After a short silence, Shen Suifeng gave a light laugh. “It’s late. Let’s go back and rest.”
“Suifeng…”
“Didn’t you say a few days ago you wanted to eat red bean cakes? I bought some, but they turned soft by the time I brought them back. We’ll have to eat them fresh at the market. Let’s go tomorrow morning.”
“Suifeng, listen to me—”
“I don’t want to listen!” Shen Suifeng suddenly snapped.
Feng Lezhen paused, stunned, and stared at him.
“Sorry… I’m sorry…” Shen Suifeng’s fingers were still trembling. It took a long moment for him to collect himself. “I didn’t mean to… did I scare you?”
Feng Lezhen said nothing, only held his hand tighter.
“You can’t do this…” Shen Suifeng’s eyes reddened instantly. “Feng Lezhen, you can’t do this.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Feng Lezhen murmured.
“Then take back what you said just now. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.” Shen Suifeng insisted.
But Feng Lezhen fell silent.
It was already cold in Yingguan in October. The two of them stood at the gate for so long that the heat in their bodies was slowly drawn away, and that bit of stubbornness in Shen Suifeng’s heart faded along with the warmth.
“…Forget it. It’s fine if you won’t take it back. People argue, don’t they?” Shen Suifeng forced a smile.
With that, he reached for her hand and tried to lead her back home, but Feng Lezhen stayed rooted in place.
“Your Highness, we should go back.” His voice trembled with a hint of pleading.
Feng Lezhen sighed. “Suifeng, you know. Once I’ve made a decision, I don’t change it.”
“Why not? Why can’t it be changed?” Shen Suifeng’s voice shook more and more. “Feng Lezhen, you can’t do this. Did you forget how my brother cornered you before, and you didn’t compromise? So how can you say these things to me now, when everything’s been resolved—how could you…”
Feng Lezhen didn’t speak, just looked at him with quiet sorrow.
Shen Suifeng couldn’t take her gaze. Red-eyed, he took a step back. “How could you…”
“Suifeng,” Feng Lezhen lowered her head, interlacing her fingers with his, “do you remember what you used to be like?”
“What was I like?” She hadn’t said much, but it was already enough to drive him mad. Shen Suifeng felt as though he were split in two—half of him losing control, shouting at her, while the other half hovered above, watching coldly. “Your Highness, what was I like?”
“I’m almost forgetting too. Why don’t you go find out for yourself?” Feng Lezhen’s voice grew softer.
Shen Suifeng gave a laugh—strangely bitter. “Find what? I don’t want to. You can’t turn me into who I am now, and then ask me to find who I used to be. You can’t be so selfish. You can’t just… discard me…”
Feng Lezhen remained silent, just quietly looked at him.
Shen Suifeng took a deep breath and calmed himself again. “Okay… okay. I know what Your Highness wants. You want me to travel ten thousand miles, see a thousand people. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll do exactly what you say, just don’t—”
Don’t what? He couldn’t say the rest, only added helplessly, “Just don’t abandon me, alright?”
Feng Lezhen tried to wipe his face with her handkerchief, but it was already damp. So she reached out and gently brushed the excess moisture from his face instead. Her voice was soft. “You were born to be a free bird. If I don’t cut ties completely, you’ll become a kite—yes, you can fly anywhere, but you’ll always have a string holding you back. You’ll never be truly free. And over time, that will become exhausting, painful. I can’t be that selfish.”
“What gives you the right to decide whether I’m a bird or a kite?” Shen Suifeng questioned. All his past ease and carefree charm had vanished.
Feng Lezhen smiled silently and simply looked at him.
Her eyes were large and bright. And when she looked at him like that, Shen Suifeng could clearly see his own reflection in her pupils—how… pathetic he looked.
Looking like this, if he argued any further, he would only make her more disgusted with him. Shen Suifeng took a step back, trying to make himself appear smaller in her eyes—maybe a little less pitiful.
The sound of carriage wheels rolling over the road echoed. Feng Lezhen’s gaze passed over Shen Suifeng’s shoulder, looking behind him. Shen Suifeng seemed to sense something, but still refused to turn around.
