After Exile, I Married the Amnesiac General [Rebirth] Chapter 106

Seeing Pei Zhen suddenly freeze and say nothing, Li Chanxiu could not help calling him twice more. The small protrusion on his neck also moved along with it.

Pei Zhen’s stunned gaze remained fixed on it, and his first thought was that that small little thing was extremely adorable. It was like the tiny cat ornaments he had seen as a youth when strolling through the lantern market in Luoyang, made by merchants using white fur, only about the size of a thumb, simple and charming, jade-like and cute.

But those little cat ornaments did not move, whereas this small little thing on the fair neck of the person before him… actually moved.

It was not until Li Chanxiu noticed that he had been stunned for a long time and could not help raising a hand to wave in front of him, his gaze concerned: “Pei Zhen? General Pei?”

Only then did Pei Zhen suddenly come back to his senses, abruptly withdrawing his nearly offensive gaze, his voice tightening: “I… I’m fine.”

But after closing his eyes briefly and opening them again, he could not help but look over once more.

He had not seen wrong, it was real, Pei Zhen thought.

No matter how poor his eyesight might be, at this moment he could recognize it as an Adam’s apple. But how could the princess have an Adam’s apple?

Earlier, on the painted boat, the other had been wearing a fur-trimmed cloak that just happened to cover the neck and part of the side of the face, so he had not noticed. Or perhaps his attention at the time had all been on what the other was saying. The other’s voice had also been slightly hoarse then, as if from catching a chill.

But now, his view was clear, and Li Chanxiu’s collar had no obstruction at all. He could see very clearly, and confirm that the other indeed had an Adam’s apple. Even when the other spoke, the voice was like shattered jade, somewhere between that of a youth and a young man, clear and pleasant.

Moreover, perhaps because they had not seen each other for some time, the line of the other’s jaw was somewhat sharper than when they were in Yongfeng. Although it was still a pointed, fair chin, it had become more defined and beautiful. But no matter what, the other… the other was clearly supposed to be a man!

Pei Zhen stiffened at once, his mind going completely blank.

But if the other truly was a man, then what he had previously believed, that they liked each other, that their feelings were mutual, that their hearts were in harmony…

Suddenly, the part of Pei Zhen’s head that had been struck earlier began to ache faintly again, and fragmented memories began to surface, 

On their wedding night, beneath the red bridal covers, they had drunk the ceremonial wine… and then there had been no “then.” They had simply lain down to sleep. Aside from him, with selfish intent, finding an excuse to hold the other tightly in his arms, he had never dared to cross the line. The next day, he had even taken advantage of the other not yet being awake to secretly cut a lock of hair, tie it, and hide it away.

That night in the mountain stronghold, he had been drugged. Pretending that he knew nothing after losing his memory, he had finally held down the other’s hands and obtained what he wanted.

On that morning before his memories returned, he had thought Yang Yuanyi had come to capture him, thought he would be separated from his wife, and, filled with pain and reluctance, before getting out of bed, he had ultimately been unable to resist and secretly kissed the other.

Even every time they had shared a bed and held each other closely, it had all been obtained through his careful scheming, playing dumb and acting foolish. He had deliberately said it was cold, deliberately brought the old quilt to the military camp, deliberately broken the old bed and claimed it was pecked by the golden eagle…

Pei Zhen was completely stunned, unable to believe it. He had never known that his amnesiac self had so many little schemes, yet still pretended to be honest on the surface.

So what the other had said was all true, they had indeed been in a fake marriage. Their hearts had not been in harmony. All that existed was his own one-sided, hidden love…

Pei Zhen froze completely, staring blankly at the beautiful face before him.

Hearing him say he was fine, Li Chanxiu now let out a breath of relief, helped him remove his helmet, and saw that the place on the back of his head that had been struck had not actually bled.

At this moment, Yi Xun returned after leading troops in pursuit of Cai Shu’s subordinates and was about to report, but Li Chanxiu waved a hand to have her withdraw first.

After both sides’ subordinates had moved some distance away, Li Chanxiu looked at Pei Zhen again.

