The Daily Life of a Depressed Salted Fish Chapter 92

Jiang Wu never imagined that a world without Empress Yin could be so utterly anti-slacker.

Back in kindergarten, Jiang Wu was already resistant to movement. If he could lie down, he wouldn’t sit; if he could sit, he wouldn’t stand. This behavior earned him great attention from his teachers and the nickname “Little Lazy Ghost.”

Yin Wuzhi, at the time, couldn’t understand why Jiang Wu could laze around in every imaginable position and still be awarded little red flowers for good behavior.

For a brief period, Yin Wuzhi had a wild idea.

One sunny day, Little Jiang Wu pressed his cheek against the table. Then, to his surprise, Yin Wuzhi—who usually acted like the king of the kindergarten—unexpectedly quieted down.

The two of them both rested their faces on the table, locking eyes in a staring contest.

Little Jiang Wu felt deeply puzzled.

He muttered, “.”

Yin Wuzhi responded, “.”

Then the teacher arrived. “Ah Wu, Ah Zhi, it’s time for lunch! Today we have little sausages!”

Little Slacker stayed silent.

Little Yin Wuzhi swallowed audibly.

The teacher walked over and habitually lifted Jiang Wu off the table, cradling him with a smile. “Alright, the teacher will carry you to eat. Ah Zhi, come along too.”

Jiang Wu was carried away.

He was a soft, adorable child with an air of distinction, and the teachers loved feeding him.

As for Little Ah Zhi, while many teachers had initially fought to feed him too, his disdainful attitude made it clear he was independent. Gradually, the teachers stopped fussing over him.

That day, Jiang Wu was placed on a chair in the cafeteria, a bib tied around his neck. He ate half a bowl of rice porridge and half a little sausage, bite by bite.

Afterward, the teacher carried him to take a nap.

Yin Wuzhi, meanwhile, waited all afternoon for a teacher to come and carry him too. He waited until his stomach growled and, overcome by exhaustion, fell asleep on the table. No one came.

When Jiang Wu woke up and was led back to the classroom, he saw Yin Wuzhi sitting expressionlessly at his desk. One side of his chubby face was puffed out, while the other side was squashed flat, as if pressed by an iron.

Jiang Wu seized the opportunity to humiliate his ex-boyfriend. Slowly, he said, “Flattened eagle.”

Yin Wuzhi’s half-squashed face flushed red.

For the first time, Jiang Wu felt a sense of overwhelming triumph over Yin Wuzhi.

But it didn’t last long. Yin Wuzhi jumped up, and Jiang Wu, nonchalant as ever, met his gaze. Yin Wuzhi stared for a moment, then extended a finger.

He lightly poked Jiang Wu in the chest.

The little slacker fell flat on his bottom.

This was just the tip of the iceberg in their tangled ex-boyfriend drama.

Of course, Jiang Wu later documented this grudge in his Grudge Book.

Now, how did he realize that a world without Empress Yin was truly anti-slacker? That revelation came during a first-grade PE class.

The first time, Jiang Wu didn’t know PE involved exercises and running. By the second time, he was well aware.

Sometimes, Jiang Wu felt sad. Yin Wuzhi no longer had long hair for him to tug, so he had to make do with pulling at Yin Wuzhi’s shirt hem, which was much harder to grab.

Before the second PE class, he slowly tugged on his ex-boyfriend’s shirt.

Yin Wuzhi, who seemed accustomed to this action and its implied meaning, asked, “What is it?”

The little slacker, lying on his desk, softly replied, “Stomachache.”

Yin Wuzhi, though now an ex-boyfriend, still had some residual affection from their many years together. He immediately frowned and asked, “Why does your stomach hurt? Did you eat something bad?”

Jiang Wu was touched, almost believing that his Empress Yin had returned. Softly, he said, “It just hurts.”

“I’ll call the teacher to take you to the nurse.”

“No need. I just want to lie down for a bit.”

Yin Wuzhi thought for a moment. “If it gets worse, let me know.”

Jiang Wu nodded and continued lying on the desk in peace.

When it was time for PE, Yin Wuzhi packed up his things and came to call him. “Let’s go, to the sports field.”

Jiang Wu thought he had forgotten. Despondently, he repeated, “Stomachache.”

Yin Wuzhi paused, looked at him for a moment, and suddenly laughed.

