Fang Chi’s hand gave a slight tremor, but he still held onto Xiaozi’s tail, not letting go, and he didn’t dodge either.
He only turned his head away, glaring at Sun Wenqu, saying nothing.
“Mm?” Sun Wenqu looked back at him.
“…Nothing.” Fang Chi turned his head back and tugged at the fur on Xiaozi’s tail.
“Were you about to say something about me?” Sun Wenqu asked.
“No.” Fang Chi’s voice was muffled.
“I’ll ask you,” Sun Wenqu smiled, reaching over to stroke Xiaozi’s fur, “do you think I twisted my ankle today because I let you make me run this way?”
“Mm, that’s exactly it,” Fang Chi said.
“So,” Sun Wenqu’s fingertip traced lightly across the back of his hand, “you didn’t even get mad?”
“Wha…” Fang Chi turned his head. Because Sun Wenqu had leaned closer while petting the dog, the two of them were a little too near when he looked back, so he quickly ducked his head again. “Mad about what?”
“You tell me.” Sun Wenqu laughed.
Fang Chi stayed silent, staring at Sun Wenqu’s hand.
Xiaozi’s fur was pretty ugly, darker than other mutts’, not really brown, more of a gray-brown, muddy-looking. But it made Sun Wenqu’s hand look… beautiful.
Maybe because everything Sun Wenqu had learned since childhood had to do with using his hands, his hands were slim yet strong, knuckles not very pronounced but the lines distinct, looking agile.
In short, beautiful.
To be honest, just that flick a moment ago, Fang Chi hadn’t been angry at all.
Rather, he thought whatever Sun Wenqu did with his fingers looked graceful and cool.
“No,” Fang Chi sniffed, stood up. “I hadn’t planned to get mad anyway.”
Sun Wenqu raised an eyebrow, lips curving.
“Feeling better?” Fang Chi bent down to check his foot.
“Not sure.” Sun Wenqu moved his foot, took Chief Huang from his arms and stuffed him back into the hat. “Can’t really tell. Let me try walking a bit.”
“Mm.” Fang Chi bent down, slipped an arm around his waist, and pulled him up.
Sun Wenqu tested two steps. “Not bad. Doesn’t hurt like before. Just a little numb.”
“Can you walk?” Fang Chi supported him.
“Yeah.” Sun Wenqu nodded.
“At this speed?” Fang Chi looked at him.
“What else?” Sun Wenqu gave him a look. “You expect me to run?”
Fang Chi sighed, turned, squatted down. “Come on. I’ll carry you back.”
“Don’t, if I fall off your back, then what? Why not just carry me as far as the cement road, then I can probably walk faster on flat ground.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Fang Chi said. “When I was roaming these mountains, you weren’t even…”
“I wasn’t even born yet?” Sun Wenqu laughed.
“Get on!” Fang Chi clicked his tongue.
Sun Wenqu lay onto his back. “Hey, good thing I slimmed down lately.”
But instead of heading back, Fang Chi carried him farther forward.
“Still going this way?” Sun Wenqu asked.
“Mm. Too windy by the river,” Fang Chi answered.
“Now there’s nothing tying me onto you, it’s all up to my hands.” Sun Wenqu gripped his shoulders, trying not to dump all his weight onto him.
“Quit fidgeting,” Fang Chi said, feeling him adjust. “It’s not hard for me to carry you. If I get tired, I’ll rest.”
“Alright then.” Sun Wenqu relaxed, thought a bit, then laughed. “Do you think my butt weighs twenty jin?”
“Oh.” Fang Chi gave a flat answer, kept walking, said nothing more for a long time.
Just as Sun Wenqu, bored, was about to tease again, Fang Chi suddenly pinched his butt.
And with some real force, after all, he did rock climbing.
“Hey!” The pinch startled Sun Wenqu so badly he almost shot straight up.
“Not twenty jin,” Fang Chi said.
