Even as the banquet drew to a close, Qi Jingqing remained distracted. Seeing his pale face, Song Lian began to worry. “Jingqing? Jingqing…”
Qi Jingqing snapped back to attention. “Mother.”
“Are you feeling unwell?” Song Lian asked, frowning.
Qi Jingqing’s eyes instinctively flicked toward Feng Lezhen.
Because of the duel and her promise, the generals’ attitude toward her had softened greatly. Now, even those offering her drinks no longer did so with hostility. With a faint smile on her lips, she accepted nearly every toast without showing any signs of intoxication. Instead, she sat upright as always—so dignified and untouchable that she seemed almost sacred.
Shen Suifeng sat beside her, staring blankly at his food. Though they were so close, they seemed like strangers. For a moment, Qi Jingqing even doubted what he had seen earlier.
…But how could he have been mistaken? Shen Suifeng may have appeared absentminded, but every time Feng Lezhen frowned from the harsh liquor, he would promptly offer food to ease it. Occasionally, he’d remind her to drink more tea. Feng Lezhen, though reluctant, followed through every time.
In front of him, she actually appeared somewhat obedient.
Qi Jingqing’s hand tightened around his cup until his knuckles turned white. His lowered lashes trembled slightly, yet his ethereal, otherworldly face betrayed not the slightest emotion.
“Jingqing…” Song Lian’s question received no answer, and this time, she was truly worried.
Qi Jingqing returned to himself and smoothed his expression. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
“Then go rest in your room.” Song Lian turned and called toward the corner, “Qi An! Escort the shizi back.”
“Yes.” The pageboy quickly ran over.
Qi Jingqing wheeled himself away. Just before exiting, he turned back for one last glance—only to see that Feng Lezhen didn’t even spare him a sliver of her attention, instead smiling gently at the person beside her.
He lowered his gaze and, ignoring the pageboy’s objections, pushed himself straight into the wind and snow.
After the banquet ended, Feng Lezhen climbed into the carriage for the return journey.
Shen Suifeng poured a cup of hot water and held it directly to her lips. “Drink.”
Feng Lezhen glanced at him with drunken, hazy eyes and took a small sip from his hand.
“Drink more. Don’t try to fool me.” Shen Suifeng sounded helpless.
Feng Lezhen had no choice but to lower her head and keep drinking, but once only half the cup was left, she refused to go any further.
Shen Suifeng had to finish the rest himself before placing the empty cup on the small table.
“My head’s spinning,” she murmured.
Shen Suifeng said, “I told you to switch to tea, but you wouldn’t.”
“These soldiers have held grudges against me for a long time. Now that they’ve finally set them aside, if I had replaced alcohol with tea, they’d surely think I was being insincere.” Feng Lezhen chuckled with her eyes closed.
Shen Suifeng didn’t understand. “Does their opinion really matter that much?”
Feng Lezhen raised her gaze. “Of course it matters. I came to Yingguan precisely for them.”
“Then why did you agree to fight them?” Shen Suifeng laughed. “If your side had won both rounds and embarrassed them completely, wouldn’t they resent you even more?”
“That wouldn’t happen,” Feng Lezhen curled her lips into a smile.
Shen Suifeng froze and suddenly met her gaze.
When he saw the certainty in her eyes, he couldn’t help but think of Chen Jinan’s nearly unrecognizable, swollen face. In the next instant, a thought rose in his mind—but he didn’t want to say it out loud, as if speaking it would confirm something he didn’t want to hear.
Still, clinging to a shred of hope, he finally asked, “Did Your Highness send Chen Jinan out first to avoid souring relations with them?”
Feng Lezhen paused, then looked at him calmly.
“Chen Jinan has only recently begun training. Though his progress is impressive, compared to battle-hardened soldiers, he’s still far behind. So sending him out meant he would surely lose,” Shen Suifeng said, locking eyes with her. “Your Highness already knew he’d lose—and that Ah Ye would win. That’s why you suggested two rounds. One win, one loss—both sides could save face, and the atmosphere wouldn’t be ruined.”
Feng Lezhen’s lips curved slightly. “Truly, nothing gets past you.”
Hearing her admission, Shen Suifeng felt a chill in his chest. “If you already knew the outcome, why didn’t you stop the fight when he was first knocked down?”
“Calling it off too soon would’ve made me look petty,” Feng Lezhen replied indifferently.
