At dawn, there was a knock at the gate of Yin Wuzhi’s courtyard.
“Your Highness, the Great Empress Dowager has arrived at the manor. Wangye requests that you go out to greet her.”
Yin Wuzhi placed his hand near Jiang Wu’s ear as he slept, saying, “Understood.”
He didn’t take his eyes off Jiang Wu’s face as he spoke.
“Awake.”
Jiang Wu hadn’t moved or opened his eyes, and he always wondered how Yin Wuzhi sensed whenever he was awake.
Even through bed curtains, Yin Wuzhi’s keen eye missed nothing.
He said nothing, and Yin Wuzhi continued, “Rest a bit longer; I’ll go see what’s happening.”
As he slowly rose, he felt a sudden tug on his hair. Lowering his head, he realized Jiang Wu’s fingers had wound through his hair in multiple loops—a deliberate act, clearly.
Jiang Wu’s face remained calm, but the fingers curled into his hair moved slightly as he rose.
Yin Wuzhi gently untangled his hair from Jiang Wu’s fingers.
Jiang Wu : “.”
Jiang Wu opened one eye.
“Your Majesty fears I’ll leave.”
Jiang Wu wasn’t sure why, but last night, before sleeping, he’d gone to the trouble of twirling Yin Wuzhi’s hair around his fingers.
He gazed quietly at Yin Wuzhi, whose eyes softened into a smile as he leaned down to kiss him. “The Great Empress Dowager is likely here because of your covert visit last night.”
“Mm.”
“She’s probably come to take Your Majesty back to the palace.”
“Together.”
“Does Your Majesty want me to defy her?”
“Together.”
Yin Wuzhi’s lips trembled slightly. “Does Your Majesty wish to be with me forever?”
Jiang Wu didn’t know. He was a bit lost, uncertain if Yin Wuzhi’s place in his heart had surpassed death itself. He couldn’t picture what forever with Yin Wuzhi would even look like.
“Yin Wuzhi.” Jiang Wu wanted to say, Come die with me. But what would happen after they died? Yin Wuzhi was bound by a strong attachment—if they both died, Yin Wuzhi might reincarnate while he would continue to drift alone.
Yin Wuzhi waited for him to speak, and after a long pause, asked, “What is it?”
Jiang Wu, not yet sure, said, “If the Great Empress Dowager forbids us to be together, don’t argue with her. I have my own way.”
Yin Wuzhi lifted him, helped him dress and wash, and then they headed to the front hall together.
There, Qi Hanmiao was already being punished. The Great Empress Dowager sat sternly on her throne. “You are quite bold to allow His Majesty to leave the palace in the dead of night. If anything had happened to him, could you bear the responsibility?”
The punishment seemed to have been going on for some time; Qi Hanmiao, face pale, was lying on the bench. “After Your Grace left, His Majesty was in poor spirits. I just wanted to cheer him up.”
“Still making excuses?”
Dingnan Wangfei stood nearby, looking distraught, and King Dingnan frowned deeply.
No one here was a fool. By punishing the emperor’s servant in front of King Dingnan, the Great Empress Dowager was issuing a warning to the manor and urging King Dingnan to discipline his son, lest he compromise both his own life and that of the emperor.
“Stop.” Jiang Wu’s arrival halted the punishment. He was ushered into the hall and faced the Great Empress Dowager directly. “Why are you punishing him?”
“This servant failed to fulfill his duty to keep you in the palace; naturally, he deserves to be punished.” The Great Empress Dowager’s stern gaze swept over him. “How did you sleep? You should come back to the palace with me now.”
“First summon an imperial physician to treat his injuries.”
Qi Hanmiao looked touched, but the Great Empress Dowager said, “He’s just a servant; there’s no need to trouble an imperial physician.”
“Then I’ll have Qin Chuan beaten instead.”
Qin Chuan: “…”
The Great Empress Dowager seemed momentarily stunned, and Empress Dowager Wen quickly interjected, “Your Majesty, what are you saying?”
Qin Chuan was a close attendant to the Great Empress Dowager. To strike him would be akin to striking her directly; only Jiang Wu dared to say such a thing.
Jiang Wu said, “Yin Wuzhi.”
Yin Wuzhi called for a servant. “Fetch a Imperial Physician.”
The Great Empress Dowager found it difficult to maintain her composure, but considering that this was her grandson, who had only recently recovered, she eventually relented. “Enough. Daylight has arrived; it’s time for you to come back to the palace.”
“I’ll stay here at the manor.”
Dingnan Wangfei nearly fainted, saved only by her husband’s steadying hand. Empress Dowager Wen added, “Stop being difficult.”
Jiang Wu wasn’t making trouble.
