Are All You Straight Guys Like This Chapter 27

The next morning, Ye Ran still woke up right on schedule at 6:30. Just as he was about to get out of bed, he heard faint rustling from the next bunk. Still half-asleep, he turned to look and to his shock, Little Fatty was already fully dressed, sitting upright.

Instinctively, Ye Ran glanced out the window. It wasn’t raining today. The sky was gloomy, wind cold, but there was no sun either.

The sun hasn’t risen in the west, has it?

Normally, Lin Feipeng needed at least twenty minutes just to get out of bed. This was truly progress.

Their beds were side by side, and as they both climbed down the middle ladder, Ye Ran whispered, “Little Fatty, why are you up so early today?”

Little Fatty replied curtly, “Got a mission.”

Ye Ran: “?”

He thought for a moment, probably meant he had a ton to study today.

Seeing how briskly Little Fatty moved, Ye Ran sped up too. They brushed their teeth together, and when they came out, Ye Ran caught the fresh scent of laundry detergent in the air.

Looking up, he saw Shen Shi standing at the door. Shen Shi’s gaze had just shifted away from Little Fatty, his expression cool as he asked, “What’s with Lin Feipeng?”

So Shen Shi was surprised too.

Ye Ran almost laughed. “Exams are coming, guess he’s nervous.”

“Ye Ran.”

Before Ye Ran could reply, Little Fatty, already laced up and ready, turned to hurry them along. “Come on, come on! Let’s go!”

Not daring to delay, Ye Ran quickly grabbed his backpack, slipped on his shoes, and nodded toward Shen Shi, who had just stepped out of the bathroom. He didn’t even have time to speak before Little Fatty pushed him toward the door.

By a little past seven, the dorm building was just waking up.

Students were beginning to come and go, the stairwell dim and unlit. They descended quickly, guided by the faint hallway lights.

Amid the shuffle of footsteps, Ye Ran took out his phone and saw a message from Shen Shi—

Shen Shi: Which cafeteria are you going to?

He asked Little Fatty, “Which one are we eating at?”

“Not the cafeteria,” Little Fatty said. “There’s a place by the south gate that sells egg-stuffed pancakes—really good. Let’s go there.”

So that’s why he got up early—to eat pancakes.

Ye Ran quickly texted back:

Ye Ran: [We’re not eating in the cafeteria today. Going to the south gate for egg pancakes. Want one? I can bring it for you.]

There was a pause for a few seconds. The south gate was a bit far from the economics building, a round trip would take ten minutes.

Shen Shi: [No need.]

Shen Shi: [I’ll go to the cafeteria.]

Ye Ran locked his phone and flowed out of the dorm with the crowd. Downstairs, the dorm supervisor was leisurely eating breakfast, steamed buns with soy milk, the aroma wafting through the air.

Little Fatty somehow slipped up beside him and asked, “What’s up? Whose message?”

“Shen Shi’s,” Ye Ran replied. “He’s asking if we’re going to the cafeteria.”

“Ah? Really?” Little Fatty was shocked, feeling both regretful and apologetic. “I… if I’d known, we could’ve gone too.”

Ye Ran glanced at the cafeteria ahead. “So… shall we go now?”

Little Fatty: “……”

His face stiffened, then he sighed, looking disappointed. “Fine, whatever. Egg pancakes are always around anyway.”

Ye Ran blinked. “Then let’s just get egg pancakes.”

They looked really tasty.

Little Fatty hesitated, then asked, “What about you and Shen Shi?”

“You and Shen Shi?” Ye Ran looked puzzled. “What about me and Shen Shi?”

“Well, you two are, after all, a couple. Maybe it’s better if you go together. I’ll just get the egg pancakes myself,” Little Fatty said.

Ye Ran chuckled. “What’s the big deal?”

He didn’t take it to heart. “My relationship with Shen Shi isn’t… cough… that clingy, like you imagine.”

Not clingy?

Before dating, they’d stuck together every day; now, being in a relationship, it seemed like even meals needed to be reported.

Little Fatty was speechless. “Fine, let’s go get the pancakes.”

On the way, he recalled his little stunt earlier with the “fourfold tea performance,” silently giving himself a mental pat on the back, at least a seven out of ten.

As they walked, he looked up at Ye Ran’s back, noticing how oblivious he seemed.