Seeing that he still said nothing, he hesitated for a moment before finally speaking: “As for what Liang Xingrong said, you need not apologize. I am not truly a princess, so it does not count as an offense. Moreover, I know that could not possibly have been your intention. And speaking of it, this matter was deliberately stirred up by someone with ulterior motives. This ambush as well…”

He did not know that in Pei Zhen’s mind, a storm had already been set off, as he was reliving scene after scene from his time with amnesia.

Seeing that the other still appeared calm on the surface, Li Chanxiu thought for a moment and told him all of Cai Shu’s schemes.

And since things had already reached this point, after a moment of hesitation, he added: “That strategist named Zhang Chu has only recently arrived by Cai Shu’s side. I suspect he is a spy sent by someone, with the purpose of driving a wedge between you and me. And that Lord Liang in your army seems to be cooperating with him. From this, I suspect he may… have been sent by the Jinling side.”

After speaking, he carefully glanced at Pei Zhen again, seeing that he still appeared calm, as though he was not displeased by his speaking ill of Liang Wang and his son.

Li Chanxiu could not help but let out a breath of relief and finally made up his mind. He suddenly stood, gave a deep bow, and then spoke solemnly: “General Pei, I wish to invite you to join our righteous army.”

At last, Pei Zhen reacted, his gaze shifting slightly as he fixed it steadily on him.

Li Chanxiu also crouched down again in front of him, his slender back straight, his upright figure outlined by the light and shadow.

Looking at Pei Zhen’s clear and composed face, calm and steady, yet revealing no discernible emotion, he once again spoke solemnly: “General Pei, Liang Wang and his son are not enlightened rulers. Previously in the northwest, I believe you already saw that the embezzlement of military pay and official salt was in fact backed by Liang Wang’s residence. The Jiang family, the Wang family, Prefect Yan, Lu Gonggong, they were merely Liang Wang’s vanguard. Those father and son, like the emperor Li Mao, care only for court intrigue and power struggles, using wealth to win over the aristocratic families, while disregarding the lives of frontier soldiers and the common people of the realm…”

At first, Li Chanxiu had still felt somewhat uncertain, but as he spoke, his tone grew heavier, and when he looked at Pei Zhen, his expression became ever more earnest.

“I know the General harbors great righteousness and has always wished to reclaim the northern lands. But how could those who, for the sake of their own power, even allow the embezzlement of military pay just to line their own pockets, ever realize your ideals?

“I know you have long-standing ties with Liang Wang and his son, and that they have treated you well. Li Zhen even once saved your life. But I believe that such is a personal favor, and cannot be repaid with matters of the realm.”

“Moreover…” Li Chanxiu paused in his tone, then continued, “Back then, when Liang Wang’s father Li Mao seized the throne by forging an edict while the founding emperor was severely wounded during the northern campaign. In order to successfully become emperor, Li Mao even used the northern Hu troops to restrain the defending forces in places like Youyan, causing the deaths of countless good generals and the loss of vast northern territories. This act is no different from that of Emperor Min of the former dynasty. And now Liang Wang has ascended the throne in Jinling, yet does not think of resisting the Hu people, only of contending with Zhu Youjun of Sizhou for legitimacy, he truly lacks the bearing of a wise ruler.”

“As for my father Li Xuan, as the crown prince personally established by the founding emperor, he should have inherited the throne when the founding emperor passed away, and, with the assistance of important ministers such as my grand-uncle, Jin Wang, launched a northern campaign against the Hu, reclaimed lost lands, and unified the realm. Yet he was deprived of the throne by Li Mao’s forged edict and then placed under house arrest for many years. But my father has never forgotten his ambition to campaign north. When he pacified the southwest back then, he also soothed and governed the people, managing the region well. Not only do the local common people love and support him, but even the great native clans of the southwest still respect him to this day, willing to ask him to mediate disputes and even send troops to assist him.”

“Now that the realm is in great chaos, all those with troops can hardly conceal their selfish desires, fighting among themselves while the people still suffer in dire conditions. The one who can bring peace to this chaotic situation should be someone who holds the world in his heart, is benevolent and wise, and has the support of the people. I, Chanxiu, privately believe that my father is precisely such a person. If the General could join our southwestern righteous army, then the realm would surely be pacified sooner, and the people could sooner be freed from the suffering of war, thereafter recuperating and restoring stability and prosperity.”