Yesterday, he had doubts about death, but in this moment, he suddenly wanted to die immediately. Life in this world is full of people and things, bringing endless troubles, and the Pessimist didn’t want to deal with any of it.
Whenever he engaged with others, he felt completely drained, and he had to find a place where he could remain quietly detached.
The Great Empress Dowager said, “Have you thought about your identity? Sooner or later, you’ll have to marry and have children. Can you really be with Yin Wuzhi forever? Even if you want to, does Yin Wuzhi want to? Does Dingnan Wangfei approve?”
“I do,” Yin Wuzhi replied.
“I do not,” Dingnan Wangfei countered.
They looked at each other, and she called out, “Ah Zhi.”
Jiang Wu was already filled with a deep exhaustion. He said, “I only want Yin Wuzhi, no one else.”
The Great Empress Dowager stepped up to him. “I’m doing this for your own good. He’s the shizi of King Dingnan, and you are the Emperor. You’ve already indulged each other for so long; it’s time you both come to your senses.”
Jiang Wu : “.”
Jiang Wu merely looked at her, his clear eyes fixed, and then he shut down his five senses.
Ah, finally, silence.
He couldn’t see the Great Empress Dowager’s moving mouth, nor hear her resigned, angry voice. His world returned to a void, open and free.
The Great Empress Dowager spoke at length, only to suddenly realize he wasn’t moving at all.
She had never seen Jiang Wu like this. Instinctively, she pushed him, and his previously upright head tilted as if it had broken, hanging to one side. His unblinking eyes seemed devoid of life, as if staring at nothing.
King Dingnan: “!!!”
He inhaled sharply, instinctively covering Dingnan Wangfei’s eyes.
“Wu Er!” Empress Dowager Wen cried out.
She rushed forward to push him. Jiang Wu’s head just slumped further forward, bending until it looked as if he might collapse like a damp cloth.
The Great Empress Dowager was horrified. “Quickly, take His Majesty back to the palace!”
Jiang Wu was hastily placed in a palanquin, his head resting on Empress Dowager Wen’s lap. The carriage moved swiftly and smoothly back to the palace.
Once in the palace, Jiang Wu was laid back on the dragon bed, and the Great Empress Dowager stared at him, her clouded eyes gradually welling with tears.
Since returning from the carriage, Jiang Wu hadn’t moved at all, his lifeless gaze fixed as if staring into the void, seemingly looking at everything and yet at nothing.
Physicians knelt by his bedside, taking his pulse one by one. Each reported that he had no health issues, yet his condition was far from normal.
The Great Empress Dowager suddenly remembered something. “Where is Qi Hanmiao?”
He was quickly brought in, wincing in pain as he knelt. “Your Majesty, Great Empress Dowager.”
“You’ve been with His Majesty for years. Have you ever seen him like this?”
“His Majesty…” Qi Hanmiao crawled forward, catching sight of Jiang Wu’s lifeless gaze before quickly averting his eyes. “Since he was deceived by Empress Dowager Yao, who told him he was not the late Emperor’s son, His Majesty has often been like this. Great Empress Dowager, you know as well as anyone when he became silent and compliant, and when he started tolerating all manner of treatment. Even the late Emperor saw it clearly.”
Mentioning the late Emperor brought tears to the Great Empress Dowager’s eyes.
“If he could see Wu Er like this—so devoid of joy and sorrow—he would surely feel deep sorrow. Just thinking about it pains me.”
“You, you don’t give me that nonsense,” she snapped. “How can he be… brought back to normal?”
“As you mentioned, the shizi of King Dingnan is His Majesty’s beloved. Since he was willing to leave the palace in the middle of the night to see him, it seems only the shizi could reach him now.”
“I never forbade them from being together,” the Great Empress Dowager said angrily. “But just look at Yin Wuzhi; he doesn’t care if Wu Er lives or dies. How could I ever trust him to be by His Majesty’s side?”
Empress Dowager Wen interjected, “Mother, there’s no need for such worry. We just visited them, and he was well. Besides, that day, Ah Zhi was only agitated… It’s likely that his love for Wu Er is no less than Wu Er’s for him.”
“But he can’t continue the royal line.”
“I will speak with him. If he is willing to accept, it shouldn’t be difficult for Wu Er to marry a consort and take other wives.”
The Great Empress Dowager shook her head, unwilling to relent. “Lately, Yin Wuzhi has been acting strange. Just recently, I sent Qin Chuan to secretly investigate the Dingnan manor. He even saw him using red ink and blood to mark moles on himself in the mirror. Truly bizarre… For now, this matter is on hold. Call the Imperial Observatory here; I refuse to believe we can’t call back his soul.”
With that, she stepped forward and gently closed Jiang Wu’s eyes.
