Shen Suifeng really left.
It took Ah Ye a long time to adjust to this fact. Her Highness, on the other hand, remained unchanged—whether he stayed or left seemed to make no difference to her at all. And the more she acted that way, the more worried Ah Ye became.
“Back in the capital, she seemed calm when she parted with Lord Fu, but soon after, she fell ill. Now it’s Mr. Shen, and again she’s acting like nothing happened. But the dark circles under her eyes keep deepening… I don’t know how long it’s been since she’s had a good night’s sleep.” With a worried expression, Ah Ye sought out Chen Jinan. “This can’t go on. Her Highness has always liked you—go talk to her, will you?”
Chen Jinan’s brows moved slightly. After a pause, he said, “She likes you more.”
“I already tried. Didn’t work.” Ah Ye spread her hands.
Chen Jinan said nothing more.
Ah Ye didn’t bother with him either. She pushed him straight toward the main bedchamber. “When you see Her Highness, don’t stand there all stiff and silent. Be sweeter, livelier—try to cheer her up…”
As she gave her instructions, they had already reached the door. Before Chen Jinan could even steady himself, she knocked quickly and fled as soon as Feng Lezhen responded from inside.
Left alone, Chen Jinan had no choice but to speak. “Your Highness, it’s me.”
There was a pause inside the room before Feng Lezhen’s voice came: “Come in.”
Chen Jinan lowered his gaze and pushed the door open. After closing it again, he saw Feng Lezhen sitting on a footstool, carefully comparing two rose stems in her hands. Beside her was a pile of fresh flowers. Several blooms were already arranged in the white porcelain vase before her.
“…Your Highness, the flowers you arranged are truly beautiful,” Chen Jinan said with difficulty.
Feng Lezhen paused slightly and placed the shorter rose branch into the vase.
“Mm… the finishing touch,” Chen Jinan continued to praise.
Feng Lezhen acted as though she hadn’t heard him.
“Your Highness’s outfit today is also very nice, and it’s embroidered with… a duck? A duck?”
Feng Lezhen chuckled, “It’s a mandarin duck.”
Of course, Chen Jinan knew it was a mandarin duck. He had only changed what he was saying halfway through, realizing its symbolic meaning and worrying it might stir up sad memories for her.
Feng Lezhen glanced at him. “Ah Ye sent you?”
“How long has it been since Your Highness slept well?” Chen Jinan asked.
Feng Lezhen smiled lightly. “I’ve been idle lately, so I stayed up reading at night. My sleep schedule flipped and I haven’t been feeling too well.”
Chen Jinan didn’t probe how much of that was true, and instead asked suddenly, “Then would Your Highness like to sleep better at night?”
Feng Lezhen paused and looked up. “You have a way?”
“I do.”
Feng Lezhen looked at his serious expression and found it amusing. “You’re not even a physician…”
Perhaps because of that word, she paused briefly, but before her thoughts could deepen, Chen Jinan reached out his hand to her.
Feng Lezhen’s eyes moved slightly. “What are you doing?”
“Taking Your Highness out.” Chen Jinan had mustered all his courage to reach out his hand, but seeing her unresponsive, his courage quickly ran out.
Just as he was about to pull his hand back, Feng Lezhen suddenly placed her hand in his palm. Chen Jinan was slightly stunned but immediately helped her up from the ground.
“Let’s go,” Feng Lezhen said, without even asking where they were going.
But Chen Jinan remained where he was.
“Something else?” Feng Lezhen raised her brows slightly.
“Should… should Your Highness change outfits first?” he asked with difficulty.
Feng Lezhen blinked. “Didn’t you just compliment my clothes?”
“But they’re not suitable,” Chen Jinan frowned, seeming a bit uncomfortable having said something so presumptuous.
Feng Lezhen didn’t mind at all. She directly opened the wardrobe in front of him. “You pick one for me. If there’s nothing here you like, go to the next room—it’s full of my clothes.”
“I… I wouldn’t dare,” Chen Jinan quickly lowered his head.
Feng Lezhen gave him a lazy look. “I told you to pick. Why are you talking so much?”
Chen Jinan paused, then reluctantly agreed and stepped forward.
Feng Lezhen returned to the bed to continue arranging flowers, leaving Chen Jinan alone in front of the wardrobe.