As Li Chanxiu spoke, his pace inevitably quickened, his gaze grew brighter, unable to hide his admiration and respect for his father, as well as his expectations toward Pei Zhen and his longing for the future he described.

Pei Zhen looked steadily at him, at the commanding look in his eyes when he spoke of the future situation, at the faintly worried expression when he mentioned the suffering of the people…

He suddenly recalled what Lu Zhi had said before, when they had sat around a campfire in Lu Zhi’s camp, 

He had said: “His Highness is someone with strategy in his heart. Since you’ve interacted with him, you should also be able to see that he has vision and ambition.”

He had said: “His Highness wants to drive out the Hu people, reclaim the northern lands, and bring peace to the realm. So he recruited me for his father, perhaps he has recruited many others as well…”

Yes, everything the other had just said, his attempt to recruit him, was entirely for the public good, or for his father.

Then what about himself? And everything between them…

When the other said these things, was there even the slightest bit of personal feeling? Even a little for what lay between them…

“Then what about you?” A sudden impulse surged in Pei Zhen’s heart, and he blurted out, “If I agree, will you marry me?”

After asking, even he himself was startled. His gaze unconsciously fell again to the other’s slender neck, to that small moving protrusion at the throat when he spoke, that little thing like a lively, delicate kitten, so irresistibly adorable that one wanted to reach out and cup it, letting it move only within one’s own palm.

Yes, the other was a man, what was he thinking? Pei Zhen’s mind was in complete turmoil.

As expected, Li Chanxiu was also clearly startled upon hearing this, his voice suddenly stumbling: “Wh-what? No, I am a man, how, how could I… marry you?”

After saying this, even the back of his ears turned red, and his heart thumped rapidly, as if it might leap out.

But very quickly he reacted, finally realizing something: why would Pei Zhen say this? Could it be that the other still did not know he was a man?

But how could that be? The past few times they met, had he not been dressed in men’s clothing? Suddenly he realized, it was precisely because he had always been dressed as a man that he had assumed the other already knew, and had not thought to explain it explicitly. But… Pei Zhen had not seen through it?

Sure enough, Pei Zhen soon spoke faintly: “Yes, you are actually a man. I… only just realized it.”

His tone was complicated, almost like he was speaking to himself. After saying this, he again stared blankly at Li Chanxiu.

Li Chanxiu also froze for a long time, his mind full of confusion and helplessness.

So Pei Zhen had indeed still thought he was a woman before. No wonder that time on the painted boat he did not take back the jade bracelet; no wonder after hearing his explanation of what happened in Yongfeng Town, he had hesitated and asked, “So it really was a fake marriage?” and even guessed whether they had first been in a fake marriage and then turned it real… And at that time, for some reason, his heart had been in turmoil, and coupled with the fact that they had indeed crossed certain boundaries, he had only hurried to deny it, forgetting to think further.

After returning, he had been called by his father to discuss matters and had no time to reflect on it.

Later, when Pei Zhen sent him messages by golden eagle, he had thought even less about it…

The more Li Chanxiu thought, the stiffer his expression became. He suddenly realized that everything he had come to rely on in recruiting Pei Zhen was built upon what he thought had already been “made clear.”

He had thought everything between them had been explained, that Pei Zhen did not mind, and that they could continue as friends, so he had boldly come.

But the reality was that all of this was because the other still had feelings for him, and those feelings existed only because he had mistakenly believed him to be a woman.

Li Chanxiu opened his mouth. After a long while, he finally spoke with difficulty: “I’m sorry, I should have made it clearer before…”

Pei Zhen shook his head, his voice equally bitter: “No, it was me who didn’t ask.”

A cold wind suddenly rose on the hillside, stirring a few patches of withered grass, while in the distance came the harsh cries of crows.

Li Chanxiu stiffened slightly. After an unknown amount of time passed, he finally broke the stiffness again and said dryly, “Then… what I just said to you…”

He paused, then added, “I know you are upright, honorable, and carry great righteousness. You must also grieve the loss of our lands and the suffering of the people…”

“No, Your Highness is mistaken. I am not that great, nor do I have such lofty ideals…”

Pei Zhen suddenly lifted his head to look at him, his eyes actually slightly red.