Feng Lezhen lowered her eyes and turned back to the Eldest Princess’s residence alone. Shen Suifeng instinctively moved to follow her, but the quickly shut doors barred him outside.
He stared dazedly at the tightly closed gates, realizing for the first time just how solid and unyielding they were—no matter how much strength he used, he couldn’t force them open even a little.
After a long while, a hand landed gently on his shoulder. “Come. Stay at the inn with me.”
It was Shen Suinian.
Shen Suifeng stiffly turned his head. Upon seeing his brother, he struggled to speak. “Brother… is it because of what you did… that she’s angry, and treating me like this?”
“Is Her Highness that kind of person?” Shen Suinian didn’t explain—he simply asked in return.
Right, is she that kind of person? Of course not.
Even though she held power, she knew how to love. She always gave him the utmost respect. That’s why, even when his brother threatened her using all of Yingguan, she never compromised. Yet once everything was resolved, she was the one who said goodbye.
She always handled things with grace, never letting others interfere—even in parting. She was always… so ruthless. Once she made a decision, she would never change it.
“Brother… she doesn’t want me anymore…” Shen Suifeng finally realized the truth. His long fingers covered his brow, and his voice was hoarse beyond recognition.
Shen Suinian’s heart ached terribly. He wanted nothing more than to smash down the Eldest Princess’s gates right now, but in the end, he did nothing—just stayed by his brother’s side quietly, waiting for the moment he’d be willing to leave.
And so, Shen Suifeng moved out of the Eldest Princess’s residence.
Though to call it “moving out” wasn’t accurate—none of his belongings were packed. His old side room was still cleaned daily, and every so often, someone would bring in a fresh pot of tea. Then the warm tea would cool… and be replaced with new tea.
Feng Lezhen remained composed. By day, she went to the government office to manage affairs and sip tea; by night, she returned to her residence to rest. As if Shen Suifeng had never existed. Yet, the air inside the Eldest Princess’s residence grew inexplicably heavy. Everyone who spoke with her did so with caution, and not a single person mentioned the name “Shen Suifeng.”
After four days of this, Shen Suinian finally came to find her.
Compared to his confident demeanor when he had left, today he was unshaven, with red-rimmed eyes—it was obvious he hadn’t rested in days. Feng Lezhen was briefly startled by how closely his brows resembled Shen Suifeng’s, but quickly composed herself. “Why have you come so suddenly?”
Shen Suinian gave a bitter smile. “Your Highness… please go see him.”
Feng Lezhen paused, her brow knitting.
The inn Shen Suinian had chosen was the most expensive one in all of Yingguan—its price alone filtered out most travelers. Even during the day, the inn was nearly empty.
Feng Lezhen followed him inside, heading straight to the last room on the top floor. The windows and doors were tightly shut, and several trained guards stood at the entrance. Only upon seeing Shen Suinian did they step aside.
“Yingguan is a border town. One must always take precautions,” Shen Suinian explained the guards’ presence.
Feng Lezhen glanced at him. “You couldn’t bear to restrict his freedom anyway.” The implication being: there’s no need to explain.
“Thank you for understanding, Your Highness,” Shen Suinian said, gaze anxious as he looked toward the door. “He hasn’t eaten since he returned. I’ve forced some congee into him a few times, but he throws it up each time. In the end, I can only get him to take a little water…”
Before he could finish, Feng Lezhen pushed the door open and went inside.
All the curtains were drawn, blocking out the light. The moment the door closed behind her, it felt as if she had sealed herself into darkness.
She stood still for a moment. Once her eyes had adjusted a little, she could make out a dark figure slumped by the bedside.
Feng Lezhen walked forward calmly. Just as she stopped in front of him, the figure seated on the stool looked up in a daze and rasped, voice like gravel, “I dreamt again.”
Feng Lezhen’s elegant nails dug into her palm. She stood there for a long time before finally speaking in a flat tone, “Shen Suifeng, what are you playing at?”
Shen Suifeng froze, then reached out timidly to grab the hem of her robe.
It felt soft to the touch. It was real.
His fingertips trembled suddenly. It took him a long while to come back to himself.