“That’s the only reason?” Shen Suifeng looked at her. “I think Your Highness already expected Ah Ye would win instantly, and to keep the Qi army from losing face too badly, you deliberately let Chen Jinan take more of a beating in the first match—so when Ah Ye turned the tables in the second round, they wouldn’t feel so resentful.”
That’s why, after the fight, she didn’t send him home right away. She waited until both matches were over and the topic had faded before letting Ah Ye take him away.
She wanted him to stand there, bloodied and bruised, so no one could say a word in protest.
Shen Suifeng’s breath caught. He asked softly, “Your Highness… are you aware that fists have no eyes? A slight misstep during combat could be fatal.”
Feng Lezhen frowned slightly, displeased by his tone. “Are you blaming me?”
Faced with her question, Shen Suifeng stayed silent for a long while before finally saying in a low voice, “I just feel it was unfair to Chen Jinan. When he stepped forward, he probably didn’t know he was being used as a pawn.”
He staked his life just to earn her some face, not knowing that she didn’t even want him to win.
Worse—she wanted him to lose. And lose badly, so that when Ah Ye crushed their opponents, no one would dare complain.
The match could end in a draw, but in terms of presence and momentum, she would be the one to command awe and respect. And the only sacrifice… was Chen Jinan.
“Whether I know or not, what does it matter?” Feng Lezhen finally spoke, her tone cool and composed, as though it wasn’t something worth caring about. “Today, I only had him lose a fight. Even if I had sent him to die, he should’ve gone without hesitation. As someone who serves me, he should be prepared to give his life for my cause. I don’t understand why you think it was unfair to him.”
“…Perhaps it’s because I feel the sorrow of a fellow pawn,” Shen Suifeng lowered his eyes.
Feng Lezhen stilled and looked at him.
“Your Highness taught him to read, to fight, cared for him meticulously—and today, you sent him out without a second thought,” Shen Suifeng met her gaze. “Seeing the state he ended up in, I can’t help wondering: if it had been me instead—if I were the one who had to be sacrificed—would Your Highness still not hesitate?”
The moment that question left his lips, the carriage fell into silence. They stared at each other without speaking. Even the air felt thick with tension.
After a long pause, Feng Lezhen finally answered, her voice cold: “Yes.”
“As long as I need it, anyone can be used as a stepping stone. You are no exception. You’ve known this for a long time—haven’t you?”
She said it out loud. Shen Suifeng let out a quiet laugh—not with joy or sorrow, but as if his strength had been drained.
The wind and snow seemed to intensify, and the carriage could barely move forward. Feng Lezhen, tipsy, closed her eyes, as if she had fallen asleep.
Inside the carriage, it was completely quiet. Shen Suifeng sat with his eyes downcast, as if stranded on an isolated island.
In winter, the roads in Yingguan were slippery and hard to traverse. Though the distance from the Marquis Manor to the Eldest Princess’s residence wasn’t far, the journey still took nearly half an hour.
By the time they returned home, it was already midnight. The moment the carriage stopped, Feng Lezhen opened her eyes, clear and alert—obviously, she hadn’t been asleep at all.
Ah Ye had been waiting at the gate and immediately stepped forward when she saw Feng Lezhen. “Your Highness.”
“Where’s Jinan?” Feng Lezhen asked.
Ah Ye replied, “He went inside as soon as we returned.”
“Has a doctor seen him?” Feng Lezhen asked again.
Ah Ye hesitated. “He locked the door and refuses to see anyone.”
Feng Lezhen nodded slightly, then turned to Shen Suifeng. “Bring your medical kit. Go check on him.”
“…Alright,” Shen Suifeng agreed.
When they arrived, the side room’s doors and windows were tightly shut, and no light came from within. Shen Suifeng frowned. “He’s asleep this early?”
“He’s not asleep. Knock,” Feng Lezhen instructed.
Shen Suifeng acknowledged and stepped forward to knock. “Jinan, it’s me. I came to check on your injuries.”
There was no response from within.
Shen Suifeng looked back at Feng Lezhen.
Feng Lezhen walked to the corridor. “Chen Jinan, open the door.”
The moment her words fell, a sound came from inside.
“He really only listens to you,” Shen Suifeng said, a trace of sarcasm in his tone.
Feng Lezhen frowned, but before she could respond, the door opened.