Jiang Wu was confused.

While laughing, Yin Wuzhi sat back down and said, “You didn’t really think I believed you and was planning to ask the teacher for you to be excused, did you?”

Jiang Wu: “.”

Despair. Utter despair.

Why couldn’t PE, this anti-slacker subject, be abolished altogether?

Jiang Wu prayed before every PE class, but his prayers were never answered.

And now, it was time for PE again.

Typically, even before the bell rang, most of the students had already run off to the sports field.

Everyone took it upon themselves to wait there for the teacher.

Jiang Wu, too, dutifully followed along.

Over the years, he had grown accustomed to relying on himself to skip this class rather than pinning his hopes on his ex-boyfriend.

With five minutes left in the second-to-last class of the morning, he lazily raised his hand.

The teacher had a deep impression of him as well. This student was always sleeping in class, even after his parents had been called to address it. Yet, what stood out was that he never failed an exam.

Yes, he always managed to pass—right at the passing mark, no more, no less—as if it was just enough to appease someone.

The teacher asked, “What is it?”

“Bathroom,” he replied weakly, his face expressionless with a hint of lingering drowsiness, as if he could never fully wake up. The teacher glanced at the clock and asked, “Can you hold it? There’s only five minutes left.”

He couldn’t.

In this world without Empress Yin, and with his ex-boyfriend always opposing him, if he waited until the break, Yin Wuzhi would undoubtedly stop him from leaving his seat the moment he could move. He had to find a place to hide during the break preceding the next class.

If the teacher didn’t agree, he’d just collapse on the gym floor, enduring the sound of multiple classes running laps and chanting slogans.

Fortunately, he succeeded.

He slowly walked out of the classroom, then slowly found a corner music room on the same floor, and slowly pushed the door open.

He had checked the schedule in advance—this room was unused in the morning.

The door, being soundproof, was a bit heavy, and his sluggish attempt couldn’t push it open at first.

When he tried again, a hand suddenly appeared behind him and pressed against the door.

Jiang Wu was about to thank the person when he noticed how familiar the watch on the wrist was.

At the same time, the shrill sound of the break bell rang.

Yin Wuzhi deliberately said, “Didn’t you say you had a stomachache? What are you doing here?”

Jiang Wu walked into the room expressionlessly, and Yin Wuzhi followed him in, the door naturally closing behind them. Jiang Wu walked to a chair and collapsed onto it.

A shadow fell over him as his ex-boyfriend leaned on the back of his chair, looking down at him. “Skipping gym class again?”

Jiang Wu ignored him.

Yin Wuzhi bent down, leaning in closer with an amused smirk. “Lazy ghost.”

Jiang Wu opened his eyes.

At this age, middle school boys had already begun to show hints of their adolescent features. That familiar face, however, spoke words as cold as ice. “Get up and go to the field.”

Jiang Wu: “No.”

Yin Wuzhi reached out to pull him up. “Your mom told me to keep an eye on you. Skipping exercise on regular days is one thing, but at least participate in group activities during gym class.”

Jiang Wu let himself be pulled, but Yin Wuzhi, initially gentle, used more strength when he noticed Jiang Wu’s limp resistance. Jiang Wu suddenly slumped forward, his head landing against Yin Wuzhi’s chest.

Caught off guard, Yin Wuzhi froze for a moment before quickly pushing him away. “What—don’t you have bones?”

Yin Wuzhi should have been used to Jiang Wu’s boneless demeanor, but when the other person suddenly pressed into him, the soft, weightless sensation oddly felt like a jolt of heat.

He frowned. “Get up, or I’ll carry you.”

Jiang Wu’s face remained expressionless. “Go away.”

“You think I want to bother with you? I’m only doing this because Aunt Wen asked me to.”

“Yin Wuzhi,” Jiang Wu said drearily, “I order you… to withdraw.”

The last two words came out garbled because Yin Wuzhi pinched his cheeks. He sneered, “What era are we in? You still threatening people like this? You think you’re an emperor? Huh? An emperor like you?”

Jiang Wu: “.”

One day.

As Yin Wuzhi carried him to the field, Jiang Wu thought, one day, he’d make Yin Wuzhi pay for this.

Without a doubt, Jiang Wu slumped through an entire gym class.

As long as he gave up on himself, there was no one in this world who could do anything about it.

