: “You’ve become utterly ridiculous lately. Even King Xiang is more responsible than you!”

Empress Dowager Wen sighed. “It’s not like there’s anything major going on right now. Royal Mother, please calm down.”

“Emperor,” the Great Empress Dowager said after regaining her composure. “You became Emperor thanks to the support of our Gu Su lineage, together with the Chen, Wen, and Zuo families. We didn’t ask for much, only a good Emperor. But now, you’ve become such a disappointment!”

Jiang Wu leaned back, and Qi Hanmiao quickly propped him up. Seeing this, Jiang Wu stopped moving, speaking lazily: “I’m willing to abdicate in favor of my fifth little brother.”

“Wu Er!” Empress Dowager Wen hurried to stop the raging Great Empress Dowager, her face darkening. “What nonsense are you talking about? Royal Mother, please don’t be angry. I’ll talk to him further.”

The Great Empress Dowager was visibly upset as she stormed out. Far away, Empress Dowager Yao was approaching, and upon seeing her, she immediately pressed herself against the wall, trying her best to remain unnoticed.

Unexpectedly, the imperial chariot stopped right in front of her. The Great Empress Dowager said sternly, “The emperor cannot see you today. Return to the palace.”

Yao Ji trembled as she responded, then promptly turned around and walked away without hesitation.

A heavy snort echoed from behind her. She paused at the corner, glanced back at the departing figure of the elderly woman, her expression ambiguous.

In Taiji Hall, Jiang Wu faced a bronze mirror and saw Empress Dowager Wen take a rhino horn comb from one of the maids.

“Royal Mother knows you have your reasons,” Empress Dowager Wen sighed. “But you were chosen to ascend the throne, and the noble families have placed great expectations on you. If you don’t perform well, how can you live up to them?”

Jiang Wu’s expression remained calm. “Did I ever ask to ascend the throne?”

The comb ran through his hair as Empress Dowager Wen watched him from behind. “One cannot live only for oneself.”

Jiang Wu thought for a moment. “Was I selfish before?”

The Empress Dowager’s hand froze slightly.

After a long pause, she said, “That’s not what Royal Mother meant.”

Jiang Wu genuinely didn’t understand. “Then what did you mean?”

Empress Dowager Wen was silent for a while before replying, “King Xiang has always been mischievous and lacks talent. Before your royal father passed, he spoke to you. You, Wu Er, are truly the emperor the people have longed for. The people love you, and the officials respect you. What more could you want?”

Since Jiang Wu had arrived in this world, he rarely heard people mention his past self. His disinterest and apathy went unnoticed most of the time. But at this moment, he suddenly realized that the history he knew didn’t entirely align with the reality.

He repeated, “The people love me, and the officials respect me.”

“Exactly,” the Empress Dowager said gently. “You’ve always been intelligent and diligent since childhood. Your father adored you. You’re known for your kindness and courtesy, and the officials speak highly of you. Once, you even risked your life to save a brother and sister from a fire. Wherever you go, you do good deeds. Who in the world doesn’t know that our Wu Er is both saintly in appearance and virtue? When you were sent to handle matters in Qianzhou, the bandits on the road heard your name and immediately laid down their weapons, escorting you safely to the post station.”

Strange.

Very strange.

If the original emperor was really this virtuous, why did people later call him a tyrant? Why did Yin Wuzhi want to kill him?

The Empress Dowager’s “long-awaited emperor” – was that truly what the original self wanted?

Just as he finished that thought, the Empress Dowager continued, “Wu Er, a person like you will surely be remembered in history and ascend to immortality.”

“…”

Jiang Wu understood now. Empress Dowager Wen was just flattering him.

Whether he would ascend to immortality, Jiang Wu didn’t know, but being remembered in history was certainly out of the question. From what he recalled, the original emperor was deeply despised. The curses wishing for his death were so loud and vast that they could only have come from the voices of thousands, if not millions.

He lowered his eyelashes, no longer taking her words seriously.

It wasn’t until Empress Dowager Wen tried to style his hair with a hairpin that he finally spoke, “No.”

Empress Dowager Wen had no choice but to say, “You need to tidy yourself up. You still have to accompany me to King Dingnan’s residence. If you wronged him yesterday, you’ll need to apologize.”

“I am the emperor. Unless I abdicate, I will never apologize.”

“…You’re just abusing your power.”

“So what?”

Jiang Wu didn’t quite understand either. Yin Wuzhi kissed him, took his soul away with that kiss, and then dragged him back. He hadn’t even been angry about it and just asked him to kiss him again. Yet now, Yin Wuzhi was throwing a tantrum. Refusing to kiss him was one thing, but he even went and complained.

How childish.

Empress Dowager Wen couldn’t help but laugh softly and tapped his forehead with her finger. Jiang Wu’s head tilted to the side, and then kept tilting, tilting, tilting…

The Empress Dowager gasped, “Wu Er!”

Qi Hanmiao quickly rushed forward to catch his body as it tumbled over, landing solidly on the floor with a thud.

Empress Dowager Wen stared, stunned at what had just happened. After a moment, she hurried over, asking, “Wu Er, are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?”

Jiang Wu laid calmly atop Qi Hanmiao, who obediently acted as a cushion and said, “It’s fine, Empress Dowager, no need to worry.”

Empress Dowager Wen, born into the Chang family with some martial arts background, extended a hand and pulled Jiang Wu up, holding him by the waist. “Wu Er, what are you doing?”