He had never seen so many women’s garments before. Faced with the neatly folded clothes, his expression grew more and more serious. After a long while, he solemnly picked up a thick gown, but before he could even unfold it to see if it was suitable, his fingers brushed against a thin undergarment.
He looked confused for a second, and then, realizing what it was, his fingers retracted as though struck by lightning.
By the time he finally selected an outfit, a full quarter of an hour had passed. Feng Lezhen glanced at the fine sweat on his face and then at the rather streamlined outfit in his hand. She more or less understood what he was planning.
She smiled and didn’t make it difficult for him. “Tell Ah Ye to pick out a riding outfit and come in to help me change.”
“Yes,” Chen Jinan replied, relieved, and hurried out.
While Feng Lezhen changed, he went to the stables. At first, he picked two docile ponies, but just before leading them out, he changed his mind.
So when Feng Lezhen came out dressed in riding gear, she saw him standing in the courtyard with two freshly tamed spirited horses.
“Why did you choose these two…” Ah Ye frowned and was about to scold him.
Feng Lezhen stopped her. “I like them.”
Then she glanced at Chen Jinan with appreciation. “Before I left the room, I was thinking—if you dared to bring two ponies, I wouldn’t go with you.”
“I’ve seen Your Highness ride before,” Chen Jinan said, bowing his head.
Feng Lezhen smiled and was just about to leave with him when Ah Ye grabbed her arm from behind.
“Your Highness, have you forgotten your principle for staying out of trouble?” Ah Ye asked.
Of course she remembered—“The daughter of a noble family must not sit under a leaning roof.” Feng Lezhen put on an innocent expression. “Jinan will protect me.”
“But…”
“I swear to protect Her Highness with my life,” Chen Jinan declared with a bow.
“You heard that?” Feng Lezhen said.
Ah Ye still wanted to protest, but Feng Lezhen had already mounted her horse. Seeing this, Chen Jinan quickly followed. Ah Ye cried out in alarm and tried to stop them, but seeing how lively her mistress looked—something she hadn’t seen in a long time—she clenched her teeth and just shouted for the gates to be opened.
By October, winter had arrived in Yingguan. The wind cut across the face like little knives—sharp and bitter. Feng Lezhen rode swiftly, letting the wind carry away her body heat. With every breath, she felt a long-lost sense of freedom and exhilaration.
At first, Chen Jinan followed behind her. Gradually, he moved to the front. Seeing this, Feng Lezhen gave chase, prompting a helpless smile from him.
“Your Highness, I should clear the way for you,” he said.
Feng Lezhen shot him a glance. “So you’re blaming me for riding faster than you?”
Chen Jinan paused, said nothing, and passed her again. Feng Lezhen let out a soft laugh, narrowed her eyes, and sped up as well. It was afternoon, the weather cold, and they had purposely chosen back streets to ride through. They didn’t encounter a single person along the way.
Qi Jingren was on duty at the city gates. She saw a sugar hawker by the roadside and bought two skewers, handing them to a soldier. “Bring these to the Marquis.”
“The Marquis likes these too?” the soldier asked curiously.
Qi Jingren smiled. “Mm. He likes them, but he’s too embarrassed to buy them himself.”
Then, as if remembering something, she asked the hawker for a piece of waxed paper, carefully wrapping the skewers so no one could tell what was inside, and then handed them over to the soldier.
“The Deputy General is so attentive—it’s no wonder the Marquis has been in better spirits lately and hasn’t mentioned marriage again,” the soldier said honestly.
Qi Jingren shot him a glance. “Too talkative. Get going.”
“Yes, sir!”
Just as they were speaking, the sound of galloping hooves rang out.
Qi Jingren frowned and looked up, only to see Feng Lezhen charging toward them on horseback.
“Canjiang Qi, make way!” Feng Lezhen called out, grinning with reckless abandon.
Qi Jingren was momentarily speechless, then waved his hand for the soldiers to clear a path. Feng Lezhen and Chen Jinan raced past. As they passed her side, she calmly reminded him, “I’m a deputy general now, not a Canjiang.”
“Hyah!” Feng Lezhen cracked her whip and disappeared beyond the city gates—it wasn’t clear whether she’d heard him or not.