But Feng Lezhen pulled her robe free without a trace of mercy and turned to leave. Shen Suifeng panicked and instinctively tried to catch her, but after days without food, his body gave out, and he collapsed to the ground.
Swish—
The curtains were yanked open, and sunlight immediately streamed into the room.
Shen Suifeng flinched and reflexively shut his eyes. Before he could fully adjust, he began searching the room for Feng Lezhen.
Thankfully, she returned shortly, dragging over a chair and sitting in front of him with one leg crossed over the other, looking down on him from above.
“Shen Suifeng, you look disgusting right now,” she said, staring at his thin, haggard face.
Shen Suifeng lowered his head in silence.
“Your voice is awful too,” she didn’t stop.
Shen Suifeng wanted to laugh, but when he tried to move his lips, he realized he couldn’t.
“You haven’t eaten properly. You’ve lost weight,” Feng Lezhen looked him over from head to toe, nitpicking every detail. “You’ve lost your looks, your voice is grating, and your body is no longer the type I like. Shen Suifeng, what makes you think throwing a tantrum like this will make me go soft?”
She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward slightly. “The way you are now only makes me want to stay farther away from you.”
Each word was sharper than the last, every sentence a blade striking true. Finally, a flicker of anger rose in Shen Suifeng’s eyes. He met her gaze coldly. “I never meant to make you go soft.”
Feng Lezhen straightened up with a frown. “How long has it been since you washed your face or bathed? You stink.”
That line finally shattered what little remained of Shen Suifeng’s composure.
“Get out!” he rasped.
Feng Lezhen sneered. “Get out? Weren’t you the one who clung to me like some pitiful creature the moment you saw me? Now I say a few harsh words and you can’t handle it?”
“Feng Lezhen, how could you—” Shen Suifeng didn’t finish his sentence before tears suddenly fell from his eyes.
He panicked for a moment, quickly lowering his head to wipe them away, but the more he wiped, the more they came, as if no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop them.
If Feng Lezhen’s humiliation was a fresh blow after days of torment, then these tears were the final straw that broke him. How could he be so useless? Not only could he not walk away with dignity, he even cried in front of her—proving again and again just how right she was to leave someone as pathetic as him.
Feng Lezhen couldn’t take it the moment she saw his first tear. Seeing his panicked expression made her feel even worse, and she could no longer keep up her composure. She crouched down right in front of him.
“Don’t cry, don’t cry. It was my fault, okay?” She bit her lip and wiped his tears away. “You know I didn’t mean to humiliate you. I just wanted you to snap out of it… I truly didn’t know what else to do…”
Shen Suifeng turned his face away, rejecting her kindness.
Feng Lezhen sighed and stood up to leave again.
The hands resting on Shen Suifeng’s knees clenched slightly, but he didn’t try to stop her this time.
Feng Lezhen left right in front of him. In the large bedchamber, only he remained. He kept his head down, disheveled hair covering his eyes, his whole being seemingly melting into the shadows.
Then the door opened again—Feng Lezhen had returned, and behind her were a few cautious servants.
The sound of hot water being poured echoed in the room. Shen Suifeng didn’t move from where he sat, letting them do as they pleased.
After a while, the servants left, closing the door behind them. Feng Lezhen walked over and looked down at him from above. “Take off your clothes.”
She used to speak to Chen Jinan in this same tone. Now it was his turn. Shen Suifeng was dazed for a moment, and by the time he came to, he had already untied his sash.
The tub behind the screen was filled with steaming water. Without needing Feng Lezhen to say anything, he went to bathe on his own. Feng Lezhen leaned against a pillar by the screen, watching him quietly clean himself bit by bit. When he finished, she had someone come in to change the water.
And so he bathed three or four times in a row. Shen Suifeng’s skin turned red from scrubbing, a fine sheen of sweat forming at the tip of his nose. Only then did Feng Lezhen look satisfied. She threw him a cotton cloth hanging on the screen.
Shen Suifeng caught the cloth and stepped out of the tub. The moment his feet touched the floor, he felt a wave of dizziness. Feng Lezhen noticed him sway and immediately reached out to steady him. Shen Suifeng instinctively pulled her into his arms.
