“Tonight?” Sun Wenqu paused. “Aren’t you tired?”
“Not too tired.” Fang Chi rubbed his nose, frowning. “I just want to… talk.”
“Alright.” Sun Wenqu didn’t say more and nodded.
This Xiao Yiming’s “conflict” with his family seemed not just a little, and not an ordinary conflict either. It could directly affect Fang Chi’s mood.
They drove all the way into the backyard, and Fang Chi didn’t speak again the whole time, not sure what he was thinking.
Grandpa and Grandma didn’t know they were coming back at this hour. They were just tidying up and getting ready to sleep.
Xiaozi in the front yard probably heard the noise in the back, or maybe smelled something, and came rushing out barking all the way.
“Who’s there!” Grandpa grabbed a hoe and followed over.
“Me me me me me!” Fang Chi shouted in a string. “Grandpa! It’s me! Me and Shuiqu!”
“Little Chi?” Grandpa turned on the backyard light. The surprised expression on his face hadn’t even faded before a smile appeared. “Oh my, why did you two come back at this hour!”
“What?” Grandma ran over. “That little b*stard came back?”
“He couldn’t wait,” Sun Wenqu locked the car. “Kept urging to come back. As soon as he left the exam hall we drove straight back.”
Grandpa and Grandma probably missed Fang Chi too. As soon as they saw him back, they didn’t sleep anymore and busied themselves wanting to get food ready for them.
“You definitely haven’t eaten!” Grandma said as she headed for the kitchen.
“We did, really.” Fang Chi hugged Xiaozi and said with a smile, “We ate before coming back.”
“But driving all the way back must have made you hungry again,” Grandma said. “Shuiqu drove, right? Even if you’re not hungry, he must be.”
“I’m not hungry.” Sun Wenqu put the cat carrier on the table. Xiaozi immediately went over, front paws on the edge of the table peeking inside, while Chief Huang inside made hah-hah sounds.
“You must be hungry!” Grandma said more firmly and went into the kitchen.
Grandpa didn’t have much understanding of the college entrance exam, nor had he exchanged experiences with other villagers about their kids’ exams. He only knew it was a very difficult test, and now he pulled Fang Chi aside to ask about it.
Although he felt that however Fang Chi did on the exam was fine, when he heard Fang Chi say he felt he had done pretty well, Grandpa still laughed happily.
“So you’re going to university then? Have they sent the notice yet?” Grandpa asked.
“Not yet. First we look at the scores, then fill in preferences. Only after they admit you do they send the notice.” Fang Chi smiled and explained to him.
“Then how do you fill in those preferences? Do you just write wherever you want to go?” Grandpa asked again.
“No, it’s not like that. I can’t really explain it to you. Anyway I’ll just fill it in when the time comes.” Fang Chi scratched his head. “I haven’t thought it through yet.”
“Let Shuiqu help you think about it,” Grandpa said. “He knows a lot.”
“I’ve never filled one either. I just graduated high school.” Sun Wenqu smiled. “Not as impressive as him.”
“Really?” Grandpa was quite surprised, looking at Fang Chi. “Then you’re even more capable than Shuiqu?”
“Yes.” Sun Wenqu nodded.
“Oh stop it.” Fang Chi felt a bit embarrassed by Sun Wenqu’s serious expression. Lowering his head, he took Xiaozi into the kitchen. “Grandma, cook some dumplings!”
Grandma boiled dumplings. Sun Wenqu ate two or three. Fang Chi, after all the mental effort recently, still had things on his mind but still buried his head and ate twenty or thirty before stopping.
“Full,” he patted his stomach. “Haven’t eaten this comfortably in a long time.”
“Didn’t you eat something good to nourish yourself?” Grandma touched his face with some concern. “You’ve gotten so thin, you’re all bones.”
“That’s exaggerated.” Fang Chi laughed. “Where would you find bones with this much meat? I just feel especially comfortable eating at home.”
“Then eat more this time you’re back!” Grandma patted him.