“…If I’m not mistaken, that was Her Highness the Eldest Princess just now,” the soldier said, dumbfounded.
Qi Jingren’s expression was calm. “Who else but her would dare gallop down the main road in Yingguan?”
“Goodness,” the soldier sighed, “Usually, Her Highness looks like a fairy from the ninth heaven—so elegant you can’t even hear her footsteps. I didn’t expect her to be so dashing.”
Qi Jingren let out a quiet laugh and, for some reason, thought of Shen Suifeng, who had left not long ago.
“Some people may leave, but their shadow lingers,” she said vaguely.
The soldier didn’t understand but, seeing her expression, didn’t ask further.
By the end of October, planting season in Yingguan was over. The vast stretch of dark, fertile soil was heaven’s greatest gift to this harsh land. Feng Lezhen and Chen Jinan galloped down narrow trails between fields, letting the cutting wind whip past them.
Feng Lezhen raised the hand holding her whip, and as she felt the wind slip between her fingers, she was briefly dazed. In that instant of distraction, she lost her balance.
“Your Highness!”
Chen Jinan, who had been watching her closely, reacted instantly. He launched himself from his saddle toward her. In the moment of weightlessness, Feng Lezhen crashed into his solid chest, and in the next second, the two of them rolled into the field together.
“Your Highness, Your Highness…” Chen Jinan struggled to help her sit up.
Feng Lezhen looked up and met his anxious eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh. Seeing that she was unhurt, Chen Jinan finally relaxed a little. His usually calm gaze now held a hint of gravity. “This subordinate failed to protect you. I deserve to die.”
Feng Lezhen tapped him on the head, then suddenly lay back on the ground.
Chen Jinan froze for a second, not knowing what to do.
“The sky here is so high,” Feng Lezhen said, reaching up to grasp the empty air before lowering her hand.
Chen Jinan looked up at the sky.
“In the capital, the sky isn’t this high… or this clear,” Feng Lezhen’s lips curled slightly. “And it certainly doesn’t have endless fields like these.”
“Your Highness misses home?” Chen Jinan asked.
“Home?” Feng Lezhen closed her eyes. “All of Great Qian is my home. If I’m at home, how can I miss it?”
Chen Jinan nodded, then realized she couldn’t see and awkwardly added, “Yes.”
Feng Lezhen tilted her head to look at him. “I still don’t know where you’re from.”
“I’m from Yuzhou,” Chen Jinan replied.
“Yuzhou isn’t close to the capital. Why did you come here?”
“When I was ten, my family was hit by disaster. My parents and I went to the capital to seek refuge with my aunt, but she had already moved. Later, my parents fell ill and we had no money for treatment… they both passed away. I was left alone in the capital,” Chen Jinan said plainly, as if speaking of someone else’s life.
Feng Lezhen knew some of his past, but this was the first time she had heard it in such detail. Looking at the firm lines of his face, she couldn’t help asking, “So from age ten, you lived in the capital alone?”
Chen Jinan nodded.
“How did you survive?”
“I worked at the docks carrying cargo,” he answered.
Feng Lezhen chuckled. “At ten? You could manage that?”
“Not at first. But I got used to it. Others carried one sack, I carried two. I lived and ate at the employer’s place. Later… Your Highness knows the rest.”
He had been persuaded by coworkers to work in an illegal mine and nearly died. It was Her Highness who saved him and gave him a position in the Eldest Princess’s residence—that’s how he survived to this day.
“When I met you, you were already sixteen. From ten to sixteen… did you ever feel lonely?” Feng Lezhen asked softly.
The question caught Chen Jinan off guard. He looked up and met her concerned gaze. His chest trembled slightly, as if something was sprouting deep in the black soil beneath him.
Or maybe it wasn’t just sprouting—it had already grown into a towering tree. He just hadn’t dared to let the thought blossom, pretending all along to be a mere stone.
And stones… don’t bloom.
“…No. I wasn’t lonely.”
“Your parents were gone, and you had no one to care for you in a strange city—how could you not be lonely?” Feng Lezhen smiled, but worried she might sadden him, she didn’t push further.
“I really wasn’t lonely,” Chen Jinan said earnestly.
Feng Lezhen paused and looked at him, puzzled.