Suddenly, worry crept in.

Yesterday, with help from a “bro” on [Falling Flowers Are Heartless], Little Fatty had successfully sneaked into [Green Tea Forum] to study “tea talk.”

According to the forum sisters’ summary, phrases like “you two are a couple xxxx,” “it’s fine, I’m alone xxxx,” “why is she like this xxxx”—mostly ironic tea talk—are used by the lowest-level “green teas,” with a male detection rating of four stars.

In other words, any man with a bit of vigilance could catch the meaning.

But—

Little Fatty: “……”

Ye Ran had no reaction at all!

Was Little Fatty performing too naturally, or was Ye Ran completely unguarded?

No, this needed to be reported to Shen Shi. He had to educate Ye Ran properly…

Little Fatty: “……”

D*mn it, why am I worrying about this for Shen Shi?

He sighed deeply. As a straight man, his moral standards were apparently too high.

All straight men, take note of me.

Suppressing the urge to discuss it with Shen Shi for now, Little Fatty followed Ye Ran out of the south gate. Ye Ran had thought the egg pancakes would be from a small street stall, but to his surprise, it was a proper breakfast shop. Both inside and outside, people were seated, and there was even a line.

The area around Beijing University was well-developed. Just a few streets away was the largest nearby financial center, and many office workers rented near campus. So during the morning rush, all sorts of people could be seen.

The two queued at the very end. Little Fatty’s full attention was on the pancakes, eagerly waiting for a fresh batch.

Behind them, intermittent voices drifted over.

A gentle female voice: “Little brother, add me on WeChat?”

No response. She continued, “Just friends! When you enter society, if you don’t understand something, you can ask me, okay?”

Still no response.

Little Fatty pouted internally, feeling sour. Why does someone buying egg pancakes get added on WeChat?

He turned, about to comment to Ye Ran, when he froze—Ye Ran had been pushed by a few queue-jumping women several places ahead. At that moment, he was awkwardly facing a woman holding her phone, speaking softly.

Ye Ran wore a soft-colored light jacket today, a black plaid scarf around his neck. His black hair fell naturally, framing a pair of slender, reserved phoenix eyes. Tall, fair-skinned, and with a clean aura, who could help but look twice?

Little Fatty: “……”

What the h*ll, my bro is him?!

He nearly lost his mind and dashed forward without thinking. “Ye Ran!”

In three steps, he covered what should have been several, but the women in line quickly blocked the space he left.

Little Fatty had no time to question them and grabbed Ye Ran’s shoulder, cautiously looking toward the source of the voice.

The woman stood calmly before Ye Ran, her makeup delicate, soft perfume, wavy hair—utterly refined and elegant, completely out of place in a breakfast shop.

Little Fatty: “……”

Little Fatty: “…………”

Oh my God.

I’m in love.

Before he could speak, he stammered out, “He has a boyfriend.”

Blushing, he whispered: “Um… he really does have a boyfriend.”

Look at me, sister! Look at me!

The woman, as if hearing his inner voice, looked at him and smiled softly. “You?”

“Hehe,” she seemed genuinely amused, then looked at Ye Ran, speaking gently: “Little brother, I get off around 8 PM. If you’re interested… you’re welcome to come.”

Ye Ran didn’t move, lowering his gaze to the card she handed him.

—Golden Bar.

Manager: Su Yan

Contact: 123xxx

He didn’t take it, and the woman seemed unconcerned. Casually rotating the card, she handed it to the blushing Little Fatty: “This cute little brother is also welcome to come.”

Little Fatty: “……”

Done. Done. Finished.

He took the card in a daze, feeling as if he could already hear the “Wedding March.”

Even after buying the egg pancakes and leaving the breakfast shop, Little Fatty hadn’t fully come back to himself. Ye Ran looked at him with concern: “Little Fatty? Are you okay?”

“…I’m fine,” Little Fatty said.

Ye Ran studied his face and swallowed the words he was about to say. After a moment, he gently called Little Fatty’s attention back: “When is your computer science exam? How’s your review going?”

Little Fatty’s mind snapped back instantly. “D*mn… let’s go, let’s go. We better hurry, the library might not have seats later.”

Compared to the art department, which only needed to submit artwork, Little Fatty’s computer science faculty had a particularly strict professor. The old professor tolerated no slack, judged students harshly based on class performance and assignments, and personally set the midterm exam questions.