“You’ve grown some guts, huh?” Sun Wenqu leaned forward, glaring at his face close-up. “Sneaking up on your old man now?”
“Walk by the river often enough,” Fang Chi said evenly, “and your shoes are bound to get wet.”
“What kind of logic is that?” Sun Wenqu laughed.
Fang Chi ignored him and kept going.
The air was good, chilly, but each breath carried that clean, earthy freshness. If he ignored the awkwardness of being carried piggyback, Sun Wenqu thought it was actually pretty enjoyable.
Fang Chi’s steps on the stone-and-dirt mountain road were steady, and even with someone on his back, his pace never faltered.
“Want to rest a bit?” After a while, Sun Wenqu asked.
“No need,” Fang Chi wasn’t even out of breath. “Haven’t even felt it yet.”
“Mm.” Sun Wenqu dropped it.
This road was quiet. On his usual ten-minute run he might meet a villager going up the mountain, but here there wasn’t a soul. Just three or four bird calls along the way.
And Xiaozi, bounding excitedly, making snorting noises.
Sun Wenqu reached back to touch Chief Huang in his hat. Warm, already curled up asleep.
He started to feel drowsy himself.
Being jostled gently on Fang Chi’s back, it was the perfect rhythm for sleeping.
After a few minutes, he lowered his chin onto Fang Chi’s shoulder.
Fang Chi immediately frowned and turned his head aside, as if trying to figure out what he was about to do.
“Hey,” Sun Wenqu closed his eyes with a soft sigh. “Listen, Fang Little Chi.”
“Mm.” Fang Chi answered.
“Me…” Sun Wenqu said slowly. “I just really like teasing you.”
“Oh.” Fang Chi gave his usual one-word response.
“It’s just, I’m just too bored,” Sun Wenqu smiled faintly. “You probably don’t get it. I really hate sitting idle. Especially with someone like you beside me, I just have to poke at you a little.”
“Mm.” Fang Chi hitched him higher on his back. “When I’m not around, do you bother Uncle Liangzi instead?”
“No,” Sun Wenqu thought. “I just bottle it up. Haven’t had someone around in a long time that made me want to run my mouth and mess with them.”
“So I should feel honored?” Fang Chi said.
“No need,” Sun Wenqu laughed. “Don’t be so polite.”
“You’re just like the mutt the shop at our village entrance keeps,” Fang Chi said. “Has nothing to do, so it pesters Xiaozi. Gets bitten and chased all through the village, but next time it still comes back for more.”
Sun Wenqu burst out laughing, eyes shut, couldn’t stop.
“I tease you because you are, but you say you’re not,” he laughed. “You say you’re not, then you’re not. But I know you are. I just can’t help myself.”
Fang Chi said nothing.
Sun Wenqu kept his eyes closed, pretending to sleep.
Of course, he couldn’t. He was just enjoying it.
But after another stretch, Fang Chi still wasn’t tired, while Sun Wenqu’s legs had gone numb.
“Hey, I need a break.” He patted Fang Chi’s shoulder.
“Fresh one. The guy carrying the load isn’t tired, the guy riding gets sore first.” Fang Chi sighed, stopped, found a stone by the roadside, and set him down.
“Blood’s not circulating,” Sun Wenqu pulled the ice pop off his ankle. “Enough, it’s freezing me.”
“Then we’ll put it back later,” Fang Chi pocketed the ice pop, crouched in front of him. “Not swelling worse. That’s good.”
“How long’s your break?” Sun Wenqu tugged at his pant leg.
Fang Chi didn’t answer.
“Do you have to go back early for make-up classes?” Sun Wenqu asked again, unwrapping a piece of chocolate.
Still no answer.
“Want chocolate?” Sun Wenqu waved it.
Still nothing, Fang Chi just squatted there in front of him, like he’d tuned everything out, like he hadn’t even heard.
“Then I’ll give it to Xiaozi, huh?, oh, right, dogs can’t eat…”
“I said no,” Fang Chi suddenly spoke, lifting his head. “What I mean is, I wish I wasn’t.”
