After Exile, I Married the Amnesiac General [Rebirth] Chapter 59

When Li Chanxiu came back to his senses, he realized he had already walked to the doorway, raising his hand as if to touch the injury on Pei Er’s face.

He couldn’t help but pause, his raised hand stopping midair, fingertips hesitating slightly.

Pei Er must have returned in a hurry. At this moment, he was still catching his breath, his chest rising and falling sharply. A pair of dark eyes stared straight at him, deep as a cold pool, as if a dangerous beast locked within was about to break free.

As if sensing danger, Li Chanxiu’s back unconsciously tensed, every hair on his body standing on end. Under the other’s unrestrained gaze, his face felt as though it were being licked by scorching flames.

His eyelashes trembled lightly. He suddenly avoided the gaze, his fingers curling as he tried to withdraw his hand, but in the next moment, his fingertips were suddenly seized.

Li Chanxiu’s breath hitched. Startled, he looked up.

Pei Er’s broad palm covered the back of his hand, gripping tightly the hand he had tried to withdraw.

Those dark eyes remained fixed on him. Guiding his hand upward, he finally pressed it gently against the bruised spot on his own cheek, his gaze intent.

Li Chanxiu’s fingertips felt as if they had been burned. He instinctively curled them, but that only pressed right against the injury. Pei Er hissed in pain, his dark brows knitting slightly, yet he still held his hand there, pressing it firmly against his face.

Li Chanxiu quickly relaxed his fingers. His throat felt slightly dry, and averting his gaze, he asked tensely, “What are you doing?”

Pei Er still stared straight at him and spoke in a hoarse voice, “I feel… just now it seemed like you wanted to touch.”

Li Chanxiu’s face instantly grew hot. Lowering his gaze slightly, he tried hard to pull his hand free and gave a light cough as he explained, “I… I wanted to help you check the injury, but then I suddenly remembered I hadn’t taken the medicine yet.”

After a pause, seeing that Pei Er was still pressing his hand tightly, he finally took a deep breath and said, “Let go first.”

Pei Er’s gaze remained fixed on him. After a long pause, his five fingers finally loosened slightly.

Li Chanxiu hurriedly pulled his hand back and forced himself to stay calm as he went to get the medicine.

After he turned around, Pei Er’s gaze still followed him closely, as if it could pass through his clothes and stroke along his back inch by inch.

Li Chanxiu felt as if his spine trembled slightly. He tried his best to ignore the gaze behind him. Quickly finding the bruise medicine, he took a light breath, then turned back as calmly as possible and handed it to Pei Er.

Pei Er’s gaze finally shifted slightly, landing on the medicine. After a moment, however, he raised his own hand and looked at Li Chanxiu again, saying hoarsely, “My hand is injured too.”

His tone was a little muffled, as if somewhat aggrieved, and the sense of danger instantly dissipated.

Li Chanxiu relaxed slightly. Seeing the bruised and broken skin on his knuckles, he frowned again, stepped forward to apply the medicine for him, and asked, “Weren’t you going to Yongding garrison to discuss proper matters? How did you end up fighting?”

Pei Er’s gaze remained fixed on him, settling on the section of pale nape revealed when he lowered his head. His throat felt slightly dry. After giving a soft “mm,” he said absentmindedly, “On the way back, I ran into a wolf…”

“A wolf?” Li Chanxiu looked up in shock, momentarily forgetting to apply the medicine.

Pei Er gave a light cough and quickly corrected himself, making up a new explanation, “It was a wolfdog. I fought with it for a bit and got a little injured.”

After speaking, he added reassuringly, “Don’t worry, I’m fine otherwise.”

Only then did Li Chanxiu relax. After finishing applying the medicine, he hesitated before speaking again, “When you came back just now, your expression didn’t seem right. Is there… something else?”

Pei Er’s gaze darkened slightly. He fell silent for a moment, then shook his head, pretending nothing was wrong. “No. Just ran into a wolfdog.”

Without waiting for Li Chanxiu to ask further, he suddenly said, “Wait here.”

With that, he turned and went out. Before long, he came back quickly and, as if presenting a treasure, placed four or five pieces of fur into Li Chanxiu’s hands, saying, “I bought some furs from Commandant Qian. It’s cold in the northwest, if you make them into scarves and wear them, it should keep you warmer.”