Yet today, while reviewing, Little Fatty seemed distracted.

Across the table, Ye Ran was reading. He had mostly finished his review and was leisurely reading extracurricular books, smiling at something he read.

Seeing that Ye Ran hadn’t noticed him, Little Fatty quietly took out the business card from his pocket. The card seemed to give off a gentle fragrance, soft and tender, very much like his future girlfriend.

…Among all the people in the shop, she only gave the card to me.

Little Fatty thought solemnly.

Could this be love at first sight?

Destined fate.

His heart raced; he almost wanted to fly straight to the bar. After thinking for a moment, he pulled out his phone and searched for the address: “Fenghuang Road, crossroads, 50 meters east.”

Mm…

The map immediately showed Golden Bar, its exterior dazzlingly golden, two green plants at the entrance, tucked deep in a small alley, with a wide parking lot around it. It didn’t look like an ordinary bar.

Life suddenly seemed easier to navigate.

Little Fatty: “……”

No, I can’t be this weak.

He put the card away and focused on reading, heart still fluttering.

At 11 a.m., Ye Ran packed his bag and looked up at Little Fatty, who was absorbed in studying: “Little Fatty, shall we go eat?”

“Ah?” Many classmates nearby were already standing, straightening their chairs, seemingly also heading out to eat. Little Fatty glanced at their backs and immediately abandoned his plan to annoy Shen Shi during breakfast. He stammered to Ye Ran: “Uh… Ye Ran, let’s go eat out.”

“I know a place near the south gate with super delicious crossing-the-bridge rice noodles. Don’t you want to try it?”

As an eighth-level fan of crossing-the-bridge noodles, Ye Ran was immediately intrigued. “How good is it?”

Little Fatty: “They say people who eat it could eat it for a week straight without getting tired of it.”

Ye Ran decided: “Alright, let’s go try it.”

On the way, Ye Ran took out his phone to reply to messages. Little Fatty glanced casually and, sure enough, it was another lunch invitation from Shen Shi—this time even half an hour earlier than yesterday.

Little Fatty withdrew his gaze in disinterest.

Tea-Shen Shi plans were temporarily on hold; solving real-life matters was the priority.

When they reached the south gate, they saw a crowd pouring out of campus. Everyone was rushing out for meals. They quickly followed the main group into the snack street. The crossing-the-bridge noodle shop was packed, seats fully occupied.

While eating, Little Fatty kept glancing around, quietly observing the sidewalk. The area was close to Fenghuang Road, and many after-work office workers came to eat here. Being near the university town, the food was affordable and fit the young people’s consumption habits.

After finishing the meal, Ye Ran was still not fully satisfied. He pulled out his phone and sent a message to Shen Shi: 

–The crossing-the-bridge noodles were delicious.

Shen Shi replied quickly: [How delicious?]

Ye Ran thought for a moment: [Little Fatty said he’ll come again tomorrow.]

A few seconds of silence, then Shen Shi: [Mm.]

“Hss.”

Ye Ran looked up at Little Fatty, who was suddenly shivering: “What’s wrong?”

“…I don’t know,” Little Fatty said, looking confused, then withdrew his gaze. “Let’s go back to the library.”

***

The next two days, Ye Ran followed Little Fatty’s lead: breakfast was egg pancakes, lunch at the snack street with random blind-box meals. The frequency was so high that even Brother Shu, who never cared about outside matters, had noticed.

On Friday night, Ye Ran returned to the dorm. Outside, the wind was biting. He wore a black windproof coat; his skin was pale and delicate, eyes slightly reddened.

“Where’s Little Fatty?”

Brother Shu looked puzzled. “Weren’t you two together all these days?”

“Not today,” Ye Ran put down his drawing board. “Little Fatty said he wanted to come back early around five. I was delayed in the library’s study room because I hadn’t finished my work.”

The study room was noise-restricted; students needing to draw, type, or paint could find a spot there to complete assignments.

Brother Shu, uninterested, turned back to his game: “I don’t know. That Little Fatty’s been acting weird recently. Last night, he even messaged me late, asking how to choose clothes.”

Ye Ran raised an eyebrow. “Choose clothes?”

“Yeah,” Brother Shu said. “Special formal suits. I asked why, and he said spring is coming, need to prepare early.”