Li Chanxiu froze, and suddenly fell silent.

After a moment, Pei Zhen stiffly turned his head away and said, “Sorry. I… may need some time to calm down first. As for what Your Highness said before… I will consider it.”

He clenched his hands tightly, doing his best to restrain his emotions.

Li Chanxiu stood frozen for another moment. The sound of the wind came in waves, making the dry grass rustle, his cheeks seeming to stiffen in the cold.

At last, he came back to his senses and spoke again, his voice seeming to drift in with the wind.

“Alright, then I… will head back first.” He pressed his lips together, his throat inexplicably tight and blocked.

“Then… once you’ve thought it through, give me your reply.” He finally added softly, restraining himself with effort so that his voice remained steady, without trembling.

After speaking, he mounted his horse. Before leaving, he could not help but cast one more deep look at Pei Zhen.

Pei Zhen remained sitting stiffly the whole time. Only after the sound of hoofbeats gradually faded did the wind by his ears suddenly begin to howl, as if violently gathering around him.

He closed his eyes, and at last could no longer restrain his emotions. He slammed a heavy punch into the ground, the skin over his knuckles breaking and fresh blood flowing out.

What he had just said was not nonsense, nor was it spoken in anger, he truly was not the kind of person the other imagined. He had no gentlemanly bearing, otherwise he would not have schemed so much during his amnesia.

If he had not let the other leave just now, he feared he would not have been able to control himself, might have said, or even done, something he should not. He had never thought much about great righteousness; Lu Zhi was the kind of person His Highness spoke of.

He merely stood in his position, and there were things and responsibilities he had to bear. He wanted to recover the northern lands because his grandfather, his uncle, his cousin, and countless Bingzhou soldiers were all buried there, he wanted to fulfill their last wishes and bring their remains home.

As for anything else, before the chaos of this world, he had never thought about it.

If it were possible, if he did not have such an identity, if the world were at peace, he would even have wanted to remain that Pei Er, the ordinary man whose heart held only his wife, who went out of the passes each day to fight a little, traded some furs to improve their meals, and bought his wife new clothes and jewelry, content with such a life, Pei Er.

But he was not an ordinary man, and his “wife” was not either. The other was Li Xuan’s son, bearing national enmity, family hatred, and the great cause of the realm, especially since the other was… a man.

Was it because the other was not a woman that he no longer liked him? Pei Zhen asked himself inwardly, but quickly denied it.

He had never been moved by any woman before, nor by any man, until now. The only one who had ever stirred his heart was His Highness.

But suddenly, he recalled… that night in Lu Zhi’s camp, when he had unexpectedly seen Third Chief Zhao from the mountain stronghold and the others.

At that time, the night wind was gentle, and beside the fire, a soldier who had joined the army together with Third Chief Zhao, formerly also from the stronghold, spoke in a somewhat ambiguous tone: “Hey, Third Chief, Fourth Chief Xuan is also in this army. Why didn’t you go talk to him today?”

Third Chief Zhao had clearly been embarrassed and hurriedly stopped him: “Don’t talk nonsense. Back then, I mistakenly thought he was a woman and already caused him quite a bit of trouble, leaving him greatly distressed. Now that I know the truth, it’s not like I truly like men, why would I go look for him? Wouldn’t that just trouble him again?”

At that time, carried by the night wind, he had happened to hear these few lines. Having drunk some wine, perhaps slightly tipsy, he had instinctively frowned: if one could so easily say they no longer liked someone just because they were not a woman, then that kind of liking was far too shallow.

Yes, if he were to stop liking His Highness just because he was not a woman, then his own feelings would be far too shallow.

But after fully recalling everything during their marriage, he had to admit that Third Chief Zhao’s words were not without reason. Normal people were like Third Chief Zhao, they would not suddenly fall for someone of the same sex. His Highness must be the same. And he himself had mistaken the other for a woman, repeatedly expressing his feelings and engaging in intimate contact, had he already caused the other great distress?

Clearly, after regaining his memory, His Highness had explained to him that their marriage was fake, yet he had stubbornly refused to believe it. If not for the need to conceal identities later, in those final days in Yongfeng Town, the other would not have gone along with him in making the pretense real.