Li Chanxiu was slightly startled. Touching the smooth fur under his palm, he paused, then said in a complicated tone, “Thank you.”

The speculation that had once surfaced in his mind faintly emerged again.

Subconsciously, he wanted to give Pei Er money, but on second thought, he felt that even if he did, the other probably wouldn’t accept it.

Forget it, when he left, he would just leave the furs behind and give him more silver instead.

Seeing that he accepted them, Pei Er visibly relaxed. After a pause, he spoke in an ordinary tone, as if casually, “I heard from Commandant Qian that trading furs is very profitable. Do you think… if I didn’t stay in the army anymore and went to trade furs in the future, how would that be?”

Li Chanxiu was stunned again and said in confusion, “Why would you suddenly say that?”

After thinking for a moment, he added, “You’re already registered as a military household and have a service term. I’m afraid you can’t just leave the army if you want. Besides, General Chen values you greatly now, and your prospects in the army are good, you might even become a general someday. There’s no need to go trade furs.”

After speaking, he still couldn’t help asking curiously, “Why do you suddenly want to trade furs?”

Pei Er gave an “oh,” his tone somewhat muffled. “Nothing, just saying casually. I just heard Commandant Qian say it’s profitable, and our household is short on money…”

After a pause, he couldn’t help asking, “If… I mean if I couldn’t stay in the army anymore and had to trade furs in the future, would you… would you…” come with me?

His dark, moist eyes looked straight at Li Chanxiu. They no longer carried the earlier aggression; instead, they resembled a dog’s eyes, filled with expectation.

Li Chanxiu caught the odd note in his tone and asked sharply, “Did something happen?”

Pei Er immediately shook his head, swallowing the unfinished question, and again pretended to be at ease. “Nothing.”

Li Chanxiu could tell he was not speaking from the heart and wanted to ask more, but Pei Er quickly said, “Right, I’m a bit hungry. Is there anything to eat at home?”

Helpless, Li Chanxiu could only go to the kitchen to get him something to eat first.

Pei Er watched him leave. After his figure disappeared, the ease on his face instantly vanished, and his eyes darkened.

***

At night, when they rested, the two lay together on the heated kang bed, warmed through.

Perhaps because something was on his mind, Li Chanxiu temporarily forgot the strange and awkward feeling from when they had slept together before.

Besides, the heated bed had been built by Pei Er. It wouldn’t make sense to deny him its use after building it. And it was wider than their previous bed, they lay flat on their backs, leaving about half a person’s width of space between them.

Li Chanxiu was still thinking about “what exactly happened to Pei Er tonight.” Although he had covered it up, Li Chanxiu could tell he must have something weighing on his mind.

He remembered that before going to Yongding garrison, Pei Er’s eyes had been shining as he told him he would become as skilled in warfare as Pei Zhen in Bingzhou. How was it that after just one trip out and back, he suddenly said he didn’t want to stay in the army and wanted to trade furs?

What exactly had happened?

Li Chanxiu turned over twice, still uneasy. Finally, he turned to face Pei Er, intending to ask again. But when he turned his head, in the dim moonlight filtering through the window paper, he saw Pei Er with his eyes lightly closed, breathing evenly, even letting out a faint snore.

Li Chanxiu paused, then couldn’t help a silent laugh.

Falling asleep so quickly, perhaps he had been overthinking? Maybe the other really just thought it was profitable and wanted to trade furs?

Li Chanxiu’s heart eased somewhat. But once he stopped overthinking, his gaze unconsciously settled on Pei Er’s sleeping face.

The moonlight filtering through the window paper was dim, and he couldn’t clearly see his features. But relying on the memory in his mind, Li Chanxiu easily traced out the other’s stern contours, the tall bridge of his nose in shadow, and the shape of his eye sockets even with his eyes closed…

Suddenly, Pei Er’s snoring sounded a little louder, and his stern brows seemed to knit slightly.

Li Chanxiu hurriedly shut his eyes tight. Whether from nervousness or something else, his heart began to race.

Realizing that he had actually been staring at the other in a daze, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. His ears grew slightly warm in the darkness. Coming back to his senses, he hurriedly began practicing his breathing technique, trying his best to calm his mind.