After finishing the dumplings, Grandpa and Grandma went to sleep. Only then did Sun Wenqu open the cat carrier. When he pulled Chief Huang out he was startled.
“Oh my god! How did he get this fat?”
The big chubby Chief Huang hugged his wrist and meowed sweetly.
“They say after being neutered they all get fat, eats more than before.” Fang Chi was a bit bewildered that Chief Huang had been raised from a delicate young man into a fat eunuch. “By the time I noticed, he was already fat.”
“Oh my god.” Sun Wenqu lifted Chief Huang up to look at him and laughed. Then he held Chief Huang toward Xiaozi. Xiaozi’s ears flattened and it quickly retreated several steps. “This kingly aura!”
“What should we do?” Fang Chi looked at Chief Huang worriedly. “I’m afraid he’ll get high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and high lipids…”
“Just give him to me. I’ll help him lose weight.” Sun Wenqu said.
“I’ll lend him to you.” Fang Chi glanced at him.
“So stingy.” Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue twice and carried Chief Huang upstairs.
Fang Chi went into the room to tidy up. First he checked the wardrobe to see if there were any lingering traces of Fang Hui, then pressed his nose into the bed and sniffed. Grandma must have changed it a couple days ago, the sheets and pillow both smelled strongly of sunshine.
Xiao Yiming said this smell was also called the “dust mite corpse explosion smell.”
Thinking of Xiao Yiming, Fang Chi frowned again and took out his phone to send him a message.
—Did you settle in? I’ll be at my grandpa’s place these days. You stay there first.
—Mm, settled in. Thanks.
Fang Chi wanted to ask again what exactly had happened, but in the end he just put the phone back in his pocket. He had never imagined Xiao Yiming’s parents wouldn’t soften even at a time like the college entrance exam. Just how angry must they be?
His chest felt stifled.
From the rooftop outside came Xiaozi’s cheerful panting sounds. Fang Chi knew Sun Wenqu was up there.
He opened the door and went out, turned on the rooftop light, and also turned on the small electric fan beside it. Nights in the countryside were quite cool; the fan was mainly used to blow away mosquitoes.
The two sets of small flower pots that had been on the windowsill before were now placed along the edge of the rooftop in a circle. They had grown lush and dense. The flowers were gone, but the leaves were full and round, looking like little green pom-poms.
“These things actually look pretty nice when they grow up,” Fang Chi sat down in a chair. “They even grow into round shapes.”
“With that IQ,” Sun Wenqu said while boiling water in a kettle to make tea. “Your dad spent several days carefully trimming them.”
“Huh?” Fang Chi leaned over and picked one up to look at it. “You really can do everything.”
“Anyone can do it.” Sun Wenqu said.
Fang Chi looked at him and smiled.
After a moment of silence, Sun Wenqu poured himself a cup of tea, teasing Xiaozi with his foot while glancing at him.
“That good friend of yours, his name’s Xiao Yiming, right?”
Fang Chi glanced at him and nodded. “Mm.”
“What happened to him?” Sun Wenqu asked again.
“It’s just…” Fang Chi’s voice was very low. After hesitating for a long time he finally said softly, “He is… he’s like you…”
Sun Wenqu looked at him without speaking.
“And me…” Fang Chi patted his leg, and Xiaozi immediately ran over, putting its front paws on his knee. “He’s the same as me.”
“Mm?” Sun Wenqu responded softly. “His family found out?”
Fang Chi nodded.
Sun Wenqu didn’t speak again. Fang Chi kept rubbing Xiaozi’s head, and after a while he spoke again.
“They’ve known for quite a while. It was around the time you came to see me last time.”
“Mm.” Sun Wenqu took a sip of tea.
“Not sure how they found out. I think he argued with his mom,” Fang Chi rubbed Xiaozi’s ear back and forth. “Then he got kicked out. After that he’s been staying at his aunt’s place. That day after the Chinese exam, didn’t I say I asked him to eat together…”
“He said his parents came to pick him up?” Sun Wenqu asked.