“Hm?” Sun Wenqu blinked, took a while to realize he was picking up something from twenty minutes ago. “So whether or not, you mean, you’re not?”
“Mm.” Fang Chi gave a faint response, lowered his head again, dug up a pebble from the dirt and rolled it in his palm. “I just… don’t want to be.”
“Kid,” Sun Wenqu chuckled, ruffling his hair with two swipes. “Sexuality isn’t a multiple-choice question. It’s not about picking one option or another. There’s no right or wrong answer.”
Fang Chi stood up, hurled the stone far ahead with force. Xiaozi barked twice and chased after it. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lit one. “I know.”
Sun Wenqu didn’t speak, just leaned on the rock, watching him.
Whatever Fang Chi meant by those words, it already counted as admitting it.
Sun Wenqu felt there was nothing more to say for now.
Fang Chi didn’t usually smoke. When he did, it meant he was nervous, awkward, or upset. This cigarette made Sun Wenqu decide, better not add to his pressure with more words.
Xiaozi brought the stone back in its mouth, dropped it at Fang Chi’s feet, lifted its head, wagging its tail.
Fang Chi ignored it, so Xiaozi nudged the stone closer with its nose.
Fang Chi leaned against the nearby tree, lost in thought.
“Xiaozi,” Sun Wenqu waved. Xiaozi trotted over to him. “I’ll play with you.”
Xiaozi instantly stared at his hand with eager eyes.
“Bring the stone.” Sun Wenqu looked around. No stones left. But Xiaozi clearly didn’t understand his words, still wagging its tail, puffing out white breath, waiting expectantly.
“Hey!” Sun Wenqu thought for a moment, then took off one shoe, gave a flick of his hand, and threw it. “Fetch!”
Xiaozi barked and bounded after it, quickly returning the shoe to him.
“Again.” Sun Wenqu raised his hand and tossed it once more. “Fetch!”
Xiaozi barked excitedly and charged out, bringing the shoe back.
After several rounds, Fang Chi finished his cigarette. When Xiaozi brought the shoe back again, Fang Chi reached out and took it: “You still planning to wear this? It’s drenched in drool.”
“Just throw it out,” Sun Wenqu said carelessly. “Didn’t you say these shoes weren’t good for running?”
“You can still wear them for everyday. I said not for running, didn’t say not for walking.” Fang Chi knocked the shoe twice against the ground, shaking off the dirt stuck to it, then glanced at the size printed on the sole.
“Don’t want it.” Sun Wenqu said.
“Why?” Fang Chi couldn’t quite get it.
“No reason,” Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue. “What’s there to explain? Just suddenly don’t feel like keeping it.”
“Then don’t toss it here. Bring it back first. Maybe once we’re home you’ll suddenly like it again.” Fang Chi handed him the shoe. “Let’s go.”
Sun Wenqu smiled: “You’re pretty cute.”
“You’ve got unique taste,” Fang Chi turned, squatted down in front of him. “Get on.”
When Fang Chi carried Sun Wenqu back home, his parents happened to come over. Seeing the two of them like that gave them a fright.
“What happened?” His mom hurried up. “How’d you manage to bring him out once and he’s hurt already?”
“Twisted his ankle.” Fang Chi carried Sun Wenqu into the living room and set him down.
“Serious?” His dad immediately came over. “Go ask Old Jiang for some medicine, he’s got that..”
“What are you going to Old Jiang’s for!” Grandpa came in after them, already displeased. “Not like he’s the only one who has it!”
“He is the only one who has it, come on, he’s at least a half-trained doctor.” Dad laughed. “I’m telling Fang Chi to go, not you. Won’t affect your grudge match.”
“It’s not that serious, no need for medicine.” Sun Wenqu stood, rotated his ankle. “I can walk now.”
“I’ll get some anyway.” Fang Chi turned and went out.