“Mr. Shen.” Chen Jinan gave him a slight nod, then immediately knelt before Feng Lezhen. “I have failed Your Highness’s trust and deserve death. Please punish me.”
Shen Suifeng saw the bruises on the back of his neck and instantly furrowed his brows.
Chen Jinan was still wearing the same outfit he had on when they went to the Marquis Manor. His injuries had not been treated, and after sitting overnight, the blood had dried on his face and body—it was a shocking sight.
Feng Lezhen’s expression remained calm. “Get up. We’ll talk inside.”
With that, she walked directly into the room. Chen Jinan hesitated for a moment, then waited for Shen Suifeng to enter before closing the door.
Once the candles were lit, Shen Suifeng examined him under the light. “You’ll need to take your clothes off so I can assess the injuries properly.”
Chen Jinan was like a lifeless puppet. He didn’t move until Feng Lezhen looked over. Then he lowered his head and began undressing.
First the belt and outer robe, then his tunic, wrist guards, boots, and socks—each piece stained with blood. He stripped layer by layer until his lean chest was exposed. As he began to remove his underclothes, Shen Suifeng instinctively glanced at Feng Lezhen. Seeing that she had no intention of leaving, he paused but said nothing.
As Chen Jinan lowered his head to remove his clothes, some parts had stuck to his wounds. He simply tore them off, reopening the injuries with brutal movements. Shen Suifeng winced and told him to be gentle, but Chen Jinan ignored him, continuing to undress piece by piece. Only when he was down to his underpants did he hesitate.
In the candlelight, his body was covered in bruises, with some areas a bloody mess. Half his face was swollen and distorted—he looked downright brutalized.
Shen Suifeng quickly examined him and, after confirming that no bones were broken, let out a sigh of relief. “Just superficial wounds. Rest a few days and you’ll be fine. I’ll dress your wounds now.”
Chen Jinan lowered his eyes, seemingly not hearing him.
Feng Lezhen spoke calmly: “Men who fight on the battlefield know how to control their strength.”
Shen Suifeng curled his lips into a smile but said nothing, silently opening the medical kit and getting to work.
The strong scent of medicinal oil gradually filled the room. Feng Lezhen sat upright in her chair, watching as Chen Jinan stood still while Shen Suifeng tended to his wounds. Blood-stained gauze and cotton were casually discarded to the floor, quickly piling up. His torn wounds, now cleaned, had turned yellow and pale, yet he showed no sign of pain—not even a twitch of the brow.
When the bandaging was nearly complete, Feng Lezhen finally spoke: “Before sending you today, I already knew you wouldn’t win. The reason I had you go up was to balance the win and loss—so the Qi army wouldn’t lose face.”
Chen Jinan paused and slowly looked at her.
Shen Suifeng instinctively moved to stand in front of Feng Lezhen. She noticed the motion and her gaze shifted slightly.
“…Did Your Highness want me to lose today?” Chen Jinan asked hoarsely.
Feng Lezhen replied, “Yes.”
Chen Jinan stared at her. After a long while, he suddenly let out a breath. “That’s good.”
“As long as I didn’t delay Your Highness’s plans.”
…He was beaten to this extent, and that’s all he was concerned about? Shen Suifeng didn’t understand, but even so, he still felt relieved.
“But next time, I hope you win,” Feng Lezhen said softly.
The emotions Chen Jinan had suppressed all night suddenly burst out. His eyes instantly turned red.
“It’s because I… was useless,” he said, voice choking slightly.
Feng Lezhen smiled. “The one who fought you today is Yingguan’s most valiant general. He once killed eighty-one enemies on the battlefield. His hands have truly seen blood. Losing to him is nothing to be ashamed of.”
She paused. “It’s not shameful—but you can’t keep losing either. Next time you face him, I hope you return every blow from today—double.”
“…Yes.”
“Now,” Feng Lezhen stood up, “don’t think about anything else. Don’t do anything either. Just focus on recovering. Once you’re healed, continue serving me.”
“Yes!” Chen Jinan answered louder this time.
Feng Lezhen curved her lips slightly, turned, and walked out. Shen Suifeng followed immediately, carrying the medical kit.