“They actually didn’t come. He lied to me.” Fang Chi looked up at him. “He’s staying at my place now. He has nowhere else to go.”
“I see.” Sun Wenqu frowned and leaned back in the chair, rocking gently.
“It’s just…” Fang Chi dragged his chair a little closer to him, his voice very low. “I feel pretty awful about this.”
“I know.” Sun Wenqu turned his head to look at him. “It reminds you of yourself?”
“Something like that.” Fang Chi rested his elbow on the armrest and rubbed his temple lightly. “I… have always been afraid of something like this. You know… with my family like this, I really… am scared.”
Sun Wenqu sighed without speaking.
“Can you tell me,” Fang Chi looked at him, “how you… how you did it…”
“It wasn’t hard for me to say it.” Sun Wenqu smiled. “My relationship with my dad isn’t good. When I said it, I didn’t think about anything else. He got angry, beat me, and I… didn’t really feel much.”
Fang Chi bit his lip.
Sun Wenqu had never experienced Fang Chi’s fear, worry, and tangled feelings. He wasn’t particularly close to his parents high up in the clouds, and after he grew a bit older he had always been at odds with his father. This kind of feeling of worrying about parents and being afraid of hurting them, he didn’t seem to have it much.
But he could imagine it. If his parents and family had been like Fang Chi’s family, especially like his grandparents, he would probably feel the same kind of conflict.
It was just that he couldn’t give advice about this, nor could he really comfort him.
He could only look at Fang Chi in silence.
Feeling a little heartache.
“I’ve never really wanted to think about these things,” Fang Chi casually picked up Sun Wenqu’s cup and took a sip of tea. “I just figured when the day of death arrives I’ll deal with it then. Before that I’ll just leave it like this.”
Sun Wenqu poured more tea into the cup.
“You had a girlfriend before, right?” Fang Chi paused for a moment. “Fang Ying, that counted as a girlfriend, right?”
“It was all messing around, but by the standards back then it definitely counted. Having a girlfriend was fashionable, and Fang Ying was pretty.” Sun Wenqu smiled. “Later it just ended.”
“Why?” Fang Chi asked quickly.
“No reason. Just realized I still liked men.” Sun Wenqu said. “This kind of thing isn’t something you can decide to turn left or right.”
Fang Chi stared at the small flower pots by the rooftop edge for a while and sighed. “Yeah.”
Sun Wenqu stood up and grabbed his shoulder. “You’re not at the end of the road yet. If you don’t want to think about it, then don’t for now. You just finished the exams after so much effort, relax and unwind properly. Don’t worry about anything else for now.”
Fang Chi didn’t speak.
Sun Wenqu walked to the edge of the rooftop and leaned on the railing. After standing there for a while, he gave a light hop and sat on the railing, tilting his head back to look at the sky.
The night sky in the countryside was always beautiful, stars, the moon, so clear it felt like if you jumped you could melt into it.
“Do you want some chocolate? Or sesame soup?” Fang Chi sat there in a daze for a while, then stood up and asked. After thinking for a moment he hesitated again. “But in this hot weather… would it cause internal heat?”
“Let it burn then, how about chocolate instead, there’s no ready sesame anymore, your grandpa hasn’t toasted any,” Sun Wenqu said.
“Mm.” Fang Chi turned and walked toward the bedroom door.
After a few steps, when his hand touched the door, he stopped again, turned around and walked back, standing in front of Sun Wenqu.
Sun Wenqu was still sitting on the railing with his head tilted up, and Fang Chi also tilted his head up and looked at the sky: “These are all constellations I know. I know all of them.”
“A wild dog’s skills are pretty awesome too,” Sun Wenqu said with a smile.
“I’m not really…” Fang Chi suddenly said softly, “I can’t really say I’m not already at death’s door either.”
Sun Wenqu paused, lowered his head and looked at him: “Hm?”