The twist hadn’t been too bad, direction wasn’t off either. Fang Chi brought back some ointment from Grandpa Jiang’s, rubbed it on, and slipped his own sports ankle support over the bandaged foot.
“You’re making it seem like I’m gravely injured.” Sun Wenqu looked at his foot. “I was planning to go into town with your grandma tomorrow.”
“For what?” Fang Chi blinked.
“The market, of course. After tomorrow it’s over, New Year’s already.” Sun Wenqu said. “I like markets. Back in the mountains it was once a month, like being let out to breathe.”
“It’s just a chaotic mess of people. We’ve already got everything for the New Year.” Fang Chi couldn’t understand. Every year he’d accompany his grandparents, and aside from dizziness and a headache, he couldn’t see the fun. When he was little he liked it, there was plenty to eat.
“Don’t you have any fun in you?” Sun Wenqu sighed.
“Going to market counts as fun?” Fang Chi said.
“Nobody’s asking you to go. I’ll go. You stay home.” Sun Wenqu lay down on the bed. “My reason for going isn’t the same as everyone else’s. You wouldn’t get it.”
Fang Chi really didn’t. A spoiled little snake egg who’d always choose sitting over standing, lying over sitting, actually liked going with country grannies and grandpas to the market.
But because he wasn’t at ease about Sun Wenqu’s ankle, when Sun Wenqu was about to head out with Grandma and Grandpa the next morning, Fang Chi still showed up in the courtyard on time.
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to go?” Sun Wenqu looked at him in surprise.
“You’re all the old, the weak, the sick, and the disabled.” Fang Chi yawned.
“We’ve got Xiaozi.” Sun Wenqu pointed at Xiaozi, already sitting primly by the side.
“You didn’t bring Chief Huang, right?” Fang Chi suddenly thought of it, and started patting and searching Sun Wenqu all over. “You can’t take a cat to market, it’ll get lost for sure.”
“Didn’t bring him,” Sun Wenqu laughed, dodging. “Quit it, I’m ticklish.”
“Quit touching him!” Grandma swatted Fang Chi. “If he gets tickled and twists again, he’ll sprain that foot all over.”
“I didn’t touch him!” Fang Chi shouted.
Sun Wenqu’s ankle had recovered decently, probably wasn’t a bad sprain. After a night’s sleep, it wasn’t very swollen. Walking, so long as it wasn’t fast, was fine.
To get to the town market, they didn’t need the bus, just rode Uncle Zhang, the neighbor’s farm vehicle, bumping along the road.
Fang Chi noticed Sun Wenqu climbed aboard rather nimbly.
“I thought we’d take the bus. A tractor?” Sun Wenqu seemed amused.
“This isn’t a tractor… You don’t even know a tractor when you see one?” Fang Chi gestured, and Xiaozi hopped up last.
“I call all these farm cars tractors.” Sun Wenqu smiled.
Fang Chi had taken Uncle Zhang’s vehicle to town more times than he could count, but today felt different. Not just the usual happiness of going out with his grandparents. Not exactly the excitement of New Year’s either.
But he was… happy.
Hard to say why. Looking at Sun Wenqu turning his head this way and that, he felt a strange kind of warmth.
Warmth.
Fang Chi closed his eyes and rubbed his brow.
After carrying Sun Wenqu home yesterday, Sun Wenqu had stayed in his room. Lunch and dinner, like before, he had brought upstairs for him.
Other than coming out twice to wash dishes and once to bathe at night, they hadn’t spoken again the whole day and night.
Fang Chi himself had mostly stayed in his room too, staring at the little flowerpots on the windowsill.
He did review, worked a good number of problems, recited plenty. But most of the time, he kept turning over Sun Wenqu’s words in his head.
Sexuality isn’t a multiple-choice question.
Or maybe, not the words themselves.
But the fact that he had said them.
That he had spoken such vague yet blunt words to Sun Wenqu, surprised himself.