As they reached the doorway, a gust of cold wind swept in, instantly stripping away the warmth from their bodies. Feng Lezhen suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Chen Jinan, whose eyes were still red. “The reason I waited so long to call a stop today was, first, because Ah Ye needed to be the one to strike back in the second match—for that, you had to take a few extra hits so they wouldn’t have the anger to retaliate. Second…It was to prove to them that you didn’t become my personal guard just because of your looks.”
At the time, the burly general had spoken very softly, but she had still heard him.
She gave a faint smile. “I’m sure that kind of rumor has been around for a while, right? Good-looking people always have this kind of trouble. But starting today, no one will doubt you again.”
A loyal death soldier, regardless of which side he belongs to, deserves everyone’s respect.
Chen Jinan stared at her in a daze, his throat tightening.
“I hadn’t planned on saying it so plainly, but since some people fancy themselves clever and still couldn’t figure out my intentions…” Feng Lezhen sighed. The person who fancied themselves clever instinctively looked at her, and she slowly added, “Someone as single-minded as you probably wouldn’t have figured it out either.”
“Chen Jinan, I don’t make mistakes in judgment. You’re allowed to feel upset about today’s loss, but you must pull yourself together quickly. Understood?”
“…Yes, Your Highness.”
Having said what she needed to say, Feng Lezhen turned and walked out. Shen Suifeng quickly followed.
The wind was fierce, the snow heavy. Even wrapped in a cloak, there was no warmth left. Feng Lezhen lowered her head and hurried into the covered corridor.
“What you said to Chen Jinan just now—was it all true?” Shen Suifeng asked.
Feng Lezhen didn’t bother answering him. “What difference does it make whether it was true or not?”
“The difference is whether Your Highness truly sees him as an object—or as a living, breathing person,” Shen Suifeng replied.
Feng Lezhen stopped in her tracks. “And that answer is important to you?”
“The answer itself isn’t,” Shen Suifeng looked into her eyes, “but whether I’ve misunderstood Your Highness—that is.”
Feng Lezhen’s expression was calm. “What if I told you it’s the former?”
Shen Suifeng was silent for a moment, then gave a helpless smile. “Then congratulations, Your Highness—Chen Jinan believed what you said. From now on, he’ll be even more loyal to you.”
“That’s all?” Feng Lezhen raised an eyebrow slightly.
This time, Shen Suifeng was silent even longer, as if carefully choosing his words. Feng Lezhen stubbornly stood her ground, waiting to hear what he truly thought.
After a while, Shen Suifeng said, “I don’t like what Your Highness did—but I like Your Highness.”
Feng Lezhen’s eyes moved slightly.
“So, what can I do?” Shen Suifeng spread his hands, exasperated.
Feng Lezhen appreciated his honesty, and finally, a trace of warmth returned to her expression. “And what if it were the latter?”
Shen Suifeng paused, then his gaze turned solemn. “Then I would owe Your Highness an apology. It would mean I misunderstood you—thinking you’d sacrifice your subordinates at will. That would be my fault.”
“Oh, no need. You didn’t misunderstand.” Feng Lezhen walked forward unhurriedly. “I am someone who can sacrifice her subordinates at will. Even if I’d sent someone else today, they would still have had to take a beating first.”
Just… not to the extent Chen Jinan did.
Shen Suifeng looked at her hurriedly retreating figure, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. “So, I did misunderstand Your Highness?”
Feng Lezhen ignored him.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I apologize,” Shen Suifeng said as he caught up.
Still, Feng Lezhen didn’t respond.
Shen Suifeng reached for her hand. She flung it off. He reached again; she flung it off again. The two of them seemed determined to outlast each other.
By the time they were almost to the bedchamber, Feng Lezhen finally stopped resisting. Shen Suifeng took her ice-cold hand and held it inside his robe, using his body heat to warm her.
Feng Lezhen gave him a glance and lazily asked, “Didn’t you say earlier you were completely disappointed in me? Then why, just now, when I told Jinan the truth, did you stand in front of me to protect me?”
“…Because what Your Highness did was so cruel, I was afraid he might act out of anger and hurt you,” Shen Suifeng replied frankly.
Feng Lezhen narrowed her eyes. “Then why protect me at all?”
Shen Suifeng, seeing that changing the subject wouldn’t work, could only answer truthfully. “Because I like Your Highness.”
Feng Lezhen looked at his handsome face. After a long silence, she slowly said, “Shen Suifeng, politics is never black and white. I, too, will do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. If you want to be with me, you’ll see more things like this in the future. Are you… truly prepared for that?”