Fang Chi didn’t speak. After a while he reached out and wrapped his arms around Sun Wenqu’s waist, turning his face to the side and pressing it against Sun Wenqu’s chest.
After being stunned for a moment, Sun Wenqu raised a hand and ruffled his hair.
Fang Chi’s action was unexpected to him. What happened with Xiao Yiming had been a huge blow to him, and it had deepened his fear of those situations he might have to face one day.
Sun Wenqu felt that with Fang Chi’s personality, he should have continued to suppress it and stay silent.
This sudden hug now gave him an indescribable feeling in his heart, as if he could more clearly feel Fang Chi’s struggle.
Just as he was wondering whether he should say something, or try to sort out Fang Chi’s state, Fang Chi suddenly said: “Your heartbeat isn’t very normal, is it a bit fast? Lack of exercise.”
“…Isn’t that obvious nonsense,” Sun Wenqu said. “If I hugged you like this, one hiccup and your little heart might pop out.”
Fang Chi burst out laughing, hugging him and laughing for a long time without stopping, shaking so much that Sun Wenqu swayed along with him.
“You okay?” Sun Wenqu patted his back.
“I’m fine,” Fang Chi let go of him and rubbed his nose. “I was just thinking… if I just… would that be too… you know… forget it, I can’t explain it clearly.”
Fang Chi turned and walked toward his room.
“It’s nothing,” Sun Wenqu said behind him. “Some things aren’t about whether you can or can’t. Death’s door is still very far away from you, so far that you don’t need to think about it now. People can’t keep living while suppressing themselves all the time, you’ll become abnormal. When that day really comes, you’ll know what to do.”
“You’re the one who’s abnormal,” Fang Chi said.
“Then add some crushed walnuts to the abnormal chocolate,” Sun Wenqu said with a smile.
“…Mm.” Fang Chi responded.
Fang Chi brought back all the chocolate he hadn’t finished eating before, but there were no walnut pieces, only crushed peanuts. He felt that Sun Wenqu probably wouldn’t be able to taste the difference.
He wasn’t very sure what Sun Wenqu’s words meant, but this person had always seen through him quite well. Maybe the things he hadn’t explained clearly had already been understood by Sun Wenqu.
He had never truly liked anyone before. From the day he realized he was always attracted to men, he had carefully suppressed himself in fear and hesitation.
He didn’t dare think too much about it, didn’t dare mention it to anyone.
Even Xiao Yiming. Even when he already knew that someone like him existed right beside him.
He would still be frightened and uneasy.
The more he wanted to be like a “normal” person, the more he could see his own “abnormality.”
That feeling followed him like a shadow, wrapping around him so he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t see the road ahead.
Until he met Sun Wenqu.
This man he had already disliked before even meeting him.
From dislike to not really disliking, then to thinking this person was quite interesting, every little thing that slowly revealed itself unintentionally gradually gathered together, becoming a three-dimensional Sun Wenqu: sometimes naïve, sometimes mature, sometimes erratic, sometimes talented, and completely attractive to him.
Fang Chi admitted he was attracted to Sun Wenqu. And it wasn’t just attraction. He liked watching him, liked watching him play the instruments, liked watching him make pottery, liked watching him explain problems to him, liked watching him casually take selfies…
He liked him.
Yes.
But he had always felt that if you like someone, you should like them openly, no, openly and aboveboard. Hiding it away was meaningless, unfair to that feeling.
That’s right, he wasn’t at death’s door yet.
Right now no one was forcing him to get a girlfriend, forcing him to get married. He still had many years to live undisturbed. He could carefully, secretly behind his family’s back, like someone, like Sun Wenqu.
Sun Wenqu’s words might have meant that.
Fang Chi sighed lightly, slowly crushing the peanuts and sprinkling them into the chocolate. He didn’t know if he could really live like this so openly…
And besides, what was Sun Wenqu thinking?