And last time on the painted boat, the other had already spoken so clearly, wanting back the prayer beads and returning the jade bracelet, yet he still had not understood, thinking it was merely their opposing positions preventing the other from acknowledging their feelings.

And just now, when he had asked whether the other would marry him, the other had clearly been extremely shocked.

So, had he caused His Highness distress? What he thought was mutual affection had in fact been his own one-sided wish all along…

When His Highness came to persuade him, for his father Li Xuan, for the southwestern righteous army, for the great cause of the realm, he surely had not expected that he himself harbored such an unspeakable private desire.

Pei Zhen closed his eyes, only feeling the wind in his ears and in his heart grow ever stronger, scraping painfully against his heart. He could not help bending forward, clenching his fists tightly, his palms filled with sharp pain.

He did not know how much time had passed. At some point, it seemed a subordinate had come to speak to him, but he had not heard.

Only when his limbs had grown numb and stiff did a sudden sound of hurried hoofbeats arrive. It was Yang Yuanyi, who had rushed over with reinforcements after receiving the report.

Seeing the slope in disarray, the ambushing enemy already gone, and only Pei Zhen sitting there like a statue, his expression numb, his knuckles bruised and bleeding, Yang Yuanyi froze for a moment. He quickly dismounted and strode over, asking, “Jianzhi, what happened? Where are the enemy troops?”

After a pause, he cautiously probed, “I heard it was the opposing righteous rebels, who ambushed you. What’s going on? Weren’t you supposed to have a temporary truce? Why did they suddenly make a move? And Her Highness…”

Before he could finish, one of Pei Zhen’s subordinates stepped forward and whispered in his ear, “Young General, it was that Highness from the enemy side who brought troops to rescue the General.”

“Oh.” Yang Yuanyi immediately let out a breath of relief.

Good. Before coming, he had almost thought the couple had turned against each other. As long as that was not the case.

After thinking this, Yang Yuanyi looked at Pei Zhen again. Seeing that he still did not move, he simply plopped down beside him. After glancing at him again and seeing he still did not move, he thought for a moment, then waved his hand to have the others move farther away, and began talking about serious matters on his own.

“Right, Jianzhi, my grandfather’s letter has arrived. Also, Lord Zhang from Yongzhou has sent a letter. My grandfather says the situation is too chaotic, both Sizhou and Jinling… in any case, he advises you to wait and see a bit longer and not make a decision too hastily. But he also said that no matter what you choose, he will support you. As for Lord Zhang, I feel he is somewhat inclined toward the Jinling side, but he also said it mainly depends on your decision…”

After a pause, he added, “Well, earlier in the camp I heard that the opposing righteous, rebels, also want to recruit you. What do you think?”

Seeing no response, he continued analyzing on his own: “In my opinion, their strength is still somewhat weak. Them trying to win you over is probably because they’re worried about Bo Yin of Jingxiang attacking them. Also, that Crown Prince was under house arrest for eighteen years, what his temperament is like now is still unclear and needs further observation. But the princess…”

Before he could finish speaking, Pei Zhen suddenly stood up beside him. His armor rustled, stirring a gust of wind.

Yang Yuanyi let out an “Eh,” instinctively looking up, only to see that the previously numb expression on Pei Zhen’s face had, at some unknown moment, turned firm and cold, his gaze restored to calm composure. After wiping the blood from his palm, he flicked up the long spear from the ground with the tip of his boot, caught it midair, and with a swift motion mounted his horse.

Yang Yuanyi froze for a moment, then hurriedly stood and asked, “Where are you going?”

“Liangzhou prefectural city.” Pei Zhen’s voice was steady. Having said that, he spurred his horse and sped away.

Yang Yuanyi was stunned, but after coming back to his senses, he was greatly alarmed. He quickly called for the others to mount up, saying, “Quick, follow me after him.”

***

Two hours earlier, Liangzhou prefectural city.

Li Chanxiu rode back with his troops. It was unknown whether the cold wind had irritated his eyes, but his usually cool and refined eyes were faintly red.

After dismounting, he closed his eyes, trying to steady his emotions, but still felt a strong soreness in them.