“What do you mean, Your Highness?” Shen Suifeng’s eyes darkened.
Feng Lezhen tugged at her lips. There wasn’t the slightest hint of a smile in her eyes. “I hope the one beside me is someone who can understand me in all things—and support me in all things.”
She left him only that sentence and went into her room alone.
Shen Suifeng stood alone in the wind and snow. Only when his body began to stiffen did he suddenly snap out of it.
From that day on, he didn’t see Feng Lezhen for three days straight.
Not because they were avoiding each other—Feng Lezhen had many year-end invitations. She left early and returned late, always exhausted, usually collapsing into bed the moment she got home. Shen Suifeng was staying in a side room and often had to help the government office treat those suffering frostbite. He was busy every day too. They simply had no time to cross paths.
Even now, when Shen Suifeng closed his eyes, what echoed in his mind was still the last thing Feng Lezhen said: “I hope the one beside me is someone who can understand me in all things—and support me in all things.”
“Doctor Shen, Doctor Shen…”
Shen Suifeng abruptly returned to himself. Meeting Qi Jingqing’s eyes, he paused and said, “Apologies. I’ll check your pulse now.”
Yesterday, the Marquis’s household had sent an invitation, asking him to examine Qi Jingqing’s health. So he’d come early in the morning, but the moment he sat down, Feng Lezhen’s words had returned to his mind again—so much so that he’d lost focus.
“Does Doctor Shen have something on his mind?” Qi Jingqing asked calmly.
Shen Suifeng lowered his gaze and took his pulse. “No.”
“You can’t fool me.” Qi Jingqing looked at him steadily.
Shen Suifeng paused, but didn’t lie this time. “Ran into a bit of trouble.”
“Tell me. Let’s see if I can help,” Qi Jingqing offered.
Shen Suifeng smiled. “And what kind of help can you offer?”
“If even I can’t help… then it must be a matter between men and women?” Qi Jingqing’s gaze flickered subtly.
Shen Suifeng fell silent.
“So it is,” Qi Jingqing’s eyes remained calm. “Why not tell me about it?”
“I… recently fell for someone,” Shen Suifeng felt he should begin there.
Qi Jingqing lowered his gaze to the flower pattern on his blanket. “Mm.”
“You’re not surprised?” Shen Suifeng asked, puzzled.
He had often come with his master to treat Qi Jingqing when he was younger, and these past years had continued visiting regularly. They were more casual with each other than with other patients.
Qi Jingqing paused. “You’re of age. It’s normal to have someone you like.”
Shen Suifeng smiled, but the smile quickly faded into bitterness. “I made a mistake recently and upset her. It seems… she doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Really?” Qi Jingqing abruptly looked up.
Shen Suifeng paused. “Why are you reacting so strongly?”
“Surprised… that’s all. That someone like Doctor Shen—such a good man—could actually be given up.” Qi Jingqing lowered his eyes again.
Shen Suifeng frowned slightly. “You are surprised—your pulse sped up.”
Qi Jingqing was caught off guard, then realized Shen Suifeng’s fingers were still on his wrist. He discreetly pulled his hand back under the blanket.
“We’re not done,” Shen Suifeng frowned at him.
Qi Jingqing replied, “What matters more now is your problem.”
Shen Suifeng was silent for a moment. “Give me your hand.”
Qi Jingqing: “…”
They stared each other down for a while until Qi Jingqing finally gave in and extended his hand.
Shen Suifeng lowered his eyes and focused on taking the pulse. After a while, Qi Jingqing spoke. “And you? Have you considered giving up?”
“Of course not,” Shen Suifeng replied immediately.
Qi Jingqing’s expression was unreadable. “Why not?”
“…Hm?” Shen Suifeng looked up.
Qi Jingqing paused. “A melon forcibly picked isn’t sweet. If she’s already given up, why keep clinging to her?”
“…Why is it ‘clinging’ all of a sudden?” Shen Suifeng found that odd. “Things between her and me… aren’t what you think.”
Qi Jingqing frowned, about to press further, but Shen Suifeng cut in, “Have you been feeling irritable and unsettled these past few days? Even your normally cold constitution is showing signs of internal heat. I’ll add some herbs to clear the fire in your usual prescription.”
“…Will it taste bitter?”
“Very.”
Qi Jingqing: “…”
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