Only when his breathing became steady and he gradually fell asleep did Pei Er’s snoring grow lighter and lighter, until it disappeared.

In the dimness, Pei Er opened his eyes, completely clear-headed, without the slightest trace of sleepiness.

After a long while, he lifted his own blanket and, with careful movements, gently pulled the sleeping Li Chanxiu into his arms. After covering them both again, he held him tightly in satisfaction.

…

Early the next morning, before the neighboring rooster had even crowed, Pei Er opened his eyes again.

That night, he had barely slept. His mind was filled with Commandant Qian’s words, as well as the person who had “pursued” him last night. Only when he held the slender yet resilient body in his arms tightly did the hollow, drifting part in his heart seem to be filled, no longer suspended.

His solid arm lay across Li Chanxiu’s slim, supple waist. He couldn’t help but pull him closer, lowering his head to lightly inhale the faint medicinal fragrance in the other’s dark hair. His restless mind seemed, for a moment, to find a bit of peace.

But when he thought that the person from last night had likely already traced things to Yongfeng garrison, and of what he might have to face when he returned to the military camp later, his heart tightened again.

If only he could take Miss Shen with him and flee. The thought surfaced again uncontrollably, but soon a trace of gloom passed through his eyes.

Their marriage was only nominal, what right did he have to take her with him into a life of instability and danger? Moreover, the war was not yet over, and the Hu people could break through the city walls at any time. A sense of reason and responsibility, arising from who knew where, also made it impossible for him to truly leave everything behind.

And even if he fled, it could only be him alone. Miss Shen was originally of exile status and had only just managed to live a stable life. If she were implicated again because of him fleeing…

Unconsciously, Pei Er tightened his embrace around Li Chanxiu, his slightly calloused palm gently covering the other’s thin shoulder, his heart filled with gloom.

Miss Shen was too thin. He had only just managed to put a little weight on her, but these past few days of busyness seemed to have made her lose it again. In the future, without him cooking for her, without him warming the bedding for her… fortunately, he had built the heated kang bed earlier. Even without him, Miss Shen likely wouldn’t feel cold at night anymore.

Thinking this way, without him, it seemed there wouldn’t actually be much difference for Miss Shen.

The more Pei Er thought, the more sour and reluctant his heart became. He hadn’t yet moved her, hadn’t made her like him… no, he felt he had already moved her a little. But in the current situation, some words, once spoken, would be worse than left unsaid.

He couldn’t be too selfish, only considering his own thoughts and wishes.

Pei Er buried his head in Li Chanxiu’s neck and took a deep breath, suppressing the bitterness in his heart, not noticing that the person in his arms suddenly stiffened.

After an unknown amount of time, the rooster next door finally crowed, and dawn was about to break.

Pei Er gazed at the quiet sleeping face in his arms for a long time, his eyes dim and pained. His slightly calloused fingertips couldn’t help but gently touch the other’s jade-like pale cheek. His fingers moved lightly, brushing against the delicately shaped brows and eyes as if painted with fine strokes.

He couldn’t indulge any longer…

A voice in his heart urged him.

But in the end, he still couldn’t restrain himself. He leaned down lightly and placed a kiss at the corner of Li Chanxiu’s lips.

Their lips touched, soft and slightly cool.

In his arms, Li Chanxiu suddenly clenched the sleeve of his quilted robe tightly, his fingertips turning faintly white, a storm surging within his heart.

…

Finally, when he sensed Pei Er loosen his arms, Li Chanxiu hurriedly shut his eyes tightly, trying his best to steady his breathing, afraid of being discovered.

Only after the other left the room did he finally open his eyes and let out a long breath. Then, seeing the blanket covering him, he suddenly froze, 

Could it be… that he himself had rolled into Pei Er’s bedding in the middle of the night?

***

After preparing breakfast, Pei Er waited for a long time but Li Chanxiu still hadn’t gotten up.

Just as he was hesitating whether to go wake him, Zhang Hu suddenly rode over. As soon as he dismounted, he urgently said, “Thousand-man Commander, quick, General Chen wants you back at the camp immediately.”

Pei Er’s heart immediately sank, guessing that the people “pursuing” him had likely arrived at the camp.

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