The field buzzed with energetic youths. After finishing a soccer game, Yin Wuzhi jogged over to him, panting. He gulped some water and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Can’t you move a little? The teacher just asked me if there was something wrong with you.”

You’re the one with issues.

Jiang Wu rolled over, turning his back to him.

For a day or two, Jiang Wu ignored Yin Wuzhi completely, pretending not to hear him no matter what he said.

That afternoon, Yin Wuzhi tapped on his desk. “Wanna copy my homework?”

Jiang Wu finally gave him a glance.

Yin Wuzhi handed him the homework, but Jiang Wu didn’t take it.

Yin Wuzhi opened the workbook for him, pulled a pen out of his pencil case, and placed it in Jiang Wu’s hand. “Hurry up.”

Jiang Wu: “.”

Slowly, Jiang Wu pulled another notebook out of his bag.

Yin Wuzhi knew about his “grudge notebook.” Jiang Wu was a peculiar guy—every time he forced him to participate in gym class, he’d mark it down. Yin Wuzhi used to shrug it off, but as they grew older, he began to feel oddly uneasy about it. That’s why he started letting Jiang Wu copy his homework—to offset those grudges.

Watching Jiang Wu flip the notebook open, he saw that under “Copy Homework,” there was already a long string of tally marks. Satisfied, Yin Wuzhi watched him add another one.

Perfect. Forcing him to do gym class hadn’t happened nearly as often as letting him copy homework. Clearly, the good outweighed the bad.

Feeling magnanimous, Yin Wuzhi thought he might even do more for Jiang Wu to earn credit. After glancing at the weather, he took a moment to call Chang Jinwen, letting her know he’d walk Jiang Wu home today and that there was no need to send a car.

Chang Jinwen was surprised. “Does Ah Wu know?”

“There’s no sun today, the weather’s cool. Walking will be nice. He’ll be fine.”

Though worried, Chang Jinwen agreed and told him to contact the driver if anything happened.

After school, Yin Wuzhi dragged Jiang Wu downstairs. “Come with me somewhere. I’ll buy you ice cream after.”

Jiang Wu: “I want to go home.”

“After we’re done, I’ll take you home.”

He hailed a cab and took Jiang Wu to an arcade.

Expressionless, Jiang Wu was deposited on a bench inside, surrounded by the clamor of the games. He watched as Yin Wuzhi joined a group of rowdy friends to compete on the dance machine.

Jiang Wu: “.”

Yin Wuzhi had grown up and started rebelling—sneaking off to the arcade behind his parents’ backs.

And using him as a cover, no less. Without even delivering on the promised ice cream.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, a delivery person entered. Yin Wuzhi, drenched in sweat on the dance machine, called out, “The kid sitting on the blue chair—give it to him.”

Jiang Wu didn’t take it, so the delivery person left the box beside him.

Jiang Wu stared at the box, pressing his lips together.

Life in modern times was much better than in ancient times, with a dizzying array of food options. Jiang Wu wasn’t particularly fond of anything, but if it was there, he wouldn’t mind eating it.

In the noisy arcade, Yin Wuzhi walked up to him in two strides, drinking from a water bottle. “Why aren’t you eating?”

Such a big ice cream—how exhausting to lift it.

Jiang Wu tilted his head back to look at him. “I’m going to tell your mom.”

Yin Wuzhi froze and immediately sat beside him. “What’s wrong? Don’t like it?”

Jiang Wu stared at him, expressionless.

After a moment, Yin Wuzhi sighed. “Want me to feed you?”

Jiang Wu: “.”

“Tsk.” Yin Wuzhi held out for a moment but eventually gave in. As he opened the ice cream box, he muttered, “I knew it.”

“Here.” He held out a spoonful of the cold treat. “Don’t tell anyone. I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

Jiang Wu, wary of hurting his teeth, opened his mouth and gently licked the tip of the spoon.

Yin Wuzhi froze, staring at him.

The scene suddenly felt strangely familiar.

It was as if he’d done this countless times before—holding a spoon in front of Jiang Wu, feeding him.

The feeling was so vivid that Yin Wuzhi’s hand trembled, and the spoon fell back into the cup.

A vision overlapped in his mind: a beautiful emperor with long flowing hair and the lazy boy before him, both leaning forward with their mouths open. “More.”

Yin Wuzhi: “…”

This was going to kill him.