Nothing. Just tired.

In the end, it was Chen Ziyan who came forward and moved Jiang Wu onto a cushioned wheelchair.

The Empress Dowager called for the doctor, Gu Yan, to check his pulse, only relaxing once the diagnosis came back normal. “Since Ziyan is here, rest well. I’ll go to King Dingnan’s residence and come back to see you later.”

Jiang Wu stared silently at the snow outside the window, saying nothing.

Chen Ziyan pulled a chair up beside him and heard him say, “Kneel.”

“…” One of the behavioral traits listed in the analysis Yin Wuzhi left behind was this: the emperor liked to find fault with others. And when he did, sitting or standing wasn’t right; kneeling was the only acceptable posture.

Don’t get angry with him, it’s not worth it. Just go along with it.

Chen Ziyan pushed the chair aside and knelt at Jiang Wu’s feet. “Yin Zhi has left. If the emperor needs anything, you can ask me.”

Now that Yin Wuzhi was gone, Jiang Wu didn’t even feel like finding fault with anyone.

He thought and thought, and then he decided he needed to do something big. Something that would astonish Yin Wuzhi, something that would make him want to storm back into the palace and kill him the moment he returned.

But things weren’t the same as before. Yin Wuzhi liked him now. Ordinary actions might make him think he could forgive Jiang Wu.

…Why did Yin Wuzhi like him?

Considering everything he had done before, it was a wonder Yin Wuzhi didn’t hate him, let alone love him.

Jiang Wu’s eyes drifted back to the snow outside.

The winter had always been cold, and the snow in the courtyard had piled up, layer upon layer, growing thicker and thicker.

Beneath it all, it still covered the layer that Yin Wuzhi had once laid.

“I want to go out,” Jiang Wu said.

Chen Ziyan exhaled in relief and rose to his feet.

The analysis of the emperor’s behavior also noted that Jiang Wu didn’t like to eat, which made his health frail. If he went out, they would need to guard against the cold, or else he would be even more difficult to deal with when sick.

Chen Ziyan ordered someone to bring a cloak and blanket, wrapping him tightly before pushing him out the door.

They walked and walked, until they encountered a carriage on a path they had to take to leave the palace.

Empress Dowager Wen poked her head out from the carriage and chuckled, “Wu Er, are you planning to go to King Dingnan’s residence with me?”

“No,” Jiang Wu mercilessly rejected her.

Empress Dowager Wen shook her head, but Chen Ziyan said, “Ah Zhi probably hasn’t left yet. Your Majesty, are you sure you don’t want to see him?”

Why should he see him?

He wouldn’t even kiss the Emperor.

Jiang Wu’s expression remained indifferent.

The Empress Dowager then said, “Well, I’m off. Don’t stay outside too long; be careful not to catch a chill.”

Suddenly, a snow-white cat darted by, its plump body surprisingly agile. After running ahead, it turned back and leaped onto his lap.

“…” So heavy.

Jiang Wu said, “Shoo it away.”

Chen Ziyan had just reached out when the cat aggressively extended its claws, then cozied up, rubbing affectionately against Jiang Wu’s chin.

Jiang Wu remained motionless and said, “Qi Hanmiao.”

“That… is Empress Dowager Yao’s cat,” Qi Hanmiao explained. “If I hurt this little creature, Empress Dowager Yao will lose her temper.”

Jiang Wu exchanged a glance with the cat, his eyes flickering.

“I’m going to King Dingnan’s residence.”

He planned to stew that big black dog—no way Yin Wuzhi wouldn’t get mad about that.


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All chapter links should work perfectly now! If there is any errors, please a drop a comment so we can fix it asap!
The Daily Life of a Depressed Salted Fish

The Daily Life of a Depressed Salted Fish

Status: Ongoing
Jiang Wu is a wandering soul who has roamed the earth for a thousand years. One day, he finds himself in a body, reincarnated as a historically infamous and deposed emperor who was beheaded after a coup. Jiang Wu: Hmm... Being an emperor, a position he finds nightmarish, Jiang Wu, with his depressed outlook on life, just wants to hand over the throne and quickly return to his ghostly state. To speed up the rebellion of the Yin family, he summons the Yin family's eldest son to the palace to serve him. Immediately, the court is filled with outrage, and the Yin family almost storms the palace to skin him alive. That night, Jiang Wu lazily demands humiliating tasks from the fiercely glaring Yin Wuzhi: "Hold me, feed me, and lull me to sleep." Finished, he sends Yin Wuzhi off to review documents. The next day, the humiliation continues: "Hold me, push me on a swing, lift me up high." Finished, he sends Yin Wuzhi off to review documents. On the third day, the demands escalate: "Hold me, kiss me, and squat down to listen to what I have to say." Yin Wuzhi, staring at the lazy, slumped figure on the couch: .....  This is too much!!! If this Laozi doesn't kill you, I won't be called Yin Wuzhi!!! He furiously reviews documents.jpg Then, a year passes, two years pass, and despite Jiang Wu's daily humiliations and forcing Yin Wuzhi to review documents, the throne becomes more secure, the people grow richer, and the empire prospers year by year. Gloomy Critic: ...  According to my fate, I should have met my end by now, so why is everything still fine? Trying it out myself.jpg Yin Wuzhi... Yin Wuzhi is going mad.

Comment

  1. Blah says:

    I’m going to throw hands if there is dog murder!!

    Thanks for the translation!

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