The Taiji Hall was bustling all night. The Imperial Diviner arrived, performing rituals by his bed, invoking spirits and chanting until finally, Jiang Wu woke up.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a Diviner holding a candle in front of him, while beside him, the Empress Dowager looked on, deeply serious.
“Look, His Majesty is awake!”
Jiang Wu: “.”
He ignored the commotion around him, closed his eyes again, and once more shut off his senses.
“Hurry! Keep calling his soul—again!”
The Diviners continued circling with candles, chanting even louder. Qi Hanmiao knelt silently to one side, quietly observing without interference.
The Great Empress Dowager paused, thinking out loud, “Is the Emperor able to breathe in this state?”
Empress Dowager Wen’s face fell. Qin Chuan stepped forward, turned Jiang Wu over, and saw that his face was already purple from lack of air.
Jiang Wu had always been certain he could suffocate himself—if no one came to stop him.
Yet every time, he ends up holding his breath in vain, as there’s always someone unwilling to let him die.
The next day, he began a hunger strike.
Previously, he would still swallow a bit; now, anything fed to him he spat back out.
The Great Empress Dowager, determined, said, “Starve him for two days, let’s see if he eats.”
The last person who spoke this way about Jiang Wu was Zhao Cheng.
After three days, even the egg custard they tried to feed him came back up. Empress Dowager Wen gently set the bowl down, her heart aching. “Wu Er, at least eat a little something. If you refuse any food or water, this will harm you deeply.”
The Great Empress Dowager added, “If you pass on like this, how will you answer to anyone?”
For as long as he drifted through life, he never understood why people sought to assign meaning to being alive, or what kind of life was supposedly more worthwhile than Mount Tai.
And why, to be alive, must one owe it to someone?
Couldn’t each person live just a bit more selfishly, just for themselves?
If everyone only cared about themselves, then there would be no betrayal, no disappointment, and a lot less exhaustion.
If he couldn’t do what he wanted or see the one he wanted, wouldn’t it be simpler to just die?
“Do you not want to see Yin Wuzhi again?”
Jiang Wu didn’t respond.
Of course, he wanted to, but not if it meant being granted the chance out of pity. If he had only ninety-nine seconds to live, he would want every second to be spent freely seeing Yin Wuzhi, not wasted on other things with just nine seconds left for him. He didn’t like that.
If that’s how it had to be, he’d rather not see him at all.
After all, he could see Yin Wuzhi every second in his mind.
“If you eat properly, I’ll summon Yin Wuzhi to you,” the Great Empress Dowager sighed. “Does that sound good?”
Jiang Wu thought about it.
Then he looked at her.
Empress Dowager Wen added, “The Great Empress Dowager has given her word. She wouldn’t deceive you.”
Jiang Wu opened his mouth to eat the food she offered.
Empress Dowager Wen immediately beamed, “Good child, eat more.”
Once he was full, he looked straight at the Great Empress Dowager.
The Great Empress Dowager grumbled, “I swear, I owe you.”
Jiang Wu kept looking at her.
At that moment, she remembered the little child who’d once clutched her robe with stubborn hands, his sweet little face looking up at her with unblinking eyes: “Royal Grandmother, I want to stay with you.”
“What are you doing in my palace? Is Ziyun Hall too small for you?”
“Royal Mother hit me. Wu Er hurts.”
“Every child gets disciplined. If you don’t study well, of course, you’ll be punished.” She had shaken her robe as if dusting off a speck of dust. “Someone, take him back to Ziyun Hall. Tell Yao Ji to keep a close watch and keep him from running around.”
The little one had kicked and struggled as Qin Chuan took him away, his young voice calling, “Royal Grandmother, save Wu Er, save Wu Er!”
“Royal Mother,” a hand steadied her arm. She wiped the corner of her eye, muttering softly, “I do owe you.”
Jiang Wu nestled quietly beneath the veranda, waiting.
The branches of the osmanthus tree in the imperial garden, thick with green leaves, stretched over the palace walls, their green reaching just past the edge of the Taiji Hall.
Jiang Wu counted the leaves.
Counted and thought of Yin Wuzhi, lost count, then started over, only to think of Yin Wuzhi again and lose track once more.
At some unknown point, Qi Hanmiao’s cheerful voice interrupted him, “Your Majesty, His Highness the shizi is here.”
The man in a red robe stood before him, and Jiang Wu’s gaze drifted from the treetop to the summer sky.
“There are clouds today.”
Yin Wuzhi looked at him. “It’s overcast.”
“When the clouds are low like this during the day, the light grows dim. But at night, when it’s supposed to be dark, the clouds give off a pale glow.”
Yin Wuzhi continued to gaze at him and asked, “How did you bring me into the palace?”
“Yin Wuzhi, I truly don’t enjoy living.”
Yin Wuzhi replied, “I know.”
“But I am grateful.”
“Hm?”
“For meeting you in this life.”
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