Maybe it was because it was just the two of them here, or maybe because the black mud had stained her elegant fingers just like his—Chen Jinan was momentarily lost, thinking the moon was right in front of him. So words he never dared speak before suddenly left his mouth—
“Since I came to the capital, every birthday has been lively.”
Feng Lezhen paused. “Come to think of it, I don’t know when your birthday is.”
As soon as Chen Jinan said those words, he sobered. He looked back up at the moon—it still hung high in the sky. What he’d seen earlier was merely a faint, merciful moonlight.
What status did he have—to dare harbor such thoughts?
Feng Lezhen vaguely heard him say something about the moon and looked up at the sky in confusion. “It’s broad daylight—where’s the moon?”
Chen Jinan paused. “Some places have it.”
“Where?”
“In storybooks.”
Feng Lezhen: “…”
While she was still in a daze, Chen Jinan had already gotten to his feet. “Your Highness, shall we ride another round?”
Feng Lezhen finally came back to herself, amused and exasperated. She scooped up a handful of dirt and tossed it at him. “You rascal, Chen Jinan! How dare you tease me!”
Chen Jinan laughed—his usually expressionless face suddenly came alive, and even his features seemed more handsome. Feng Lezhen paused, realizing for the first time that he’d grown taller again, his frame sturdier. Compared to when they’d reunited over a year ago, he now had the air of a man—mature and steady.
Seeing her still sitting on the ground without moving, Chen Jinan grew uneasy. He crouched before her again. “Is Your Highness angry?”
“I’m not that petty,” Feng Lezhen gave him a glance and reached out her hand.
Chen Jinan helped her up, then pulled out a handkerchief from his chest and, head lowered, carefully wiped the dirt from her fingers.
Feng Lezhen looked up at the youth who stood nearly a head taller than her and suddenly grew a bit sentimental. “Chen Jinan, am I especially good at raising children?”
Chen Jinan didn’t look up. “Why does Your Highness say that?”
“I raised you quite well,” Feng Lezhen said, then remembered to be humble. “Of course, it’s also because you were diligent yourself.”
Chen Jinan’s hand froze for a moment before continuing. “This subordinate is only two years younger than Your Highness. That’s hardly a child.”
“You’re two years younger—how does that not make you a child?” Feng Lezhen deliberately countered.
Chen Jinan pressed his lips together and turned back into a stone.
The two of them spent the whole afternoon wandering outside. By the time they returned, Feng Lezhen was so exhausted she could barely lift her arms. As soon as she entered her room, she fell asleep without even changing.
Ah Ye and the other maids quietly helped her wipe her face and change clothes, taking twice as long to avoid waking her. Once they were done, Ah Ye tucked the blanket around her and, satisfied, said goodnight before leaving with the others.
Chen Jinan was still waiting in the courtyard. When he heard the door behind him close, he turned. “Her Highness is asleep?”
“She is—and sleeping soundly too,” Ah Ye said cheerfully. “Didn’t expect you to be so effective. Just one afternoon and her insomnia’s cured.”
“These past days, Her Highness has had too much free time. Staying indoors every day, she even naps restlessly several times in the afternoon. Not sleeping well at night was no surprise. A little movement outside and naturally…” As Chen Jinan spoke, he met Ah Ye’s meaningful gaze and hesitated. “What are you looking at?”
“You,” Ah Ye raised an eyebrow. “What’s with you? You talk so much when it’s about Her Highness.”
They’d worked together for a year—Chen Jinan didn’t need to guess to know she was about to start her nonsense again. He immediately turned and walked away.
“Chen Jinan!” Ah Ye called out. “From now on, do your best before Her Highness. Don’t let her be hurt by another man again.”
Chen Jinan halted.
Ah Ye smiled and stepped in front of him. “Her Highness always praises your cleverness. Though I haven’t quite seen where you’re clever, her words are never wrong… If you’re that clever, you should know what I mean, right?”
“Miss Ah Ye, please be careful with your words,” Chen Jinan said, his voice a little cold. “I’m just a servant. I only made it to where I am because of Her Highness’s help. How could I dare harbor such thoughts about her?”
Ah Ye scoffed. “You really haven’t?”
Chen Jinan’s Adam’s apple moved slightly. With a cold face, he stepped around her and walked on.