Brother Shu sighed, incredulous. “I was so confused I thought I’d woken up in a different world.”

Ye Ran suddenly fell silent.

A few seconds later, the memory of being approached at the breakfast shop a few days ago surfaced.

His eyelid twitched, and he immediately grabbed his phone to ask where Little Fatty was.

There was no reply for a long time, and Ye Ran grew increasingly anxious. He took a deep breath and opened another app, searching “Golden Bar.” A line of gray text appeared underneath—gay bar, socializing, live band performances.

As expected.

Ye Ran had heard stories long ago: many gay bars, to boost popularity, would do whatever they could to get handsome men to visit. Usually, they used handsome men as bait, and using women as bait only happened with straight men.

Typically, these straight men would leave quickly once tricked inside.

But the effect was already achieved, who cared whether the person was straight or not?

Ye Ran: “……”

Another day of being mistaken for a straight guy.

He fidgeted anxiously, calling Little Fatty countless times. Little Fatty didn’t answer. Only on the last call did someone finally pick up.

“Hello, Ye Ran?”

The music was blaring, shaking the phone in his hand. The chaotic energy of the club seeped through the screen, men and women shouting and dancing wildly, with occasional screams erupting.

“What the h*ll?” Ye Ran hadn’t even spoken when Brother Shu dashed over, eyes wide: “Lin Feipeng, you b*stard, why didn’t you call me to hit the club?”

Little Fatty giggled foolishly on the other end: “I just got in… this bar isn’t really official, haven’t seen many pretty girls.”

Ye Ran: “……”

He almost yelled at Little Fatty: “Get out! That’s not—”

“Ah? Ah?” Before he could finish, Little Fatty shouted over him, voice booming: “Ye Ran, what are you saying?”

Ye Ran: “I said get out! That’s a gay—”

“Giegiegie,” Little Fatty suddenly burst into laughter. “Wow, everyone here is so friendly! A guy just tickled me!”

Ye Ran panicked: “Little Fatty, can you even hear me—”

“Ah? Ah? What? What?” The voice on the other end fluctuated between noise and clarity. Little Fatty seemed to be looking for a quiet corner, wandering, music blasting near the phone’s microphone. “…Whoa! I think I just saw that pretty lady from before. Ye Ran, no time to talk, I’m going in!”

Ye Ran shouted after him: “Don’t—beep—beep…”

The call was abruptly cut off. Ye Ran froze for a few seconds, then quickly put on his jacket, rushing to the bar.

After taking just a couple of steps, he noticed a shadow following. Turning around, Brother Shu had, in mere minutes, changed into a stylish outfit. His hair, unwashed for two days, was covered by a knit cap, and he was holding a book.

Seeing Ye Ran notice, Brother Shu smiled: “I also wanted to see what an ‘improper’ bar looks like.”

Ye Ran: “……”

Brother Shu suddenly leaned forward: “Are there any bunny girls?”

Ye Ran: “…………”

No bunny girls, but sexy male dancers for sure.

They braved the cold wind out of campus. Just as they were about to get a taxi, Ye Ran realized he had left his phone on the table while getting dressed.

Brother Shu quickly handed it over and ordered a ride: “See, that’s my purpose in life. My second college dream is to go to a bar and have fun with my bros.”

Ye Ran interrupted: “That’s not a normal bar.”

Brother Shu’s smile widened: “Does it look like I care?”

Ye Ran groaned: “…It’s a gay bar.”

Brother Shu: “……”

Brother Shu’s smile slowly cracked: “…what?”

The next second, a ride notification popped up. A black Volkswagen stopped right in front of them. The driver rolled down the window, shouting irritably: “Get in, can’t wait here too long!”

Ye Ran hurriedly helped the dazed Brother Shu in. Midway, the driver glanced at the order: “Golden Bar…”

He clearly knew where this was. Looking in the rearview mirror, he focused on Ye Ran and asked: “Are you sure you want to go to this bar?”

Ye Ran nodded: “Yes.”

Brother Shu finally came back to his senses, trembling: “…NO, NO!”

Driver: “?”

Ye Ran tugged Brother Shu quietly: “Once we find Little Fatty, we’ll leave. Don’t panic.”

Brother Shu, in despair: “How am I not supposed to panic? What’s going on with Little Fatty? Has he… gone gay?”