If it were about closeness, Xiao Yiming, Xu Zhou, Liang Xiaotao, any of them were much closer to him than Sun Wenqu. If anyone could be called “the same kind,” it would be Xiao Yiming.
Yet he had stayed silent with those people.
And in the end, said it to Sun Wenqu, someone he couldn’t even clearly define how he felt about.
Whatever Sun Wenqu thought, Fang Chi couldn’t understand himself.
What was happening?
And this strange warmth he felt, more like “this snake egg knows my secret.”
Really… strange.
“Xiaozi!” Sun Wenqu suddenly shouted by his ear.
Fang Chi jumped. “What!”
“It jumped down.” Sun Wenqu pointed at Xiaozi running behind the vehicle. “Get back up here!”
“No problem,” Fang Chi sighed. “It likes this. Runs a bit, then hops back up.”
“Maybe it’ll keep running.” Grandma chuckled. “Don’t look at it being an old dog, been running since it was little. Outruns that little rascal here.”
“Little rascal’s more for climbing mountains,” Sun Wenqu said.
“Right, good at climbing,” Grandpa laughed too.
“Don’t shout nonsense.” Fang Chi shot Sun Wenqu a look.
“Oh… got it.” Sun Wenqu stretched the words out, then lowered his voice meaningfully. “You’re pretty… filial to me, huh.”
“Believe I’ll toss you off right now?” Fang Chi glared.
“Don’t believe.” Sun Wenqu laughed, leaned back, knocked his head a few times against the frame, then held his head. “Ouch, this ride is bumpy.”
Actually, the family’s New Year goods had long been stocked up. By Grandpa and Grandma’s style, they’d have finished nearly a month ago. But for this big market before the holiday, they still came. Even if they bought nothing, wandering through the crowd never got old, and often they’d still bring something back.
When Fang Chi was small, his eyes were glued to food: fresh-made snacks, steamed, boiled, fried.
Later, food lost its central pull, he just came along, helping to carry things.
As soon as they reached the edge of the market, Grandma waved at him and Sun Wenqu: “Don’t worry about us. We’ll look around. You boys go wherever you want.”
Before they could say anything, Grandpa and Grandma had already vanished into the crowd with brisk steps.
“What do you want to see?” Fang Chi tied a rope around Xiaozi’s neck, afraid he might get lost.
Just finished tying it when someone walked past: “How much for the dog?”
“Not for sale.” Fang Chi glanced at the man.
Sun Wenqu laughed so hard on the side: “Xiaozi, your older brother’s trying to sell you.”
“So, where do you want to go? What do you want to see?” Fang Chi asked again. “I’ll take you.”
“Pickle jars, bowls, plates, cups…” Sun Wenqu grinned. “Best if they’re rustic.”
“…What do you even want those for?” Fang Chi was baffled. “If you’d said earlier, we’ve got plenty in our cellar at home.”
“Will you take me or not?” Sun Wenqu said. “If you won’t, I’ll have Xiaozi take me.”
“Let’s go.” Fang Chi looked down at his foot. “You’ve got the ankle support on?”
“Mm.” Sun Wenqu smiled. “Really, it’s almost healed. You don’t have to feel guilty.”
“Feeling guilty is normal. I can’t exactly be happy at your misfortune.” Fang Chi walked slowly with him toward the stalls. The stuff Sun Wenqu wanted wasn’t New Year’s goods, all in the deeper fixed stands. After a few steps he turned his head. “Looking at all this… is it because you’re planning to make pottery?”
“Smart. Finally figured it out.” Sun Wenqu said.
“You could make something way better than these any day. What’s the point of looking?” Fang Chi still couldn’t get it. “What are you planning to make?”
“You could sneak a look.” Sun Wenqu whispered near his ear.
“Don’t think I wouldn’t.” Fang Chi clicked his tongue. “I’m only fourteen. Curiosity’s strong.”
“Fine, you said it.” Sun Wenqu kept whispering, smiling. “I’ll tell you secretly: when I do pottery, I don’t wear clothes.”