Yan Xiaoming had been guarding the city gate. Knowing he had gone to persuade Pei Zhen, he immediately stepped forward and asked in a tense voice, “Your Highness, how did it go?”

Li Chanxiu froze, then gradually lowered his head, his expression dimming. Although Pei Zhen had not said it explicitly, he already felt that the hope was slim.

Seeing this, Yan Xiaoming’s heart sank slightly, but he still held onto a trace of hope and looked toward Yi Xun, who had accompanied him.

Yi Xun had followed the entire way. Although she had not heard exactly how the two had spoken, seeing Li Chanxiu’s expression upon returning, she knew things had not gone well, and at this moment could not help but shake her head.

Seeing this, Yan Xiaoming thought there was no hope at all and could not help sighing.

Just then, someone suddenly came to report that Commander Zhou had sent word: they had already located Zhao Lü and his remaining forces by the river. However, Zhao Lü was unwilling to pledge allegiance to the Great Zhou imperial family and might not be willing to be recruited.

Li Chanxiu frowned slightly, not surprised, after all, that had been the case in his dream. But… he had even recruited Lu Zhi, could it be that now he would fail to recruit even a single person?

So he gathered himself again and said to Yan Xiaoming, “General Yan, I will go there personally.”

“This…” Yan Xiaoming was about to stop him.

Li Chanxiu raised a hand to interrupt directly and said, “No need to say more. Our righteous army is in urgent need of naval talent. Moreover, although Zhao Lü’s forces are remnants, they still number twenty to thirty thousand. If they can join us, it will strengthen us, and afterward, when facing Bo Yin of Jingxiang, we will have a greater chance of victory.”

“But what if he intends to defect to Bo Yin…” Yan Xiaoming still hesitated.

“He won’t,” Li Chanxiu said firmly.

If Zhao Lü truly intended to defect to Bo Yin, then in the dream, why would he have taken his own life by the river?

Without waiting for Yan Xiaoming to say anything further, he directly selected his troops and left the city again.

…

Two hours later, Pei Zhen arrived alone on horseback beneath the city, clad in blood-stained armor and a tattered crimson cloak, riding through the cold wind and the fading glow of the setting sun.

His expression was stern. Having ridden hard all the way, he inevitably exhaled cold breath, yet his gaze was more resolute and clear than ever.

Holding his spear, he cupped his hands toward the guards atop the city wall and said slowly, “I am Pei Zhen of Bingzhou. Please trouble the guards to report that I wish to see your… little general.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Yang Yuanyi and the others, who had been chasing after him, finally arrived as well. The hurried sound of hooves stirred up a cloud of dust outside the city.

The guards on the wall leaned out, recognized him at a glance, exchanged looks, and quickly sent someone to inform General Yan.

Yan Xiaoming was puzzled upon hearing the report: “Wasn’t he already refused? Why has he suddenly come again?”

The other generals, unaware of the situation, also began to question.

Yan Xiaoming quickly coughed to cover it up and said, “I’ll go take a look.”

However, when he reached the city wall, he could not learn Pei Zhen’s purpose, only that the latter insisted on seeing Li Chanxiu.

Out of concern for Li Chanxiu’s safety, Yan Xiaoming thought for a moment and decided he should not reveal His Highness’s current whereabouts.

But before he could speak, Yi Xun beside him hesitated and said, “General, perhaps we can tell him.”

Yan Xiaoming: “Hmm?”

Half a quarter of an hour later, after being persuaded by Yi Xun, Yan Xiaoming returned to the city wall.

When Pei Zhen learned that Li Chanxiu was not in the prefectural city but had gone to find Zhao Lü’s remnant forces, his expression froze, clearly surprised.

Seeing this, Yi Xun deliberately added, “His Highness has gone to recruit Zhao Lü.”

Pei Zhen had just turned his horse to pursue, but upon hearing this, he suddenly turned back again and stared straight at Yi Xun on the city wall.

“…” Yi Xun met his gaze.

Pei Zhen said nothing. Soon he turned his head again, told Yang Yuanyi to return to the camp and not follow, and then rode off with the remaining cavalry in pursuit along the direction Li Chanxiu had taken.