Ye Ran: “No, he has a thing for the manager there.”

Brother Shu: “Manager? Male or female?”

“…Female,” Ye Ran said.

Brother Shu: “Well, that’s bold.”

Ye Ran groaned but, seeing Brother Shu calm down gradually, said no more. Brother Shu stayed quiet for a moment, then suddenly perked up, opening his phone notes and typing rapidly:

[Editor takes you to a gay bar—an undercover visit to the largest gay bar near Beijing University.]

Meeting Ye Ran’s gaze, Brother Shu smiled: “Material, material. No other meaning.”

Golden Bar wasn’t far from Beijing University, maybe ten minutes away.

As soon as they got out of the car, they saw the large sign of Golden Bar. The letters were colored mysteriously without any neon rings, appearing understated yet luxurious under the dim night light.

The bar seemed well soundproofed. Two or three security guards stood at the entrance, but Ye Ran and Brother Shu walked right past them and pushed the door open.

Immediately, they were hit by deafening music.

Warm air rushed over them, thick with the smell of alcohol. Colored lights swung and flickered, overlapping shadows of scantily dressed bodies moving wildly to the beat.

Booths and private rooms were packed. Ye Ran weaved through the crowd with Brother Shu. The lights flickered, making it hard to see the people around. Heavily made-up men and women danced close, and most gay bars weren’t just men—there were plenty of lesbians and curious women too.

Ye Ran moved through the throng, his face cold, declining numerous eager invitations from men.

The usual process in a gay bar: first chatting someone up, then drinking, then dancing, and if it went well, maybe a hookup.

It was a feast of hormones, men and women openly scanning each other with no pretense.

Finding Little Fatty with the naked eye was impossible. Ye Ran was frantic, guiding Brother Shu to a slightly quieter area and shouting: “Call Little Fatty—”

The pounding music drowned out their voices.

Brother Shu understood from Ye Ran’s gestures and quickly pulled out his phone: “I’m calling—he’s not answering—!!”

Ye Ran remembered Little Fatty’s ringtone was the theme song of some anime, very distinctive. He pulled Brother Shu along to keep calling. Finally, near a booth, they heard the familiar tune.

Ye Ran peeked in. Beneath spinning, unclear lights, Little Fatty sat in a booth, his chubby face stretched into a weak, pitiful, helpless smile. His cheeks were flushed bright red, clearly drunk.

The booth was crowded with men and women; not one straight person in sight. Typically, these booths had rules: if you sat, you drank. A few men gave Little Fatty suggestive winks, signaling him to keep drinking.

One even touched his hand, making Little Fatty’s flesh quiver.

“No way,” Brother Shu muttered, watching the scene. “Starving, I guess?”

Ye Ran: “……”

He was completely at a loss—he couldn’t drink, had no bar experience, and didn’t know how to rescue Little Fatty. Particularly since he knew that if he got involved, both of them could get into trouble.

Brother Shu was even more bewildered: “…What do we do?”

Ye Ran suddenly remembered the woman who had handed him a business card—her name was something like Su Yan, the manager here.

He quickly looked around and saw her at the bar, wearing hot shorts and a short-sleeved top. Her wavy hair flowed behind her, surrounded by a flock of admirers, teased by her smiles.

Clearly, she was enjoying and immersed in this atmosphere.

“D*mn,” Brother Shu said sourly, “Next life, I want to be a lesbian too.”

The next second, his pupils contracted. “Holy sh*t, Ye Ran! Little Fatty looks like he’s about to be taken advantage of—”

“Holy sh*t, holy sh*t, he’s already being pinned—”

“Holy sh*t, holy sh*t, holy sh*t, Lin Feipeng, you’re a 180-pound fat guy and you’re not resisting—”

“Holy sh*t! Ye Ran?”

Brother Shu was stunned speechless, watching Ye Ran sprint forward. “Holy sh*t, Ye Ran, you’re the real man here.”

He clenched his teeth, conflicted, and a few seconds later, bracing himself, got up to follow. That’s when he finally felt his phone vibrating in his pocket—it had been buzzing for who knows how long.

A bad feeling surged. Brother Shu pulled out his phone, eyelids twitching, seeing twenty missed calls from Shen Shi.

One second later, he answered decisively: “Shen Shi—come save us—”

“Ye Ran’s innocence is at risk!”