Ah Ye followed. “Don’t go. I’m serious—not joking. You’re not bad looking, and though you’re a bit quiet, Her Highness hasn’t driven you away. That means she doesn’t dislike you. Right now there’s no one at her side—if you were just a bit bolder, maybe you could get closer…”
“Miss Ah Ye.” Chen Jinan stopped again, his expression more serious than ever.
“Why so stern? You know I’m telling the truth.” Ah Ye crossed her arms.
After a moment of silence, Chen Jinan said, “Someone once told me—Her Highness only likes the very best in the world. Do you think I am the best?”
Ah Ye was momentarily choked into silence.
To be fair, Chen Jinan was indeed excellent: good-looking, loyal, smart, dependable, hardworking—a rare talent.
But the problem was, no matter how good his character, without a prominent background, how could he ever be worthy to stand beside Her Highness?
“Don’t bring this up again,” Chen Jinan said once he saw she understood. He lowered his head and left.
Ah Ye watched his tall, straight back, and suddenly asked out of curiosity, “Chen Jinan.”
He stopped once more.
“Are you truly content to never take a step forward, just watching Her Highness end up with someone else?” Ah Ye asked.
Chen Jinan didn’t respond immediately. He lifted his head and looked at the moon.
It was nearly the end of the month. The moon was just a slim crescent, but still hung high, casting a cool, distant light.
“Content,” he said quietly, then lowered his head and walked away.
Ah Ye blinked and didn’t chase after him.
Feng Lezhen had a rare good sleep. When she woke the next morning, her mood was visibly better.
“Your Highness didn’t have dinner last night, so you must eat more this morning,” Ah Ye said as she piled dishes in front of her.
Feng Lezhen smiled. “Yesterday was just too exhausting.”
“Do you want to go out again today?” Ah Ye asked.
Feng Lezhen shook her head. “My legs are sore. I don’t want to move.”
Ah Ye nodded. “Then let’s stay in the residence today, read some storybooks, and enjoy some tea and snacks.”
Feng Lezhen smiled and responded with a light “mm,” then lowered her head and began to eat. Seeing her appetite return, Ah Ye finally felt the weight in her heart—heavy for so many days—completely lifted.
After breakfast, Ah Ye was about to go fetch some storybooks, but before she could move, the courtyard rang out with a series of clangs and bangs. The mistress and maid exchanged glances and walked outside.
The weather was fine today—rare warmth in the courtyard. Chen Jinan was carrying a hammer and skillfully moving about, busy with something. When he saw Feng Lezhen come out, he immediately bowed. “Your Highness.”
“What are you doing?” Feng Lezhen asked curiously.
Chen Jinan paused. “This subordinate had nothing to do, so I thought I’d make Your Highness a swing.”
“Isn’t there already a swing in the back garden?” Feng Lezhen asked, smiling.
“This one’s different,” Chen Jinan said. “It can go much higher.”
Feng Lezhen became even more intrigued and urged him to continue.
He responded and got back to work. Seeing how attentively Feng Lezhen was watching, Ah Ye simply brought over a table and chairs and set up an entire spread of food and snacks.
Seeing such a fuss made on her behalf, Feng Lezhen felt both amused and pampered. She alternated between sipping tea and eating pastries, not idle for a moment.
The three of them kept busy in the courtyard, each doing their own thing. By midday, the swing was finally completed. Chen Jinan wiped his sweat messily, then turned to meet Feng Lezhen’s gaze and smiled brightly. “Would Your Highness like to try it?”
Feng Lezhen had been waiting for this moment. She set down her teacup and went over eagerly. But just as she reached the swing, Fan Gonggong arrived. “Your Highness, the Young Shizi has come.”
Feng Lezhen paused. “Qi Jingqing? What’s he here for?”
“He said he found some delicious candied hawthorn and came specially to bring some to Your Highness,” Fan Gonggong replied.
Feng Lezhen laughed. “He came all this way just to deliver a few skewers of candied hawthorn?”
Saying that, she left with Fan Gonggong, leaving Chen Jinan alone beside the swing. As Ah Ye hurried after her, she glanced back at Chen Jinan and said lightly, “So willing, huh?”
Chen Jinan lowered his eyes and continued adjusting the swing.