The familiar scent and the way their bodies fit together left both of them silent. Yet neither of them let go.
After a long time, Shen Suifeng asked softly, “Has Your Highness… been well these past days?”
“No,” Feng Lezhen answered. “I can’t eat, can’t sleep. The last time I ate was a bowl of congee yesterday morning.”
And now it was already afternoon.
Hearing this, the corners of Shen Suifeng’s lips lifted slightly. “If Your Highness hasn’t been well… then I can rest easy.”
Feng Lezhen couldn’t help but laugh and gently pushed him away.
Shen Suinian had already prepared food long ago and had been waiting anxiously outside. Once Feng Lezhen finally gave the word, he immediately had the food sent in.
The once-empty table was soon filled with dishes. Feng Lezhen pulled Shen Suifeng—still in his nightclothes—over to the table. Just as they were about to sit, Shen Suifeng paused. “This… my brother made this.”
Following his gaze, Feng Lezhen saw a bowl of noodles.
The noodles were glossy, the broth clear and fresh—it had clearly just been made. But they hadn’t sent any message asking for food. How could Shen Suinian have known the exact time to cook them? Most likely, he had cooked them over and over again, waiting.
Shen Suifeng’s throat bobbed. After a while, he said, “He must be really worried.”
“Isn’t that obvious?” Feng Lezhen gave him a glance and placed the bowl in front of him.
Shen Suifeng let out a soft laugh. He wanted to say that he’d been in a daze for days, barely able to think of whether others were hurting too. But when he met Feng Lezhen’s eyes, he couldn’t bear for her to think he was pitiful, so he quietly picked up the bowl and began to eat. Perhaps the noodles were too hot—the steam stung his eyes, leaving them red, as if they’d been burned.
Feng Lezhen also served herself a bowl of congee and lowered her gaze, eating in silence.
By the end of the meal, none of the other dishes had been touched.
After the food was cleared, the silence lingered between them. Only when Feng Lezhen finally spoke did it break. “If there’s nothing else…”
“Your Highness, have dinner with me,” Shen Suifeng interrupted.
But they had just eaten… Feng Lezhen chuckled, but the moment she met his stubborn gaze, she couldn’t bear to refuse.
“…All right.”
There were still a few hours until dinner. Shen Suifeng picked up a medical text and began reading. Feng Lezhen, after a moment, went to his book chest and picked out a few travel journals.
She used to love reading those—always from his chest. Each time she saw the notes he had written in the margins, it felt like traveling the world with him, breathing in that fresh, boundless freedom. She never tired of it.
Feng Lezhen lay on the bed. Shen Suifeng sat by the stool at the foot. They didn’t disturb each other, yet their presence filled the room.
The door hadn’t been shut completely. Shen Suinian peeked in quietly. Seeing the peaceful scene inside, he froze for a moment… then gently shut the door.
A few hours passed—it didn’t feel long at all. At least not in that bedchamber. It wasn’t even enough time for Feng Lezhen to finish one travelogue. As night fell, the two of them had dinner together. Shen Suifeng kept his head down, waiting for her to say she was leaving.
But Feng Lezhen didn’t go. Right in front of him, she locked the door.
No one could say who started it. But when they finally collapsed onto the bed together, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms, it felt as if the other’s warmth would melt them.
Entangled in passion, burning like fire, when their souls seemed to soar together into the sky, Shen Suifeng choked out a question: “Do we really have to part?”
She was tossed high, then thrown hard to the ground. Her mind was muddled, barely able to answer him. She tried to explain: though love in this world was beautiful, it was fragile and thin. To part with no regrets was already a blessing—there was no need for painful sacrifice.
She could never give up the heights of court and power for him. And naturally, she didn’t want him to give up the freedom of the open world for her. Better to part now than become resentful lovers later—or worse, for her to use power to cage him for a lifetime. She’d rather… let him go early.
They were fine—just not right for each other. That wasn’t anyone’s fault.
Shen Suifeng gave a laugh, eyes red, and in the next moment, felt her bite down on his collarbone. Pain spread through him, and he exhaled a hot breath, thrusting into her with more force, pushing her to climax.