Even snake eggs had become spirits. What that old snake spirit was thinking, he, a wild dog with shallow cultivation, really couldn’t guess.
Fang Chi poured the chocolate into a bowl. Just as he was reaching for a spoon, Xiaozi came running in panting.
“Sent you to hurry me, huh?” Fang Chi patted Xiaozi’s head, went to the yard to wash his face. Just making this pot of chocolate had made him sweat all over in the stuffy kitchen.
When he returned to the rooftop with the chocolate, Sun Wenqu was swatting mosquitoes. After he came back he had changed into a pair of big shorts, and now he was slapping his legs with loud smacks.
“I’ll get you some mosquito repellent,” Fang Chi put the chocolate on the table.
“It’s useless,” Sun Wenqu said while slapping. “No matter how awesome the mosquito repellent is, it can’t stop my irresistible charm to mosquitoes.”
“You used to use those really expensive, super amazing imported ones, right?” Fang Chi asked.
Sun Wenqu glanced at him and laughed: “Yeah, we playboy rich kids all use high-end stuff.”
“The ones biting you now are countryside Chinese mosquitoes,” Fang Chi turned and walked into his room, pulling open a drawer and rummaging as he spoke. “You have to use something that repels countryside Chinese mosquitoes. My grandma prepares it for me every summer.”
Fang Chi took out a small glass bottle filled with pale yellow liquid and placed it in his hand: “Use this. Just rub some on.”
“What’s this?” Sun Wenqu looked at it. “A product with no certification?”
“Smell it,” Fang Chi said.
Sun Wenqu opened the cap and sniffed it. “Smells pretty good. Like Chinese medicine.”
“Yeah, it’s water boiled from herbs and stuff. My grandma made it,” Fang Chi took the bottle and poured some onto his hand, rubbing it on his arms and legs. “Like this. Mosquitoes basically run away.”
“I’ll try.” Sun Wenqu also rubbed some onto his legs, then started eating the chocolate.
“You don’t even mind the heat,” Fang Chi sat opposite him, stretching his legs toward the fan, then thought about it and laughed again. “But my grandpa and grandma aren’t afraid of heat either. I’m too young.”
“I’m calm at heart,” Sun Wenqu scooped a spoonful of chocolate. After taking a bite he stopped and looked at him. “You’re trying to fool me with crushed peanuts?”
“Huh?” Fang Chi laughed. “You can taste it?”
“Of course. Do you think the mouths of us playboy rich kids are that easy to fool?” Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue. “But it’s still good. Acceptable.”
“There were no walnuts left, so I used peanuts for you,” Fang Chi said.
“Crushed one by one?” Sun Wenqu asked after another bite.
“Yeah. Otherwise where would ready-made ones come from? Before when the walnut bits ran out, I crushed walnuts one by one for you too,” Fang Chi said.
Sun Wenqu glanced at him and didn’t speak.
After slowly finishing the whole bowl of chocolate, he leaned back in the chair and gently rocked. “Tomorrow.”
“Hm?” Fang Chi looked at him.
“Tomorrow I’ll make you something to eat,” Sun Wenqu said.
“You? You’ll cook for me?” Fang Chi looked at him in surprise. “Don’t you have housekeepers cook? If there’s no housekeeper you just order takeout.”
“Why so much nonsense? If I say I’ll cook for you, you just say ‘really? that’s great! I’m looking forward to it!’ and that’s enough,” Sun Wenqu glanced at him sideways. “Though it’s been quite a long time since I’ve played around with this.”
“Really? That’s great! I’m looking forward to it,” Fang Chi repeated in a calm tone, then asked again, “What are you making?”
“I only know how to make this one thing, but it’s especially delicious,” Sun Wenqu said.
“I know what it is.” Fang Chi nodded.
“You know?” Sun Wenqu asked with a smile. “What is it?”
“Usually when someone says, I only know how to cook one dish, been making it since childhood, and it’s especially delicious,” Fang Chi said, “that dish is basically tomato scrambled eggs.”
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