When feelings run deep, they always fade eventually—like how night is always followed by day. That’s the way of the world: when it’s time to let go, you must let go; when it’s time to accept fate, then accept it.
After several sleepless nights, Feng Lezhen finally had a good night’s sleep. When she awoke the next day, the daylight was already pouring in.
She was alone in bed. As she sat up, body sore and weak, Ah Ye walked in carrying a fresh set of clothes.
Seeing she was awake, Ah Ye smiled and approached, “Your Highness, allow me to help you dress.”
Feng Lezhen paused. “Where is Shen Suifeng?”
“He’s outside,” Ah Ye’s smile turned a bit cautious. “I heard… Shen Suinian is packing his things, planning to return to Nanhe today. Mr. Shen is going with him.”
Feng Lezhen remained calm. “I see.”
Seeing her without much reaction, Ah Ye seemed to want to say more but held back.
Half an hour later, once she was ready, Feng Lezhen walked out the door. She saw Shen Suinian directing servants to move luggage. The moment the others saw her, they all bowed. Feng Lezhen returned their bows with a soft smile, and turning her head, she saw Shen Suifeng carrying his medicine box, ready to leave.
Their eyes met. Shen Suifeng suddenly gave a carefree smile, no different from how he used to be. “Awake?”
Feng Lezhen looked at his clear, bright features—it was like seeing the unrestrained, easygoing Mr. Shen from before. “Where are you going?”
“You mean now or later?” Shen Suifeng raised an eyebrow slightly.
“What’s the answer to both?”
“Well, for now, I’m going to prepare a few more prescriptions for the young shizi. Once I’m gone, no one will be here to treat him. As for later… I’ll take it one step at a time. If I make plans too early, it spoils the fun.” He smiled.
Feng Lezhen smiled too. “That’s fine, then.”
Shen Suifeng felt his smile becoming a bit forced and asked, “Does Your Highness need anything else?”
“Go ahead, Mr. Shen.” Feng Lezhen stepped aside to clear the path behind her.
Shen Suifeng looked at her for a long moment, then raised his hand and cupped his fist in farewell. “I take my leave.”
“I won’t see you off.” Feng Lezhen lowered her eyes.
Shen Suifeng said no more. He strode past her with the medicine box on his back. Feng Lezhen’s lashes trembled slightly, and only when he brushed past her did her fingertips unconsciously dig into her palm.
Inside the marquis’s residence, Qi Jingqing drank the day’s medicine before slowly lifting his head to look at Shen Suifeng.
“You’re really leaving?”
Shen Suifeng glanced at him. “Aren’t you going to set off fireworks to celebrate?”
“You’ll regret it,” Qi Jingqing said.
Shen Suifeng laughed. “Sounds like the shizi is trying to persuade me to stay?”
“Of course not. I’m just stating facts.” Qi Jingqing looked him in the eyes. “If I were you, freedom, ambition—none of it would matter. Nothing is more important than staying by her side. If she’s unwilling, then pester her to death. She still has feelings for you. She’ll give in, eventually.”
“You can say that because freedom or ambition—none of those things matter much to you. If it were something else, you might not be more carefree than I am,” Shen Suifeng replied calmly.
Qi Jingqing: “So you really intend to give her up for all that?”
“Of course not.” Shen Suifeng denied it without hesitation. Just mentioning what lay between them made him momentarily dazed. “She gave me up.”
“I’m telling you, you can still—”
“This isn’t something that can be solved by pestering.” Shen Suifeng interrupted him. “I can feel it. When she’s with me lately, she isn’t as happy as she used to be.”
He gave a self-deprecating smile. “Maybe she’s right. We’re both fine—just not right for each other.”
Qi Jingqing couldn’t understand and simply fell silent.
After finishing writing the prescriptions, Shen Suifeng turned to leave. Qi Jingqing watched his departing figure and suddenly said, “Maybe the next time you come back, she’ll be mine.”
“Her Highness was never anyone’s to begin with. But you can try to become hers,” Shen Suifeng turned back, his eyes showing a hint of provocation. “But she’s picky. Your kind—good-looking or not—just doesn’t catch her eye.”
“Whether I do or not isn’t for you to decide,” Qi Jingqing replied calmly.
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